The Estee Lauder Companies - 'Afterwards' book

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SHARED WISDOM FROM THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE
REFLECTIONS ON LIFE BEYOND BREAST CANCER

Disclaimer:
The views, opinions and assumptions made or expressed in this
publication are those of the contributors and do not necessarily
reflect the official policy or position of The Estée Lauder Companies
or any agency of The Estée Lauder Companies.
Ownership:
This document and the information contained within (Material)
is proprietary to The Estée Lauder Companies. The Material may
not be used for any other purpose (which includes reproduction
or transmission of all or part of the Material) without the express
permission of The Estée Lauder Companies.

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Table of Contents Introducing the ‘Afterwards’ campaign
Professor Lesley Fallowfield Foreword
Introducing Paula Beetlestone
During | Living with breast cancer
Afterwards | Living beyond breast cancer
Afterwards | Learning from those who
have lost loved ones
Elizabeth Hurley, Global Ambassador for The
BCA Campaign
Epilogue: Paula Beetlestone’s hints
and tips
Glossary of terms
Background to The Breast Cancer Awareness
(BCA) Campaign
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203
215
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Given that so many people have
been affected in some way by cancer,
the 2015 Estée Lauder Companies’
UK Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA)
Campaign asks the often overlooked
question of ‘What happens Afterwards?’
Afterwards the book, aims to
speak to all breast cancer survivors,
including those that have recovered
from, or are still receiving treatment,
and the friends and family members that
love someone touched by the disease, or
have loved and lost someone to it.
The quotes, advice and anecdotes
in this book have been gathered from
real people who have been affected by
breast cancer.

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Professor Lesley Fallowfield,
BSc, D.Phil, F.Med.Sci,
Professor of Psycho-oncology,
University of Sussex
Director of Sussex Health Outcomes
Research & Education in Cancer
Professor Fallowfield is one of the
world’s leading experts on oncology
survivorship and lectures and trains
around the world. She is one of a
few international figures who have
established psycho-oncology as
an important subspecialty and has
made an outstanding and lasting
contribution to improving the
quality of care received by patients
with cancer.

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A breast cancer diagnosis fills most women
with dread. It can also be a challenging time
for their families. All experience a myriad of
doubts and uncertainties about their future,
leaving many emotionally drained. Despite
this, a plethora of decisions need to be made
about the wide variety of treatment options
now available.
Thanks to the many advances made
in scientific knowledge about breast cancer,
improvements to surgical and radiotherapy
techniques together with more targeted
hormone and chemotherapy treatments,
many of the one in eight women who are
diagnosed with breast cancer now have
a realistic prospect of cure and 87% will
survive for at least five years or longer.
This means that many women and those
close to them are living with the after effects
of cancer, which can include physical and
psychological issues.
Long-term hormonal medication
may be required following surgery that
can produce hot flushes, joint pains, sexual
problems from vaginal dryness and fatigue.
Psychologically, there’s the fear that comes
from being brought closer to your own
mortality and the very real and terrifying
prospect that the cancer might return. But
sometimes, the breast cancer diagnosis results
in a positive reappraisal of many aspects of
day-to-day life – some women who have had
cancer will no longer worry about what is
perceived as trivia – who needs to clean the
kitchen floor when the sun is shining and
there are better things to do?
What works for one woman may not
work for another. We’re all different and the

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wise words from those included in this book
demonstrate the many big and small things
that helped women through their diagnosis,
treatment and beyond. We hope sincerely
that others might find solace and comfort in
their words.
This book is entirely based on the
real experiences of women, and men, across
the country, bringing together comments,
insights and advice from a broad selection
of people who have been affected by the
life-changing impact of breast cancer. Unlike
much of the literature out there, Afterwards
explores the disease’s effects both during and
after treatment. It illustrates the different
ways - some poignant and moving, others
positive and uplifting – that women and their
loved ones can live well through and beyond
a breast cancer diagnosis.
Afterwards is the latest ‘action’
from The Estée Lauder Companies’ UK
Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign,
bringing to life The BCA Campaign’s message
that Every Action Counts when it comes
to defeating breast cancer. Together we’re
aiming to extend the symbol of the pink
ribbon beyond research, diagnosis and
treatment, and into a new territory that
shines a spotlight on an aspect of breast
cancer that is all to often ignored: what
happens afterwards?

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Paula | 47
Diagnosed with breast cancer in May
2013. Paula had a double mastectomy,
radiotherapy, and is undergoing
further reconstructive surgery. She
has a faulty BRCA2 gene. Paula fronts
The Estée Lauder Companies UK
‘Afterwards’ campaign.

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“In my experience you never completely
recover from breast cancer. When I was
first diagnosed with the disease, I almost
immediately went into ‘efficiency mode’. I
made lists of things that needed to be done,
people who need to be told and focused my
energy on what was going to happen next.
When my treatment started, my focus
became about recovery. I was going through
chemotherapy when my four-year-old son
was just about to start school for the first
time, and all that mattered was me being well
enough to be there with him on his first day.
Then remission came - I no longer
had any signs of cancer left in my body. So
what now? Should I have skipped off gleefully
and signed up for a marathon to show that
I was back to full fitness and happy to be
alive? Well actually, no, because I often
found (and still find) elements of my mental
healing harder than when I had the focus
of treatment, because the symptoms were
(and still are) less visible. This means that
women in remission, myself included, often
have to shoulder the mental anguish of the
aftermath of breast cancer all alone. But that
fear of it returning is always there in the
background and dealing with the fact you’ll
never truly feel like the same person you
were before - whether physically, mentally or
emotionally - is something that shouldn’t be
ignored. My advice would be to keep talking,
because people will only be able to know how
and when to help if you let them know that
everything’s not completely rosy.”

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During Living with
breast cancer
The impact of a breast cancer diagnosis and
its treatment can be considerable and for
some, long-term.
Over the following pages, a selection
of brave women and men share their advice on
how to remain positive, provide support and
cope when touched by this terrible disease.

