Whether you are meeting new people, negotiating, buying or selling, rapidly building rapport with others will help you achieve even greater results in less time. Rapport means to have mutually beneficial interactions characterized by agreement, harmony, and trust. In this presentation, you will discover a lot of valuable and interesting information gleaned from the latest neuroscience research, that is easily applied and will help you influence others and achieve your goals. Sadly, with the proliferation of technology and social networks, the art of building rapport is on a steep decline. However, those that can more easily build rapport will always have a major advantage. In this presentation you will discover how to: • Confidently approach others • Effectively open any conversation • Make a very positive first impression • Be persuasive and influential

1. How to
Rapidly Build Rapport With Anyone
Proven Brain-Based Techniques
Presented by
Jonathan Jordan

2.  Grew up in Ireland…Been to Over 114 Different
Countries, Mainly for Business Purposes
 Licensed Psychotherapist
 Former Executive with Fortune 500 Corporations
 Member of the Society for Neuroscience, and the
Society for Social Neuroscience
 International Speaker
 Certified Executive & Business Coach
 Owner of an International Business & Personal
Development Firm, Based in the USA
Jonathan Jordan
Just a Little Bit More About Me…

3. My eBook is one of many sources for this webinar…
Paperback, Electronic, and Audio Versions

4. Social and Rapport Defined
Two Brain Circuits that Impact Building Rapport

6. Definition of Social
The term social refers to a characteristic of living organisms as applied
to populations of humans and other animals. It always refers to the
interaction of organisms with other organisms and to their collective co-
existence, irrespective of whether they are aware of it or not
Social creatures cannot survive other than through cooperation and
association with others
Building rapport is usually the first phase of creating social bonds

7. Social Needs Are Survival Needs
Many neuroscience studies show that the brain equates social needs with
the more basic survival needs. For example, being hungry and being
socially rejected activate similar neural responses in the human brain
Source:
Mathew Lieberman, PhD
Director of Psychology, Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences at UCLA

8. What Does Rapport Mean?
“Rapport means to have a mutually beneficial interaction with others that
is characterized by harmony and trust that makes communication easier
and much more effective”
Synonyms: Affinity, Compatibility, Harmony, Bond, Concord, Unity

9. Two Primitive Brain Circuits
That Impact Building Rapport,
and Life in General

10.  Focus: to survive
 Flight-or-Fight
 Stress, Fear
 Neuroendocrine changes
include an increase in
Cortisol – “the stress
hormone”
 Focus: to thrive
 Stay-Play-and-Engage
 Trust
 Neuroendocrine changes
include an increase in
Oxytocin – “the trust
hormone”
Disengage Socially Engage

11. The 8 Brain-Based Techniques to Rapidly Build Rapport
1:10

12. 1. Define a Clear Obtainable Purpose
 Focus your full attention on your desired outcome or goal
 The outcome or goal should be realistic under the circumstances and
be clear to you when you have, or have not, achieved it

13. If you have a fear of approaching others, accept
that condition not as a problem, but as a
challenge to be embraced and with the belief that
it is a fear you will eventually overcome…
The Fear of Social Rejection…

14. 2. Commit Your Full Attention
 Be present…do not multitask
 Actively listen
 Average people would rather tell their story than listen to your story
 We have two ears and one mouth, use them proportionately

15. Most people do not
listen with the intent
to understand,
Most people listen
with the intent to
reply
~ Stephen R Covey

16. 3. Limit The Perception of Required Time

17. Limit the Perception of Required Time, Cont.
 When a stranger (or someone else) starts to talk to us, we often have a
“fear” that it is going to be a long, ongoing interaction
 When you approach someone, quickly let them know you intend only a
brief interaction. This may reduce that person’s threat response

18. Some Examples
 At an event: “I’m leaving now…do you mind if I quickly ask you…”
 At an airport: “My flight is boarding already and I just wanted to ask…”
 When phoning someone: “I’m glad I caught you before my next meeting
that starts in three minutes. What is…”
NOTE: In technique 6, I give specific examples of questions to ask

19. 7%
Word
Content
38%
Vocalizations
55%
Body Language
(includes facial expressions)
Communication Percentages
Importance Our Brains
Assign to Incoming
Communicating Stimuli

20. 4. Display Accepting Body Language
(55% of communication)
Body Language Creates Dialog Between Physiology and Neurobiology
1:20

21. Note:
Smiling is the most
common and universally
recognized gesture across
all cultures
नमस्ते बहिनी। जय
नेपाल

22. When You First Meet…
S.O.F.T.E.N.
Greatly reduce the threat response by greeting people with
this approach…
 Smile
 Open Posture
 Forward Lean
 Touch
 Eye Contact
 Nod

