This is the talk I gave in Amsterdam on Giving and Receiving Feedback. There are a lot of images but I will also be sharing blogs to explain the images. You can also join me on my next talk when I dive more into the topic :)

1. Giving & Receiving
feedback
CRYSTAL ONYEARI MBANEFO
EMOTIONAL SKILLS EXPLORER

2. Understand what feedback is….

3. The biggest misconception of feedback
To improve a
situation by changing
another person’s
behaviour

4. Please can your daughter
reduce the noise so I can
study? Thanks!
Student’s view Parent’s view
Better to study in the
quiet of your home!
Child’s view
I’m having fun!

5. “Feedback is the perception of the giver.”
“It is neither fact nor truth.”
Redefining feedback

6. Redefining feedback - Part 2
“Feedback is the understanding of the receiver’s
perception…”
“And the communication of our own perception.”

8. The Common
Goal

9. 3 working categories
Top to Bottom
Bottom to Top
Team mate
to
team mate

10. Top to bottom feedback - Receiving End
• Fear of shame/blame
• Fear of feeling like
• a failure
• a disappointment
To Belong
To be
Respected
To be
Appreciated
To be
Accepted
To be
heard

11. Issues – Giving end
• Fear of hurting feelings
• Nervousness
• Demotivation
• Worse relationship
• Worse managing job

12. Tips – Top to bottom feedback
1. Common goal
3. Coaching Stance
4. Your perception
2. Employee-Empowerment
ANNUAL
PROGRES
S REPORT
To Belong
To be
Respected
To be
Appreciated
To be
Accepted
To be
heard
5. Your mindset

13. Bottom to Top Feedback

14. Issues – Giving end
The fear of upsetting the manager
The fear of un-belonging

15. Issues – Receiving end
Manager misses out on key information.
Cannot improve team structures, dynamics,
performance.

16. Tips – Bottom to Top feedback
1. Manager-Empowerment
3. Emotional Maturity
4. Show Vulnerability 5. Blind spots
6. Ego
2. Fear-free Zone

17. The Common
Goal

18. Team mate to team mate feedback

19. A simple scenario

20. Seriously?!
Seriously?!
SERIOUSLY?!
?!@%*!?¦*

21. GOAL:
All 5 features
tested and
working before
3pm today.
GOAL:
Get “Submit” to
send all info to
database

22. Tips – Team mate to Team mate
Talk about != goals in advance Discuss deadlines Discuss expected functionalities
Discuss expected error cases
Could be more
productive

23. The Grrr! moment

24. The Grrr! moment
Gosh it feels good!
Chance of harder communication
Chance of regret
Mental and psychological space!

25. Using feedback models
➢SBI
➢ASK
➢STAR
➢NVC
➢Lots more!...

26. NVC model (Marshall Rosenberg)

27. NVC model (Marshall Rosenberg)

28. NVC model (Marshall Rosenberg)

29. NVC model (Marshall Rosenberg)

31. Using NVC model in the scenario
Hey! sorry for lashing out earlier (Grrr!).
I just noticed the phone number functionality was accepting text (Observation
not Judgment)
and I felt annoyed by that. (My Feelings)
I guess my perception was that it would already be coded. (My Needs)
Any chance we could work on a way of communicating what is to be coded and
tested? (Invitation)

32. The Grrr! & NVC Combination
More thought-out communication
Chance of better team work
Frees up mental space
Can increase future collaborations

33. The Invitation Deadlock

34. The Invitation Deadlock
FIND WAYS TO MEET YOUR OWN
NEEDS FIND WAYS TO ADAPT YOUR NEEDS
“Not every reward has to come from the outside”

35. Main tips – Receiving Feedback

36. “Feedback is the
perception of the giver. It is
neither fact nor truth.”
“The Receiver can
choose whether to
act on it, or not.

37. Take a peek…
Is it useful for my growth?
Is a trigger at play?

38. Ego
Resistance to feedback

41. Summary
• Re-defining Feedback
• Giving Feedback in different scenarios
• Receiving Feedback

42. Is it worth all the effort?

44. Thank you!
Maaret
Pyhajarvi
Miroslava
Nikolova
Candida
Bradley
Eoin
Power
.. ..

46. BONUS: Creating a feedback climate

47. Creating a feedback climate
• To be done in a private space
• Non-judgmental attitude
• Use precise examples
• Ask for their perception of the situation first
• Give your perception next
• Seek collaboration and understanding

48. Summary
Re-defining Feedback
Giving Feedback different scenarios
Receiving Feedback
Creating a Feedback Climate