Poogle translate, like Google’s version, takes indecipherable phrases in another language and puts them in plain English for you. Except this is the language of the politicians. Do they ever say what they mean? Of course not.
1. Jacob Zuma From: Spin - detected
“We should pronounce at the end of this
conference: What is our plan about the plan?
The national plan?”
2. Jacob Zuma To: What they mean
Maybe if I say the word ‘plan’ often enough
people will forget that I never had one. I have
five more years left before unemployment – or
prison. I need a legacy. Fast.
3. Gwede Mantashe From: Spin - detected
“If the ANC is attacked by an alliance partner
the impact of that attack is heavier on the
movement than all the opposition parties put
together.”
4. Gwede Mantashe To: What they mean
Screw you Cosatu. Why does everyone like
you guys more than the SACP? We’re the
vanguard of the left, damnit! The workers were
never meant to get this popular.
5. Tokyo Sexwale From: Spin - detected
“I did it for democracy.”
6. Tokyo Sexwale To: What they mean
Well actually, I did it for the presidency. Again.
I’m all out of ideas.
7. Tokyo Sexwale From: Spin - detected
“I can’t count the money.”
8. Tokyo Sexwale To: What they mean
Yeah. I make it, bitch. Find someone else to be
your treasurer general. SMH.
9. Trevor Manuel From: Spin - detected
“I spoke this year at the Mail & Guardian’s 200
Young South Africans event and took a
decision as a matter of principle. It is time for
young people to come through the system. I
want to try to mentor. I feel there’s a duty to do
that now.”
10. Trevor Manuel To: What they mean
I got praised for this ANC gig in 1994 but now
it’s just getting embarrassing. I’m getting too
old for this shit.
11. Jacob Zuma From: Spin - detected
“We should not allow the situation where those
who have money turn ANC members into
commodities.”
12. Jacob Zuma To: What they mean
Stop wasting money, idiots! I need a couple
more soccer fields on the compound in
Nkandla.
15. Ace Magashule From: Spin - detected
"I am confident that I was going to win if I
accepted. I interacted with ANC members in all
provinces and they showed their support for
me.”
16. Ace Magashule To: What they mean
I may lead the most embarrassing province in
the ANC, but now I’m taking the party to court
… and I’m still going to get respect for being
awesome. That’s how narcissism works, idiots.
17. Zwelinzima Vavi From: Spin - detected
“If Cosatu was to agree to stop its stance of
critical support to the ANC, Cosatu will die first
followed by the ANC and then democracy.”
18. Zwelinzima Vavi To: What they mean
Me, keep quiet? Nice one, Gwede. Pull the
other one, and take off those red socks while
you’re at it. You’re an embarrassment to the
left.
19. Jackson Mthembu From: Spin - detected
"The storm is not a laughing matter."
20. Jackson Mthembu To: What they mean
Okay yes, we told you this was a serious
briefing and now it’s about the weather … but
have you seen that tent? It’s flimsier than our
cabinet minister performance agreements. I’m
not responding to any storms in an Irish coffee
cup.