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Justine | 44
Diagnosed with breast cancer in
February 2014 and due to have a
double mastectomy in October 2015.
“My advice would be to try
not to worry yourself about
the ‘what ifs’ and remember to
never give up hope. Everyone
has their own way of dealing
with breast cancer. There
is no wrong or right way to
approach it.”

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Rochelle | 55
Diagnosed with breast cancer in July
2015. Results of an Oncotype DX test
will establish whether or not she will
need to undergo chemotherapy.
“I think it’s important to keep
busy and not dwell on the
negatives. I really believe that
staying positive and mentally
keeping an upbeat mindset
helps with the healing process.”

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Sharon | 36
October 2013.
“I didn’t have time to have
cancer with three young
boys, two jobs and a love
for running. Carrying on as
both a mum and wife was
very important to me, so I
continued to do the school
runs and work. I even went
running between my chemo
sessions. I would advise
people to try to continue with
life in as normal a way as
their body allows.”

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Guy’s mother has been diagnosed
with breast cancer twice. The first
time was in 1989 and the second time
was in 2011.
Guy | 34
“Try to stay positive
yourself. Also
encourage those going
through cancer to
think about the things
they really enjoy doing,
to help to keep their
spirits up.”

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Paula | 46
2014, after her mother had suffered
the same disease. Paula is currently
in remission.
“Everyone says I
stayed so positive, but
I was able to because
my prognosis was
good. Every cancer is
so personal.”

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Diagnosis came in 2011, when she
had a mastectomy, chemotherapy and
radiotherapy. She is awaiting further
reconstructive breast surgery.
Joanne | 49
“It has been an interesting
‘journey’ and I’ve gone through
so many emotions along the
way. Life won’t be the same
again, but in some ways, for me,
things have turned out for the
better. It just took a long time.”

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Ali | 43
2012. In 2013, she co-founded the
charity Annabel’s Angels, which
raises funds to increase support for
patients, carers and families living
with cancer in Derby.
“I’d say never lose your sense of
humour or take life too seriously. In
preparation for losing my hair, my
sister and I made Top Trumps-style
cards out of all my bad hairstyles of
the past. Growing up in the eighties,
this wasn’t difficult. Of course, losing
your hair isn’t laughable, but you
can have fun experimenting with
wigs and accessories. I appreciate I
have a unique sense of humour but
it worked for me, so find what works
for you.”

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Tracey | 55
Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007.
She also lost her mother, 51 to breast
cancer in 1972.
“The breast cancer journey is like starting at the
bottom of a big hill when you’re first diagnosed
and facing a tough climb ahead. You start your
ascent towards the top having your treatment,
and once you are at the summit, you can see
the finishing line down the hill at the bottom
and you know that with each treatment, you
are nearing the ribbon at the end. For each
treatment you have, it is another one done and
therefore fewer to go. Having a goal to reach
encouraged me to face the treatment without
feeling worried or scared, knowing that it was
helping me recover and get to the end of my
cancer journey.”

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Carole
Diagnosed in 1989. She underwent a
lumpectomy and radiotherapy.
“I am very grateful for having
got through breast cancer,
and with time I’ve learned not
to dwell on it. I would advise
anyone going through breast
cancer to just keep positive,
and know that you are having
the right treatment and you
can get through this.”

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Beryl | 72
Finished breast cancer treatment
in 2011.
“Breast cancer
treatment does not last
forever, so just do what
you can to look after
yourself properly.”

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On doing things
your own way

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Phillipa | 50
Found out she had breast cancer
in 2011. She had a mastectomy,
chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
She is planning to have a risk-
reducing second mastectomy and
hysterectomy as there is a family
history of the disease.
“I’d recommend going at
your own pace and not
comparing yourself to other
people, as everyone’s case
and treatments are different.
Comparing will only make
you feel even more worried
and anxious.”

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Lara | 32
Says she’ll be ‘celebrating’ her one
year ‘cancer-versary’ in October 2015.
“It’s okay to hide yourself away
from the world and stay in
your pyjamas. It’s okay not to
want to see anyone. It’s okay
to feel ugly and gross and
unwomanly. Just remember it’s
not forever and you can come
out the other side feeling
stronger and more empowered
than ever before.”

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Angela | 44
2014 and finished treatment in
April 2015.
“Listen to your own
body and do what’s
best for you.”

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Martine | 54
Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008.
She had a partial mastectomy.
“Take time out for
yourself, carry on
as much as you can
and continue to do
the things you love. I
appreciate everyday
life, and I plan ahead
and look to the future,
because there is one to
look forward to.”

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Ali | 43
“The best advice I can offer would be
to embrace it all and go with the flow.
Looking back on my three years since
diagnosis, I have felt a huge spectrum
of emotions and they have all been
part of my unique way of coping.
There is no set path or correct way.
I’d say be true and kind to yourself.
There’s really no benefit to having
ridiculous expectations or giving
yourself a hard time.”
Lara | 32
“I don’t think you should compare
yourself to other patients going
through treatment. Trust your
instincts and do whatever you feel
like doing. Your body is a very
powerful machine, and usually if
you’re craving something – be it a
packet of salted crisps or a lie down
it’s telling you that for a reason. I
allowed myself to do one thing each
day. Whether it be going for a coffee
with a friend, going to the seaside
or friends coming over for dinner. I
found that if I did more than one
thing I would get too tired
and overwhelmed.”

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Janine | 55
2011. She had a lumpectomy and
underwent radiotherapy.
“People often take their cues
on how to behave around you
from the way you deal with it.
I tried to remain as upbeat as
I could, which meant people
around me mirrored this
behaviour. It really helped me
to remain positive throughout
my treatment.”

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Laura | 67
2011. Her treatment has finished,
but she is still on medication.
“On my last day of
treatment, I celebrated
by exchanging
radiotherapy with retail
therapy, and bought
four pairs of shoes!”

