Creating Healthy Boundaries in our Relationships Life Series part 3 of 5

With From Preaching of Tim Keller
Gospel and Idolatry
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Life Series Part 3 of 5

1. THE LAW OF SOWING AND REAPING
 Our actions have consequences.
Someone will bear them.
 Don’t interrupt this law by regularly
bailing others out.

“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also
reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the
flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the
Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.”
- Galatians 6:7–8

Proverbs 9:8
tells us that it is worthless to confront
irresponsible people.
Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee:
rebuke a wise man, and he will love
thee.

The law of sowing and reaping is more
easily identifiable in the functional part
of a marriage, because the tasks are
more concrete: paying bills, cooking
meals, keeping the house, etc.

If you reap the discomfort of your
spouse’s careless housekeeping, this
will be quite obvious. It is more tricky
in the relational part, which involves
the emotional tie between husband
and wife: how deeply connected they
are and how they feel about each other
– positively and negatively.

But the spouse who carries the
consequences is the only one who can
change that. She can’t change her
spouse, but she can change the fact
that she is the only one who facing the
effects of his irresponsibility.

By setting appropriate boundaries –
which ranges from mentioning how
much this behaviour hurts her, all the
way to setting a clear limit on (her
exposure to) it

– the law of sowing and reaping will be
reestablished in the way it was
intended to be and eventually lead to
growth in the relationship.

2. The Law of Responsibility
We are responsible to,
not for each other.
We are to love one another,
not be one another.

Galatians 5:13– 14 reminds us that we should use
our freedom in Christ to develop genuine love for
“our neighbors”. For, brethren, ye have been called
unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to
the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the
law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt
love thy neighbour as thyself.

Jesus challenges us to love one another
as he has loved us. Anytime we do not
love others, we do not live up to our
responsibilities.

But problems arise when our understanding of
responsibility gets confused. We are to love one
another, not be one another. We can’t feel the
feelings of our wives. We can’s think the thoughts
of our husbands. We can’t behave for our children.
We can’t grow for others – only they can. Likewise
others can’t grow for us – only we can.

“We have to continue to work out our own salvation
... for it is God who works in us to will and act
according to his good purpose.”
(Philippians 2:12–13).”
No one can do that for us. We are
responsible for ourselves . . . and
others are responsible for
themselves.

In a marriage this means that we have to
distinguish between our responsibility to our
spouse and her responsibility for herself. This
means we have to support each other in carrying
the heavy burdens of life (Galatians 6:2) such as
health problems, emotional crises, financial
burdens, raising children, and the workload that is
necessary to keep the family running.

On the other hand we cannot take over the
responsibility for our spouse’s feelings, attitudes,
values, and her handling of life’s daily little
difficulties. We may help each other, but each
person must take care of his and her daily loads.
(Galatians 6:5).

3. The Law of Power
We do not have power over
other people
We hardly have enough power over
ourselves

4. The Law of Respect
If we wish our boundaries to be
respected we must respect
those of others
For with the measure you use, it will
be measured to you.

5. The Law of Motivation
We must be free to say no before we
can wholeheartedly say yes.
“Acts of love” are worthless if we
don’t feel to have a choice.

6. The Law of Evaluation
We need to evaluate the effects our
boundaries cause others.
Hurt and harm are not the same –
pain may eventually lead to growth.

Scripture Reference
Hebrews 12:11

 Scripture Reference
Hebrews 12:11
“Habang tayo ay itinutuwid, hindi tayo
natutuwa kindi naghihinagpis, ngunit
pagkatapos niyon, mararanasan natin
ang kapayapaang bunga ng
pagsasa matuwid na buhay.”

Scripture Reference
“ Di pansin ng mangmang ang turo
ng kanyang ama, ngunit dinirinig
ng may isip ang paalalala sa kanya.”
Proverbs 15:5

“Kung may kasalanan sa iyo ang
kapatid mo, puntahan mo siya at
kausapin nang sarilinan tungkol sa
kanyang kamalian. Kapag nakinig
sya sa iyo, naibalik mo na
- Matthew 18:15-17

Ang inyong pinagsamahan.
Matthew 18:15-17

7. The Law of Proactivity
Boundaries must express what you
stand for , not just what you are
against
Solve problems on the basis of your
values, wants, and needs

Proactive means freely choosing to
love, to enjoy and serve one
another.
Reactive means letting someone
else define and direct who we are
and what we do.

