How to deal with difficult people, finding and using your super powers and becoming an expert negotiator without changing anything about yourself or your values.
2. In recent days, its been suggested to me (the generic
woman) that I find a way to deepen my voice
(Executive Presence); jettison my womanly emotions in the
workplace (don’t cry!); act more like a guy, act less like a guy,
get the best seat at the conference table, improve my
handshake, ask for more money, pay more attention to my
family, pay more attention to my social network, learn to golf,
start reading the sports page, seek sponsors, seek mentors,
brag about my accomplishments, conform my behavior to
feminine stereotypes, use man-rules to play the competitive
capitalist game, and, for heaven’s sake never, ever to curse in
public. Over at Princeton, it’s even been suggested to young
women that they find a good provider before graduation.
22. • Age
• Experience
• Authority
• Threats
• Ridicule
• Power to build coalitions
• Power to Withhold
–cooperation
–benefits
Sources of Power
23. POWER
• What is your authority
• What resources can you deploy
• What punishments can you
employ
• How willing are you to use your
power
• Is it power-over or power-to
and power-with
• Where is the power in your firm
• How can you accrete more of
that power to yourself or your
allies?
27. Ask questions
calling for “yes” or
“no” answer
•Is it a bad time for
the firm??
•Is the firm not
hiring anyone this
year?
•Are you angry at
me?
•Should I be talking
to someone else?
Ask questions calling
for a narrative answer
•What’s the best time
to talk hiring?
•How do you see us
staffing the Microsoft
case?
•Who else might be
good to talk to?
•What circumstances
would justify the hire?
28. What do they want?
What do they need?
Who do they need to satisfy?
What just happened?
What are their preferences?
What are their priorities?
What do they value?
What is their mission?
What constrains them from
acting?
What motivates them?
What are their attitudes toward
the future?
What are their short- and long-
term goals?
29. • Make your proposal
• Give yourself room to concede
• Tie concessions to reciprocity
• Give good reasons
• Stress difficulty of concession
• Trade items of low cost to you
and high value to them
• Reframe
• Re-anchor
• Appeal to shared values/goals
• Always be closing
5-Minute MBA
(without the math)
36. They are not irrational;
they have hidden
constraints
– Institutional
– Precedential
– Promises to others
– Deadlines
37. I is for Idiot copyright 2010 Reason Press
• They’re not difficult, they are
uninformed
– Educate them about their
true interests,
consequences of their
actions
– Help them understand
what is in their best
interest
– May have misunderstood
or ignored a crucial piece
of information
38. O Is for Outlaw copyright 2010 Reason Press
They’re not evil; they
have hidden interests
– Personal (unrelated
to you or deal)
– Relational (related to
you but not to the
deal, i.e., “face”)
– Political, social,
cultural
39. Z is for Zen Master copyright 2010 Reason Press
Tit for Tat?
Cooperate
Retaliate for Betrayal
Forgive
Return to
Cooperation
40. The tit for Tat
player is neither
repeatedly
victimized nor
locked into
mutually costly
chains of betrayal
42. what if you had to measure the size of
something by using two frames?
what if you could only use one?
a means of
influencing
another’s
perception by
narrowing the
ways in which an
item or an idea
can be
characterized
In recent days, its been suggested to me (the generic woman) that I find a way to deepen my voice (Executive Presence); jettison my womanly emotions in the workplace ( don’t cry! ); act more like a guy, act less like a guy, get the best seat at the conference table, improve my handshake, ask for more money, pay more attention to my family, pay more attention to my social network, learn to golf, start reading the sports page, seek sponsors, seek mentors, brag about my accomplishments, conform my behavior to feminine stereotypes, use man-rules to play the competitive capitalist game, and, for heaven’s sake never, ever to curse in public. Over at Princeton, it’s even been suggested to young women that they find a good provider before graduation. My generic woman’s head is about to explode.
They were portrayed by the music press as a gang of rugged troublemakers. Every British band labored in the shadow of the Beatles. Their answer was to be naughtier, more aggressive, more theatrically sexual. Their musical attack emphasized erotic heat over romantic swooning and Jagger’s performance style was macho burlesque.
You don’t have to be a superwoman but taking up space IS something men do to their advantage.
Johnson violated other people’s physical space to overpower or to seduce.
No one puts Oprah in the corner.
50% gap in call back rates; 13% salary offer gap
GO TO NEXT SLIDE?
HOW OFTEN DO WE SHARE THIS WITH ONE ANOTHER?
FIVE MINUTES. You want the go-ahead to hire 3 new paralegals from the senior managing partner. He or she is angry, sick, tired, afraid about something having nothing to do with what you want. Open with small talk. Share similarities. Engender trust. THEN left side of the room, say what you want. Managing partner, say ‘no.’ Left side of the room try to find out why with questions calling for “yes” or “no” answers and right side of the room try to find out with open ended questions calling for a narrative answer – a story. Managing partner, just make it up as you go – feeling what you’ve been told you’re feeling.
Interest based negotiation. You want to know what motivates your bargaining partner.
We can change the game by changing the conversation.