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Frances | 45
June 2013. She underwent a full
mastectomy of her left breast.
“There will be those days
when you feel down,
but make sure you take
the time to do things
for yourself, such as a
manicure or a facial. I used
to treat myself and one day
I bought a lovely perfume
to help cheer myself up.”

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Joanne | 50
August 2013. She has since had a
double mastectomy, chemotherapy,
radiotherapy and breast
reconstruction surgery.
“It helped me to keep a positive
memories book where I would
write down all the lovely
things that happened that
day. These included things
like having a nice meal with
friends, or when my son got
his first three wickets in a
cricket match. It’s so lovely to
read this back. It’s something I
still fill in everyday.”

Lara | 32
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“Just because you have cancer and lose all your
hair, eyebrows and eyelashes, it doesn’t mean
you can’t still be glamorous. In fact, I found it
gave me even more reason to be glam. With
no hair you are a blank canvas and can have
any look imaginable. I often wore nothing but
bright lipstick, a bit of concealer under my
eyes and some blusher– it was a striking look
that really worked. With no eyelashes, my eyes
were a bit watery, so I didn’t always want to
put heavy eye makeup on.”
“You can still look beautiful and feminine, and
that can make you feel a bit more like yourself
again – sometimes you can feel like a man
when you lose your hair (and for some ladies
their breasts after mastectomies). A wonderful
charity for ladies with breast cancer is The
Haven. You go for an introduction day and
then get ten free treatments of your choice.
I had aromatherapy, acupuncture and
reflexology. It made me feel so cared for and
relaxed – almost normal again, even.”

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Angela | 45
Diagnosed with breast
cancer in 2012. She had a
mastectomy, chemotherapy
and is awaiting further breast
reconstruction surgery.
“Life carries on and it will
get better if you feel that
it will. It’s about positivity
and finding that inner
strength. Having the type
of mentality that the glass
is half full will help get you
through this.”

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Catherine
Writer and yoga teacher, was
diagnosed with DCIS (a very early
stage breast cancer), and is still
undergoing treatment.
“I found that meditation really helped
me get through my treatment. There’s
a really simple technique, which I
would do even when going through
uncomfortable procedures, or when
my mind was racing with worry. The
technique is to focus on the breath
moving in and out of the nostrils -
imagine breathing in bright, white light
and on the exhale, release grey smoke.
Remember to carry on with
everyday activities whenever possible
and enjoy the pleasures of daily life
such as cooking delicious meals,
being outdoors, or just chatting with
good friends.”

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“It’s the little things
in life that can often
make a woman feel
special. Putting on
make-up, and even
putting a smile on
your face, can show
the world that you’re
ready to face it.”
Angela | 44

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Michelle | 54
Diagnosed with breast cancer
in early 2015, underwent
surgery in March and is still
undergoing chemotherapy.
“I often find it hard to
feel like myself. What’s
important for me – and
perhaps anyone going
through cancer – is to
surround myself with as
many friendly faces and
positive people as possible.”

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Debbie | 43
Has a long family history of breast
cancer, with her sister, mum and
two aunts all having been diagnosed
with the disease. Debbie is currently
going through the process of an
elective mastectomy.
“Going through breast cancer gave
me a different view about the world
and made me appreciate the more
important things in life. It made me
recognise that sticking together as a
family is so important, because it’s
better to go through this as a unit. We
all realised that petty scrabbles aren’t
important and that time is precious.
You may as well spend that precious
time being happy together.”

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Deborah | 48
2011. She is still taking medication.
“For me, managing other
people’s emotions was
the hardest part – I was
afraid that I was upsetting
people by actually having
cancer. I tried not to dwell
on it and not become a
‘victim’. I just concentrated
on the fact that going
through treatment would
be beneficial for my long
term future.”

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Pete | 35
Lost his wife Mair, the mother of
their two children (aged just 10
weeks and 3 and a half years at the
time), to breast cancer when she
was just 41. Pete is the founder of
charity Mummy’s Star, dedicated to
women and their families affected
by cancer during pregnancy.
“I remember getting a text from my wife
telling me that she had got frustrated
with her hair coming out so had just
gone into the shower and rubbed her
hair with her knuckles to try and get
it all out. Doing this had left her with
sprigs of hair all over the place, so she
asked me to shave it properly when I
got home. I have to say this is one of
the most intimate things we ever shared.
She trusted me at her most vulnerable
and it helped lift some of the issues
around her hair loss.”

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Clare | 45
Diagnosed with stage 3 breast
cancer in April 2013. She
underwent surgery, chemotherapy
and radiotherapy soon after the
death of her partner.
“Going through treatment, when so
recently widowed, was lonely, tough
and horrible. There was no way I
could return back to my old life, so
I was open to reinventing myself. I
joined several new social circles, and
now have all sorts of friends I would
never have imagined I would have
had. I started a new relationship
because I realised that life can be
short, and I really wanted to make
the most of now, while I am well
enough to do so.”

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Sam
Lost her best friend Danielle to
breast cancer in 2010, shortly after
the death of Danielle’s mother in
2009. They founded Future Dreams
in 2008 to raise essential funds
for further research and new
treatments into breast cancer.
“Survivorship is the best word to describe life after
breast cancer. Watching my childhood friend cope
with the shock of diagnosis, followed by gruelling
treatment and surgery and then given the green light
to go back into everyday life was daunting for her
and all her family and friends combined. The terror
of the disease returning was paralysing and isolating.
However, our solid relationship enabled
her to be open and honest about her innermost fears
and reality. I was honoured to share a wonderful
harmonious relationship with Danielle, and after she
lost her battle to breast cancer only twelve months
after her mother Sylvie lost her fight to breast cancer,
she passed on a baton to myself and her devoted
group of girlfriends to continue her legacy and
raise money to open a breast cancer support centre
in London that will give breast cancer sufferers
and their families a place to go and feel normal,
supported, calm, informed, a ‘haven’ that will care
for them in their darkest moments.”