“Ngunit salamat sa Diyos, kayong
dating mga alipin sa kasalan, hindi
kayo saklaw ng katuwiran.”
-Romans 16:7

8. The Law of Envy
We will never get what we want if
we focus on what others have.
Envy keeps us empty and
unfulfilled.

8. The Law of Envy
Envy is seeing the good as that
which we do not have.
“Ang pagpapatawad sa kapwa ay
nagpapasarap sa samahan, ngunit
ang pagkakalat ng kahinaan ay
sumisira sa pagkakaibigan.”
- Prov. 17:9

9. The Law of Activity
We need to take the initiative to
solve our problems.
Don’t wait for your spouse to go the
first step.

Boundaries are created in our lives
when we do something. We must
take the initiative and accept the
responsibility of our feelings,
attitudes, and behaviors.

Matthew 14:22-33

10. The Law of Exposure
Matthew 5:6

10. The Law of Exposure
“Ang lahat ng nalalantad sa liwanag ay
nakikilala kano talaga ang mga iyon at
nalalantad sa liwanag “Kaya’t sinasabi
Gumising ka, ikaw na natutulog,
bumangon ka mula sa libingan at
liliwanagin ka ni Cristo.”
-Ephesians 5:13-14

Gospel and Idolatry
From Preaching of
Ptr. Timothy Keller
The Gospel Coalition

Discern the idols
Expose the idols
Destroy the idols

Idols in the Region
Idols of People’s Hearts

Mythologize
Human Reason: Athena

3 Basic Metaphors for Idolatry
1. Spiritual Adultery= false
God

2. Political / Covenantal
Metaphor = serve the, but
they become your spiritual
masters; you enter into
political treaties for
protection

2. Political / Covenantal
Metaphor
Money
High Taxes
Gave up independence

3. Religious Metaphor = we
look to our god to save us.

Physical Idolatry = bowing
down physically with your
body in an image is a lot less
prevalent than Soul Idolatry.

Soul Idolatry Excludes Men
Out of Heaven
David Clarkson

What is an idol? It is anything
more important o you than God,
anything that absorbs your heart
and imagination more than God,
anything you seek to give you what
only God can give.
– Timothy Keller

Please read
Ezekiel 16
Jeremiah 2 & 3

When you take a finite limited
thing and make it an absolute.
A good thing and make it an
ultimate thing, that’s an

then
“When I have that –
then my life has
value. If I don’t have
that – I don’t’know
my life.”

3. ACHIEVEMENT OR CRITICAL ACCLAIM

6. PHYSICAL BEAUTY IN YOURSELF
AND YOUR PARTNER

9. Religiousity & Religious Activity

3 Kinds of Idols
1. Personal Idols
2. Religious Idols
3. Cultural Idols

Personal Idols
Money
Romance / Love
Children

Religious Idols
Truth
Gifts
Morality

Cultural Idols
Ideology = make an idol
about an idea

The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer
Why We Must Think
Rightly About God?

The low view of God entertained almost
universally among Christians is the cause of a
hundred lesser evils everywhere among us. A
whole new philosophy of the Christian life has
resulted from this one basic error in our religious
thinking.
- The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer

With our loss of the sense of majesty has come the
further loss of religious awe and consciousness of
the divine Presence. We have lost our spirit of
worship and our ability to withdraw inwardly to
meet God in adoring silence.

Modern Christianity is simply not producing the
kind of Christian who can appreciate or experience
the life in the Spirit. The words, “Be still, and know
that I am God,” mean next to nothing to the self
confident, bustling worshipper in this middle
period of the twentieth century.

The heaviest obligation lying upon the Christian
Church today is to purify and elevate her concept
of God until it is once more worthy of Him - and of
her. In all her prayers and labors this should have
first place.

We do the greatest service to the next generation of
Christians by passing on to them undimmed and
undiminished that noble concept of God which we
received from our Hebrew and Christian fathers of
generations past. This will prove of greater value to
them than anything that art or science can devise.

Creating Healthy Boundaries in our Relationships Life Series part 3 of 5

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Creating Healthy Boundaries in our Relationships Life Series part 3 of 5