This slide show contains the companion notes for the topic, "So You Want To Get Married...Really Now?" As presented on the Let's Talk About It Blog Radio Show hosted by Apostle Janet Clary and Pastor Shantae Charles on December 30, 2014. The topic was taught by Elder Damon T. Rich

1. So You Want To Get
Married…Really Now?!

2. Marriage Defined
The definition of marriage that we are focused on is a deliberate union between
man and woman, for the purpose of serving God. I use the word deliberate
because we choose not to identify marriage as the continual, unspoken,
extended cohabitation to the point where two people say, “basically we are
married”. I clarify between man and woman because I am focusing on my
Biblical belief that God created each sex uniquely different and intended for
the two parts to come together as a whole to reproduce his image in the earth
for the purpose of replenishing the earth.

3. Premarital Scripture
When you think about marriage, a few scriptures can come to mind, but ultimately
there is one that seems to stand out more than others at times, "He who finds a wife,
finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22)
This scripture is a premarital scripture. It does not indicate, he who found and it deals
with 3 key elements:
• A man who is searching
• A woman who is waiting
• A God who will bestow favor

4. Statement of Understanding
There is something important that we must state about marriage right up
front…MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK! It is very important that those
seeking marriage or those already in marriage understand this statement. It is
hard work!
However, hard work does not have to be unpleasant or without joy, it just
means there will be times when you have to put in great sacrifice.

5. Things of Substance to Consider Regarding
Marriage
• To have a successful marriage, God must be the source…beginning, purpose of the marriage
• Marriage is ministerial work…I do not mean that you will be behind a pulpit, but it has and should be rooted
in a Godly purpose
• Marriage requires each person to know and understand themselves to help the process of bonding…what do
you know about you?
• Marriage requires communication, not mind reading
• Marriage requires sacrifice and submission
• He must be willing to submit to God and sacrifice to God for her
• She must be willing to submit to God and to him, and sacrifice to God for him
• Marriage requires patience
• Marriage requires testing…to strengthen and purify

6. The Searching Man
• A man who starts a search for a wife without first acknowledging God, decreases his chances of finding "a
good thing", meaning the wife God has purposed for him
• Becoming a good husband requires training…what do you have surrounding you that you can draw from?
• Searching for a wife should not be a trial and error process…stop sleeping with other men's wives
• If what you are looking for is only skin deep, superficial things will result in a superficial marriage and
superficial marriages do not survive tough times
• When you find her, wait for God's direction on approaching her…watch for a while to make sure THE God
has spoken and not your god…Boaz and Ruth
• Consider what you found her doing when she didn't know you were looking
• Consider what you were doing when you found her

7. The Waiting Woman
• Know God…so that you can identify the husband in him who finds you
• Becoming a good wife requires training…what do you have surrounding you
to draw from?
• Be found doing something…(Proverbs 31 & Ruth)
• Understand to principle of helping…complete, not compete
• Stop looking and stop advertising

8. Divorce Risk Factors
• Young age…the higher the age beyond the 21-22, the risk of divorce is decreased
• Less education
• Less income
• Premarital cohabitation
• Premarital childbearing and pregnancy…in America 37% of children are born to parents who are
not married and few eventually marry
• No religious affiliation
• Parents' divorce
• Insecurity…feeling insecure about yourself or your self-worth…insecure individuals are more
likely to become unhappy in their marriages over time and to divorce

9. Most Common Reasons for Divorce
(Some people gave more than one reason, which caused the % to be greater than 100%)
• Lack of commitment (73%)
• Too much arguing (56)
• Infidelity (55%)
• Marrying too young (46%)
• Unrealistic expectations (45%)
• Lack of equality in the relationship (44%)
• Lack of preparation for marriage (41%)
• Abuse (29%)
Close to half of divorced individuals wished they had worked harder to save their marriage.

10. Marriage Killers
• Praying about your spouse instead of for them
• Failing to learn how to deal with failures of authority properly…reference
perspective for men and women
• Making the other person responsible for your happiness
• Accepting the responsibility of making your spouse happy
• Love language illiterate
• Gender illiterate

11. Marriage Killers
(continued)
• Having silent arguments
• Creating division in the home
• Holding each other hostage…sex, finances, displays of affection, connection
time, etc…
• Putting on her dress and wearing his pants
• Unexplained changes or sudden changes
• Waiting forever to take your vows

12. Marriage Builders
• Understand your vows and their purpose…your vows are to God, about each other
• Pray together
• In hard times, remember God's promise and purpose for your marriage
• Affirmation of commitment to growing
• Away time…alone and with each other
• Demonstrate trust
• Sexual rendezvous…for the married…keeps the fire burning
• No secrets