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Laura | 32
in early March 2015. She has
undergone chemotherapy and is
due to start radiotherapy soon.
“Don’t be too afraid of saying the
wrong thing, it’s just nice to know
that people are thinking of you and
are there to help whenever you need
them. At times friends would offer
to look after my children after I
had chemotherapy; my mum would
sometimes bring dinner over too,
which was such a huge help. It was
good to know so many people were
willing to help.”

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Sylvia
Diagnosed and treated in 2012.
She is now well and having
yearly checkups.
“I feel it is very important
that each person is able to
follow their own path in how
they deal with breast cancer
and what feels right for them.
Any carer, friend or family
member needs to listen to their
wishes and not pressure them
down another road. This may
sometimes happen because of
their very understandable fear
of losing a loved one.”

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Alison | 53
Lost her mother to breast cancer
20 years ago. Her sister is currently
undergoing treatment for the
disease, too.
“My sister and I enjoy
every single day
together, because we
see each day as a bonus.
She just wants to live
life to the full.”

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Lisa’s mother, who is 75, was
diagnosed with breast cancer in
May 2015.
Lisa | 51
“My mother just loves
to talk about her
breast cancer, and
this really helps her to
get through it. Being
there from the very
beginning and offering
her support allows her
to stay positive.”

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“For friends and relatives who know someone going
through treatment for breast cancer I would say
just be there. Whether it’s a text, a letter, a card,
an email, sending a crazy turban - I loved wearing
those throughout my treatment and have about 10
that friends sent me - a phone call, some flowers,
a picture, a CD compilation, a book, absolutely
anything. Your friend with cancer may not answer
because they have a lot on their plate but trust me
it will mean so much and brighten their day. It was
little things like that which kept me going. There
is nothing worse than ignoring someone because
they have cancer and you don’t know what to say
to them. There is no right or wrong. Don’t be afraid
to hurt their feelings, just knowing you’re still there
for them helps so much. I was so touched by the
love and support I received, it’s confirmed my faith
in humanity.”
Lara | 32

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“You can learn a lot about yourself when you feel
closer to dying. Yes, you can look and feel the roughest
you’ve ever felt. Yes, you can look like a bald man
every time you look in the mirror, but who cares? I
just kept reminding myself that it wasn’t forever. The
chemo was killing any potential cancer cells swimming
around my body, so in the long term I saw it as a good
thing. I took the decision to ‘own it’. I knew the chemo
would make my long blonde hair fall out, so I went
to the hairdressers and had it all cut super-short and
bleached platinum blonde. I felt like a film star. Then I
threw a head shaving party and invited all my friends
over. My oldest friend from school shaved all my hair
off and even gave me a Mohawk. That time I felt like
GI Jane. It could have been upsetting if I’d let it get
thin and it started to fall out on its own. But I decided
to be the master of my destiny, and it was a lot of fun.”
Lara | 32

105
Jenny | 44
Lost her sister to cancer and was
diagnosed with breast cancer herself
in 2014. She is currently in remission.
“As much as I lead a
normal life there are
some moments where
I don’t feel normal, but
I think it’s important to
move forward and live
the life handed to you.”

107
Natasha | 42
Finished her breast cancer
treatment in July 2015.
“My motto is, ‘It is what it is’.
You can’t change what you
have, but life does go on and
there can be a very bright
light at the end of the tunnel.
Living with breast cancer is
very hard, but in the dark
moments I think you have
to try to keep focussed on
reaching the end of treatment.
It does end eventually.”

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Sylvie and Danielle, mother and
daughter. Sylvie passed away
from breast cancer in July 2009.
Tragically, her daughter Danielle was
diagnosed with secondary breast
cancer in her lungs shortly before
her mother’s death and sadly passed
away on September 2010. Future
Dreams lives on to realise Sylvie and
Danielle’s dream of a future free of
breast cancer.
“When we both
became ill we didn’t
want to sit back, and
watch the world go
by. We wanted to do
something positive
to celebrate life and
make a difference to
the future.”

113
Philippa | 37
Was diagnosed with breast
cancer in 2010. She celebrated
finishing treatment just before
her 33rd birthday.
“I took up knitting as a
distraction when I was too
tired to do anything else.
To cheer myself up, I’d go
shopping, walking, visit
friends or get a cuddle
from my young niece.
Those cuddles were the
best medicine.”

117
Clare | 50
Film-Industry Executive, was first
diagnosed with breast cancer in
May 2013 when she was 48. After
undergoing chemotherapy, surgery
and radiotherapy, which ended in
January 2014, she was diagnosed with
bone metastasis in June 2015.
“My advice to anyone who has been
given the devastating diagnosis of
breast cancer is to be honest with
yourself and your friends and family.
You don’t go through cancer alone.
And you shouldn’t. I am one of the
unlucky ones whose cancer has
returned. It is hard telling anyone that
news but it was especially hard to tell
friends who had been through their
own cancer experiences. I worried
that the news would be as devastating
for them as it has been for me.
I guess if I was to pass on
anything else to anyone given the
news today it would be that you need

119
to be kind to yourself. It’s hard but
don’t spend any time on the ‘why
me’ conundrum. Live in the present
and the future. Treat yourself all the
time. You don’t have to be lavish,
small things make all the difference…
A trip to the cinema with friends,
a new lipstick, a long luxurious
bath with candles and oils. Take up
the offers of the complementary
medicine, try aromatherapy, reiki
and reflexology. This is all for you.
Not for your kids, your husband,
your friends, but for you.
Be kind to yourself and when
others offer to help, don’t say ‘I’m
fine’, say ‘thank you’ and then tell
them what you need from them.
Whether it’s someone to do a small
shop for you, to help prepare a meal,
to go to the post office or to help you
get the washing done. These things
are a gift from those who love you
and want to help. They need a steer
in what to do otherwise they feel
helpless.”

