Simon rickett dating coach explains how to find the perfect partner

Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH
Published By Simon Rickett – Dating Coach

Copyright – Simon Rickett Dating Coach – Madison Avenue. Toledo, OH 2
Contents
Introduction....................................................................................................................................4
Chapter 1........................................................................................................................................6
Why is Dating so Complicated?.................................................................................................6
Bad Dating Environments......................................................................................................7
Subconscious Resistance ...................................................................................................10
Poor Communication ...........................................................................................................12
Chapter 2......................................................................................................................................13
Introducing…You!.....................................................................................................................13
Step 1: Forgive Yourself and the Past ................................................................................14
Step 2: Change Your Attitude..............................................................................................18
Step 3: Determine What You Want.....................................................................................22
Chapter 3......................................................................................................................................28
Devise a Dating Strategy .........................................................................................................28
Step 4: Change Your Surroundings ....................................................................................29
Step 5: Evaluate Your Dating Resume ...............................................................................32
Step 6: Do the Opposite of Your Instincts ..........................................................................36
Chapter 4......................................................................................................................................39
Reinvent Yourself for the Dating World ..................................................................................39
Step 7: Prepare Yourself for What You Want.....................................................................39
Step 8: Master the Art of Conversation..............................................................................44

Step 9: Master the Art of Seduction ...................................................................................50
Step 10: Define Love and Then Act!...................................................................................52
Conclusion....................................................................................................................................54

Introduction
Simon Rickett is a dating coach that has helped hundreds of individuals improve their
confidence and find love. Simon Rickett has provided this detailed E-Book to help those that
are looking for love to find themselves and find their perfect partner…..
As Elvis Presley might have once crooned, “Are you
lonesome tonight?” Yes, loneliness—that invisible ailment
that sucks the joy out of every day and every night—is a very
sure sign that something in your love life is very wrong.
Looks can oftentimes be deceiving. What we may see as a
happy single person or a happy couple with marriage on
their minds can actually be something very different behind
closed doors. What many of these people have in common is that they feel an
overwhelming sense of loneliness.
Romantic loneliness can affect anyone and everyone, and can even appear in seemingly
happy relationships. Isn’t that an odd thought? A person who is dating someone, or even
many people at once, and yet who still feels lonely. Yes, loneliness is merely an indicator
that something is wrong in a person’s dating life.
The sad thing is that many lovers and would-be lovers drift through life, lonely as can be, and
always hoping—perhaps even praying—that their romantic life will get better. What they
don’t realize is that they—themselves—have the power to change their unsatisfying love life.
That’s what we’re going to talk about in this book.
We are of the philosophy that life is a series of choices, and that if you are already feeling
the pangs of loneliness, you are headed down a path of dating disaster. We also believe
that you have the power to change the direction you are going.
This book, How to Change Your Love Life in 10 Easy Steps, is going to help you learn how to
change your life (no matter how difficult your life may seem) and instead create a
relationship that you can be completely happy with.

It’s time to stop making excuses. It’s time to stop settling on a so-so relationship. It’s time
to make a change—and in just ten easy steps, we’re going to show you how!

Chapter 1
Why is Dating so Complicated?
Simon Rickett explains that Dating is so
complicated that that there have been
countless British and American sitcoms
dedicated to the complexity of the dating
lifestyle. From Seinfeld to Friends to even
newer shows like How I Met Your Mother and
The Big Bang Theory, we hear all sorts of
theories, conflicts, red herrings and wacky
plot twists from week to week.
How do you approach a beautiful woman and not come across as weird and needy? Or, how
can you make a guy friend of yours think of you as something more? Well here’s a new
thought: all of the unspoken rules you hear about…from the right time to break up, to the
right way to approach an attractive new person in a “cool” and unaffected way…all of these
instances of over-analyzing your love life are counterproductive to actually finding—or even
creating—the love life you really want.
Overanalyzing may make for great comedy on television, but can actually be a major
obstacle for you and your dating life. Think back to before the Seinfeld era of television for a
moment. Think back to Archie and Edith Bunker. Think back to Cliff and Claire Huxtable. Or
if your memory is really sharp, think back to the Tate's and the Campbell's of Soap. What do
all these shows have in common?
These people didn’t waste time talking about sex or dating. In fact, they got married young.
Or in the case of Soap, all the characters speed-dated their way through courtship and
enjoyed multiple affairs for years on end. Here’s the point: in the 1970s and early 1980s,
single people had a much more pragmatic approach to dating, and of course, some of that
was residual leftover from the 1960s free love era. However, even if you go back to the

1950s and 1940s, the “Best Generation”, you can still see a world of difference between
the strong and determined lovers of yesterday and the whiney, neurotic sad sacks of today.
Blame it on the very funny Woody Allen, and his many TV successors, who showed millions of
young single people that love, was in fact, a very complicated, seldom rewarding experience.
However, if you’re ready to get in touch with reality, know this: love is not complicated and
getting a date (yes, even finding a wonderful partner) is a relatively easy task. What we have
to work on is un-learning all of those destructive dating instincts that you might be struggling
with. The "anti-wisdom" of the 1990s and 2000s is probably working against you.
After all, 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and even more live-in relationships end in
heartbreak. Meanwhile single people yearn for company, and even more single people long
for someone they can never have. That’s the baggage we need to get rid of if we ever hope
to find happiness in the real world.
So read this book with an open mind, and get ready to study love and lust in the real world.
This is not a book of romance. This is a book that’s going to show you what so many people
are doing wrong, and how to make things right for your long-term happiness.
And if you don’t make a positive change in your love life as soon as possible, you could end
up like Lamont Sanford on Sanford and Son. And if you’ve never seen that show before, just
trust us, you’d be shuddering right about now.
So let’s get to the “complication” quickly, so that we can devote the rest of the book to 10
easy ways to find dating success. Most problematic relationships, whether between
dysfunctional couples or perpetually lonely singles, can be categorized into three main
issues: bad environment, subconscious resistance and poor communication. Let’s discuss
one at a time.
Bad Dating Environments
Simon Rickett explains here is one of the most common scenarios in bad dating, and it’s
also the “Yeah, but my problem is different…” category. The truth is, everyone’s life is

complicated, as we are three-dimensional human beings living in a not so black and white
world.
You are complicated. However, your dating life doesn’t have to be. Consider 10 types of
“difficult to date (or live with) people.” How would you begin to describe their dating life and
their future outlook on love and marriage?
1. A 40-year-old virgin who lives with his insane mother.
2. A chronic liar and corrupt police officer.
3. A charming drug addict.
4. A musical prodigy that travels all around the world.
5. A teen suffering from depression.
6. A small town woman who just divorced her husband and made a lot of enemies.
7. A middle-aged woman living in a haunted house.
8. An angry, foul-mouthed biker chick that hates the world.
9. An animal hoarding “cat lady” who never leaves the house.
10.A prostitute in a big city.
All right, so now you’re thinking, “Wow! All of these people have it so hard! What strange life
stories they probably have to tell.” And yes, you would be correct in assuming that they all
feel lonely very often, and may even believe that they are impossible to love.
However, what they all really have in common is that they are in a bad environment.
Worse yet, they long to find a romantic partner to support them through this bad
environment, not actually realizing that the bad environment is what is interfering with their
happiness. The most productive way to bring on change is to leave the destructive
environment behind.

You can probably think of a few people you know (perhaps even yourself!) that has a similar
“issue” in your life that makes dating very difficult. And yes, sometimes these issues are a
major “downer” when it comes to finding a date.
Any sort of addiction, a life of crime, an uncomfortable living arrangement, or being in an
awkward social situation (especially among friends and family) can challenge a relationship
before it even has the chance to blossom.
Now we’re not going to pass judgment on what situations really count as a “bad
environment”. In fact, it’s sad to think how many people timidly hide at home rather than
risk dating embarrassment because of a perceived problem, like:
• Children from another marriage
• A shocking secret from one’s past
• A disability
• An overweight figure
• Social stature or money
• A lack of book smarts
• A lack of confidence and charm
And this the list goes on. Simon Rickett explains the truth is, there is no right and wrong
answer when it comes to calling someone’s life “date-hopeless”. True, we can state the
obvious and say that a man or woman battling massive drug addiction is probably not in the
best “place” right now for finding a date.
However, who is to judge or assign value to a person’s lifestyle? What we can say is this. If
you are lonely and feel as if your love life is destined to be sad and miserable, then you
probably do have a bad dating environment—and it needs to change.

