I took this journey while training with Myrna Martin in birth and pre and pernatal psychology. I hope that those of you who have had challenges.. also take the time to draw and write.

1. I have fire in my blood. I want to be alive and the sun is shining. The intensity of my flames take over my desire for beauty and blue...balance in nature and life. My body is hollow and lost and my spirit is on fire. I leave the earth to scream to the sky. “There has been injustice in my life.”<br />Now…all I can see is RED...and some black. The fire has consumed many of my ancestors. They were killed in the ovens… They burned and gased to death…unable to speak up for themselves. Body and Mind and Soul…talent destroyed… No words…just pure death in the fire. “Through the Fire…to the Vision”<br />We are taken into the vortex of Death. Coiled into the darkness of the black…whole…all the years of our lives destroyed. All the beauty gone…layer by layer. Burned until we are simply dead, dust…black and burned. <br />We entered the cosmic black whole…gone…for now.<br />Re-enter in the universe…<br />Sucked into the sadistic violence of our enemy.<br />No believing it was not our friend.<br />Pure disbelief.<br />I return from death…I am born from blackness… I spread my roots in the darkness of the earth and sky. I am a flying spider…making my way to earth… I am an egg black…born out of death…coming from the world of the invisible… infinity… I come through the sky… A cosmic journey of creation. Coming home to the core of being and returning to earth to be.<br />Which way do I go…I don’t know. “Double Binds.” Different directions to choose all around me. Is it Dance? Is it Song? Is it Poetry? Or Science? Life? Or Healing? Art or Mysticism?<br />Freedom…<br />The freedom to search…the freedom to feel…freedom to follow my impulses…and freedom to face and freedom to fall…and freedom to fuck…and freedom to be friendly and freedom to find fun… go get fucked! Fuck yourself! You Fuck!<br />Freedom<br /> Under<br /> Circumstances<br /> Kill<br />We are in the ashes… We are dead… We are lost in the darkness… We have lived through chaos. We still die with some life in us and as we take our final breath we do try to hold on to the memory of life and birth and blue bonding in the beauty of breath.<br /> They took our bodies and they took away our breath. They never saw our ‘beauty’ at all. They burned us to our bones. They dried up our blood… We no longer belonged to ourselves or our family or anyone. We were burned to death… bodies to ashes… NO balance… NO…blood…No bond…NO brain and No Baby.<br />Release…return…rest…The time to remember life…the colors are present. Hollow but blue…emerging like a seed from earth to sky. From under to above…Young…<br />The Birth of a flower… delicate… awkward… open… nieve… in the sky with some earth. Not gronded…but being born to beauty…bonding…birthing…belonging again. Being in bones. Finding boundaries…feeling the Blue sky…no brain yet. Just a Baby…blue – and with blood & Body… Birthing into Being & Beauty.<br /> Belonging to Life.<br />Entering the cosmic womb.<br /> <br /> Feeling one with life and death and birth…and…bonding with the universe… The greater soul returns… I am here to serve… the divine… “My ancestors are embodied within the spirit of my bones.” “My mother is in my bones.” My history is in my bones. I find beauty in my breath. I return to Bonding through my Brain to all the Babies that came before. My ancestors are in my Blood DNA.<br />“Blood is thicker than water.”<br /> I am Home!<br />