121
Alison | 67
Diagnosed a first time with breast
cancer in 2000 and a second time
in 2014. She is a retired therapy
radiographer and has treated
hundreds of women with breast
cancer. Alison had a double
mastectomy, and chose not to
have reconstruction.
“Give yourself time in those first few
weeks – it takes a while to adjust
to the changes ahead of you. The
second time it happened to me I
decided to go ahead with a planned
holiday and so delayed my surgery
by a month. This gave me time to
think, to talk through all my fears,
and to then start treatment in a
positive, rather than a frightened,
frame of mind.”

123
Jane
Diagnosed with a recurrence of
breast cancer whilst pregnant.
It’s a gift, this life.
Shame I didn’t realise,
Before this wretched compromise.
The news was not tangible.
I was invincible,
Fearless by youthful principle.
But the nightmare became reality.
So ugly for a malcontent to wake up,
And see their best days spent.
“That life’s, my right,” I cried.
Two breasts, my health, a family
Not yet conceived to me.
And life was kind,
I held my child.
Then I could see,
This privilege was not owed to me.
It’s a gift, this life.
Once, it seemed blue.
Now, on this knife-edge,
It takes a rosy hue.

125
Afterwards Living beyond
breast cancer
Many women who have had breast cancer live
with the very real threat that their cancer will
return. Others who have supported a loved one
through breast cancer have a new ‘afterwards’
to live with.
Over the following pages, a number of breast
cancer ‘survivors’ share their own experiences,
fears and hopes after the disease has touched
their lives.

129
Elke | 41
2011. Mammograms in September
2015 showed no evidence of
recurrent disease.
“I used to think that everything would go
back to normal after treatment; I couldn’t
have been more wrong. I don’t even know
what ‘normal’ is anymore. Cancer has
changed me, physically, emotionally and
mentally. But it hasn’t all been bad: I finally
learnt that I count and that it’s okay to treat
myself, as well as others. I learnt that ‘I’ll
do that when the kids are a bit older, when
we have a bit more money, when the sun is
out, when we’re retired’ might never happen.
My advice would be that if you really want
to do something you can. Do it! Do it now!
Start doing it right now. Otherwise, a few
years down the line, you might find yourself
wishing you were as young as you were when
you decided you were too old to do whatever
it was that you wanted to do.”

131
Lesley | 49
Diagnosed with breast cancer earlier
in 2015.
“Following the end of my treatment
I am trying to come to terms with
the fact that the old me is no
longer here. I am now learning
to accept the mental and physical
changes, which have made me the
person I am now. I find that being
outside, breathing in the fresh air
and appreciating nature helps me
when I need to pick myself up. I
constantly remind myself that
there was a chance that I actually
might not have been here to enjoy
these moments.”

133
“Three months after my
chemotherapy finished, I took up
running. I’ve since done a number
of races and am currently training
for the Royal Parks Half Marathon
in October to raise money for
Macmillan Cancer Support. I still
wouldn’t call myself a runner (in
fact, I pretty much hate it!) but
I need a challenge and I will be
crossing that finish line even if
I’m crawling.”
Philippa | 37
“Remember to focus on
all the amazing things
about yourself. Be your
own cheerleader.”
Ali | 43

135
“Work hard to get yourself as
physically fit as you can. This way
you gain by taking a bit of control
back, from the sheer feel-good
factor that exercise gives you. I
walked miles in the weeks and
months after my surgery, either on
my own or with friends. I gained
strength, lost weight, and felt fit to
face the world again.”
Alison | 67

139
Margaret | 77
Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012
and finished treatment later that year.
“Following breast cancer – the anxiety, fear,
treatments, loss of hair (and personality,
too) – it was hard to become ‘me’ again. One
comes to dread seeing people as they don’t
know what to say. However, getting together
with a group of women of all ages at my local
Cornish after-cancer support group, Made for
Life, to share a little fun and understanding,
was perfect. We could ask questions of others
who had also recently been there; we could
fully understand the meltdowns and anxieties,
and praise every little improvement. We had
pampering days, which were bliss, as well as
art days, therapeutic discussions, craft days
and meals out where hair loss was completely
ignored. In my view, these groups play a vital
role in healing. Five of us have died since
January – we take nothing for granted and
are heartily grateful for the time we have.”

141
Marjorie | 56
Diagnosed with breast cancer six
years ago.
“Having gone through
a tough six years, I am
thankful for life. It’s a
skill to know when to
ask for help and support.
Just remember that
there really are people
out there who are
willing to help.”

145
“It’s hard to say how you get back to normal,
because I believe that once you have had
cancer you are no longer really the same
person you once were. That doesn’t have to
be a bad thing; you’re just a new ‘you’. One
that is often so much stronger, mentally, if not
physically, than before.”
Sharon | 36
“I didn’t feel like me for about the last three
months of treatment. I had gained a lot of
weight and had water retention – I just didn’t
see me when I looked in the mirror. I felt like
I had lost my sparkle. When you feel good, I
think you should go out. On the other hand,
when you don’t feel good you should probably
hibernate. Upon finishing my treatment, I felt
euphoric. There was – and still is – a niggle
that the cancer might come back, but it has
been amazing to start to get life back on track.
I’m finally starting to feel like myself again.”
Natasha | 42

147
Sian | 52
2006. She underwent a mastectomy,
chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and
is in remission.
“My ‘afterwards’ is that I learned
to live for today and accept things
for what they are. Small things
became significant, such as my first
haircut (it meant I had reached
the stage where I had enough hair
to cut!) and the end of my regular
hospital appointments, a routine I
had become so used to.”

149
Annette | 53
Diagnosed with early breast
cancer in April 2014. She
underwent a mastectomy, elected
reconstructive surgery and
radiotherapy. She is currently
undergoing further reconstructive
surgery due to complications from
her first reconstruction.
“I thought that after receiving my
diagnosis, there would be treatment
and radiotherapy, then that that
would be it, but I’ve really had to
look after myself since. ‘Afterwards’
for me is everything I’ve had to do
to recover and all the support I’ve
had to rely on for this to happen.
It’s also been about getting myself
into a position so that I can look
to return to work and do more
socially. Getting to this stage has
meant more effort to eat healthily
and keep my brain ticking over by
learning new and inspiring things.”