It doesn’t really matter how you rationalize the problem away. Any recurring issue that
causes you trepidation, grief and loneliness is clearly not working. You must acknowledge
this and realize that it’s time to do something different.
If you feel that your living situation, your outlook on life, or your offensive behaviors may be
chasing away potential mates, then the answer is right in front of you. Leave the bad-dating
environment behind, once and for all.
Subconscious Resistance
Sometimes relationships are not that easy to figure out. Sometimes it’s not about having a
disastrous home life or having a weird personal issue that freaks your dates out before you
even sit down at the dinner table. Sometimes, the war going on is completely internal.
Subconscious resistance refers to a rather strange, and yet documented phenomenon,
when people resist—as in, take definitive action or inaction—to ruin any chances they have of
getting what they actually want. There are actually two types of subconscious resistance to
consider: let’s call them subconscious resistance 1 and subconscious resistance 2.
• Subconscious resistance 1 is merely the wrestling you have with your own body,
which has been trained to do the same thing for years on end. The body naturally
resists anything new, and especially anything that requires effort. You must train
your body to accept new directives and new schedules and eventually your
subconscious learns it. It’s the basic difference between a lazy person trying hard to
keep up an exercise routine…
• And a lazy person who intentionally gets run over by a car just to get out of going to
the gym! Yes, there are plenty of people in the dating world who will do strange and
almost self-mutilating things. Like cheat on their partner in what seems like a
perfectly good relationship. Or who will behave badly just to scare off a potentially
good match. These sorts of people make your head hurt…but in most cases, they are
merely doing all of these crazy things to avoid making the change they know they
should make.

In both cases, the main objective of subconscious resistance is to stay the same. In other
words, even after you determine that you want to stop being the same and start changing
your direction in life, you may still meet up with some resistance somewhere in your mind.
Sometimes it can be subtle, like listening to a friend who reminds you that you “can do
better”, or perhaps even something simple like, not pursuing someone you are attracted to
because of low self-esteem issues.
Subconscious resistance can very easily lead to blatantly self-destructive behavior. And the
thoughts start so subtly, as in:
• Am I really happy with the person I’m with? (With someone you know that you love)
• I don’t deserve that person…he/she is out of my league!
• I was thinking about going to that party…but I guess I won’t. It won’t make a
difference anyway.
Sometimes thoughts go from negative to blatantly irrational!
• I think I should punch my boyfriend/girlfriend in the face!
• My ex would love me again if that stupid dog were eliminated!
• I must have a baby to save my marriage!
• I think I should show up at my boyfriend’s job and get him fired!
• My girlfriend doesn’t have to know about my fling!
Simon Rickett believes, we could go on for hours discussing irrational thoughts unhappy
people have throughout the day. Point being, bad environment coupled with a subconscious
resistance means that you have the perfect recipe for dating a psychopath.
We’ll get into indentifying and stopping this resistance a bit later on. For now, let’s move on
to another common area of relationship failure.

Poor Communication
Yes, most troubled relationships or perpetually single bachelors/bachelorettes can be
grouped into (A) bad environment, (B) subconscious resistance or (C) poor communication.
It is very likely you are of the (C) group, especially if you try to avoid drama.
There is nothing actually wrong with the poor communicators category except that they have
forgotten, or perhaps never really learned how to behave on a date or in a casual, flirty
conversation with another person. The good news is that these guys and girls are typically
very nice, harmless and attractive lovers…they just need a few pointers on how to become,
shall we say, a little more competitive in dating.
Now we’re not actually going to spend pages and pages talking about “signals” or dissecting
the minutia of dating etiquette. Chances are, you know your etiquette (i.e. no screaming,
burping or throwing things at the dinner table).
However, a refresher course on how to flirt and how to communicate with the opposite sex
might prove to be invaluable. Success in dating is just a matter of gaining experience,
learning what your partner likes, and then giving it to them with style. So let’s break down
each strategic point into ten easy steps as we begin the next few chapters.
Simon Rickett belives these next ten easy steps tp follow are vitally important in finding love.

Chapter 2
Introducing…You!
Before we proceed to lessons in communication, we should
first take some time to discuss the areas of bad dating
environment and subconscious resistance. Although poor
communication may be a major cause of dating problems,
there are actually many people out there who have more or
less mastered the art of dating and flirting, and yet still find
themselves in unhealthy relationships, or perhaps find
themselves repeatedly suffering heartbreak.
This chapter is all about you, because it is very important to fix yourself before you
unleash yourself on the dating world. Why? Because if you don’t know what you want then
you will never be able to find happiness in the arms of another person. For that matter, you
might just make your partner’s life a living hell, if you insist upon jerking him or her around in
a volatile, on and off again relationship.
If only there were a law requiring all new potential singles to pass a minimum intelligence
and ethics quiz! If only we could help our children “grow up” before tossing them out into a
ruthlessly complicated dating world, there would probably be far less instances of crime,
suicide, depression…or at the very least heartache and loneliness.
So please, as a favor to yourself and your future partner(s), make sure you can pass a social
intelligence and social ethics test before you seek out a perfect lover or marriage mate. For
instance, ask yourself these questions believes Simon Rickett:
1. Why do I want to meet someone?
2. What are my goals, both short-term and long-term?
3. What is missing in my life right now?
4. What do I have to contribute to a relationship?

5. Is cheating wrong? If yes, why?
6. What qualities am I looking for?
7. What have I learned about relationships from my parents, family, friends and exes?
8. When is the right time to break up with someone?
9. What makes a relationship last?
10. How am I supposed to behave around my partner?
These are some common sense questions that may not be so easy to answer on a first
glance. The reason why we mention these questions is simply because it’s important that
we all realize that marriage, or a committed relationship, or a sexual relationship, is not a
"fix" to one’s problems. This is actually a very common misconception, especially among
people who insist on staying in a bad-dating environment. They think that the answer to
their happiness is finding a mate—and quite frankly, sharing their misery with a family.
The answer is certainly not in changing his/her lifestyle!
This brings us to step numero uno…
Step 1: Forgive Yourself and the Past
Our quirky comments are only meant to entertain, and certainly not to make light of serious
traumatic problems. The fact is, almost everyone who has deep relationship issues has had
a traumatic upbringing.
Some of the most likely reasons for difficult dating behavior include:
• Sexual or physical abuse
• Physical trauma
• Mental or emotional abuse by one or both parents

• Religious or familial guilt about sexuality
• Distant or absent parental relationships
• Over-parenting or “spoiling” of children
• Loveless parenting or a lack of deep love in parenting
And so on. There’s no question that bad relationship patterns stem from negative past
experiences. This is why it is imperative to forgive yourself for the past or you want
find happiness believes Simon Rickett.
While we are all quick to say that we are at peace with what happened way back when, it is
often a white lie we tell ourselves to avoid conflict. The fact is, relationship trauma—let
alone past childhood trauma—is difficult to simply get over. Whenever someone breaks your
heart, treats you poorly, or shakes up your confidence, it is never easy to get over.
Try to think of failed relationships like “scars” all over the body. Scars are not always easy to
get rid of (indeed there are lifelong scars you might see on a person), but you can always
attempt to cover them up and perhaps even heal the skin.
Now ask yourself, is the next logical step to accentuate those scars by slashing your face to
pieces and cutting yourself more where it hurts? Of course not! Yet, this is precisely what
people do emotionally.
The refuse to let go of the past, and instead treat their battle scars like a beauty mark. They
want others to feel the same pain. They want others, their own dates in fact, to ooh and aah
at the darkness they have seen.
Ask yourself a second time: do you really want to hang out with an attractive person
discussing your ugly, nesting, gaping scars? That doesn’t sound fun at all, does it?

