Learn about, the making of difficult people, the effects of difficult behaviour, identify your personal communication style and understand others, the skills of conflict management, flexing your conflict styles, how to manage difficult conversations at work and influencing and gaining the support of difficult people

1. MODULE 1
• THE MAKINGS OF
DIFFICULT PEOPLE

2. REASONS FOR LEARNING THE SKILL OF
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE
 Keeps you from going
crazy
 Separates the people
from the problem
 Assists in accomplishing
objectives
 Forces you to practice
self-discipline

3. WHAT MAKES A PERSON “DIFFICULT”
• __________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________

4. MODULE 2
• THE EFFECT OF
DIFFICULT
BEHAVIOURS

5. EFFECTS OF DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR
• __________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________

6. WHAT ARE SOME CHALLENGING
BEHAVIORS?
Blaming Manipulating Interrupting
Sarcastic Excuse-making Controlling
Criticizing Yelling Complaining
Gossiping Murmuring Passive
Aggressive

7. FOUR CHOICES
These are the
difficult people that
most people cannot
stand working with,
talking to, or
dealing with.
You have four
options:

8. 1ST CHOICE
1. Stay and do nothing
 Leads to suffering and
complaining to someone
who can do nothing
about it
 Can be dangerous
because frustration
builds and gets worse
over time
 Complaining to people
who can do nothing
tends to lower morale

9. 2ND CHOICE
2. Vote with your feet
 Not all situations are
resolvable and some are
just not worth resolving
 If everything you say
makes matters worse,
remember, discretion is
the better part of valor
 Eleanor Roosevelt said,
“You’re nobody’s victim
without your
permission.”

10. 3RD CHOICE
3. Change your attitude
about your fellow
board members
 Learn to: see them
differently, listen to them
differently and feel
differently around them
 Change your attitude to
set you free from your
reaction to the problem
you see in their behavior

11. 4TH CHOICE
4. Change your
behavior
 Change the way you
deal with people and
they will need to learn
new ways to deal with
you
 Once you know what
needs to be done and
how to do, you will be
able to take charge of an
unpleasant situation and
redirect its result

12. OBSERVATIONS ABOUT PEOPLE
People:
 Are creatures of habit
 Behave in certain ways to
meet their needs
Observations:
 How we communicate is a
habit
 When our needs are not
met, we react
 Stronger the need, the
stronger the reaction

13. DANGEROUS ASSUMPTIONS
 __________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________

14. DANGEROUS ASSUMPTIONS
 __________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________

15. WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?
• You can’t change other people
• Learn to appreciate and draw
upon the different strengths of
difficult people
• Focus on coping with difficult
behavior (adapting to other
styles of communication)

16. MODULE 3
• IDENTIFY YOUR
PERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
STYLE AND
UNDERSTAND
OTHERS

17. FOUR GENERAL INTENTS
1. Get the job done.
2. Get the job done
right.
3. Get along with
people.
4. Get appreciation
from people.

18. IDENTIFY YOUR PERSONAL COMMUNICATION
STYLE AND UNDERSTAND OTHERS
Task Focus
Passive Aggressive
People Focus
Get It Right Get It Done
Get Along Get Appreciated

19. GET IT RIGHT
Strengths
• Accurate
• Fact finder
• Precise
• Organized

20. GET IT RIGHT
Weaknesses
• Stubborn
• Boring
• Unimaginative

21. GET IT RIGHT
Effective Behaviors
• Know your stuff
• Schedule time – make
an appointment
• Use facts, logic, and
structure
• Proceed step-by-step

22. GET IT DONE
Strengths
• Decisive
• Gets things done
• Confident

23. GET IT DONE
Weaknesses
• Intimidates
• Alienates people
• Uses force instead
of cooperation

24. GET IT DONE
Effective Behaviors
• Get to the point
• Approach
businesslike
• Be task-oriented
• Understand and
support their goals

25. GET APPRECIATED
Strengths
• People-oriented
• Persuasive
• Verbal skills
• Optimistic

26. GET APPRECIATED
Weaknesses
• Egotistical
• Lacks follow-
through
• Flaky
• Disorganized

27. GET APPRECIATED
Effective Behaviors
• Use flexibility
• Be enthusiastic
• Let them talk
• Use demonstrations

28. GET ALONG
Strengths
• Likeable
• Loyal
• Team Player
• Patient

29. GET ALONG
Weaknesses
• Indecisive
• Wasted time
• Overly emotional
• Illogical decisions

30. GET ALONG
Effective Behaviors
• Be casual and sincere
• Slow down and listen
• Make honesty safe
• Set goals
• Build them up

31. TIPS
 __________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________

32. TIPS
 ___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________

33. MODULE 4
• THE SKILLS OF
CONFLICT
MANAGEMENT

34. WHAT IS CONFLICT?
• When two or more
people do not share
the same beliefs,
interests, or goals
• Conflict is natural and
inevitable

35. WHAT IS CONFLICT?
• Conflict is often
uncomfortable and
stressful
• The goal of conflict
resolution is not to
eliminate conflict (or the
other person) but to
handle and resolve it
constructively

36. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES
Collaborate
Compete Compromise Avoid
Accommodate

37. COMPETING
• Assertive and uncooperative
– Individual pursues own concerns at
the other person’s expense
– Use power to win position (ability to
argue, rank, sanctions)
– Might mean standing up for your
rights, defending a position you
believe to be correct, or simply trying
to win