151
Sally | 48
in 2012. She underwent a
lumpectomy, chemotherapy,
radiotherapy & had a year on
Herceptin , and is now
in remission.
“When I was at hospital receiving all my
treatment and medication, I felt that I was
being looked after and protected from cancer.
When it all came to an end I
felt it was down to me to keep myself healthy,
and I found that quite scary. To me, Afterwards
has meant keeping fit andhealthy, and reading
up on things that can help prevent the cancer
returning. Afterwards is finding ways yourself
to deal with your future. People ask if it’s good
to be back to normal - they don’t realise just
how fantastic ‘normal’ really is.”

153
Jeff
Paula Beetlestone’s husband.
“Having lived through every stage
of my wife’s breast cancer - from
diagnosis to remission - I’ve learned
to appreciate the importance of
being open about its impact. Most
people are aware of the extremely
gruelling impact the disease has on
the body, but it seems few consider
the long-term psychological impact
it has afterwards. It goes without
saying that you will never be the
same person again, simply by the
nature of the experience, so I believe
it’s important to be able to talk about
how you’ve changed. Only then can
people around you respond to - and
support - the new you.”

157
Jean
in 2003.
“Breast cancer opened
me up to the possibility
that anything can
happen. For me, a
workaholic singleton,
this allowed me to
embark in a relationship
with the cute guy I
met on a photography
course. That cute guy is
now my husband!”

159
“Time is so precious, and I use it
wisely. Having cancer has made
me value life a lot more than I did
before. It’s made me not worry
too much about the little things
that used to get to me – like
housework. I say live every day to
the fullest, as life is such a gift.”
Joanne | 50
“None of us know what is ahead
of us. Being told that you have
cancer is an opportunity to really
work out what is important to
you in your life and to adjust your
priorities accordingly. Just don’t
let cancer define you or your life.
It has its place certainly, but it
should stay in its place and not
become the only thing that you
think and talk about.”
Alison | 67

161
Emily | 32
Diagnosed with breast cancer on
1st October 2014 when she was
29 weeks pregnant with her first
child. She’s since gone through
chemotherapy, a single mastectomy
and a course of radiotherapy.
“Life after breast cancer is different.
Not dramatically life-changing
different, but a subtle difference both
in how you feel and how you view
your world and that of those around
you. Silly little problems that perhaps
once consumed you, cease to matter.
It’s a moment of clarity, about the
importance of life and I hope I keep
this. I’ve always been a glass half
full kind of girl but I think I am even
more so now. Life is precious and
most certainly for living!”

163
Afterwards Learning from
those who have
lost loved ones
Despite continued treatment advances and
increased awareness, there are still many who
sadly lose their lives to breast cancer.
The following pages contain stories and words
of wisdom passed on by those who have lost
a loved one to breast cancer, in the hope of
providing comfort and inspiration to anyone
experiencing their own loss.

165
Justine Picardie | Editor-in-chief of
Harper’s Bazaar UK
Lost her sister, Ruth, to breast
cancer just under year after she was
diagnosed in 1996, aged 32.
“The word afterwards is a very powerful and
potent one. It can mean surviving and it can
mean a very happy outcome. But it can also
mean living with breast cancer and living with
secondaries. It can mean a terminal diagnosis,
too. For me, and the many years that have
passed since my sister’s death in 1997,
afterwards means honouring her and her
memory. My sister Ruth feels much more than
a memory, though – she feels incredibly alive
to me. Not only because of her two wonderful
children who will turn twenty this year, but
because of the love we shared. Afterwards
means love, and love doesn’t disappear, death
doesn’t cause the end of love. Love continues.”

167
Laura | 25
Lost her mum to breast cancer in 2009.
“Seeing my mother go through breast
cancer and experiencing her strength and
determination always spurs me on. It has
made me into a stronger person today. I
will never forget the hand-written note,
which she wrote whilst in hospital, which
read; ‘Hope is everything, never give up
hope’. I will never forget these words and I
will cherish them forever.”

169
“Ignore expectation. There is so much
information out there at the moment that
is built around the perception of what
someone with breast cancer goes through,
but it seldom describes the real personal
experience. Your cancer is yours and
you will deal with it the way you see fit,
not the way others expect you to or the
stereotypical way that people presume. It
will bring about the rawest of emotion in
you and in your partner, but in the midst
of that there will be smiles and there will
be moments in the experience that you or
your partner will treasure.”
“Perhaps an odd suggestion, but my wife
began to refer to her cancer as ‘Larry The
Lump’. It put a smile in a conversation and
then it ceased to be an elephant in the
room. Might not work for everyone but it
made my wife giggle.”
Pete | 35

171
Brenda | 68
Lost her daughter-in-law to breast
cancer in June 2015.
“My son and daughter-in-law
were very open with their three
children about breast cancer. They
explained how poorly mummy was
and the children were very upset,
but it was a top priority for them
that their lives stayed as normal as
possible. When they came home
from school, my daughter-in-law
loved to hear what they’d been up
to and their stories always put a
smile on her face, even in the most
difficult of circumstances.”

173
Emma | 31
Lost her younger sister to breast
cancer when she was just 28. Her
sister was diagnosed in 2011 and
again in 2014.
“I think it’s important to try and appreciate that this is a
life-long situation for so many people, whether they’re
undergoing treatment or dealing with a loss. Everyone asks
what they can do to help, and it’s easy to dip in and out –
send a text or an email checking in – but sometimes those
well-meant messages from people left me feeling even more
isolated. It felt like they were saying a quick hello out of
obligation and then going back to their lives – all it did was
remind me how much my life had changed. I felt left behind
for a very long time, and I’ve lost friendships with people
who didn’t, or perhaps couldn’t, appreciate the magnitude
of things. But on the plus side, I’ve found deeper friendships
in unexpected places, with people who do understand. Those
people have been a hundred times more helpful than they
realise, just by allowing me the space to talk freely.
The most important thing for me was learning
that it’s okay to talk – whether it’s about cancer or
bereavement – don’t let it be an elephant in the room.
People are so wary of mentioning it in case they upset you
or remind you about things, but for me it was worse when
people avoided the subject or tried to divert me away from it.
Glossing over terrible things doesn’t help someone suffering
– it just tells them that they should look elsewhere for support.
To support someone afterwards, you really have to be willing
to be in it with them and be a reliable presence.”