And that is precisely what many singles do when they refuse to let go of their “baggage.”
You’ve heard all the conversations before…
• My ex was so horrible…he did this to me and that to me…
• I don’t know if I can ever trust anyone again!
• She tore my heart out and handed it to me!
• All women are out to get me like she did!
• All men are pigs, I tell ya!
• And so…
And occasionally talking about your ex is not a bad thing—provided you are asked, and
provided you don’t obsess over him/her like a celebrity stalker. However, once you start
talking to your date about your ex—trying to make him or her feel the pain you are
sabotaging the relationship.
Here’s the ultimate truth: your next boyfriend or girlfriend won’t fall in love with your injury.
He or she won’t fall in love with you because of pity over your psycho ex. This wonderful
person will fall in love with you because of the strength they see in you.
You must forgive the past and be willing to move forward. It’s not always so easy to remove
a past wound but with perseverance (and by applying some of these tips) you can do it.
Tips for Forgiving and Forgetting What Happened
• Write one last letter to your ex and get it all out
• Throw the letter away
• Accept the fact that regardless of what you did or did not do, the relationship was not
going to have a happy ending

• Count up all the negative qualities of your ex and all the bad memories and weigh
them against the good times…you will probably find a major imbalance!
• Remove all pictures, letters and memorabilia associated with your ex
• Get active in other pursuits besides dating or thinking about the past
• Instead of thinking of “missed opportunities” start thinking about what you want to
do starting now!
• Stop all contact immediately. Do not post revenge posts on Facebook, do not write
him/her and make every attempt to avoid this person (even if it means relocating to
another office!)
• Call your friends for a support group
• Start a new hobby, and or exercise to relieve tension
• Rearrange your furniture around for a nice “picker upper”
• Do something (preferably non-sexual) that makes you feel good; treat yourself to a
full or “mini” vacation and focus on the good things in life for a change!
• Start thinking of other hot singles you know that you’d like to date (But don’t act
yet…we’re getting to that soon enough!)
If you continue to apply these tips and stop trying to overanalyze the past, you will very soon
realize that one bad relationship is not the end of the world. In fact, you may start to feel
(gasp!) relieved that you’re no longer with him/her.
What if you have never actually had a girlfriend or boyfriend but still feel connected to the
past and lost in the present? The same principles apply. It’s all a matter of accepting what
happened, garnering what positives you can from the experience and putting it out of your
mind. Rickett explains once you do this then everything will start to be much better.
This is the only way you will ever recover…all the “closure” in the world is not going to help in
the end.

Step 2: Change Your Attitude
After leaving your past behind you, the next step to
focus on is changing the person you are. Is this
really necessary? Absolutely! During all that
grieving time you had to experience, you probably
thought plenty of negative things about yourself,
the way you acted, the way things could have been
and so on.
While you probably were too hard on yourself, the pursuit of self-improvement is never a bad
thing. Ending a bad relationship, or at least leaving behind an old way of doing things, is a
great opportunity to “re-launch” yourself.
So take this opportunity to create and finely tune the new you.
Here are some ideas on how to develop a new identity and a new outlook.
• Take this time to reevaluate yourself—not your ex—but yourself. You may even try
taking your ex’s criticisms, in an effort to understand the some of the personal
challenges you seem to have in relationships.
• Try to find patterns in all of your old relationships and see if you can pinpoint any
flaws about yourself, or perhaps even what negative traits you are attracted to. For
example, if all of your exes were abusive, or were promiscuous while with you, you
may very well be chasing after the wrong type of lover.
• Ask advice from friends and family about self-improvement. Their words are not
always easy to hear but can be helpful.
• Please don’t call your ex and ask for a list of all your flaws! (We’re pretty sure you
can remember your arguments just fine)

• Pinpoint positive qualities observed from your parents, family members and friends
that are admirable.
Next, it’s time to create the blueprint of the future you. Here are some exercises to try:
Step 1: Create a list of positive characteristics that you like about yourself and want to
keep.
Step 2: Create a list of negative characteristics you’ve noticed and others have pointed out.
These are the qualities you’re going to try really hard to eliminate.
Step 3: Create a list of positive qualities exhibited by others that you would like to adopt.
Here is a sample sheet.
Positive Characteristics:
I like:
• My sense of humor (“What my ex always said she liked about me.”)
• My honesty (“What friends and neighbors say.”)
• My easygoing attitude (“What I like…it keeps me sane and relaxed about life.“)
• My commitment to family (“In my heart, it’s what I want…a real family!”)
I don’t like:
• My temper (“What my exes always complained about.”)
• My suspicion of others (I don’t like how I feel when I give my mate the third-degree.)

• Empty sexual relationships. (What I really want to avoid in the future)
As for The good qualities I see in others…I want to be:
• “Forgiving like my grandfather.”
• “Smart, like my aunt.”
• “More giving and caring like my mother.”
• “Independent and confidant like my father.”
In addition to recreating your new personality, you also want to adjust your attitude.
Remember what we said about subconscious resistance? In the coming months, your
subconscious may very well be battling you over this new “personality makeover.” You may
find yourself suddenly lacking motivation, or perhaps even desiring to do something stupid
and self-destructive, don’t do it explains Simon Rickett
Remember what we discussed. Your subconscious is resisting change—the change that you
yourself want! In order to battle the mounting opposition that could be happening in your
mind, train yourself to think strategically—always finding a balance between idealistic and
pessimistic.
Below, you will find some examples of idealistic, optimistic, realistic and pessimistic
thinking. If you are still clinging to the past, then your natural inclination will be to think
pessimistically, or perhaps even idealistically, if you haven’t quite reached that “lowest ebb”
of romantic heartache. The best place to be on the “scale” of self-reflection is either
optimistic (putting a positive spin on every thought) or realistic, which is always pragmatic
and not overly dramatic. On the other hand, avoid idealistic thinking or pessimistic thinking,
as they are unhealthy extremes that can very well trap you in the same lonely place.
Idealistic
“I will never meet
anyone so perfect for
the rest of my life!”
Optimistic
“I really enjoyed the
relationship. It didn’t
work out, but I learned a
Realistic
“We were not
compatible. It’s time to
move on.”
Pessimistic
“This was my one true
chance at happiness
and I blew it.”

“This new person in my
life is so amazing! He
(she) is way out my
league!
“My lover is okay…I just
feel as if he (she) is not
“the one” I pictured
myself with.”
lot and loved a lot.”
“I really like this new
date and am confident
it’s going to work this
time!”
“My relationship is going
great! I love spending
time with my partner!
“I like my new date and
hope to see more of him
(her) in the future.”
“I am enjoying this
relationship and am
seeing where it goes.”
“He (she) doesn’t like
me. It’s just pity. I’m a
loser.”
“I don’t really deserve
this person. I’m not
happy and he (she)
doesn’t seem happy.”
Do you notice the scale of emotions we see in way of thinking? Pessimistic thinking blinds
you to the joy in relationships, while idealistic thinking dooms any relationship for being less
than perfect.
Changing your attitude is not actually about “becoming a new person”…it’s about retraining
your mind to be rational and not seek out emotional extremes.
At the end of your blueprint will be a new mission statement that reads something like this:
“I am a handsome/beautiful person who takes the serious things in life
seriously, and everything else with a chuckle. I value my family and friends
and want to find someone who also appreciates the love of family. In the
past, I was too clingy and too impulsive in my relationships. In the future, I
want to be collected, supportive, and always willing to talk problems out.”
Obviously, this statement is not meant for sharing with a date, but going over it in your head
(the mission you have created for yourself, based on all the qualities you want) is a healthy
start to finishing up the “new you.”

