The guide of how to keep a woman happy.

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What do women want?
By: Pablo Echeverria
1. Having an opinion:
In very exceptional cases, a woman will approach you and ask for your opinion on a certain matter. In 95% of these cases, the female subject will debrief a small explanation of the situation followed by her opinion, and, finally, ask for yours. Gentlemen, they don’t really want to hear your opinion, all they want is to hear to their own opinion in a deeper voice.
Ex. Today I went to a cocktail party and there was a bitch wearing the same dress as me. She is such a bitch, right?
Don’t: Well, when I meet a guy wearing the same shirt as me we become instant friends. It’s funny!
Do: Yeah! She's a bitch!
After eight years of research in the Science of Female Animalia and Behavior, I’ve been able to decode the traits and actions of women in their natural habit. Women in the wild, regardless of their status, character, circumstances, and environment, all share a common denominator that allows us men to decipher the mysteries in their brains.
I’ve developed a set of recommendations to be able to allow you not only get a girl, but also to be able to keep her happy and content -- at least, for a certain period of time.
THE GUIDE

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3. Appearance
No matter how fit a female is or how great her body, there will always be something she doesn’t like. Things escalate when dressing up. During these frequent cases, the lady will approach you and ask for your opinion on how she looks.
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2. Food
It is very common for womankind to go on a strict diet in order to lose their “extra weight.” The problem with this is that you will definitely be dragged into it no matter how much you nag about it. You will definitely have to play along.
Ex: Baby, what you want to eat today?
Don’t: I want to order five large cheese pizzas. With extra toppings. Also the biggest Coke that they sell.
Do: How about we go to the store, buy some leaf lettuce, arugula, onions, red and yellow peppers, and carrots to make a salad? We can top it with that smoked salmon recipe we saw on the cooking channel.
Don’t: Give her a concrete thoughtful answer.
Do: Be silent and wait for her to make a comment like: I look dreadful right? From this moment on just nod. When she asks a question with a negative look, move your head from left to right. When she says something positive, move your head up and down.

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5. The Purse
This mysterious bag is known to be the source of women's power. It is known to have an infinite capacity. Inside you can find her makeup, money, hair items, hand sanitizer, sewing kit, a pharmacy, tampons/pads, breath mints, lotion, tissue, deodorant, and even a Challenge Xtreme 75 Piece Socket and Wrench Set. In very exceptional cases, a girl will ask you to look for something inside.
Gentlemen, I must repeat myself: treat this guide with respect and also treat your subject with the respect they deserve. I must also state, my theories are not 100% accurate and the perfect result of it, is me: I’ve been single for over 1 year and deep in the friendzone with those I’ve approached. Regardless of such, the majority of my tested subjects were a success, so please treat this knowledge with the reverence it deserves.
4. Guys night out
We all need a rest. Every guy wants to have a high dose of testosterone after spending countless hours watching Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, or, in really bad cases, Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
Don’t:
A. Drink too much
B. Go to a strip club
C. Mention if any girl approached you while at a bar
D. Say you will be home in 10 minutes after having that last shot of Tequila
Do:
A. Keep up constant communication
B. Only be with guys
C. Be back by midnight
D. The next day offer a marathon session of Project Runway
Be careful!
Don’t: Open the bag and reach in for the item. Your hand might be dragged into a wormhole that leads to another dimension.
Do: Grab the bag and take it directly to her. Be aware to carefully manage it.