175
Becky | 46
Lost her mother, 53 to breast cancer
in 1993.
“I felt angry and upset that my mum was
taken so young, at only 53 it seemed so unfair.
Throughout her battle, she always stayed
positive, and for this I have to applaud her.
Living without my mum at such a young age
has been hard and I feel sad that my children
will never really know her. I do think it’s
important to keep her alive in their lives and
I try and talk about her with them and tell
them her stories. She was a vibrant character
and is missed every day but never forgotten.
Grief is one of the hardest things
I have ever had to deal with and more so
because you can only really deal with it
alone, it is personal. It’s important to allow
people to grieve, no matter how long it takes.
Losing a loved one is the hardest pain to deal
with, everyone is different in how they deal
with it and to achieve some kind of normality
takes time.”

177
Katie | 25
Lost her mum to breast cancer in
2011. She had been battling it for
eight years and had fought into
remission on four occasions.
“Remaining strong for my
mother was important to her.
Even after she had passed, we
continued to celebrate her life.
She was an avid shoe collector
so we asked the ladies at her
funeral to wear high heels,
which we know our mother
would have loved. Being there
for the rest of the family has
helped us get through this. It is
such a relief to have people to
talk to, there is nothing worse
then keeping it all in.”

179
Sue | 62
Lost her mother and best friend to
breast cancer.
“It was important to always remain
optimistic so it wasn’t all doom and
gloom. Treat anyone going through
breast cancer the same way as you
would have done previously and talk
to them about the same things you
would usually. I always reminded
my mum and best friend that I was
there for them if they needed me for
anything at all.”

181
Sam | 47
Lost her mum to breast cancer
when she was 24.
“The thing that used to cheer
my mum up the most was a
good gossip and a cup of tea.
Even when she was very ill in
hospital, she would love to
see her colleagues and hear
what the latest office gossip
was to feel normal and to still
feel connected to people.”

183
Chyrell | 38
Has the BRCA2 gene and is having
an elective mastectomy. She lost her
mum to breast cancer and her mum’s
four sisters have also had the disease.
“My auntie would
always say, ‘As long as
you’ve got your lipstick
on and your chin up,
you’ll be fine.’”

185
Bob
Lost his wife Paula in March 2015
to breast cancer. Paula founded
Relay for Life, Aylesbury and
raised £330,000 in her lifetime for
Cancer Research.
“Friends and family are an
enormous source of comfort
after losing someone close,
especially young grandchildren.
Being with them and seeing
their lust for life just makes
you realise that life does go
on and it is impossible to
be totally unhappy when
surrounded by children.”

187
Sarah
Lost her mum Paula in March 2015
after suffering with breast cancer for
many years.
“Although losing mum is hard,
I’ve tried to turn it into an
opportunity to look at my life
and make changes for the
better, to reassess what really
matters to me and how I want
my life to be - it’s exactly what
mum did when she was first
diagnosed. It has given me
a new love of life and better
perspective to focus on the
things that really matter and
bring us joy.”

189
Helen
Lost her mum Paula in March 2015
after suffering with breast cancer for
many years.
“Having things to focus on and look forward to
has helped me cope – such as something fun
with friends at the weekend or a lovely family
holiday. Being able to make plans ahead of
time was something mum did throughout
her illness and it’s something I now make a
conscious effort to do. My family and friends
have been an invaluable support and my
children make the tough days brighter. My
advice to anyone in a similar situation is to
reach out amongst your support network,
accept the offers of help and take time out for
yourself when you need it. Cry and scream
when you need to just don’t bottle your
emotions up! Also, picture your loved one in
their happy place, pain free and relaxed.”

191
“Don’t let cancer tell you what
to do. You are not defined by
your diagnosis. You are you,
not cancer, just as I am not
defined by the fact that I am
that young guy who lost his
wife to cancer. Don’t lose sight
of who you are.”
Pete | 35

193
Elizabeth Hurley
Global Ambassador
for The BCA Campaign

195
“My beloved grandmother died of
breast cancer. When I first met Evelyn
Lauder, founder of the Breast Cancer
Awareness Campaign and the Breast
Cancer Research Foundation in 1995,
she told me that women all over the
world were dying of breast cancer but
no one was talking about it. Breast
cancer was only whispered about.
This struck such a nerve because my
grandmother didn’t tell anyone about
the lump she’d found in her breast for
a long time because she was so scared;
when she was finally diagnosed, the
disease was advanced.
After her death, I wanted to do
my part to honour her, and help spread
the message that catching the disease
early can hugely increase the chance
of successful treatment, and that’s
why I’ve supported The Breast Cancer
Awareness Campaign since my first
meeting with Evelyn. I hope people
everywhere learn just how impactful
each and every action can truly be in
bringing us closer to a world without
breast cancer. My action is to get a
mammogram each year on my birthday
and encourage women around the
world to do the same.”
Elizabeth Hurley

197
Epilogue Paula Beetlestone’s
hints and tips
Paula’s advice to those who have been
diagnosed and are starting treatment
are to:
1) be yourself
2) look after yourself
3) let people help you

199
The little things that made a big
difference to Paula’s journey through
breast cancer include:
• A simple text message from family
and friends
• A card arriving in hospital, or
at home, wishing me well and
sharing news of everyday life
• Being the recipient of
beautiful flowers
• A friend dropping by for
a quick chat, but only visiting
if they were 100 percent cold free,
because chemotherapy makes
the immune system so weak
• Gifts of simple plain food,
such as a loaf of bread
just after a dose of chemo,
when food was a necessity
but a chore, or when things get
better, a home made Bakewell
tart, or a basic dahl

