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Encouraging Richly Detailed Writing
- 1. Give Me FiveEncouraging Apprentice Writers to Create Richly Detailed Text Presented by Valerie Allen
- 5. Kids Write Like They Are Watching TV Bronwyn T. Williams offers a useful distinction between visual and print literacies in his book Tuned In. He discusses students' knowledge of televisual authorship against their own emerging sense of being an author, a topic that often gets blurred in our thinking about television's influence. Students, he finds, do not feel confident about writing television scripts (writing) , only receiving the programs (viewing). Likewise, he distinguishes between writing/or and writing like television. Undoubtedly, many writing teachers will recognize these characteristics in student writing-"impersonal detachment, as if through a camera lens" (114) and lack of details as if "readers are watching the program with them" (117). Jimmy Jet and His TV Set” – Shel Silverstein Tuned In: Television and the Teaching of Writingby Bronwyn T. Williams. Portsmouth: Heinemann-Boynton/Cook, 2002.
- 7. “We need to prepare students to be successful writers rather than remediating them after they have failed.” Smith and Wilhelm Getting It Right (2007) Getting It Right: Fresh Approaches to Teaching Grammar, Usage, and Correctness by Michael W. Smith & Jeffery D. Wilhelm New York: Scholastic 2007.
- 8. The Problems I Have WithStudents’ Writing It is deflated, lacking rich detail.
- 9. They are distracted, lacking patience in craft
- 10. Look at this picture What is going on in this painting? How would our students describe this? Vincent van Gogh's - The Large Plane Trees Cleveland Museum of Art
- 11. Student writing is often missing something…
- 12. How do we encourage students to include the experience the textures, scents, sounds, and tastes along with the visual?
- 13. “We need to prepare students to be successful writers rather than remediating them after they have failed.” Smith and Wilhelm Getting It Right (2007) Getting It Right: Fresh Approaches to Teaching Grammar, Usage, and Correctness by Michael W. Smith & Jeffery D. Wilhelm New York: Scholastic 2007.
- 14. Beginning lessons in detailed writing
- 15. Abstract vs. Concrete NounsClass Generated Webs from Prior Knowledge
- 16. Models of writing using Abstract and Concrete Nouns Abstract Nouns Concrete Nouns Every beautiful square inch of candy-apple red paint shone in the bright morning sun. Erin caressed its smooth lines with her eyes from the finger print-smeared school bus window. From the thin red racing stripes running from bumper to shining bumper, to the lightly tinted windows, to the low-profile tires, this racing machine took her breath away. At school, she could think of nothing else--algebra, English, even parenting just floated by. At lunch, she couldn't eat. "Probably best," she thought, pushing the plate of mystery meat and rubbery vegetables from her. "My life is worth nothing until I have those car keys in my hand," Erin muttered.
- 17. Give Me Five: Include all the senses in your writing using concrete nouns
- 18. The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes, The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening, Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains, Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys, Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, And seeing that it was a soft October night, Curled once about the house, and fell asleep. And indeed there will be time For the yellow smoke that slides along the street, Rubbing its back upon the window-panes; There will be time, there will be time To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet; There will be time to murder and create, And time for all the works and days of hands That lift and drop a question on your plate; Time for you and time for me, And time yet for a hundred indecisions, And for a hundred visions and revisions, Before the taking of a toast and tea. - from “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” T.S. Eliot
- 19. Model of 2nd grader’s Descriptive Writing Winter Words I see the snow glittering in the sky.I have goosebumps going down my spine.The beautiful smell of candlesburning all night,the new smell of winter shining bright,snow is on the ground.The magnificent winter in my hand.Icy lakes cracked by too much pressure,the glorious sight of winter. Borrowed from – Write Source Website (– Teacher Submitted Student Paper http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wa-winterpoem.htm
- 20. From – “H’s Hickory Chips” I look at the old tin building; it seems to have been there since the beginning of time. Its strong posts and nonchalant slouch make me wonder if it will be rooted in the same place forever. As soon as I walk in, the strong, rustic smell of hickory wood assails me. It takes me back to my family’s last Fourth of July barbeque, when the hickory chips smoking the ribs gave off their thick aroma. I wait for my eyes to adjust in the dark, humid place, not taking a step until they do because of the ageless spider that could have made its home in my path. My tongue already asks for a drink of water as I breathe the musty air littered with sawdust. Spraying on sticky repellent, I wonder if the thirsty mosquitoes will stay away. Model of 11th grader’s Descriptive Writing Borrowed from – Write Source Website (– Teacher Submitted Student Paper http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wwi-hickory.htm
- 21. Activity #2:The Boring Paragraph Activity
- 22. Read the following paragraph "The two people left their house and began to make their way down the street. The weather was just as they had expected it would be, and they were dressed appropriately. As they turned the corner to walk along the riverbank, they commented on the small boat that was sailing just ahead of them. It was occupied by a man with a hat on, who was accompanied by a small dog. The traffic rushed by on their left and the boat sailed onwards on their right. As they progressed in the direction of the bridge, they wished they too could be carried along in a car or a boat. Instead they were forced to direct their feet toward their current destination." Spend a minute or two using the Five Senses - Graphic Organizer with your partner writing down what details could be added to make this a better paragraph.