Step 3: Determine What You Want or How Will You Know Explains
Simon Rickett
Once you determine who you are and what you want to be, it’s time to focus your attention
on your would-be partner—your future mate! All this time, you’ve been avoiding the topic of
your ex and we thank you for staying strong. Now let’s cautiously talk about your ex again.
(If you don’t have an ex then you can think back to some of the crushes you used to have
who spurned your advances)
Start to think about the relationship(s) you had…
• What were some of the mistakes your ex made?
• What were some of the good qualities about your ex?
• What about your ex did you really like and what about him/her didn’t you like?
• What qualities did all of your exes have?
• What similarities were there in the way all of these relationships ended?
You see what you’re doing here? Instead of focusing on the emotional aspects of the
relationship (as in, “I made so many mistakes! I was stupid, etc.) you’re getting to the root of
the problem. You’re analyzing the ex’s behavior and trying to discern a truth about yourself.
The truth is, no one just falls in love for no reason. There were strong traits you observed in
your former lovers (or crushes). You were attracted to these qualities and you most likely
will still be attracted to the same qualities in other people.
What makes you attracted to certain qualities and others not so much? You may
immediately feel a strong attraction to someone because he or she:
1. Reminds you of your parent(s). (Weird but common)
2. Has the same positive qualities you see in friends, family or exes.
3. Has the same interests, skills, hobbies or career as you do.

4. Has a certain “chemistry” that you find very sexy.
5. Has an intelligence and outlook similar to your own.
6. Is on the same “level” of attractiveness as you see yourself.
7. Is a smooth talker, meaning he/she flirts easily and is charismatic.
8. Displays emotions openly, and shares his/her life easily.
9. Is an “enigma” you find fascinating.
10.Has an attractive figure or is the same “type” of lover you generally find attractive
And this list goes on. Do you notice what we’re doing here? We’re asking you to figure out
what you want in a relationship. Radical, isn’t it? Rather than telling you to keep “waiting
for Mister or Misses Right”, or assuring you that you can have anybody you want, we’re
stating a very simple fact.
You must know what you want—precisely—before you can ever hope to get it. It sounds so
simple, and yet it’s safe to say that half the single population (if not more) really have no
idea what they want.
They may drift from empty relationship to empty relationship to an even more destitute
relationship, never quite finding what they really yearn for. Or, they may be feeling so lonely
they will settle for “anyone” of “any type.” Yeah, that’s a great strategy sure to blossom into
a happy marriage!
The “chameleon” of the dating species, the one capable of adapting to any lover of any type
just so he/she can say “I am in a relationship.” How does this scenario usually end? Again,
with heartbreak. In this case, it doesn’t result from mistakes each partner makes, but from
a flawed matchup from the very beginning.
You can’t force a relationship to work. The only way to avoid heartache (the short-term
heartache from immediate rejection, or the long-term heartache from a broken marriage) is
to determine exactly what you want in a mate and then pursue exactly that.

So consider:
• What does an objective study about your ex reveal about the qualities you want in a
relationship?
• What have you learned from parents, family and friends regarding positive
relationship qualities?
• What patterns have you observed in all relationships, among all exes?
Be sure to evaluate your exes objectively, making sure you’re not confusing “first love” or
“rebound sex” with a truly productive relationship that taught you something about yourself.
In the end, you should be grateful to your psycho, heartless shrew of an ex for teaching you
something important—what you want the future of your life to be like.
So after this careful analysis, you could say something like:
“I want to find someone like “Aimee” (or like “Chris”), my ex, but only because I admire the
qualities he/she had, like:
• Intelligence
• Sense of humor
• Compassion
• Love of family
• A poetic, emotional side
• An attractive figure
But I will definitely look for a partner, that unlike my ex, is not a liar, a prude, cold-
hearted…”go ahead and insert all the derogatory descriptions now!
Determining the Type of Relationship You Want
Again, you are battling subconscious resistance, and that is the main reason why you want
to have this little introspective pep talk. Subconscious resistance may cause you to pursue
the same type of painful relationship as you sought out last time, whether due to fear of
getting what you want, or just being accustomed to misery.

However, at this stage, it is important that you figure out
what type of relationship you want, in addition to what
qualities you are looking forward to enjoying.
For example, you could start any one of these unique
relationships:
Platonic Friends: A buddy that wants to be friends
before lovers…and may never want to try romance at all.
Friends, Maybe More: A buddy that wants to date but
doesn’t want any pressure for commitment.
A Marriage Mate: Celibate until the wedding, or at
least until you’re exclusive.
Friends with Benefits: A friend that’s not really interested in dating exclusively, but will
always be there for you when you both want easy sex.
Casual Fling: No strings attached sex…in fact, they don’t even like you that much!
Romantic Affair: This relationship is odd, because it’s sort of casual in nature, but
involves a lot of romance, drama and heartache. It’s usually a self-destructive relationship
carried on by cheating partners.
Virtual Affair: All the excitement of a friends with benefits, but without the in-person risks.
Anything Goes Fling: A sort-of friend who mainly just wants to use you for sexual
gratification.
What do you really want in a relationship? If you have been lonely for quite a while, then you
may be at that point where you’re ready to try anything—not realizing this could be
disastrous. What usually happens when a person looking for romance and commitment
ends up with a one-night fling?
Heartache. Settling for a relationship you did not want, just to be in a relationship is a big
mistake. While it does feel good to be sensual and with someone rather than nobody;

misunderstandings, presumptions and wishing can often lead you to a darker place than you
were before. You could easily end up with someone who disrespects you, cheats on you, or
even smacks you around for no good reason. Sadly, the whole thing is your fault because
you entered into a relationship blindly, not having a clue as to what you were looking for in
the first place. What are we looking for it reliant on you says Simon Rickett, only you can
decide.
There’s nothing wrong with having a few flings in life before you settle down, but as with
anything pleasurable, free sex is always conditional. An ethical approach to sex consists of
following some basic guidelines of social etiquette:
• Do not lie about anything.
• Do not allow your partner to make assumptions about your future just to get into bed.
• Do not sexually harass your date (Although a woman throwing a glass of wine on a
sexist pig’s face is always fun to watch from the next table over!)
• Do not hop into bed thinking that this is going to land you a mate.
• Do not be so eager for sex that you ruin the rest of the date.
• In general, don’t rush sex…too much pressure is a turn off. Take things at a natural
pace.
• Always practice safe sex. Never take anyone’s word for it. (Unless you want to end
up with an STD, or even worse, a baby)
• Be careful about "bumping uglies" with strangers. It’s best to let someone know
where you are going in private.
• After sex, don’t kick your lover out of the bed and out of the house. At least, ask
him/her to leave nicely!
Finally, remember this: sexual relations (and even deep conversation for that matter) can
create a powerful and vulnerable frame of mind for each partner. This is precisely why
young children are advised not to engage in intercourse too soon, because their minds are

not fully developed and cannot handle the emotional, social and logical consequences of
this action.
We’ve given you three great tips thus far on how to end your dating rut and start seeing
some results—whether for a series of flings or for a long-term relationship. However, we still
have yet to talk about how to go about presenting yourself to the dating world. There are
plenty of fish in the sea…but how can you go out and find them? (And the ones you really
want, for that matter?) We’re going to discuss this in the next chapters.

Chapter 3
Devise a Dating Strategy Believes Simon Rickett
Thus far, we’ve been talking quite a bit about
the internal process. This chapter is devoted to
assembling your new personality and attitude,
and becoming pro-active about your dating
wants.
Proactive…what does that word even mean?
Simply put, you must take action if you hope to
create a positive change in your life. You must let go of any notions of “destiny” or waiting
for the right one to show up at the perfect time. This postponement, this “wait and see what
happens” approach is destructive and it will—guaranteed—lead to many years of loneliness.
What causes this dangerous attitude to develop? Perhaps reading too many romance
novels, watching too many romance movies, or talking to too many people that promote the
myth of the one and only “soul mate.” While we wouldn’t deny that you CAN find a soul
mate, the belief that only one exists for you, and is waiting for just the right moment to come
and save you from a life of sadness, is a lie!
A Personal Story of Faith
I recall having a conversation with a friend a few years ago, during which she assured me
that God has “the right one” waiting for her when she reached a marriageable age. It struck
me as a curious thought, and so I had to ask her, “But isn’t what makes life so wonderful is
that God gives us a choice?” (She never got back to me on that one…)
The point is, rather than seeing our dating life as a “chore” or as a cause of anxiety, be
grateful that we all do have a choice. Rather than being “sentenced” to one ideal mate for
the rest of our lives (or worse yet, given away as child bride because you were “bought”!) we
have the ability to meet people, to take chances and to make our own decisions.