23. Eye Contact Development Tip
“Eye Contact Has a Huge Influence on Social Behavior”
Silently determine the exact eye color of everyone
you greet…
preferably with a raised-eyebrow smile on your face
as you do it. (A raised-eyebrow greeting nearly
always elicits an automatic smile from the other
person – apes also greet other friendly apes with
raised eyebrows)

24. 5. Use Calming Vocalizations
(38% of communication)

25. Calming Vocalizations
 Maintain a voice modulation and tone that is calm and keep the speed
of your speech steady and not too fast – it makes you sound more
intelligent and confident, and less threatening
 Hostage negotiators actually slow down the negotiation process
 In general, speak a little slower, and lower, than your audience

26. A hostage negotiator
uses reassuring words
to help pacify a captor,
making him less likely
to act out violently and
kill hostages. The
words we choose to
use can sometimes
literally make the
difference between life
and death!
6. Speak Rewarding Words
(7% of communication)

27. Rapport-Building Icebreakers
Start with innocuous, non-threatening and unemotional questions without
asking for opinion or judgment. Build up to questions that require an
opinion or judgment, and, finally, questions that reveal emotions

28. Icebreakers, Cont.
 At a wedding maybe ask, “Do you know the bride or the groom?”
 This question might be a little less threatening than, “How do you
know the bride or groom?”
 At a network event maybe ask, “Did you come far to get here?”
 Build up to questions that require an opinion, but are still safe
 For example, “Do you think the rain will stop by this afternoon?”
 The highest level of questions typically involve strong emotions
 For example, asking the parent of a bride, “How much will you miss
your daughter now that she’s married?”

29. You do not need a new and different icebreaker question for each
individual you approach. You really only need one…

30. Avoid Potentially Threatening Language
 “Why?” This is often perceived as a threatening question
 Non-threatening alternative: “That is interesting, can you tell me a
little more about that?”
 “Yes, but…” Typically, the listener perceives this as a threatening
statement and everything after the “but” is an attack on the original
comment
 Non-threatening alternative: “Yes, and…”
1:30

31. Question Softeners
(Threat-Reducing Language)
 “By the way, …”
 “I’m just curious, why do you think…”
 “That’s interesting, can you say some more about that maybe?”
 “You know, I was just wondering…
 “Just for a moment, let’s suppose that was the case…
 “Just for a moment” also limits the perception of time required

32. 7. Validate
Put the Other Person First
Suspend Your Neurological Social Needs and Focus on Fulfilling the
Other Person’s Social Needs

33. Neurological Validation
 We all crave social validation: it triggers the neurological reward
response
 Remember, social needs are survival needs
 In order to build rapport, emphasize areas of agreement, not
disagreement
 Avoid making the other person “wrong” so you can make yourself
“right” (especially in front of a group of people)
 If you do correct someone, try replacing “but” with “and” to soften it

34. Ways to Validate
(Overlaps with technique 2)
 Commit your full attention and actively listen
 Address the other person by their name (or title if more appropriate)
soon and often
 Most people would rather tell their own story than listen to your story
 We have two ears and one mouth, use them proportionately

35. Examples of Validating Statements
 “I’m sorry that happened to you” - validating with empathy
 “I liked how you designed that, I wish I had your skills” - validating
behavior
 “I’m impressed with how you kept your cool” - validating emotion
 “I would never have thought about that, your insight is so interesting” -
validating intellect
1:35

36. Ask for Help – It Validates
 As social beings, we are neurologically conditioned to accommodate
requests for help. Our brains are “rewarded” when we are asked for help
 This is especially true if the request is easy, short in duration, and
otherwise non-threatening
 Social beings have a need to contribute, not just receive
 Oxytocin (the “trust hormone”) levels in our brains increase when we
give to others

37. 8. Project Humble Confidence
Not Passive, Not Aggressive
 People who are perceived as not being confident, having self doubts,
etc., raise suspicions and can trigger a threat response in others
 Arrogance can also be neurologically threatening to others
 Being both humble and confident helps you to quickly build rapport
with most people

38.  1. Define a clear obtainable purpose
 2. Commit your full attention
 3. Limit the perception of required time
 4. Display accepting body language
 5. Use calming vocalizations
 6. Speak rewarding words
 7. Validate – put the other person first
 8. Project humble confidence – not passive, not aggressive
Add a little humor to these techniques to make them even more effective!

39. Presenter Contact Information
Jonathan Jordan
President, Global Change Management, Inc.
Email: Jonathan@MindfullyChange.com
Thank You!