1. The 6 Secrets of a Lasting
Relationship by Philip Goldberg
A Powerful Beacon Of Hope For All Loving Relationships
In reality we dont fall out of love, writes Mark Goulston, M.D. Rather, love
falls out of us, like the floors of a building whose foundation crumbles. If
youre in a relationship that has lost its magic, The 6 Secrets of a Lasting
Relationship aims to rekindle your heart by teaching you a process of
examining, discussing, and fixing your relationship. The first letters of
each of the six secrets make the acronym CREATE: chemistry, respect,
enjoyment, acceptance, trust, and empathy. Goulston maintains that
relationship problems are caused by a breakdown in one or more of these
elements, but if you strengthen the supporting structure in these
overlapping areas, you can restore your passion and romance and
discover a new, mature love that surpasses in depth and intimacy all your
romantic memories. Whatever the specific problems in your relationship,
he says, improving these six areas will help restore your bond. The 6
Secrets of a Lasting Relationship is like couples therapy in a book. You
and your partner will want to work through specific chapters together,

2. which youll return to often for guidance. Youll learn warning signs that your
relationship is in trouble in one or more of these areas, how to
communicate about it, and how to repair and renew the relationship.
Goulston includes self-tests, exercises, and many anecdotes that i llustrate
his points. Eye-catching quotes pepper the chapters, such as, Love is the
answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty
good questions, (Woody Allen) and Men always want to be a womans first
love--women like to be a mans last romance (Oscar Wilde). Goulston is a
board-certified psychiatrist and a well-known relationship advisor who has
conducted 10,000-plus hours of couples therapy. Goulston and coauthor
Philip Goldberg also wrote Get out of Your Own Way. --Joan Price
Personal Review: The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship by
Philip Goldberg
From: www.BasilAndSpice.com
Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life!
Book Review: The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love
Again and Stay There (Perigree, 2001) by Mark Goulston, MD with Philip
Goldberg
A Classic Feature
Dr. Mark Goulston is a former UCLA professor who helps high performing
leaders, senior management and sales people reach their full potential
using skills he learned training FBI and police hostage negotiators. He has
also written Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating
Behavior, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work, and PTSD for Dummies.
The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship has received praise from John
Gray, Ph.D. and Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D. The book is based on more
than 10,000 hours of couples therapy and has been developed into six
secrets for keeping your relationship together:
1. Keep the chemistry burning.
2. Treat your partner with respect--and earn his or her respect.
3. Don't stop thinking about enjoyment.
4. Give one another acceptance despite your flaws.
5. Deserve each other's trust.
6. Always keep in touch with empathy.
"The structure of an intimate relationship rests on six pillars, which are the
core of each of the six secrets."
1. C--chemistry (Sex; Romance; Discusses the painful secrets some
individuals keep; Tells why we need to feel physically connected. Answers
why chemistry waxes, then wanes--explains how to bring this important
element back into the relationship.)

3. 2. R--respect (This is where affairs sometimes begin. Warning signs of
disrespect highlighted. Tells how to respect yourself and your partner.)
3. E--enjoyment (There is a need for laughter. Defines how baggage
hinders enjoyment.)
4. A--acceptance (Teaches how to avoid criticism, contempt,
defensiveness, stonewalling--leading predictors in the failure of couples.
Elucidates upon what to do if you can't quite accept your partner. Also
teaches how to find acceptance.)
5. T--trust (Implies faith and confidence and is required for emotional
intimacy. Details how to restore trust.)
6. E--empathy (Attempt to view the situation from your partner's point of
view. Learn how to move from debate and animosity to dialogue and
understanding. Empathy heals wounds.)
Dr. Goulston writes that breakdowns in a relationship occur when an
element of the pillars is shaky--they need regular reinforcement. Stress on
the pillars is a result of marriage, child-rearing, financial problems, long-
term bond of two single people, or even work. The author believes that you
shouldn't feel like a victim, instead take the initiative to create the "love you
deserve."
By reading The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, you should learn how
to have:
* Renewed involvement with each other
* Revived enthusiasm four your relationship
* A stronger sense of partnership and commitment
* An atmosphere of healing
* A greater capacity to solve problems effectively
* Deepened intimacy and tenderness
* Enhanced mutual understanding
* Freedom from guilt and blame
* A more durable bond
* A reawakening of love
Using a no-blame, no-fault, no-nonsense approach and couples therapy
stories as examples, this book is well written for couples to read and act
upon together. Dr. Goulston also includes throughout blocks of Usable
Insight and questionnaires as evaluation tools. The 6 Secrets of a Lasting
Relationship is a classic which should be read by all couples, especially
those who are in a shaky, rocky, or separating marriage and by those who
are preparing to enter one. If your relationship is in trouble, find out why.
Mark Goulston's 6 Secrets is Usable Insight into the reasons problems
begin and will help you overcome existing marital difficulties and even
point you to further help if necessary. And, if you're happily married, you,
like myself, can gain a better understanding of your spouse and marriage.
5 Stars

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