Pocket Skills Guide

1. Having a Difficult Conversation
Pocket Skills Guide

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When asked to rate their own confidence in
dealing with difficult conversations at work,
over two thirds of managers (68%) rated
themselves as either extremely or very
confident.
Learning Consultancy Partnership 2

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However, when HR managers were asked the same
question, only 1 in 5 (21%) thought that this was the case…
I can handle a
difficult
conversation with
confidence
I find difficult
conversations hard
to deal with

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How would you rate your confidence
when it comes to difficult conversations?
On a scale from 1 to 6, 1 being easy with plenty of confidence and
6 being extremely hard with no confidence, rate how you find having a difficult conversation

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Situations Associated with Difficult
Conversations…

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Resolving conflict situations
Giving negative feedback on performance
Standing up to a
senior employee
Telling a colleague about a problem s/he
has that is impacting your work
Pointing out someone’s
shortcomings that are
affecting the project or team
Handling
negotiations
Managing
unprecedented crisis
situations

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Here’s How to Handle the
Conversation…

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Change your Mind-set
Plan but don’t script
Acknowledge your
Counterpart’s
perspective
Slow down and listen Give something back

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Dealing with Emotional Reactions…

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Crying –
“Let’s take a
moment before
we continue…”

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Anger –
“Can we try to explore and understand
the reasons why you are angry?”

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Blame –
“I understand that there may
be other people involved in
this situation. Right now I’d
like to keep this focused on
you and I.”

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“This is serious. That’s
why we need to talk
about it and reflect on
what’s been happening
and how we can best
approach the issue ”
Well…
Silence -

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Avoidance –
“Lets bring it back to the issue at hand. We need to
acknowledge what’s happening.”

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Allegations –
“That is a very serious claim to make and warrants
investigation. I will get back to you on how best to take this
forward.”

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Helpful Phrases for Resolving Conflict at
Work…

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“I really appreciate your input into our team.”
This tells them their opinion is valuable even if it's not
taken.

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“What held you back from meeting your commitment?”
As a starting point, this allows them to point to possible reasons why
something wasn’t accomplished and avoid direct responsibility.

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“You're saying one thing and doing another”
This is a non threatening way to show they're not getting done what they say they
would do.

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“What can I do to support you?”
This offers help to the employee to ensure they have all the tools to
be successful. It shows the manager is on the same side as them.

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“We may have a misunderstanding, since I may not have been clear about
my expectations”
Putting the problem first as a simple misunderstanding is an excellent way to
start a conversation.

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Why difficult conversations are
necessary in the workplace?

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Maintain
staff morale
Create a culture in the
workplace that thrives
on positive outcomes
rather than disgruntled
employees
Resolve issues
before they hinder
the productivity of
the team
Make employees who
may not have noticed
an issue to address it if
it affects the
organisation

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What are the Benefits of Having a
Difficult Conversation?

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Sometimes it is the behaviour in question that has
stopped them from making positive changes in the
past
Help them to
make the
change!

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Having the ability to successfully have difficult conversations is essential
to running a good team that works effectively and efficiently with each
other.
Having difficult conversations that have a positive
outcome is a desired skill in the work place.

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Try to understand how they are feeling in the situation…
…but remember that this is your job. Help them to
understand that it is your responsibility to address issues
and explore ways to resolve them.
Finally…

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After reading our guide,
How confident are you now in having a
difficult conversation?