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MINDFUL COMMUNICATION FACILITATOR GUIDE for mindfulness based communication practice Inspired by the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, MBSR, Mindfulness, Mindful Communication,  Mindfulness Based Practices, Mindfulness at Work, Mindfulness in the Workplace) www.minfulnessatwork.org / Valérie Saintot / June 2010 [email_address]
Targeted users ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
Background ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] KEYWORDS MBSR / Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction / Mindfulness at Work Jon Kabat Zinn / Mindful communication
Mindfulness at Work (MAW) ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
Use this presentation as a scientist ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
About mindful communication ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
Session set up / 45-minute  (can of course be longer…) ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Short sessions oblige the facilitator to be extremely clear in her/his intention and remove low added value statements from her/his contribution. It requires from the facilitator that she/he embraces what is said with presence, so less becomes more.  A good practice for facilitators to be mindful communicators   . www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
8 + 1 themes on mindful communication ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] 2 1 3 4 7 6 5 8
1 Other people can be a source of stress in our lives ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Experiential learning (up to 10 minutes) ENCOUNTERS , walking in the room: Step 1 : going fast and not caring for who is around Step 2 : slowing the pace and looking into the eyes of people you cross without facial expression Step 3 : slowing even more and taking the time to say hello to each of the person you cross with a smile in your face Informal practice 10 minutes per day paying mindfully attention to your interactions with others (spot when you are paying attention as well as when you are not). www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] Formal practice (up to 25 min) Body scan : when guiding the body scan you may insist on the capacity of the body to communicate with the mind through the feedback it gives us via our physical perceptions, emotions and thoughts that are present during the practice
2 Fighting or flying as default patterns in interpersonal relations  (A/B) ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Experiential learning (up to 15 minutes) AIKIDO OF COMMUNICATION :  (details on following slide) Step 1 : passivity-aggression Step 2 : aggression-avoidance Step 3 : aggression-aggression Step 4 : mindfulness based stress response Formal practice (up to 20 min) Body scan : when guiding the body scan you may insist on the capacity of the body to communicate with the mind through the feedback it gives us via our physical perceptions, emotions and thoughts that are present during the practice  Informal practice 10 minutes per day paying attention to passivity, aggression, avoidance, unity in daiiy life www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
2 Fighting or flying as default patterns in interpersonal relations  (B/B) Experiential learning (explanation) AIKIDO OF COMMUNICATION :  two-partner exercise Step 1 :  passivity-aggression:   partner A lies on the floor totally passive while partner B takes physically aggressive postures and threatening facial expressions, gesticulating as if Partner B would end up hitting partner A (without ultimately doing !).  The facilitator stops the role play and ask participants to close their eyes and feel within how it is for them. Then partners change role.  Step 2 :  aggression-avoidance : partner A and B are standing.  Partner A stands still. Partner B walks towards partner A with both feast/arms stretching forward without changing trajectory. Just before being impacted, partner A escapes sidewise. Then partners change role.  Step 3 :  aggression-aggression :  partner A is challenged by partner B as above. This time partner A oppose feast/arms straight when partner B comes closer. Both resist and push on their heels (give the guidance that this is role play and power should be adjusted to help make the point but not to enter a fight   ).  Step 4 :  mindfulness based stress response :  the first three steps were about the  stress reaction . This step is about the  stress response . We are aware of the partner without loosing our own balance of mind. Grounded in our breath and seeing the situation as a whole. Partner A stands still. Partner B comes at partner A as above. Partner A grasp the wrists of partner B and come to partner B side still holding the wrists. Both partners are in confrontational contact but now looking together in the same direction. Each of the steps carries a different message. In the ½ day workshop, repeating this with time for inquiry between each step at partner level and after step 4 in plenary can be a useful warm up for the workshop. www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
3 Experiencing that ‘I am not my thoughts or feelings’ ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Experiential learning (up to 10 minutes) NOT BEING OUR THOUGHTS : Step 1 : the facilitator suggests thoughts asking the participants to think sequentially ‘I am a frog’, ‘I am a table’, ‘I am a car’, ‘I am a computer’. After each, allow silent time for people to explore for themselves the impact. Step 2 : the facilitator uses directed thoughts less easy to not ‘believe’: ‘many people are not good at communicating’, ‘I do not communicate as good as I could’, ‘I am not a good communicator’. After each, allow silent time for people to explore for themselves the impact. Formal practice (up to 25 min) Yoga in lying :  during the practice, make the point that mindfulness is not only for the classroom but that it can take place in the middle of doing.  The yoga movements bring the opportunity  to be mindful while doing. Informal practice 10 minutes per day, keep on doing whatever you are doing and be mindful www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
4 Being in touch with oneself without ‘ selfing’ ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Experiential learning (up to 10 minutes) BREATHING TOGETHER : Step 1 : participants are asked to sit still and concentrate on their breathing  (e.g. focus on each in and out breath) Step 2 : participants work with a partner:  (1) they align on partner A’s breathing rhythm;  (2) then on B’s;  (3) then they let breathing happen. Allow a time to focus within after each step Informal practice 10 minutes per day choose a person to whom you adjust your breathing rhythm www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] Formal practice (up to 25 min) Yoga in standing :  during the practice, make the point that the yoga postures help to experience centeredness. A necessary quality to develop to create the conditions for being a mindful communicator.
