We all face problems maintaining our relationship with friends and family. There are various dynamics to all relations and it can get very complicated if you don't do it right. Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People" is humbling yet empowering. The book is a guide to 'live life'. For book summary prepared by Prof. Sameer Mathur, click here.

1. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How to Win
Friends and
Influence
People
Summary
Prepared By: Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.

2. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 1
Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 1: Fundamental Techniques
in Handling People

3. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 1
1. “If You Want To Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over
The Beehive”
Most people don’t respond very well to criticism,
condemnation, or complaint, so if you’re feeling
such things about someone, just bite your tongue
and hold back. By doing this, you avoid adding
unnecessary negativity to a conversation,
negativity that can very easily backfire on you by
making others think less of you.

4. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 1
2. The Big Secret of Dealing With People
Speak positively of others every chance you get.
Think of a few positive things to say about each
person you know and then reference those
positive attributes when you can.

5. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 1
3. “He Who Can Do
This Has The Whole
World With Him. He
Who Cannot Walks A
Lonely Way”

6. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 1
Make the other person
interested in you by
leading with the things
that are useful to them.
Take a cover letter, for
example; don’t lead with
“I want this job,” but
instead with something
stating your best
characteristic for that job.

7. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 2
Section 2: Six Ways to Make
People Like You

8. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
1. Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
in essence.
Carnegie says that you should become genuinely
interested in other people, which is rather
challenging for most introverts to do. What I’ve
found that works for me is that I try to internalize
what other people are saying – does this make
sense in my life? Then, I try to express what I
figure out – it shows that I am taking an actual
interest in what they’re saying.

9. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
2. A Simple Way to Make a
Good First Impression
All you have to do is smile,
but it’s harder than it sounds.
I generally find success by
greeting people in a positive
fashion while imagining
things that make me happy –
it makes it much easier to
bring forth a smile.

10. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. If You Don’t Do This, You Are
Headed For Trouble
I am very good with names – I
can recall facts about people
by name without any trouble –
but I run into issues when I see
a face and try to
put a name to it…

11. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
…Carnegie suggests getting as good as you can
with it. I’ve found that if I really need to remember
someone’s name with their face, particularly
before a conference, I look at their picture online
with some regularity. This helps me to imprint
their image in my mind and then be able to recall
their name quickly after meeting them.

12. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
4. An Easy Way to Become
a Good Conversationalist
Here, Carnegie says the
best way to be seen as
being a good
conversationalist is to
genuinely listen to others.
I’ve always found this part
to be easy – it’s the
speaking part that I find
challenging.

13. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
5. How to Interest People
The key technique here is to translate what you
hear into talking about what interests the person
you’re speaking to. Listen for things that they are
interested in that you know something about, and
then follow that point as a train of conversation –
don’t just interject your current passions into the
discussion, because they might not be shared.

14. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
6. How to Make People Like You Instantly
If you want to build a real bond with someone
else, make it clear how important that person is to
you and do it in a way that the sincerity of
the feeling comes across. I find a great way to do
this is actually by connecting two people I know
together – I introduce them to each other
with a compliment to both of them, especially if I
know something that they’ll have a mutual interest
in.

15. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 3
How to Win People to Your Way of
Thinking

16. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
1. You Can’t Win An Argument
So, avoid arguments. If something looks like it
might be turning into one, just let it drop as
gracefully as you can and move on. Doing this
over and over again will make you appear
levelheaded and rational.

17. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
2. A Sure Way of Making
Enemies – and How to Avoid It
The easiest way to make an
enemy is to tell them that they
are wrong. Instead of doing
that, say something like, “I
never thought of it that way
before” and ask questions,
whether or not you feel the
position has merit or not.

18. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
3. If You’re Wrong, Admit It
If you are revealed to be wrong, just admit it and
be very clear about the admission. Don’t try to
hide it under sulking or arrogance, because you’ll
just amplify the negativity of those behaviors
when you’ve clearly been exposed as being
wrong.

19. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
4. A Drop of Honey
Often, you have to enter conversations where
you’re going to have to deliver some bad news or
a negative report. You can make this go much
easier by starting off with the positives…

20. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
…for example, if you have terrible service at an
otherwise good restaurant, don’t shout at the
manager about it – tell him the things you did like
first, then point out that some service problems
may be tarnishing the reputation of the
restaurant. This actually works really well for
making the conversation go well and it has
earned me a few vouchers, too.

21. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
5. The Secret of Socrates
If you’re trying to convince someone of your
argument, start off with base points that you’re
absolutely sure they will agree with and ask them
to acknowledge that agreement. Then, when you
move from step to step, keep getting those
positive acknowledgements. A string of “yeses” is
more likely to yield another “yes”.

22. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
6. The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
When someone comes to you to complain about
something, don’t interject and start an argument.
Let them blow off their steam and only respond
when they’re finished…

23. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
…Ask questions to encourage them to speak
even more. This will often cause them to vent
off most or all of their issue, which makes it
much easier for the problem to be handled
rationally at the end of the conversation.

24. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
7. How to Get Cooperation

25. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
If you can, lead them to the conclusion of the
argument. Present all of the ideas up front, then
state your conclusion and ask for their approval
on it with a nice “What do you think?” Listen to
what they have to say and then try to incorporate it.
In the end, they will feel like the idea is theirs and
will come out of the conversation feeling quite
positive about things. This is a great way to get a
supervisor to incorporate a change in
the workplace.

26. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
8. A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
If you just don’t understand where someone is
coming from, spend a bit of time trying to put
yourself in that person’s shoes. Why would this
person feel this way about the situation? Usually,
putting yourself in their shoes for a while will
reveal a few things that weren’t entirely clear to
you before and might just lead directly to a healthy
understanding and solution to the problem at hand.

27. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
9. What Everybody Wants
Inevitably, someone will
come to you with an
untenable idea or desire
that you simply can’t
approve of. In that case, at
least show approval of the
feelings and thoughts that
brought the suggestion to
bear.

28. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
10. An Appeal That Everybody Likes
Regardless of whether or not you feel a claim is
legitimate or not, respond to it with sincerity by
appealing to fundamental societal ideas of right
and wrong and fair play. Frame your response in
such a way that the person’s fundamental sense
of right and wrong is put into play when they
hear what you have to say.

29. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
11. The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You
Do It?
If you have a great idea, think of how to
incorporate it into a story. Relate it directly to a
human experience and tell that story as you’re
trying to tell your idea. Connecting the concept to
a tale will always make it work – that’s the reason
fables stay around for thousands of years.

30. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
12. When Nothing Else Works, Try This
If you can’t get your ideas and motivational
speeches to work, throw down a direct challenge.
This doesn’t mean saying something like “I
challenge you…”; just do something to get their
competitive spirit going. By doing this well, you
can draw even more of their spirit into completing
the objective.

31. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Section 4
Be a Leader: How to Change People
Without Giving Offense or Arousing
Resentment

32. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
1. If You Must Find Fault, This Is the
Way to Begin
If you’re going to find fault in a person
or an organization, start off by stating
their positive attributes and the things
that you find good about the person
or the group. Then, once you’ve
established that there are positive
attributes and you’re not just railing
on them, you can move onto the
criticism.

33. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
2. How to Criticize – and Not Be Hated for It
If you’re going to criticize something, you’re better
off criticizing it indirectly, usually by offering a
positive suggestion in another direction. Let’s say,
for example, that I were to write a piece here
that you didn’t agree with.

34. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
Rather than trying to trash the argument, one could
merely say that I could word it differently and
suggest some phrase changes so it didn’t come off
as overbearing, thus alerting me indirectly to some
of the big flaws in the argument.

35. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
Another effective way to blunt the sting of
criticism is to tell of your own faults and mistakes
first. Let’s say you’re trying to advise someone
about debts. One way to make the advice more
effective is to talk of your own problems with
accruing debt.

36. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
4. No One Likes to Take Orders
If you need to instruct someone
to do something, instead of
shouting out an order, ask some
questions about the problem and
lead them to a solution in which
they can participate. If you
involve them in the solution by
asking questions, not only will
they do it, they’ll feel involved in
the solution.

37. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
5. Let the Other Person
Save Face
If you’ve just offered up
criticism, allow the other
person plenty of space to
save face. Let them
correct the mistake if they
can, or at least give them
the opportunity to do so –
only after this opportunity
should you seek change.

38. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
Your belief might be to get rid of the problem
completely, but by letting the problem at least have
a chance to be solved, you not only appear more
fair to the person or group in question, you appear
more humane and a much more sound leader to
everyone else.

39. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
6. How to Spur People On to Success
Whenever someone shows any sign of
improvement, make it clear to that person – and to
others – that you notice and appreciate it. I recall
an experience in a workplace where we had to turn
out “units” every so often…

40. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
…The average person on the team was turning out
eight or nine units a day, while one person was
working steadily but only turning out five. After
talking to a supervisor about it, he tried some new
techniques and produced six a day – and seven on
the final day of the week…

41. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
…The boss made it a point to praise him at a
meeting, stating that he had cranked up
productivity more than 20%, even though he was
still the lowest producer. Eventually, he began to
produce at the level of everyone else because he
now believed he could do it.

42. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
7. Give a Dog a Good Name
When you introduce someone or
mention them in a group setting,
always talk them up. Give them a
standard to live up to as you
introduce them and they’ll try hard
to live up to that standard. The
reverse is true; if you don’t say
much or criticize them as you
introduce them, they’ll live up to
that lowly standard instead.

43. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
8. Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
If you’re giving advice to someone about how to
correct a problem, try to make the problem seem
easy to correct. Offer up lots of pointers that on
their own seem quite easy and let that person
believe that they’re all easy and that they can do it.
Making the suggestions for correcting the
fault seem difficult makes the person think that it’s
going to be very hard and they’re doomed to failure
– not an easy road to follow.

44. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
9. Making People Glad to Do
What You Want
Once you know a person, you
know where their points of pride
are. When you ask them for
something, make sure that they
see the connection to things
that they pride themselves on,
and also be sure to compliment
them on those points of pride…

45. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
Be a Leader:
…Put it in a context of the bigger goals and let
them see that you see even their simple piece as a
vital part of the puzzle. Doing these things will
make people much happier to follow your
requests with happiness.

46. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
IMAGE CREDITS
 http://www.cbii.com/images/people-handshake.jpg
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 http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs50/f/2009/260/c/9/Walking_alone_by_al_fahad515.jpg
 http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/6/67/Train-Someone-to-Do-Your-Job-Step-6.jpg/550px-Train-Someone-to-
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 http://img.webmd.com/dtmcms/live/webmd/consumer_assets/site_images/article_thumbnails/features/_2012/07_201
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 http://meganandtimmy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cant-remember.jpg
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distribution-agreement-with-Keyser-Mackay.jpg

47. Prof. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D.
IMAGE CREDITS
 http://llbartlett.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8345202e069e2015435652465970c-800wi
 http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-
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 http://beniciaherald.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/adam-jennydress.jpg
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 http://www.healthguidance.org/hgimages/16451Criticizing.jpg
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 http://careers.queensu.ca/students/services/advising/advising.jpg
 http://wp.streetwise.co/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/2013/03/leaders-wanted.gif
 http://www.uh-72a.com/images/the-team/Our-Team_5-31-2013.jpg
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