Looks at Triangulation (from Family Systems Theory) and its potential application for Pastoral Care Providers.

1. Triangulation In
Pastoral Counseling
Bukal Life Care
2018

2. Dyadic Relationship

A dyad is a group of two people, the smallest
possible social grouping. The pair of
individuals in a dyad can be linked via
romance, family relation, common interests,
work, church, or other.

A relationship between these two would be a
“Dyadic Relationship.”

In counseling, this can include the
relationship between therapist and counselee.

3. Dyadic Relationship
It can be a warm solid relationship
Or it may be strained, or more distant

4. Triadic Relationship

As the name suggests, a relationship of three.

Such relationships can be healthy or unhealthy.

Virginia Satir would say that we don't have true
triadic relationships... just changing relationships
between two. (Even if true, a triad would then be
a dynamic condition of dyadic relations between
three individuals.)

5. Consider the, perhaps, most universal
triad: mother, father, child

This relationship becomes complicated fast.
Consider the relationships.

6. Relationships in Family Triad

Dyad: Husband and Wife

Dyad: Father and Child

Dyad: Mother and Child

Triad: Parents to Child

There can be other Triads such as
Mother/Child to Father, and Father/Child to
Mother

7. Family Triad

According to Satir, a Family Triad can be full of fear.
The father is fearful that the child will draw his wife's
attention away from him. The mother is fearful that
the child will draw her husband's attention away from
her, and the child is fearful that he/she may not the
center of the parents' attention.

Satir contends that if the husband and wife are
assured of the strength of their relationship, they are
not worried about their child's fear of being left out.
This is considered functional, because the marital
relationship is strong, and the child learns to be
individuated from the spousal relationship--
recognizing his/her value while understanding that
he/she can never be part of the spousal relationship.

8. Other Triangles

Triangles may form to reduce stress in the
dyadic relationship. Often it is a third person,
but it can be a thing. An example of a thing
being taking the third role would be a TV
used to distract (and distance a couple in
conflict)

9. Other Triangles

A classic one is the “Love Triangle” where a
member of a marital or romantic relationship is
unfaithful, bringing a third person into the
group (often without the other party knowing.)

10. Other Triangles

Two people argue with each other, and so they
seek to bring a third person into the argument
each wanting, perhaps, that third person to
side with him or her.

11. Other Triangles

A child misbehaves as a way of distracting the
parents from having conflict with each other.

12. Other Triangles

A couple goes to a counselor for marital help.
However, the couple ends up talking to each
other THROUGH the counselor rather than
addressing each other directly.

13. Dysfunctional vs Functional Triangles

Dysfunctional Triangles perpetuate the
problem or exacerbate problems. They
commonly avoid useful coping methods,
rather than poor coping methods (such as
blaming, rationalizing,placating, or distracting)
the main dyadic relationship.

Functional Triangles seek to address the
actual problems and bring healing to the
relationship.

14. Detriangulation
Murray Bowen would say that detriangulation
can be done by
− Being as differentiated as possible, rather
than being enmeshed in the triad.
− Staying calm and cool in the conflict
− Refusing to take sides
− Minimizing emotional reactivity

15. Or, instead of detriangulating, try to
create a functional triangle
For example, if one is acting as a counselor, and
each of the other two are talking to the other
through you, you encourage them to speak
directly to each other, and maintain a role of
referee to ensure the conversation stays
constructive.
However, to be a member of a functional
triangle still requires the skills of
detriangulating, such as staying calm, and not
taking side.

16. Note: In a larger group, the
relationships rapidly get very
complicated.

Analyzing the group
in terms of dyads and
triads can still be
quite valuable, since
dyads are the root of
relationships, and
forming triads is a
common strategy for
dysfunctional and
functional
relationships.

17. Pastoral Care

Clebsch and Jaekle described pastoral care in terms
of sustaining, healing, guiding, and reconciling.

Reconciling is clearly about relationships. But the
others apply as well... especially guiding.

Eductive guidance involves the counselor listening to
the members of the dyadic relationship and helping
to learn and grow without being controlled from the
outside.

Deductive guidance (advice-giving) can make the
dyadic relationship dependent on the counselor. That
is not desirable-- a potentially dysfunctional triangle.

18. Spiritual Direction

A person's relationship with God is also a
Dyad.

The temptation of a discipler is to take the role
of a guide that makes the other dependent.

A good disicpler should empower the other in
his/her relationship with God, not become a
necessary third party.

19. Triangulation In
Pastoral Counseling
Bukal Life Care
2018
www.bukallifecare.org