5 Using connectedness to discover new perspectives ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Experiential learning (up to 15 minutes) THE POWER OF BEING HEARD & SEEN : Step 1 : partner A speaks to partner B for 2 minutes. Partner B does not pay any attention though staying silent (looks elsewhere, watch the floor, etc.)  Step 2 : roles are reversed Step 3 : partner B speaks to partner A. Partner A offer his full attention non judgementally. Step 4 : roles are reversed Leave time after each step to focus within Formal practice (up to 25 min) Loving kindness meditation :  acknowledge the challenges this meditation brings along. Intention: give the chance to people to experience one of the essential reason for the pain communication  may generate Informal practice 15 minutes per day cultivate a mindful way to take part in a conversation: bring your attention moment after moment to the conversation www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
6 Listening actively and suspending judgement ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Experiential learning (up to 10 minutes) DIRECTED LISTENING : Step 1 : use a CD player, put the radio on, tune it between two channels so it produces unpleasant noises. Ask the participants to listen and observe their physical perceptions, feelings and thoughts. Step 2 : play a music that you consider harmonic and soothing. Then same as above.  Step 3 : now repeat the above and ask the participants to focus on their breathing and suspend judgement (letting go of ‘I like’ / ‘I dislike’ thoughts. Focus instead on the breath) .  Allow space for silent self-reflection. Formal practice (up to 25 min) Walking meditation :  insist on returning to the practice when the mind goes around, in particular when it judges what is happening. Informal practice 15 minutes per day pay attention non-judgementally, returning to your breathing when you feel trapped in ’I like’ / ‘I dislike’ dynamics www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
7 Expanding the field of awareness to include the context  (A/B) Introduction (5-7 minutes) Main messages: Read and hand out the poem of Chuang Tzu quoted by Jon Kabat-Zinn in  Coming to our senses  in the chapter called ‘Reminding myself that self-righteousness is not helpful’. Poem reproduced on the next slide. Experiential learning (up to 10 minutes) COMING TO OUR SENSES : Step 1 : ask the participants to be still and focus on listening to the sounds they can hear.  Step 2 : ask the participants to count how many different colours they can see.  Step 3 : ask the participants how many textures they come in contact with while staying where there are Ask each of them after each step the number they have counted. Then also ask them whether they remembered their breathing, their body, other thoughts or feelings while practicing Formal practice (up to 25 min) Sitting meditation :  enable participants to train returning to their breath as an  ever present option Informal practice 15 minutes per day practice expanding awareness: start with your breath, then your body, then activate your senses, then integrate the people and surrounding. Start the process over again every time you notice your attention has drifted away. www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
7 Expanding the field of awareness to include the context  (B/B) If a man is crossing a river And an empty boat collides with his own skiff, Even though he be a bad-tempered man He will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in the boat, He will shout at him to steer clear. If the shout is not heard, he will shout again, And yet again, and begin cursing. And all because there is somebody in the boat. Yet if the boat were empty, He would not be shouting, and not angry. If you can empty your own boat Crossing the river of the world, No one will oppose you, No one will seek to harm you. www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] Poem from Chuang Tzu quoted by Jon Kabat-Zinn  in  Coming to our senses  in the chapter called ‘ Reminding myself that self-righteousness is not helpful ’
8 Learning to assert mindfully ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],Experiential learning (up to 10 minutes) Use the two dialogues sequentially and reverse for each step the roles.  Allow time to focus within after each step.  See the two dialogues on the following page. Informal practice 15 minutes per day practice returning to your breath, in particular if you feel under communication stress www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] Formal practice (up to 25 min) Sitting meditation :  enable participants to train returning to their breath as an  ever present option
8 Learning to assert mindfully Dialogue 1  A : You are always interrupting when I want to explain something to you B : That’s not true, you are inventing and you are just frustrated A : How can you say this?  You perfectly know how your behaviour is disruptive B : It is impossible to discuss with you Dialogue 2 A : when I explain something to you, I feel upset  if you interrupt me  B : sorry, I do not mean to upset you. Are you open to talk about finding alternatives to avoid creating this discomfort? A : I appreciate your offer and accept it B  : thank you, let’s do so www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address]
½ day mindful communication workshop FORMAL &  INFORMAL PRACTICE REVIEW OF  THE 8 SESSIONS SPACE FOR INQUIRY www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] Connectedness Flying or fighting In touch with oneself Perspectives Active listening & non-judging Asserting mindfully Expanding awareness I am not my thoughts or emotions
½ day mindful communication workshop www.mindfulnessatwork.org  /  [email_address] ,[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object]