However, if you want to experience the benefits of this relationship freedom, then you must
be willing to be proactive and make things happen on your own. It doesn’t make any sense
to open your mind to new relationships but never take action!
As in:
• Talking to new people
• Going new places
• Taking chances and asking new people out
Of course, human psychology tends to be fragile and in many cases, (and usually because of
a bad dating environment that a person has created) taking a chance is just too much of a
risk.
Rather than fight you on why you need to get over your fears and “just do it”, we’re going to
make it easy. Why enter into a situation that makes you anxious? Instead, try changing
your surroundings.
Step 4: Change Your Surroundings
Yes, the same bad dating environment that is bringing you down to the dumps, (whether it’s
an unhealthy lifestyle, living with crazy people, being stuck in a small town, being broke all
the time, etc.) must be changed. If you cannot adjust to the environment and do the things
you want to do, you must escape the environment. This is simply a matter of biology. If you
cannot thrive, change the setting, and do it fast.
Many people, who at one time were socially awkward and dateless, have found ways to
increase their romantic success by making a slight change to their environment. For
example, doing any of the following could help.
• Moving out on your own
• Moving to a new city (or even a new state)

• Moving to a new church
• Moving to a new neighborhood
• Changing hang out spots (bars, restaurants, gaming clubs, etc.)
• Visiting a new dating website
• Visiting new stores
• Joining meet up groups
• Making new platonic friends (who may have single friends!)
• Taking an exotic vacation and meeting some of the locals
• Do volunteer work
• Chatting with new online friends though social networking
Why is that good things happen whenever we change our environment? Is it merely the
adrenaline we feel of doing something new, or perhaps the curiosity of strangers? Is it the
fact that people are seldom appreciated in the same town they grew up in? Who knows!
What we do know is that if your current environment is getting you nowhere, you have two
choices.
Either change your ways or remove yourself from the environment. It’s as simple as that,
because when you force a lifestyle change you will immediately create new and
unpredictable reactions from those around you.
Is it any wonder that many lovers or exes never really care about you until you leave? (Then
comes the dramatic encounter, where they beg you to stay and love them…think Ross and
Rachel on Friends!)
Funny how that works, isn’t it? Changing your environment is powerful and the sooner you
realize this, the sooner you will start to see changes in your dating life.

Tips on How to Meet New People
What do you do after the change in scenery
occurs and you find yourself interacting with
new people? Before concentrating on how to
land a date or find a marriage mate fast, why
not just focus on how to go about introducing
yourself to new people? Meeting new people
is not nearly as difficult as it sounds.
For the most part, everyone you meet is going
to be friendly, if somewhat reserved. (Very few
will pick a fight with you, but hey, stranger
things have happened!) Just remember some basic social etiquette:
Be Friendly!: Smile, and with sincere happiness (nothing too fake) introduce yourself to
new faces. Speak in a moderately loud voice but with a natural tone.
Listen to What People Say: Don’t merely wait to talk but listen and respond to what
people tell you.
Ask Questions: This shows you’re listening!
Summarize the Story of Your Life: It is okay to talk about where you come from and
the story so far, but please, keep it succinct! Reveal more detail only if you are asked for it.
Most people want the “abridged” version, so to speak.
Go with People!: Wherever you are invited, go! It’s not only polite to accept the invitation,
but it also introduces you to some friends and establishes your presence in the community.
Resist being a hermit, because the longer you wait to socialize, it will become more difficult.
Be Careful with Comedy: Just one more bit of advice. Before you break out the comedy
shtick, make sure your new audience will understand what you are talking about. Joking
around, only to totally bomb in front of all your new friends (or offend somebody), will
probably not help your reputation.

Step 5: Evaluate Your Dating Resume by Simon Rickett
All right, so we think you got the gist of the “interaction” thing. Now, we’re not saying dating
conversation is as easy as regular, getting-to-know you chitchat. We’ll talk a little more
about communication in dating in the next chapter. However, for the rest of this chapter,
we’re going to talk about planning an “offensive” strategy in dating, if we can borrow a term
from the sports world.
While you don’t want to “offend” people, a little “offensive” strategy would work well for you,
since the alternative is to remain distant, closed, and behind locked doors! So how does
one begin to plan a dating offensive, or “proactive” strategy?
Rather than overcomplicate this section, we’re going to make it extra simple and teach you a
few goal-setting exercises. Let’s consider this in 5 easy mini-steps.
Step 1: Determine what the final result, your happiness, will look like.
(Chances are, it ends with you married with children, or perhaps single but with multiple
lovers)
Step 2: Visualize what this will be like; what you will say and do, and how every sensation
will feel. Visualize it—dream it so that it’s real to you!
Step 3: Break down your ultimate goal into shorter, steps, as if climbing to the top of a
pyramid. Perhaps you could break it down in this way:
• Get out to a social gathering every week.
• Talk to at least five attractive people every week, without exception.
• Make a conversation last at least five minutes.
• Ask for a phone number or arrange to meet again when you make it to five minutes.
• And so on!
Step 4: Make sure that the individual goals you create are specific (literal actions to be
performed by you and you alone), measurable (so that you can record your progress),

attainable (realistic, and not too speculative), relevant (don’t beat around the bush…every
individual step should be advancing you towards the end goal) and time-based (within a day,
a week or a month).
Step 5: Record and analyze your results. If you did not have a good month, then go over
each attempt and figure out where you went wrong. Take a mental note and decide what
you will do differently next time.
Internet Dating to the Rescue!
Getting out and meeting people is one of the toughest
challenges for introverted singles. While an
introverted personality has many advantages in other
aspects of life, when it comes to dating, it can be a bit
of disadvantage. This is because the only logical way
to find new prospects is to go out and socialize. In
the past, the only way for an introverted person to go
out and meet new prospects was to force him or
herself to go to social functions, bars, meet up groups
and the like.
However, with the advent of online technology, the anonymous, 24-7 dating experience
came to us. Now, it doesn’t really matter who you are, or how much you enjoy social get-
togethers. You can meet someone online and arrange to meet later on, if you really like
each other.
This option works not only because of the “defense” of a computer environment (no need for
a confrontation just click and block!) but also because online dating is time flexible, safe,
and lets conversational topics flow much easier.

Look at Your Dating Resume
Mr. (Miss) Single & Looking
Anywhere, USA
Objective: Stable Adult Relationship
HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS
• Funny, creative and very attentive to a person’s needs
• Excellent conversational skills
• Skilled at analyzing signals and responding with appropriate stimuli
• Works well with teams
• Excellent bedroom manner
• I can make a great home-cooked meal!
EDUCATION
• Learned what love and marriage is from my mother and father
• Learned to be honest and straightforward from my best friend
• Learned not to lie or deceive from my stupid ex
EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
• 2004-present Long-Term Relationship
Worked with immature lover trying to improve him.
• 2004-2005 Bar Hopper
Enjoyed plenty of loveless relationships and “found” myself
• 2006-2008 Committed Partner

Tried a May/December relationship, suffered terrible heartache
• 2009-Present Friends with Benefits
Trying a live in arrangement with my long-time friend and lover
Funny, right? Wouldn’t it be horrible if we had to circulate our dating resumes around before
anyone would “hire” us for a date? It seems kind of ironic that job searching and hiring is
such a complicated task…and yet most people will date, live together or marry with hardly a
recommendation or a reference!
So for the next exercise, we invite you to create your own resume. Try and write down your
own dating history, in abbreviated resume format, as if you were presenting it to a new date.
(Umm, please don’t actually give it to them…that’s weird)
How would you whitewash any shortcomings of your own? How would you describe your
past relationships in terms of what they taught you? What do your relationship patterns
show about you and the relationship you have been trying to create for years on end?
Experience is Key
The key to winning in dating is to focus on what you’re good at—or in other words, what you
have the most experience in accomplishing. This is why it is crucial to gain experience in
talking to new singles, if you tend to be shy. You will only reach new “heights” after you step
solidly onto new ground.
It’s the basic analogy of climbing a mountain or a pyramid. You start at the bottom, work
your way up, gaining solid footing, and then finally reach for the top. You must be
comfortable where you are, and then aim to go even higher.
This will mean getting used to conversing with attractive singles. Before you can even think
about creating a sexual relationship with a friend, you must become comfortable with one on
one talking, with flirting and with accompanying your friend to quiet places.

