2. I have a theory.
I think people like this game because it‟s a perfect world. See, in the real world, if your fiancée loses your life savings to
the mob, what happens is…
10. The answer is yes.
Yes she is.
Go back to bed, Trixi. You don‟t want to see this.
11. FOILED!
No seriously, these hobby Sims are getting on my nerves. I‟ve got four Sims in the house, all building enthusiasm, they
can‟t take a dump without three creeps barging into the house to seduce them into joining their creepy clubs.
12. Starting to show his age? He looks like a little puppy!
Still, that‟s the best idea I‟ve heard all week. It‟s retirement for little Boomer, and none too soon.
13. LOL! I CAN HAZ-
No, that joke‟s been done to death. I apologize.
14. Well, we‟re poor now, what better excuse is there to exploit loopholes in child labor laws?
16. This game‟s interpretation of “mean” is all wrong. Kicking over a garbage can? I can see bored teens doing that, in fact I
did see it just the other day, but Miss Daisy up there?
No, “mean” is moving in with a nice girl who loves every little bit of you and exploiting her emotionally and financially until
after four years there‟s nothing left inside her but an empty, gaping void where her capacity to love used to be.
Oh, I‟m sorry, is my bitter showing? Moving on!
17. Clementine now wants to publish a novel for some reason, and why not? We could certainly use the money.
Okay, so this one‟s about a sweet little ladybug with a cute little flower parasol but oh noez! The space aliens come and
take her flower parasol and she chases them all the way into space! But there comes the brave space man and he helps
the little ladybug and gives her back her flower and now she‟s happy again! Yay!
I‟ll call it “The Ladybug Who Couldn‟t Love”. Instant classic.
18. Oh Alfie, please go away. You‟ve caused enough trouble.
What‟s in the bag, Alfie? Alfie? WHAT‟S IN THE –
19. What a strange and unsettling sentiment. There. Let it stand in the garden as a constant and undying reminder of your
infidelity.
Although I wonder…
21. Because the house is a lot smaller than it looks, I‟ve built a caravan for the kids in the yard. A 5x5 lot is larger than it
seems from the neighborhood, I‟ve got to fill it somehow!
22. Trixibelle has not inherited her mom‟s cooking skill.
Meh, she‟s got mad Science enthusiasm anyway. As a cupcake it may have failed, but as an evil science experiment it‟s
an unparalleled success! That‟ll kill some peeps for sure.
23. Alexander, though, takes after his mom and is about as creative as it gets.
I love how creative skill translates to ability to paint masterpieces, write hit novels, play six different instruments and,
somehow, use the SensoTwitch Lie Finder more effectively. Who knew!
24. THE KID IS IN TAKING A BATH!
What is wrong with you people!
25. Alexander apparently cannot live without a stinking bird in his life. That‟s fine though, we‟ve got some money coming in
again, promotions all around, so he gets his bird. I have called her Hermione because why not.
26. Aw, shit.
Alright, no biggie. I‟m sure that won‟t traumatize her for life and put her on the path of evil at all.
27. Aw, shit!
I forgot about that.
Okay, tour of the house, but let‟s skip past the part with the dead parrot. Everyone‟s sick to death of that bit anyway.
28. I‟m not too keen on this whole uppity private school affair. I live in a civilized country, where everyone receives the same
high education for low prices. I‟m not used to this whoring yourself out so your kids can have a leg up on the poor,
unwashed masses.
No, that‟s not social commentary. Where did you get that idea? This is just a silly Sims blog. Jeez, paranoid much?
29. Headmaster scenario: old grumpy sourpuss goes apeshit when our athletic sports star shows him the bedroom.
Go for it dude. Do you want your kids to be janitors? DO YOU?!?!
30. Going pretty well though, despite dead parrots and implied sodomy.
Now as long as I manage not to offend this guy –
35. Gymnatics?
Pfff, gymnastics is for future sexpots who hate their
father and Chinese child slaves.
Dance, baby!
Alright!
So he likes music and dancing.
Good.
36. Damn.
Alright, I take back all the bad things I said about private school. This is going well.
40. Alexander is taking this dance thing rather seriously.
He‟s building enthusiasm like a mofo, so…
41. Oh no! Stranger danger! STRANGER DANGER!
Who would have thought making your kids live in a caravan outside would end badly!
42. You know, I‟ve been on the internet for a while. I‟ve seen girls do various horrible things with poo, I‟ve ventured into the
hellish depths of /b/ and saw things on Youtube your mind couldn‟t even handle, but this is the thing that finally creeps me
out too much. Something must be done!
43.
44. Much better, and The Ladybug Who Couldn‟t Love, while being a best-seller, nets me a profit of 3,067!
That‟s…
That‟s a rip-off! Find a new publisher, woman!
45. Party time!
I love birthdays. I‟m always curious about how the kids will turn out.
54. I‟m actually serious here. I didn‟t expect Alexander to turn out like this. Grew up well indeed. Heir material!
No woman should be able to resist a violinist. Nimble fingers, if you know what I‟m saying. Right ladies? Right? You with
me? Just me then?
55. His friend from school grew up… weird. She‟s flirting like a desperate hooker, and she looks like one too, but he‟s not into
that.
Hang on a sec…
Feminine good looks, ballet, entertaining strange men in a caravan…
56. That‟s what I thought.
Alright, I‟m cool with that.
Ellis huh? Okay, what‟s he look like up close?
58. Oh, yeah, I‟ll bet you use that knowledge for nothing but honorable purposes, you evil, twisted…
59. Date time!
I even had him ask permission to go out, because really, does either of those parents look like they‟re going to say no?
Have fun on your date, son! Use protection!
60. No, no dating furries in this legacy!
Alexander has taken a shine to his sister‟s crush. Awkward.
61. Ah, roller rink dates. That‟s so fifties it shoots straight past corny and into romantic again.
62. Eep!
So cute!
Could it be? Could Alexander be going for…
64. Oh, shit, I forgot again!
ICKY GAYS WARNING!
If this offends you, send your hate mail to…
No, you know what? I don‟t even want to do that bit now. You offend me. Go tattoo a warning on your forehead and get
out of my webspace. Shoo.
65. Yeah, you‟re obviously bouncing off the walls from sheer happiness, kid.
Why don‟t you go practice your happy face some more?
66. Good times in the caravan!
Mother and son make a pretty good musical duo, actually. I should start some sort of Legacy band at some point.
67. Wait, what the hell?
Why is the woman blowing chucks?
Oh… Oh no…
71. Here‟s to hoping for a yellow or green baby, because if it comes out dark blue, no amount of neon potion is going to
preserve your ass, Clementine.
72. At least Alexander is pleased.
Easy for him. He‟ll be in college by the time shit hits the fan.
73. Wait, what‟s he doing here?
I just gave the adults some elixir of life, everyone‟s fine, why is he –
82. NEXT TIME ON FUNCTIONALLY RETARDED!
- A birthday party goes horribly wrong!
- What the hell is that!
- What happened to the dollhouse?
- And what‟s Clementine up to now?
STAY TUNED!