- 23. Rewrite the paragraph, replacing or adding ANY words you want , as long as you maintain the sense of the paragraph. (So, for instance, you can't have the two main characters fly away at the end. That would be changing it too much--) "The two people left their house and began to make their way down the street. The weather was just as they had expected it would be, and they were dressed appropriately. As they turned the corner to walk along the riverbank, they commented on the small boat that was sailing just ahead of them. It was occupied by a man with a hat on, who was accompanied by a small dog. The traffic rushed by on their left and the boat sailed onwards on their right. As they progressed in the direction of the bridge, they wished they too could be carried along in a car or a boat. Instead they were forced to direct their feet toward their current destination."
- 24. Have Them Start With Brainstorming The brainstorming example just used is the kind of work that Smith and Wilhelm recommended using with kids “before they write.” (27) They also suggested that “it makes sense to provide assistance before they attempt a new task in ways that will be generative…”(28) Smith and Wilhelm Getting It Right (2007)
- 25. Activity #3:The Window Activity
- 26. LISTEN
- 27. Imagine…. You are in a dark room. A closed window with the blinds shut is the only thing present in the room.
- 28. The blinds rise up as you step up to the closed window. Pressing your face to the thick glass you witness events…
- 29. Describe what you see using many details… If you get stuck, write the word marketover and over until you think of the next thing to write. Do not lift your pen and do not stop writing.
- 30. Now, the window opens allowing sounds to filter in. A breeze carries smells, and perhaps taste and texture to you…
- 31. Describe the scene using senses other than sight (sound, smell, taste, touch) Pause, reflect about this in your mind, then write.
- 32. Suddenly, you find yourself moving through the window and into the scene itself. Choose a role and describe the emotions or feelings of the event. You must write in narrative format.
- 33. You enter through the window.Describe yourself as a participant. Feel free to use The Five Senses - Graphic Organizer to help you brainstorm.
- 35. Which one do you think is the better piece?
- 36. How did the inclusion of other senses enrich your writing?
Hinweis der Redaktion
- Window ActivityPresented by - Valerie AllenAdapted from information provided at the 6+1 Traits of Writing Conference , Wayne RESA 2008This strategy is great for all content areas. It combines visual and empathy (affective) to make strong connections to the content area. This strategy focuses on descriptive writing and using sensory details. Students write for 3-10 minutes during each step.
- Have five tables – kids
- To do this, one way I can introduce the incorporation of richer details in text is by first introducing or reviewing, in older grades, the ideas of abstract nouns and concrete nouns. Younger grades can have this chart presented after giving definitions or while presenting the terms, to fill in terms that aid in defining. Older students can use this as a refresher, doing this individually or as a class. In either case, this can serve as a visual aide for later.
- This was generated by the students in class using the blank web map on the last page, and kept as a visual aide to remind students of the material covered when scaffolding
- Discuss with your students which one works better. They should notice that the concrete noun paragraph does a better job painting a visual image. Samples borrowed from: http://www.uoflife.com/wc/creative/concrete.htm
- Mentor Text 1 – read and point out different elements that students will point out for the teacher – either in discussion as a whole class, in small groups, or individually as a written exercise after reading as part of a reflection piece. How
- http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wa-winterpoem.htm
- http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/wi-hickory.htm
- Pass out the prewriting handout – tell students to spend a minute or so brainstorming the changes they will make.
- Read aloud as it appears on the screen. Teachers: Don’t be afraid to read this to them…. Although scripted, it is really effective. Don’t be alarmed by the response of your students. They won’t want to stop writing when you call time!
- Read aloud as it appears on the screen.
- Give the writers 5 minutes to Freewrite. Teachers: This part of the writing activity is intended to get students to think carefully about all of the visual details involved with the subject. Make sure that your students Freewrite during this phase of the activity. Stress the use of the trigger word. In this case, the trigger word was “market,” but you will select a word that fits best with your image and the purpose for your writing (examples… food, family, Saturday).
- Read aloud as it appears on the screen.
- Say to students: Pause, reflect about this in your mind, then write. (STOP – give an example of a cluster map) Stop and think as often as needed. You may write a narrative, or a list, but use details other than sight. Try to include as many taste and texture details as you can. Give the writers 7 minutes to write. Teachers: This part of the activity is designed to invoke a better connection with the material you are presenting through use of the senses other than sight. Students, when asked to write about something, often neglect these other senses. As we know, better writing involves all the sensorial details and this activity engages your while training them to think about the material in new ways.
- Read aloud as it appears on the screen.
- Say to students: Remember, you are writing a narrative, or story, about yourself as one of the participants in this scene. Allow the writers 10 minutes to write their narratives. Teachers: You will notice that your students will discover their best writing here. Allow them to share in pairs, and have volunteers share their writing to the class. Things to note……Although this presentation of the Window Activity is modeled on PowerPoint, you can adapt this to be used without a computer. In my own classroom, I have taken an old window frame and I mount pictures that I have blown up for use as the image. This activity is ideal as the introductory activity to new units of study in any subject. It gets the students thinking critically about the content of study and helps to activate prior knowledge. You will find that this tool helps to spark conversation and makes in class discussions livelier as well as aiding students in creating richer written texts.