So when you look over your dating resume, and try to figure out your new dating strategy,
ask yourself what has already worked in the past?
Is there a certain type of man/woman that is drawn to you? Do some career types or other
demographics of dating seem easier to get along with than others?
It’s downright scientific—instead of going after someone you have no clue how to talk to, or a
certain type you have no experience in dealing with, try focusing on personality types you
already know you can get along with.
Now mind you, this is not you say that you have no business approaching someone from a
“different world” than you…we’re just saying that going the “familiar route” will get results
faster. Sometimes if you really want to find a “unique” person, someone that you are going
to just love to pieces, you have to wait a little longer.
We’ll get into compatibility in the next and final chapter. For now, let’s talk about one final
dating strategy you can use.
Step 6: Do the Opposite of Your Instincts
Here’s an interesting thought. Everything you are right now is the result of a series of
actions or inactions you were directly responsible for. Everything you are is the product of
your environment and your own intuition.
So again we ask you, are you happy with where you are in life? We have already explained
that it’s imperative to change your settings if you are not happy with what you are or what
you have.
Now we’re going to give you a new directive after changing your settings: do the opposite of
what comes natural. This may seem like a radical philosophy. However, if every decision
you have made to this point has resulted in your unhappiness, then maybe this points to a
highly flawed system of dating logic.

Please don’t get carried away! There’s no need to and tell off your co-workers, your friends
and go rollerblading instead of taking the bus. Most of the decisions you make in life are
valid decisions. However, it’s your dating thought processes that might need some
adjustment.
Let’s take some of your “instincts” in dating and then give you an “opposite” reaction to try.
For example:
Instinct
I am afraid to approach new people.
I like to hint around at a date.
I am intimidated by beautiful “10s.”
I always hide what I really am.
I don’t want to embarrass myself.
I always try to be polite on a date.
I am afraid of initiating sex.
I tend to be shy and unassuming.
Opposite
I want to approach new people.
I want to ask a person out point blank.
I only want to date a very attractive 10!
I’m going to be 100% honest and upfront.
I have no shame when it comes to dating.
I want to be just myself, no restraints.
I am not intimidated by sex.
I want to be more confident.
Now if you’re only thinking this philosophy works with shy or introverted people, then
consider these “opposite reactions” for extroverts and smooth talkers.
Instinct
I tell people what they want to hear.
Sex is the ultimate goal.
I’d rather be with a total loser than alone.
I am not physically attracted to [type].
Opposite
I am going to be completely honest.
I am going to wait, to see where this goes.
Maybe being alone will be good for me.
I should try dating different “types.”

You see what’s happening here? You are merely challenging your current mind set, telling
your subconscious that you want to try a new perspective with new rules. No, it doesn’t
always work out…but you may be surprised at what results if you take a few chances and do
the “opposite” of what instinct tells you.
How Do I Deal with Rejection? Probably like the most of us not very
says Simon Rickett
This is all well and good but what if you have a crippling fear of a person you really like
rejecting you? Rejection is never easy. In fact, it’s downright cold at times. However, you
must take risks in life if you’re ever going to reap great rewards. Persistence is paramount
in dating, and that’s whether you’re male or female, and whether you’re super educated or
just a barely in high school.
If you take “no” for an answer so easily, you are bound to be disappointed with the results.
However, if you are persistent—always mindful that people can change their minds—then you
can actually use a person’s initial rejection to your advantage.
Try thinking of rejection not as an “end” but as an inevitable “challenge” that you must plan
for. Rise to the challenge and try a different approach. In other words, accept the fact that
you’re going to be rejected and then build an entire strategy based on the other person’s
rejection. It shows this person that you’re persistent, you’re smart, and you are hopelessly
“into him/her.”
In our final chapter, we’re going to discuss how to reinvent yourself, how to deal with
obstacles, and how to re-enter the dating jungle out there with a mind to win.

Chapter 4
Reinvent Yourself for the Dating World
In the last chapter, we talked all about dating strategy. Of
course, you could strategize forever and never actually make a
move. Success in dating is 30% strategy, 70% doing! While
no one is claiming it’s easy to find a partner, it’s not like
winning the lottery. A lot of people out there, probably much
less smarter and cuter than you, are finding dates, enjoying
lots of sex, and getting married.
Chances are, they are successful because they are giving
100% effort, if not much attention to strategizing. However,
you are going to be twice as successful because you are going
to be proactive, while also applying all of the dating principles
we’re covering here. So get ready to re-invent yourself! Apply what you learned and get
ready for a major re-launch!
Step 7: Prepare Yourself for What You Want
The next step concerns preparing yourself for what is coming next. We’ve already talked
about planning realistic goals for yourself; now, let’s broach the subject of preparing yourself
for what lies ahead.
You might be surprised at how many people, even lonely single people, are not actually
prepared for an adult relationship. They may love the idea of one, but they can’t quite get
their head around how much their life would change. Yes, the threat to the existing
environment is often times the number one motivation killer.
Fight through that! Prepare for what you want and what is inevitably going to happen. We
already discussed the options of pursuing a fling, a real relationship or a friendship

arrangement. This is something that you have to determine for yourself, and you must
anticipate what occurs next, so that you won’t be left feeling traumatized, disappointed,
heartbroken or confused.
When it comes to sex, a certain level of preparation is required even beyond readying
yourself mentally. For example, safe sex is paramount today, as it is the only means of
protection against STDs besides getting tested or abstinence. Contrary to what many still
believe today, STDs can still be passed through non-intercourse transmission like oral sex,
anal sex or even handling genitals.
Furthermore, condoms are not always effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy, and you
might be surprised how rarely single men ask their partner about birth control. (They
assume it’s something!) So while the movies always make spontaneous sex seem
appealing, in real life it’s best to talk some things over and set some ground rules down
progressing towards a sexual relationship.
As If
However, this section is not about living with your decision after the fact. Rather, we are
stating that success is dependent upon you living as if it is already happening.
This is one of the most important points in confidence training. Rather than pretend to be
someone you’re not, or reluctantly follow someone’s advice, it is far more important to
believe everything you are doing, and to live your life as if you have already accomplished
your goal.
So think about what your life would be like if you were in a wonderful relationship. What
would you act like? What kind of person would you be—and would you be different than you
are right now? (Oh yes…things would be different!) Think about how you would treat your
significant other, how you would treat others, and what conversations you might talk about.
One common “seduction” trick is the boyfriending technique. In this technique, a man
touches a woman’s shoulder or hand, or another non-threatening part of the body, so as to

initiate intimacy with her. As if to say, this is how he would treat her as the boyfriend; he
would be affectionate, gentle and would touch often. This trick doesn’t always work but it
does help to illustrate that the “living as if” philosophy is sound.
Basically, you can give your date a preview of what a relationship would be like with you.
Concentrate on giving him/her a realistic preview, rather than acting like Mister or Miss
Perfect all the time.
Preparing Your First Impression
Before we move on to the art of conversation,
let’s talk about appearances. What? Do
appearances really matter in this day and age?
What about Belle and the Beast? What about
Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan in the film
Knocked Up? Haven’t we learned by now that
it’s the “inside” that counts.
Well, sure…but honestly, do you really think
appearances don’t matter at all? Well, let’s put it this way. Have you ever been attracted to
a hobo or a cutie covered in sewage? Of course not! We all have some minimum standards
to consider when it comes to dress and grooming. We make every effort to look our best
when meeting someone for the first time or even when uploading pictures on a dating
website or social media site. Simon Rickett says this is key.
You must prepare for the first date and make sure that the first impression he/she has of
you is a good one. Here are 10 quick appearance lessons to take seriously.
Lesson 1: Don’t let him/her see you “unprepared”. Most women know this by heart, but
sometimes guys underestimate the importance of their fashion sense, their grooming habits
and other essentials. Don’t show up in bum clothes, or bizarre outfits that defy rational
explanation. (Unless you’re a rock star or performance artist and that’s your “thing”) Always
be dressed to kill. Always. (After you get married, maybe you can let this one slide)