201
• Kind gifts of essential
cosmetics and a few luxuries.
“When the chemo turns skin grey,
and makes your hair fall out, a
gentle foundation, eye and brow
liner a light brush of blusher can
help you walk out the house and
feel strong”
• The hospital and The Dimbleby
Cancer Care Charity who offered
six complimentary sessions of
reflexology during my chemo
• My sister’s care and help
whenever I needed it
• My husband being at every
consultation, and supporting
me at work
• A couple of kind friends ran a
sponsored marathon, raising
funds for us to have a carefree
holiday at the end of treatment
• Knowing that our son’s school
(who were fully informed) was
keeping an eye out and caring
for our son
• Colleagues and clients being
sensitive to my ability to work
and not being put off by the
days when treatment took over
• Box sets of gripping TV series
and films

203
Glossary of terms
Here is a glossary of medical words and terms to
help you feel better informed about breast cancer,
taken from Breast Cancer Care’s online glossary:

205
Advanced breast cancer
Adverse effect
Biopsy
Benign
Breast cancer that has spread beyond
the breast and the lymph nodes under
the arm to other parts of the body, also
known as secondary, stage 4 or metastatic
breast cancer.
An undesired or harmful effect resulting
from treatment.
Removal of tissue to be looked at under
a microscope.
Not cancer
BRCA1 (Breast Cancer1)
BRCA2 (Breast Cancer2)
An altered or faulty gene passed on at birth
from either parent that causes a permanent
change in a person’s DNA. People who
inherit an altered BRCA1 gene have a much
higher risk of developing breast cancer and
some other cancers compared with the
general population.
An altered or faulty gene passed on at birth
from either parent that causes a permanent
change in a person’s DNA. People who
inherit an altered BRCA2 gene have a much
higher risk of developing breast cancer and
some other cancers compared with the
general population.

207
Cancer
Chemotherapy
Complementary therapies
Chronic
A group of diseases in which malignant cells
grow out of control and may spread to other
parts of the body.
Treatment aimed at destroying cancer
cells using anti-cancer drugs, which are
also called cytotoxic drugs.
A varied group of therapies used alongside
conventional medical treatments.
An illness, disease or condition that is long
lasting and generally slow to progress.
Grade
Hormone therapy
Invasive cancer
The system used to classify cancer cells
according to how different they are to
normal breast cells and how quickly they
are growing.
Use of drugs to block the effect of
hormones on cancer cells; only used if the
breast cancer is hormone receptor positive.
Has the potential to spread to other parts of
the body.

209
Lumpectomy
Lymph nodes
Malignant
An operation to remove an area of
breast tissue with or without a margin of
healthy tissue; in breast cancer may also
be called wide local excision or breast-
conserving surgery.
Also known as lymph glands. Small oval-
shaped structures found in clusters
throughout the lymphatic system, for
example under the arm.
In cancer, uncontrolled growth. Invasive
cells that have the potential to spread
elsewhere in the body.
Mammogram
Mastectomy
Metastases
A breast x-ray.
Removal of all the breast tissue including
the nipple area.
Cancer cells that have spread from the first
cancer site and grown elsewhere in the
body, for example the bones. Also called
mets, advanced cancer, secondary cancer
or secondaries.

211
Oncologist
Primary breast cancer
Prognosis
A doctor who specialises in cancer
(oncology). An oncologist may be a medical
oncologist (cancer drugs specialist) or
clinical oncologist (radiotherapy and/or
cancer drugs specialist).
Breast cancer that has not spread beyond
the breast or the lymph nodes (lymph
glands) under the arm (axilla).
The likely outlook of a disease, whether
it is likely to be cured and the person’s
life expectancy.
Radiotherapy
Reconstruction (breast) surgery
Recurrence
Risk factor
The use of high energy x-rays to destroy
cancer cells.
Rebuilds breast shape after all or part of the
breast has been removed.
When a disease or condition returns. There
are several types of breast cancer recurrence.
In medicine, something that increases a
person’s chance of developing an illness
such as cancer.

213
Secondary breast cancer
Tumour
When breast cancer cells spread from the
first (primary) tumour in the breast through
the lymphatic or blood system to other
parts of the body. Also called metastases,
advanced breast cancer, secondaries or
stage 4 breast cancer.
An overgrowth of cells forming a lump;
may be benign (not cancer) or cancer.

215
The Estée Lauder Companies’ Breast
Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign
was founded in 1992 by the late Mrs.
Evelyn H. Lauder with the launch of
the Pink Ribbon, today the universal
symbol for breast health.
Over the past two decades, The Estée Lauder Companies’
Breast Cancer Awareness (BCA) Campaign has brought
together women, men and families in more than 70
countries to help defeat breast cancer in their own
unique ways—from sharing their powerful stories about
their experiences with the disease to participating in
fundraising and awareness activities. Together, these
actions have sparked a global movement, enhancing
awareness and raising more than $58 million to support
global research, education and medical services.
The 2015 BCA Campaign celebrates all the things
we do, big or small, in the fight against breast cancer and
unites and empowers the global community to take action
throughout the year.
Action can mean different things to different
people. Whether a person proudly wears a Pink Ribbon in
honour of a friend, reminds a loved one to schedule her
yearly appointments, donates to research or volunteers,
every effort truly has meaning and when we join together,
we can achieve significantly greater impact.
Founder and guiding spirit, the late Evelyn H.
Lauder, always said:
“It really is something that can never
be done by any one person; it has to be done
by a group.”

217
Printer credit:
Paper supplied by Antalis and Printing Services supplied by
Mayfield Press. Proud to support The Estée Lauder Companies’
Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign.

220
Supporting education and medical research.
Join us at BCAcampaign.com #BCAstrength

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