38. ACCOMMODATING
• Unassertive and cooperative
– Neglect own concerns to satisfy
concerns of other person
– Element of self sacrifice
– Might mean being generous, being
forced to fall in line, or yielding to
another’s point of view

39. AVOIDING
• Unassertive and uncooperative
– Put off pursuing concerns
completely
– Conflict is not addressed
– Might mean being diplomatic,
postponing until a better time,
withdrawing from threatening
situation

40. COLLABORATING
• Assertive and cooperative
– Work with other person to find solution
that satisfies the concerns of both persons
– Identifying underlying concerns and
exploring alternatives
– Might mean confronting and trying to find
a creative solution or learning from each
other through different points of view

41. COMPROMISING
• Intermediate assertiveness and
cooperativeness
– Find an expedient, mutually acceptable
solution which partially satisfies both
parties
– Between competing and
accommodating
– Might mean splitting the difference,
exchanging concessions, or seeking a
quick middle ground position

42. MODULE 5
• FLEXING YOUR
CONFLICT STYLES

43. FLEXING YOUR CONFLICT STYLES
• Remember that no one conflict
style is right
• Recognize your natural tendencies
when initially faced with conflict,
and learn to adjust them according
to the situation

44. COMPETING
• When quick action is necessary
• For unpopular courses of action
for important issues
• On issues of company welfare
when you know you are right
• To protect yourself from others
taking advantage of your non-
competitive behavior

45. COLLABORATING
• To find a solution that uses the best of both
approaches when neither position can be
compromised
• When you want to learn from others
• If you need to gain commitment from
others
• To work through hard feelings that have
interrupted an interpersonal relationship

46. COMPROMISING
• When goals are not greatly important and
short-term relationships are important
• When both sides have equal power and will
not budge
• To achieve temporary settlements to
complex issues
• To make decisions quickly under deadlines
• If collaboration or competition fails

47. AVOIDING
• When issue is trivial or will pass quickly
• When your concerns will not be addressed
• When potential damage of conflict
outweighs the benefits of resolving it
• To let people cool down
• When gathering more information
outweighs value of making a decision
• When others can resolve it more
effectively

48. ACCOMMODATING
• When you realize you are wrong
• When issue is more important to other than
yourself and you want to maintain a
cooperative relationship
• To build goodwill for later issues
• When you are losing
• To maintain harmony, avoid disruption
• To allow subordinates to learn on their own

49. TIPS FOR MANAGING CONFLICT
• _________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________

50. ____________
____________
____________
____________
____________
Freud

51. CONCLUSION
• Practice coping techniques in safe
situations
• Avoid attributing internal motives to
behavior; assume good intentions
• Remember that everybody is
somebody’s difficult person at least
some of the time

52. MODULE 6
• HOW TO MANAGE
DIFFICULT
CONVERSATIONS AT
WORK

53. INTRODUCTION
• The work
environment is not
always rosy and
bright. You may have
experienced or seen
others go through
difficult conversations
with a peer, a boss or
a subordinate.

54. BUSINESS CONVERSATIONS
• Good conversations are always
pleasant and fruitful, leaving
you with a feeling of
accomplishment. However, this
doesn't happen all the time.
• At work, business
conversations can always end
on a positive note if everyone
involved has good
communication skills.

55. IMPORTANT
• Unfortunately, not all
conversations can be
that way.
• When you are faced
with a difficult
employee, it's like
talking to a stonewall.

56. MAIN TIPS
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
• Keep the conversation private.
– Select a place where you can talk
to the person privately, so you
prevent involving other people or
increasing the size of the
problem.
• Be in control of the
conversation:
– State the purpose of the
conversation and what you hope
to accomplish in the end.

57. • Listen and paraphrase.:
– Hear out the other person, listen
attentively and rephrase what he said.
Clarify the points he made. Never interrupt
unless the person is taking too much time
or going into a different direction.
• Use the words "I" and "and" instead of
"you" and "but”:
– The word "you" can make someone feel
you are criticizing or accusing him.
– While the word "but" can be deemed
argumentative and defensive. It also
negates the value of whatever was said
prior to it.
MAIN TIPS
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

58. • Be direct and never judgmental:
– If you have something to say,
whether it is good news or bad
news, say it in a clear, simple, direct
and tactful manner.
• Be prepared for negative
reactions:
– Be prepared to diffuse the situation
by taking a breath and bringing the
conversation back to the facts.
MAIN TIPS
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

59. • Involve the person in the
solution:
– Involving the person in
problem solving will make
him feel valued.
• Say thank you:
– Thanking the person at the
end of the conversation
shows respect for them.
MAIN TIPS
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

60. • Next time you are faced with a
difficult conversation, don't fret.
• Remember, difficult conversations
are opportunities for you to turn
something negative into something
positive.
• It's a challenge you should be
willing to face in the work place.
• After all, a life without challenges
is uninspiring.
CONCLUSION

61. MODULE 7
• INFLUENCING AND
GAINING THE
SUPPORT OF
DIFFICULT PEOPLE

62. WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
___________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_______________

63. WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
___________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_________________
_______________

64. 6 WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
___________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
_____________

65. 6 WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
___________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
________________
_____________

66. THANK YOU
WINNING DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN
BEING FIRST – WINNING MEANS YOU’RE
DOING BETTER THAN YOU’VE DONE
BEFORE
SUCCESS MEANS – KNOWING MORE
THAN THE OTHERS, WORKING MORE
THAN THE OTHERS & EXPECTING LESS
THAN THE OTHERS