Lesson 2: Smile. Be happy. Your best face forward will define the energy of the
relationship.
Lesson 3: Dress appropriately for the occasion. Over-dressing and under-dressing are both
mistakes, so make sure you research the event you’re going to and come dressed
appropriately, whether formally or casually. You can definitely be dressed casually but
dressed in a very attractive manner.
Lesson 4: Dress in a way that will flatter your body, not draw attention to your flaws. If you
have a protrusion of love handles, obviously, you would not want to wear something tight.
The best way to know this for sure is to ask a friend and or acquaintance that will be brutally
honest about what fashion “flatters” you.
Lesson 5: Be careful about sending signals with your dress. We’re not going to say that it’s
wrong to dress slutty, or wrong to dress Goth. We’re not even going to say it’s wrong to
dress in a wife-beater t-shirt and jeans with poofed up 1980s hair. However, we will remind
you of this: you will be defined, characterized and associated with your appearance. Your
date knows very little about you except what he or she sees. Therefore, if you wear an outfit
that screams “(whatever)!” then that’s exactly how they’re going to see you. And it will be
very difficult to change their mind after you leave them with this huge impression. So if you
want to play it safe, dress attractively but conservatively. If you’re okay with people labeling
you by appearance, then by all means, dress to make a statement.
Lesson 6: Pay attention to little details. This means make sure you clean up all those hard
to reach places like fingernails, stray facial hairs, teeth and so on. Shower before you go out
and be careful not to overdue the cologne/perfume/makeup.
Lesson 7: Be direct. This not only means immediately going up to someone you find
attractive, (rather than kind of sort of thinking about it) but also means that you will have a
plan in mind as to where you want to go and when you want to do it. Indecisiveness on a
date is a turn off. While this is usually a guys only rule, there is nothing wrong with a woman
directly asking a man out, or at least inviting him to make a move with conversation. Come
on…it’s the year 2012!

Lesson 8: Maintain eye contact. This is essential because wavering eye contact can give
off the impression that you’re afraid, bored, or not interested in the date. Maintain natural
eye contact when someone is talking. It is okay to look away occasionally, and better that
you not stare intensely; but really, the date is all about eye contact and feeling a “spark” of
attraction.
Lesson 9: Keep a strong and upright posture. Shoulders back, chest out, stomach in and
always standing at attention. Slumping makes you look sad!
What About Face and Body Shape?
We wouldn’t be entirely honest if we didn’t at least allude to body shape and facial shape as
deciding factors in a relationship. No, it’s not a perfect world out there, and you may very
well be rejected solely because of your genetic makeup. A person may very well think of you
as:
• Too fat
• Too skinny
• Too short
• Too tall
• An ethnicity or race he/she is not attracted to
• A fashion nightmare
• A person with an ugly face or a misshapen face
• Too young
• Too old
• Having too many physical blemishes
• Too eccentric

• Too boring
• Being too “small” when it comes to sex
• Physically unattractive for whatever reason
And the list goes on. We’re not going to devote much time to “body shape”, because
truthfully, as much as society insists upon saying that super-thin is perfect, there are plenty
of fish out there who won’t care about physical or facial shape, or who may find your unique
body and face very attractive.
So you have two options at this point, either (A) cry yourself to sleep because someone out
there doesn’t find you attractive; (B) have sex with the person who rejected you just so you
can dump him/her later; (C) laugh about it and move on with your life. We strongly
recommend (C) because it’s the fastest way to finding happiness and the love life you want.
Instead of focusing on achieving a perfect body, focus instead on making a good first
impression overall, paying close attention to hygiene, your fashion and your demeanor.
Step 8: Master the Art of Conversation – Rickett explains
Believe us, showing up and making a good or at least a not-so-bad impression is the easy
part. Even sex is only moderately challenging—especially after a few drinks and a nightcap
in someone’s house. What is difficult is the art of conversation.
The hard part will be in creating a flow of dialog that smoothly takes you from point A
(friendly introduction) to point Z (culminating in sex or marriage). Clearly, a lot has to
happen between these points! So the best way to analyze the art of conversation is to divide
your options into three main approaches.
Approach #1: The Smooth Rehearsal Date

These types of dates are not always the most fun, but they do get the job done. In fact, this
is how old-fashioned romantics tend to do it. The conversation is friendly, the subjects are
carefully chosen and the dialog is charming. Understand however, that in this type of
relationship, a preconception of your date (and vice versa) is very important to the success
of the relationship. It’s as if you’re saying, “Oh, I like him because he’s a doctor!” or, “I like
her because she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
In this scenario, you are not really trying to converse and learn…you are merely going
through the formality of dating and hoping to advance the courtship. You’re basically trying
not to screw things up! Assuming you’re both happy with what you have, take these
strategies:
(A) Do not talk about anything potentially offensive or off-putting.
(B) Do not say anything rude or talk about sex.
(C) Let the other person speak and listen intently.
(D) Do not mock or minimize the accomplishments of the other person.
(E) Behave like a lady and like a gentleman, respectively, following basic etiquette.
(i.e. the man should open doors, pull out chairs, pay the tab, etc.)
(F) Arrange for a second date.
(G) If you believe the attraction is mutual, you can go for a respectable kiss goodnight.
Approach #2: Letting it All Hang Out
Why be so formal when you can let it all hang out? Not literally, of course, but as far as
personalities go, there is no sense in hiding anything. These couples don’t go for traditional
romance; they want love on their own terms. So they talk about what they are passionate
about. They’re not afraid to argue (politely of course), because they want to see what their
partner is really like behind the perfect “façade” being projected. The objective here is to

show the other person who you really are, and then hopefully, build an even greater
attraction in less time. These relationships do tend to advance faster, though whether they
last, is anyone’s guess.
In this scenario, walk the fine line of being polite and respectful but while always staying true
to your own ideals. It’s best to avoid controversial subject matter until the relationship
blossoms; however, if religion, politics or “dark humor” is just part of the real you, then
there’s no sense in raising false hopes, right? Here is your game plan:
(A) Don’t interrupt the other person or belittle his/her opinions.
(B) Find common ground immediately so as to avoid awkward tension.
(C) Talk about the things that really matter in your life.
(D) Talk about “real” goals, not what you think your partner wants to hear.
(E) Talk about sex at a natural pace, neither afraid nor over-eager for it.
(F) Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Your partner will sense if you’re holding back.
(G) Talk about male and female roles, cautiously learning how your partner feels about
old-fashioned rules of conduct.
(H) Arrange for a second date.
(I) Although sex is not really prohibited in this case, your goal should be to postpone sex
for at least a little while. Otherwise, it very quickly changes the dynamic of the
relationship…and may even turn a partner off!
Approach #3: Score!!!
This is the approach you often read about in the “player’s handbook”. This refers to a style
of conversation that is mainly orchestrated to arouse the sexual urges of your date. Whether
it’s for a one-night stand or a lifetime of happiness is up to you. Very often this approach

works, but it’s not always productive when it comes time to deeply connect and find a “soul
mate.”
The reason why is because, rather than talking about what’s real to you, you spend more
time listening, manipulating and seducing your date, hoping to bring on the bedroom as
soon as possible. (Or at least create the desire for sex and then denying it, which will keep a
partner interested for months on end) You mainly say things he or she wants to hear, or
things that provoke the other person, creating a flirtatious “attraction.”
In this case, the strategy is:
(A) Be very confident.
(B) Flirt heavily and carry on a “friendly” conflict, constantly challenging your date.
(C) Show your sense of humor.
(D) Imply your achievements without bragging.
(E) Keep your date talking as long as possible so that he/she likes you more.
(F) Listen and take mental notes for seduction later on.
(G) Use your date’s own vocabulary and experiences to your advantage, turning a
relationship with you into his/her ideal.
(H) Be mysterious.
(I) Show that you’re very interested in sex with him/her without actually propositioning.
(It’s better if you orchestrate it to happen “naturally”)
(J) Be careful not degenerate into rudeness, bragging, lying or egotism.
You can learn a little more about “seduction” in the next section. The truth is, most people
don’t go for any one approach, but like to incorporate all three approaches into one great
pitch. This is an effective strategy. Be yourself but be polite. And don’t be afraid of the
sexual or romantic relationship you want!

