I have attached the class syllablus. The following is what the Professor suggested: There are a few things I would like you to focus on in revision:  1. Your introduction does not follow the structure prescribed by the syllabus assignment sheet, the example, or the unit materials. The introduction establishes the context around the controversy. Typically, the introduction is one paragraph that is about a page long. The detail you are using in your introduction is inappropriate for an introduction. Instead, it would be better if these paragraphs were integrated into the literature review.  2. Do not use pronouns that include the reader, like "we," or ones that refer directly to you, like "I." 3. Because you are not establishing a controversy in the introduction, you also do not assert a position in the form of a thesis statement. What is your argument? Be explicit about your position.  4. Along the same lines, when you have a thesis statement, then you are able to establish three or four points that can become your body paragraphs. 5. Instead of arguing in your paper, you are just providing information about the topic. In order to satisfy the requirements of this course, you need to establish the controversy, state your position, and then support your position with 3-4 points in body paragraphs.  6. Your body paragraphs must follow the structure that is provided in the syllabus assignment sheet, located on pp. 4-5 of the syllabus.  7. Your reference list citations and all in-text citations must conform to APA standards. Please see the CSU Citation Guide for information and examples that will help you properly cite your work.  I think you could greatly benefit from seeking out the assistance of the Success Center. Please find their contact information on p. 2 of the CSU Citation Guide. .

1. I have attached the class syllablus.
The following is what the Professor suggested:
There are a few things I would like you to focus on in revision:
1. Your introduction does not follow the structure prescribed by
the syllabus assignment sheet, the example, or the unit
materials. The introduction establishes the context around the
controversy. Typically, the introduction is one paragraph that is
about a page long. The detail you are using in your introduction
is inappropriate for an introduction. Instead, it would be better
if these paragraphs were integrated into the literature review.
2. Do not use pronouns that include the reader, like "we," or
ones that refer directly to you, like "I."
3. Because you are not establishing a controversy in the
introduction, you also do not assert a position in the form of a
thesis statement. What is your argument? Be explicit about your
position.
4. Along the same lines, when you have a thesis statement, then
you are able to establish three or four points that can become
your body paragraphs.
5. Instead of arguing in your paper, you are just providing
information about the topic. In order to satisfy the requirements
of this course, you need to establish the controversy, state your
position, and then support your position with 3-4 points in body
paragraphs.
6. Your body paragraphs must follow the structure that is
provided in the syllabus assignment sheet, located on pp. 4-5 of

2. the syllabus.
7. Your reference list citations and all in-text citations must
conform to APA standards. Please see the CSU Citation Guide
for information and examples that will help you properly cite
your work.
I think you could greatly benefit from seeking out the assistance
of the Success Center. Please find their contact information on
p. 2 of the CSU Citation Guide.