Standard 1.1 example.

2. Learning Intention:
Students can write sentences for
a narrative engage the reader by
showing the main character’s
qualities by describing actions
instead of stating detail.

3. • Success criteria:
– I can highlight examples in a story of the author
using the show don’t tell strategy.
– When reading, I can imagine a characters
appearance and feelings by relating to their
actions.
– I can write sentences about my main character
describing actions that help paint a picture for
the reader.
– My writing allows the reader to draw many
conclusions about a character, that are not
necessarily stated.

4. • To create an interesting story, the writer
needs to show not tell the reader about
people, places, and things they are writing
about.
• Showing creates mental pictures in the
reader’s mind.
• When readers get a clear picture, they are
more engaged in the writer’s story.

6. • Telling Sentence:
It was an unusual cat.
• Showing Sentence:
With yellow eyes glowing red, long, black fur
that stood on end, a mouth full of sharp
pointed teeth that emitted a yowl like a tiger,
I knew that the small animal before me was
no ordinary cat.

7. • Telling Sentence:
The pizza was delicious.
• Showing Sentences – A showing
PARAGRAPH
Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage formed thick
layers on top of one another while the white
mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red
tomato sauce. Each time I took a bite I planned it so
that I got a taste of every luscious ingredient. My
taste buds celebrated every single time! Oooh, so
good.

8. • Telling Sentence:
He is angry.
A showing PARAGRAPH:
Sitting at his desk, his jaw tightened. His
eyes flashed heat waves at me. The words
erupted from his mouth, "I want to talk to
you after class." The final hiss in his voice
warned me about his feelings.

10. Bob felt scared.
This is not at all evocative — Bob may feel
fear, but the reader isn’t likely to.
Consider this alternative:
Bob’s face went white. His breathing
came in ragged gasps.

11. Daniel walked down the street.
It gives us the basics, but it’s bland. Try:
Daniel strutted down the street.
This shows us a much clearer picture of Daniel and
gives us a sense of his mood. He’s casual, in no
hurry, maybe even a bit disinterested. All of that is
contained in the more specific verb “strutted.”

12. Beware of sentences that seem to tell the reader how to
feel, particularly when writing in the third person.
Then, in a totally unexpected move, the black
wings spread wide and it circled into the air...
The obvious problem here is that, by telling readers the
move was “totally unexpected,” causes us to expect it.
The author seems almost to be instructing us to be
surprised, but the language in this case lacks the
immediacy needed to genuinely shock us.

13. The man was well-dressed.
The reader may not have a good sense of what
that means — the author’s notion of “well-dressed”
may be rather different from the
reader’s. If instead the line reads:
The man wore an ash-gray Armani coat
over a linen shirt, a red silk cravat
Windsor-knotted at his throat.

14. Similarly, a sentence that says:
The house looked old.
Leaves readers wondering what “old” looks like as far
as the narrator is concerned.
The house slouched in a yard choked with
weeds, its paint faded and flaking, the lace
curtains in its windows yellowed with age.

15. I look around the waiting room. A child, filthy and sweaty, lies lifeless in its
mothers arms. The mother rocks slowly while anxiously counting the numbers
who had arrived before her. I give my name, take my number from the
receptionist and find a seat next to a magazine rack full of outdated and
damaged magazines. The ‘Days of Our lives’ theme tune moans somewhere in
the background. The throbbing in my big toe eases a little as I lift it to rest
on the vacant seat opposite me.
My imagination stirs as I watch the mother rearrange the sleeping bundle in
her arms. She pulls up the singlet strap that has slipped off her shoulder and
gently rubs the darkening lump under her eye. My fist clenches and my jaw
throbs as I imagine what she has just been through.
Make a list of what you have imagined about this characters.

16. Write three things about either character that are implied by their actions in
this part of the story.
I limp back to the reception area. “Excuse me” I whisper to the lady who
wears a contraption around her ears and mouth. “I think that lady with the
baby is in great distress, could we do something to help her?”. She rolls her
eyes, flicks off a switch on her contraption, and looks towards the mother
and child. “We are doing what we can, the doctor will see her in a moment,
please take a seat”, she gestures towards the waiting area. I walk back
towards my seat but stop and turn towards the mother. “Could I sit beside
you?” I asked leaning forward indicating the vacant seat. She abruptly pulled
the baby close to her chest, looks fiercely into my eyes and turns away,
ignoring my request. I sit anyway, hoping she will realise that not all men are
the same.

17. The girl walks towards me. I don’t like her, she is a bully. She has
friends with her and I know she is going to say something to me to
impress her friends and make me feel awful. I’m carrying my school bag.
My mother has just driven away after dropping off at school. My
favourite teacher is comes around the corner and we walk towards the
safety of the school gate.
These sentences have a lot of telling. Re-write some or all using the
show don’t tell strategy so the reader can develop more empathy for the
character.
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19. How was I feeling
when I came into the
room?
How did you know?

20. • To develop your story, begin by thinking
about the main character. You want to SHOW
the reader what that character is like.
• Writers reveal their characters through six
means:
What they say...
What they think...
What they do....
Description...
What the other characters say about them..
How other characters react to them...

21. Mr Cool marched into the
classroom with a stormy
look on his face. He waved
his arms and shouted, “I
can’t believe it! How did this
happen!” The students
glared slowly at each other
whispering
“Someone has stolen his
motorbike keys from his
pocket.” The students were
quick to deny that they had
anything to do with the
crime. The nervous silence
filled the room as Mr Cool’s
squinted eyes began to peer
around the room. The slow
piercing eye contact made
each students knees tremble
in fear.

22. • When planning, ask “What if ?” to
imagine a character and the plot.
• Remember to write about what you
know.
• Your experience, your feelings, your
situations are the best source of ideas
for showing a main characters
qualities.
• Don’t over do it! Not every sentence
has to be show don’t tell.

23. 1. She was so sad when she lost her puppy.
2. The garden was beautiful.
3. It was a stormy night.
4. The cake was delicious.
5. It was an exciting day.

24. • Success criteria:
– I can highlight examples in a story of the author using the show
don’t tell strategy. Not yet/I
think so /certainly
– When reading, I can imagine a characters appearance and feelings
by relating to their actions. Not yet /I
think so /certainly
– I can write sentences about my main character describing actions
that help paint a picture for the reader. Not yet /I
think so /certainly
– My writing allows the reader to draw many conclusions about a
character, that are not necessarily stated. Not
yet /I think so /certainly
• Student name ___________________________