What Do We Talk About?
What do people talk about? In general, they usually discuss other people (lowest level of
intelligence), things (moderate intelligence) and ideas (intellectual prowess). You will
probably find that your date is somewhere in the middle of the scale, occasionally talking
about all three things.
You might even think back to some of the classic conversations you’ve had with exes or
friends. What did you talk about and what “approach” strategy was it?
• Making fun of other people (other singles, celebrities, random passersby)
• Talking about your or your date’s job
• Talking about your or your date’s dream career
• Talking about past relationships (It’s best to hold off on this one for as long as
possible!)
• Books, movies, music, art
• Politics, religion or news
• Local events
• Unique experiences you have both had
• Travel
• Hobbies
• Asking specific or hypothetical questions
• Talking about family
• Talking about funny stories, funny perspectives or sharing jokes
• Personal tastes

• Eating, drinking, clothing
• Your education
• Ranting about evil people you know (At least make this funny!)
• Creative and subtle ways to say “I love you” or “have sex with me”
Compatibility
Ultimately, good conversation is hard to
fake. True, you can probably talk
yourself into bed with a fairly attractive
person. However, if you have no true
chemistry together, the relationship will
eventually fizzle out. And the lowest
thing you can do is ask for sex or
“casually mention” sex when the
conversation is already going badly.
Sex is the reward of a successful conversation that has truly gone from A to Z. If you’re
stuck at point D and are daring to mention sex or even (gasp) love and marriage, then you
have officially thrown yourself out of the game.
Remember that people don’t want perfection. So don’t assume that your perfect date “act”
is working just because your date is still there. Try to notice his or her signals. Is this person
looking intently at you or involved in the conversation? Or does their facial expression seem
bored and unimpressed? Are this person’s eyes wandering constantly or is he or she
already pointing feet at the door?
If you notice signals that scream, “I’m not enjoying myself!” then the initial attraction has
already diminished. It’s time to change the approach you’re taking.

Don’t beat yourself up over one bad date. The truth is you are not compatible with
everyone. While you are certainly not confined to one perfectly compatible person, you
cannot assume that you will get along swimmingly with every last person on the planet.
Some of these people won’t be able to stand you, much less love you. Accept this as a fact
of life and move on. Compatibility is what decides the longevity and success of a
relationship.
What determines compatibility? So many things…most of which are out of your control.
We’re talking genetics, upbringing, lifestyle, social status, career choice, physical
appearance, hobbies, your taste in clothing, and so on. Sure, you can change your
appearance.
Can you really stop being the way you are, or seeing things from your unique perspective?
Of course not. Don’t try to fight compatibility. Find someone that you can personally relate
to—someone with whom you could talk for hours—and enjoy the chemistry.
Step 9: Master the Art of Seduction
What about seduction in dating? Is seduction merely the act of talking about sex and
wearing a sexy outfit? Hardly! A great deal of sex and flirting is subtle, so much so that you
might blink and miss it. Seduction is a negotiation process, and very often involves
penetrating the subconscious. What a smart strategy, because your subconscious is always
a threat to getting the things you want.
When men are on the “prowl” they often focus on being confident (perhaps a little cocky)
and romantically aggressive (meaning they are forward and fearless when it comes to asking
a woman out). They might also appear to have a chip on their shoulder, as if to say, they
don’t “need” a woman to be happy, and cannot be controlled by society. This “rebel” act
does go a long way in impressing a woman…but then again, not every woman.
This is why men may resort to some rather advance psychological techniques including:

• Hypnosis (basically, describing how a woman is feeling in cloaked conversation)
• Mirroring (behaving in a similar manner as if to say “I feel like you.”)
• Pushing and pulling a woman away to keep her guessing
• Causing gut-level attraction through conflict
And of course, if none of those work, he can always resort to old standby manipulative
behavior like crying, dating someone else to make a woman jealous, or buying her lavish
gifts.
This is not to suggest that the man is the predominantly seductive species. A woman can be
just as seductive, though she will often play the game a bit more restrained. Most women
do not directly ask men out but will find an excuse to be near them or talk to them, hoping a
man initiates a conversation.
Sometimes women will ask for favors or try to be put into an unusual circumstance with a
man as a means of positive or even exciting association. She can also use suggestive body
language to “signal” a man over to her or—everyone’s favorite—the oh–so-subtle touch to
the shoulder.
One of the “big plays” women make to keep men interested in them is by putting on an act
of defiance. With her actions, words and body language, she says “I am a challenge. It
takes a very special man to win my heart.” She may even resist a man’s aggressive dating
behavior in an effort to see “what else he’s got.” It’s a great strategy and it does work often
times, because it incites a man’s natural feelings of competition towards other men.
There is also a new breed of alpha females out there who take a man’s approach to dating,
and not only goes for the direct approach, but may even manipulate her way into a man’s
heart and or bedroom. Hey, all is fair in love and war! (Of course, the person who said that
probably wasn’t on the receiving end of a breakup…)
The act of seduction is a natural consequence of extended conversation. So we can safely
say, if you have difficulty understanding how to behave on a date (and mastering neuro-

linguistic hypno-speak) then don’t fret about it. Speed-dating and traditional dating lead to
the same thing, just according to different schedules.
You may even discover that a speed dating philosophy distracts you from key issues, like:
• Do I really like this person?
• Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him or her?
• Do I trust this person?
• Is this person, in fact, too easy and not enough of a challenge?
• Am I really compatible with him or her or is it just attraction and lust?
• Is this person the real thing or just another relationship that will probably fail?
Step 10: Define Love and Then Act!
This brings us nicely into our final discussion—how does one define love? Perhaps you have
been searching for real love your entire life. Perhaps you have been disappointed,
victimized by “imposter love” and traumatized to the point that you can hardly trust anyone
new in your life.
Love is not something that can be easily defined, because it is a highly individualized quality.
What love is to one person is not necessarily what love is to another lover living halfway
across the world. Love can be subtle—an act as small as bringing home a bouquet of roses—
or something very dramatic, like proposing marriage in front of a crowd full of people. It’s
not really the expressions themselves that characterize love—it’s the ability a partner has to
learn you, and then provide these reassurances of love, just the way you like them.
Love is about self-sacrifice, it’s about giving to someone else. It has been called patient,
humble and long-enduring. Indeed, lust comes and goes and can be easily transferred from
one person to the next. Love is something deeper than that—a completion of you as a

human being. Love is learning and knowing, it is a grand moment of self-discovery that you
will remember for the rest of your life.
As soon as you realize what you have, and what you could lose in a moment’s time, you will
be swept away with emotion and will be ready to commit to a brand new life. Love will make
you do things you’ve never dreamt of doing. And all you will think at the end of the day is
that you never want this feeling to end!

Conclusion
We hope you have enjoyed reading “How to Change Your Love Life in 10 Easy Steps: A Guide
on Dating 10s, Breaking Bad Habits & Falling in Love the Right Way.” Thank you for taking
this journey with us.
We are confident that anyone can find success in dating, regardless of life obstacles and
past history. Sometimes all it takes is a simple 10-step plan to get your life back on track!
We hope that you can find someone special in your life, move on from the painful past, and
plan a rewarding future with your partner.
Thank you so much for reading and until next time, remember…
“Love much. Earth has enough of bitter in it.”
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
For further assistance with your Dating you can contact Simn Rickett at dating-coach-for-
you.com or call Simon Rickett on OH 43604-5678

Simon rickett dating coach explains how to find the perfect partner

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