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Welcome Back
Please move seats so
that you are sitting
with people other than
those you work with.
Thank you!
Difficult Conversations
Paul Kenny
EXPLETIVE
DELETED
****
So what makes a
conversation difficult?
What makes a
conversation difficult ?
Standards
Impediments to progress
Perspective (clash of)
Emotionally difficult to process
Ego depleting
Perceived
lack of effort Promises
Priorities Performance
& Reward
Technical
Differences
Zones Of
Control
Unpopular
Tasks
Perceived
lack of effort Promises
Priorities Performance
Technical
Differences
Zones Of
Control
Unpopular
Tasks
Customer
Demands
Work
Style
Stress
Personal
Loyalties
Opinions
Clash of
egos
The web of human
interactions in your
business is the most
complex issue you will
face.
The answers to all
your product and
customer issues begin
here.
“Coding is the
easy part”
Why difficult
conversations will
define your business
Guns‘N Roses
The Rolling Stones
“It was the beginning of the ‘80s when
Mick started to become unbearable”
Keith Richards “Life”
Difficult
Conversations
can help to avoid
common start up
failures
Fortune 2014
The Fish
“The fish
always rots
from the brain”
Eastern European Proverb
Molehills become mountains……..
People really do make mountains of
molehills
Unspoken
conversations,
the situation
rarely gets
better it just
gets later…
Unresolved issues
divide staff and
create cliques
But it’s not just about avoiding the bad stuff
Zone Of
Uncomfortable
Debate
Everything was fine but now it’s not…..
2009 2012 2013
Difficult Conversations are often a
“Leadership Moment”
Why we fail to have the
right conversation
Task Process
Our colleagues are our friends
Time
TIME TALENT
Emotion Logic
So what to do?
The big list of tactics for difficult
conversations
1. Develop Perspective
Below The Line
Wisdom Sage
Stress Warrior
Creativity Magician
Balance Steward
Clarity Visionary
Anxiety Politician
Fear Casualty
2. Be aware of your state
3. Always have the conversation
(never procrastinate)
4. Remember you
can only change
behaviors
5. Take responsibility for your
perception and your feelings
What I noticed
What I believe
How I feel
A Friendly Word!
• Behaviour
• Consequences
• Options
• Next Steps
6. Create team rules
7. Find Interesting new ways to
address contentious issues
8. Make process reviews as
regular as progress reviews
9. Don’t be afraid to ask a third
party to help
10. Stay adaptable
(position vs. principle)
Courage is what it takes to stand up and
speak; courage is also what it takes to sit
down and listen.
-- Winston Churchill

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BoS2015 Paul Kenny - Difficult Conversations