[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],[object Object],CONTACT Valérie Saintot www.mindfulnessatwork.org / www.holisticleadership.eu [email_address] @xing.com / @linkedin.com @http://community.presencing.com/profile/ValerieSAINTOT

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Mindful Communication

  • 1. MINDFUL COMMUNICATION FACILITATOR GUIDE for mindfulness based communication practice Inspired by the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, MBSR, Mindfulness, Mindful Communication, Mindfulness Based Practices, Mindfulness at Work, Mindfulness in the Workplace) www.minfulnessatwork.org / Valérie Saintot / June 2010 [email_address]
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  • 11. 2 Fighting or flying as default patterns in interpersonal relations (B/B) Experiential learning (explanation) AIKIDO OF COMMUNICATION : two-partner exercise Step 1 : passivity-aggression: partner A lies on the floor totally passive while partner B takes physically aggressive postures and threatening facial expressions, gesticulating as if Partner B would end up hitting partner A (without ultimately doing !). The facilitator stops the role play and ask participants to close their eyes and feel within how it is for them. Then partners change role. Step 2 : aggression-avoidance : partner A and B are standing. Partner A stands still. Partner B walks towards partner A with both feast/arms stretching forward without changing trajectory. Just before being impacted, partner A escapes sidewise. Then partners change role. Step 3 : aggression-aggression : partner A is challenged by partner B as above. This time partner A oppose feast/arms straight when partner B comes closer. Both resist and push on their heels (give the guidance that this is role play and power should be adjusted to help make the point but not to enter a fight  ). Step 4 : mindfulness based stress response : the first three steps were about the stress reaction . This step is about the stress response . We are aware of the partner without loosing our own balance of mind. Grounded in our breath and seeing the situation as a whole. Partner A stands still. Partner B comes at partner A as above. Partner A grasp the wrists of partner B and come to partner B side still holding the wrists. Both partners are in confrontational contact but now looking together in the same direction. Each of the steps carries a different message. In the ½ day workshop, repeating this with time for inquiry between each step at partner level and after step 4 in plenary can be a useful warm up for the workshop. www.mindfulnessatwork.org / [email_address]
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  • 16. 7 Expanding the field of awareness to include the context (A/B) Introduction (5-7 minutes) Main messages: Read and hand out the poem of Chuang Tzu quoted by Jon Kabat-Zinn in Coming to our senses in the chapter called ‘Reminding myself that self-righteousness is not helpful’. Poem reproduced on the next slide. Experiential learning (up to 10 minutes) COMING TO OUR SENSES : Step 1 : ask the participants to be still and focus on listening to the sounds they can hear. Step 2 : ask the participants to count how many different colours they can see. Step 3 : ask the participants how many textures they come in contact with while staying where there are Ask each of them after each step the number they have counted. Then also ask them whether they remembered their breathing, their body, other thoughts or feelings while practicing Formal practice (up to 25 min) Sitting meditation : enable participants to train returning to their breath as an ever present option Informal practice 15 minutes per day practice expanding awareness: start with your breath, then your body, then activate your senses, then integrate the people and surrounding. Start the process over again every time you notice your attention has drifted away. www.mindfulnessatwork.org / [email_address]
  • 17. 7 Expanding the field of awareness to include the context (B/B) If a man is crossing a river And an empty boat collides with his own skiff, Even though he be a bad-tempered man He will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in the boat, He will shout at him to steer clear. If the shout is not heard, he will shout again, And yet again, and begin cursing. And all because there is somebody in the boat. Yet if the boat were empty, He would not be shouting, and not angry. If you can empty your own boat Crossing the river of the world, No one will oppose you, No one will seek to harm you. www.mindfulnessatwork.org / [email_address] Poem from Chuang Tzu quoted by Jon Kabat-Zinn in Coming to our senses in the chapter called ‘ Reminding myself that self-righteousness is not helpful ’
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  • 19. 8 Learning to assert mindfully Dialogue 1 A : You are always interrupting when I want to explain something to you B : That’s not true, you are inventing and you are just frustrated A : How can you say this? You perfectly know how your behaviour is disruptive B : It is impossible to discuss with you Dialogue 2 A : when I explain something to you, I feel upset if you interrupt me B : sorry, I do not mean to upset you. Are you open to talk about finding alternatives to avoid creating this discomfort? A : I appreciate your offer and accept it B : thank you, let’s do so www.mindfulnessatwork.org / [email_address]
  • 20. ½ day mindful communication workshop FORMAL & INFORMAL PRACTICE REVIEW OF THE 8 SESSIONS SPACE FOR INQUIRY www.mindfulnessatwork.org / [email_address] Connectedness Flying or fighting In touch with oneself Perspectives Active listening & non-judging Asserting mindfully Expanding awareness I am not my thoughts or emotions
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