From Brave Communication - Keep Your Love On Class offered by Blazing Fire Church

1. Brave Communication!
!
Keeping Our Love “On”
Tuesday Nights November 17 - December 15
Led by Russ Fochler
Week 2 November 24, 2015

2. Goal
For each of us to become
more “Powerful” and “Brave”
in our relationships.

3. Powerful
We’re “powerful” when we
“show up” in a relationship —
and we’re helping the other
person to “show up” too.

4. Brave
We’re “brave” when we are no
longer slaves to fear, but living as
loved daughters and sons of Father
God. !
The mature kind of love that comes
from our Father — displaces fear in
us and in our relationships.

5. Practices for class !
and during your daily life
Remembering to always start with
seeking to Understand the other first
Using “I” statements,
Avoiding “It” statements, Avoiding
“You” statements!
Tactical Breathing

6. “Tactical Breathing” Used by
First Responders and Soldiers
!Breathe in through your nose to the count of 4!
!Hold your breath to the count of 4.!
!Breathe out through your lips to the count of 4.!
!Hold your breath to the count of 4.!
!Repeat until you feel your body and mind relax.

7. Brave Communication
by Dann Farrelly — Sr. Leader!
Bethel Church, Redding CA

8. Signs I “Need” Brave
Communication
When I hear or have strong emotions!
When I hear or have a problem!
When I hear or have confusion

9. Quick Review:
Seeking first to understand!
The challenge of each person having
their own unique “codebook”.!
Asking: “I’m wondering if….” to
understand whether a difference in our
“codebooks” is the source of our
frustration.

10. Brave Communication Disk 1 min 32 to 38
Dann Farrelly

11. Rebuke, Repent, Forgive
From Luke 17: 1-10!
Rebuke??!
Dann Farrelly: “People can’t
change unless we give them good
feedback about how they are
affecting us.“!
We don’t have to be mean. We
can use kind “I” statements.

12. Brave Communication Disk 1 min 38 to 43
Dann Farrelly

13. Rebuke, Repent, Forgive
Rebuke?!
Love keeps no record of wrong
when we express “that hurt!” and
can then “move on”.!
Exercise: What would it look like if
in your relationships, you gave
feedback when what someone
said or did felt painful to you?

14. Rebuke, Repent, Forgive
Exercises: !
What would it feel like for you if
people started giving feedback to
you when something you said or
did felt painful to them?!
What if it feel like -if it took you a
while to change your behavior?

15. Rebuke, Repent, Forgive
Discussion: !
What if the issue someone has
with you seems like it’s really their
“brokenness” or a problem with
their interpretation of your
communication/behavior?

16. Feelings:!
The “Dirty Little Secret” of
Communication!
!
Why?!
Did you grow up believing that it
would be much better to
disconnect from feelings when
trying to communicate?

17. Brave Communication Disk 1 min 43 to 50.33
Dann Farrelly

18. Feelings are an important part of us,
and they are tempered by the other
aspects of who we are.!
Main ones: Glad, Sad, Mad, and E-gad
(scared). Also disgust, hopeless despair.!
Say (acknowledge) the painful ones
(frustrated, angry, scared, etc.!
Display the positive ones (joyful, happy,
etc.)

19. Empathy - Brene Brown
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Empathy - Brene Brown
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

20. Empathy - To Feel “With”
It’s almost impossible to
communicate empathy if we don’t
allow ourselves to feel our own
emotions.!
Exercise: Has you recently
experienced “empathy” from
someone else? Did that help?
How? Pair-up and share this.

21. Awareness of Feelings
Feelings in our body!
Feeling our emotions directly

22. Brave Communication Disk 1 min 50:33 to 55:30
Dann Farrelly

23. Becoming Aware of Our
Feeling is Key:
To give effective “I”
statements!
To practice reflective and
active listening. (Why is this?)

24. Brave Communication Disk 1 min 55:30 to 57:00
Dann Farrelly

25. Feelings - Hidden Agendas and
Energy Management
Any time we hide a significant feeling
from someone, we create a hidden
agenda and cut-off growth and
communication with them in that
area.!
It takes as much or more energy to
hide/deny a feeling/judgment as it
does to work through the matter

26. Feelings and Curiosity
“The opposite of recognizing that
we’re feeling something is denying
our emotions. The opposite of
being curious is disengaging.
When we deny our stories and
disengage from tough emotions,
they don’t go away; instead, they
own us, they define us.

27. Feelings and Curiosity
Our job is not to deny our story but
to defy the ending—to rise strong,
recognize our story and rumble
with the truth until we get to a place
where we stay: Yes. This is what
happened. This is my truth. And I
will choose how this story ends.”
Brene Brown “Rising Strong” pg 50

28. Reckoning with Our Emotions
Selected readings from Brene
Brown “Rising Strong” pg 52 - 69!
Priming the Pump to be curious!
Ways we “off-load” hurt!
Strategies for Reckoning

29. Exercises - Groups of 2
What was the norm for
acknowledging emotions in the
family you grew up with?!
Today are you generally aware and
curious about what you are feeling
(emotions and body sensations)?
Or is this something you’d like to
explore?

30. Exercises - Groups of 2
Ways people “Off Load” hurt feelings:
“Chandliering”, “Bouncing Hurt”,
“Numbing Hurt”, and “Stockpiling
Hurt”.!
Do you see yourself doing any of
these? Describe how that works for
you - and some of the effects this has
had on your life and relationships.

31. Exercises - Groups of 2
Ways to give our emotional life
more freedom and awareness:
“Permission Slips” and Mindfulness.!
What would you like to give yourself
permission to feel this coming week
(including Thanksgiving)?