To be an effective listener you must:Attend to the message (filter out some so we can focus on others)Understand based on listening fidelity (what is being said need to equal what is heard)Respond or give feed back (verbal and non-verbals should match)Remember or recall the information as needed.
I statements need to includeYour feeling (I feel _____)Describe event (when you _____)Have a consequence (so I will _____)I feel worried when you are late coming home. Next time please call me if you are going to be late of you will not be going out with friends after school.
An effective apology has 3 required elements:An explicit acknowledgement that the transgression was wrong.A sincere apologySome type of compensation for the behavior or an assurance that the transgression will not be repeated.
For one of the Invitation to Insights in our book I took an emotional intelligence test. There were a variety of questions that asked (in multiple choice format) what you would do in a certain situation. Towards the end of the test, it began asking questions about not only what you would do, but the same questions posed as to what you would respond to if a friend were faced with the same choice. I thought this was interesting and mentioned it to Julie and she said many times a persons response would change. I had to think about this for awhile because I chose the same answer whether it was for myself or a friend. Why would I give someone advice I wouldn’t follow myself. But I guess that maybe I would. There might be situations in which I would be afraid or uncomfortable to follow my own advice in the real world.
And if trying everything we’ve learned in this class doesn’t work, well…….