Listening skills, using a few youtube video and material from listening charities. Produced with Stuart Wakefield.

1. Listening SkillsPete Gowers
Marketing
September 2014

2. Introductions
• When the Ball is thrown to you:
• Tell us your name and something you like.
• Tell us the previous person’s name and what they like.
• Throw the ball back.

3. “There is a difference between listening and waiting for
your turn to speak.”
Simon Sinek

4. Why Listening?

5. Advantages of Listening
Advantages
Empowerment
Learning,
clarity
Avoid
Resistance
Coach/
Develop
Relationships,
people like it,
and like you
Support/
reduce stress
To be Heard
Resolve
conflict

6. • Split into Pairs
• Either an A or a B – DON’T REVEAL YOUR
INSTRUCTIONS
• Follow the instructions
• You have 2 minutes
Listening Exercise

7. • A’s – Your job is simply to talk about yourself for 2
minutes. You can talk about what you did today or
yesterday or this week.
• B’s – The A’s are going to talk to you about their day or
week. Your job is to not listen. You shouldn’t make eye
contact, you shouldn’t show positive body language.
During the session, you should interject with something
about your day that ignores what they’ve said.
Listening Exercise

8. Listening Exercise Review
• How did it feel for the talkers?
• How did it feel for the listeners?
• Do we know anyone like that?
• No names please especially not us.

9. Listening
• Hearing- physical process; natural; passive
• Listening- physical & mental process; active; learned
process; a skill

10. Listening
How do you improve things?

11. Active Listening
1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a
yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and
Why?
2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person
that you have listened and understood them.
3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase
encourages the person to go on and expand on what has
been said.
4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss over
an important point or emotion. Phrases such as
‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these
points for themselves.
5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go
on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that
you are interested.
6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and
understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really
understood what something was like for them can help
build rapport and trust.
• Tolerate Silences

12. • This time, B’s use the active listening techniques
• 1 minute only
• How did it feel this time?
Repeat Listening exercise

13. Listening in a 1x1
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggNltiG3AE4

14. M. Scott Peck
"You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at
the same time."

15. Problems in 1x1’s
• Unclear Objectives
• Missed Objectives/tasks
• Employee not feeling supported
• Supervisor can feel pressure to fix employee issues
• Feeling criticised – both sides?
• Lack of learning

16. Problems in 1x1’s
How do you improve things?

17. Active Listening
1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a
yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and
Why?
2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person
that you have listened and understood them.
3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase
encourages the person to go on and expand on what has
been said.
4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss over
an important point or emotion. Phrases such as
‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these
points for themselves.
5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go
on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that
you are interested.
6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and
understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really
understood what something was like for them can help
build rapport and trust.

18. Larry King
“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will
teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by
listening”

19. Body Language
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sO84bGgra8

20. Body Language Discussion
• What did you think?
• Any other thoughts on body language?
• Focus
• Manage distractions
• Eye contact
• Mirroring
• Physical openness
• Aware of fiddling
• Cultural awareness – Not everyone is the same, eye contact in
particular tends to be a western thing

21. Body Language Discussion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg8PIK74KO4

22. Karl A. Menninger
“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.
The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward.
When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and
expand.”

23. Listening in Meetings

24. Listening in Meetings
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfsN_ijocCM&t=7s&list=PLW90tNRmbHi5CpUJAUO
UzttW4z6CG40Fr&index=2

25. Listening in Meetings
What can go wrong in Meetings?

26. Listening in Meetings
• Quiet people not heard
• Valuable meeting content lost
• Lack of agreement or moving forward to consensus
• Lack of buy in to agreements
• Emotive Language, frustration
• Lack of Learning
• Volume or personality wins over quality of idea/argument
• Individuals feeling unvalued
• Multiple conversations and distraction/lack of focus
• Don’t stop at yes

27. Listening in Meetings
How do you improve things?

28. Active Listening
1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a
yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and
Why?
2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person
that you have listened and understood them.
3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase
encourages the person to go on and expand on what has
been said.
4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss over
an important point or emotion. Phrases such as
‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these
points for themselves.
5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go
on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that
you are interested.
6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and
understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really
understood what something was like for them can help
build rapport and trust.

29. Stephen R. Covey
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;
they listen with the intent to reply.”

30. Supporting Others Scenarios
Scenarios where we may need or
want to support others?

31. Supporting Others Scenarios
• Overloaded
• Issues with others
• Issues outside of work
• Don’t know how to do something
• Feeling Alone
• Ruminating, not moving forward
• Stress/Anxiety/Depression

32. Supporting Others - Goes wrong
What can go wrong when
supporting others?

33. Supporting Others - Goes wrong
• People can feel judged
• People can feel you don’t believe in them
• People can’t take on board advice even if valuable
• Results of advice is givers fault
• People can feel they’re not important enough
• People can feel exposed by sharing
• People can feel unsupported even when someone is trying
• Dependency

34. Supporting Others - Goes wrong
How do you improve things?

35. Active Listening
1 Asking open questions: any questions not requiring a
yes/no answer eg How? What? Where? Who? When? and
Why?
2 Summarising: a summary helps to show the person
that you have listened and understood them.
3 Reflecting: simply repeating back a key word or phrase
encourages the person to go on and expand on what has
been said.
4 Clarifying: sometimes a person will gloss over
an important point or emotion. Phrases such as
‘Tell me more about...’ can help the person clarify these
points for themselves.
5 Short words of encouragement: A simple ‘yes’, ‘go
on’, or ‘I see’ help the person to continue, and shows that
you are interested.
6 Reacting: People are often looking for empathy and
understanding. Phrases that show you’ve really
understood what something was like for them can help
build rapport and trust.

36. A Poem
"Will you please just listen?
When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have
asked.
When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn't feel the way I do, you
are invalidating my feelings.
When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problem, I feel underestimated
and disempowered.
When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended,
pressured and controlled.
When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed
or discouraged, but I am not helpless.
When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you
hurt my self-esteem.
But when you accept the way I feel, then I don't need to spend time and energy trying to
defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel
and what to do about it.
And when I do that, I don't need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.
Please remember that what you think are "irrational feelings" always make sense if you
take time to listen and understand me. “

37. Find Out More
• Youtube
• FLN/Skillsoft

38. Doug Larson
“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening
when you'd have preferred to talk.”

39. Thank You!!
“Remember, you’re not missing a chance to make a point, you’re
creating a chance to make a better one.”
Unknown.