How do we learn about our various group identities like female, African American, Buddhist, homosexual, middle class, etc.? From whom do we learn the meaning of these terms? What messages have we internalized about ourselves and others? What are the differences that result in one person having a healthy self identity and another person experiencing own-group shame and hatred? Learn how we can instill positive self identity in our children and coach them to be positive influences on others' identities.  Together, we can co-create inclusive communities that work toward success for all.

1. I Learned Who I Was When…
Parenting with Identity Development in Mind
The Buckley School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

2. About Seattle Girls’ School
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

3. Agenda

Identity Development

How We Learn Who We Are

Parenting with Identity in Mind

Questions and Answers

Resources
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

4. Introductions
Warm-Up Questions
Please introduce yourself, your child, and your child’s
grade. What brought you to the session today? What
tools would you like to get out of our time together?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

5. Identity Development
 What is it?
 What are the
various dimensions
of identity?
 Why identity
development?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

6. Dimensions of Identity and Culture
This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute,
adapted from Loden and Rosener’s Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003).
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

7. Your Own Identity Journey
How do you identify? What
identities have you explored
deeply or know thoroughly?
What identities do you not
think about unless it’s pointed
out? What identities do you
feel proud of and claim
publicly? Why are some
identities not as easy to take
pride in or claim?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

8. Identity and Cultural Inclusion





Identity Frames
Intractability
Positive and Negative Encounters
Identity Socialization
Co-Authorship of Identity
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

9. Identity Development:
Marginalized Identities

Innocence and Self Esteem

Encounter and Self Doubt

Assimilation to the Majority

Immersion into Identity

Emersion

Integration
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

10. Identity Development:
Privilged Identities

Innocence and Self Esteem

Encounter and Confusion

Attempt to Reintegrate

Re-Encounter and Guilt

Acceptance and Action

Immersion and Emersion

Integration
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

11. How Do You Parent with Identity in Mind?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

12. When They’re Little
Theme: Trying to Understand the World
 Curiosity based questions about difference
 Find out what they’re actually asking
 Find out why they’re asking
 Answer their questions straightforwardly
 Model and coach humility, delight, and
curiosity about difference
 Be mindful of children’s media – it’s not
always good for kids
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

13. In the Middle Years
Theme: Who Am I? How Do I Have Power?
 “Friendship Extinction Event”
 Identity search through grouping
 Good and bad cliques
 Open their horizons about identity
 Be steady through their rollercoaster
 Coach more, teach less
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

14. In the Later Years
Theme: My Future Place in the World
 Gender and sexuality stereotypes
 Power play through social status
 The role of inclusivity in their college,
professional, and personal lives
 Charging them to “practice for the real thing”
 Define values and boundaries, then accept
that they will push
 Be their consultant
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

15. Talking With Your Kids
 Be explicit about your values
 Be open about your own
struggles
 Don’t stay silent
 100 Minute Conversations
 Relationship Based
Interruption
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

16. Assisting the Identity Search
When It’s With You
 Be accepting of identity plays
 Get to know their interests
 Encourage identity pride
 Aid healthy self esteem
 Verbalize your values
 Encourage growth mindset
 Ask questions
 Tell your story
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

17. Assisting the Identity Search
When It’s With Others
 Encourage resources for identity
development (affinity or support




groups, cultural clubs, language
classes, etc.)
Get to know their peers
Engage with their music, shows,
online activities, and movies
Teach them about the “real world”
– for real
Give them access to different
kinds of people
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

18. Taking it Home

What did you learn today
that was new, helpful, or
thought provoking?

What are some goals or
strategies you would like to
apply with your children?
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

19. Questions and Comments
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

20. Presenter Information
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee
6th Faculty and
Professional Outreach
Seattle Girls’ School
2706 S Jackson Street
Seattle WA 98144
(206) 805-6562
rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org
http://tiny.cc/rosettalee
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

21. Identity Resources
• Carlos H. Arce, “A Reconsideration of Chicano Culture
and Identity”
• Atkinson, Morten, & Sue, “Racial/Cultural Identity
Development Model (R/CID)”
• Mindy Bingham and Sandy Stryker, “Socioemotional
Development for Girls”
• Vivienne Cass, “Homosexual identity formation: Testing a
theoretical model”
• William Cross, Shades of Black: Diversity in African
American Identity”
• Anthony D’Augelli, “ Identity development and sexual
orientation: Toward a model of lesbian, gay, and
bisexual development”
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

22. Identity Resources
• Erik Erikson, “Eight Stages of Man”
• J. E. Helms, Various Publications on Racial and Ethnic
Identity Development
• Jean Kim, “Processes of Asian American Identity
Development”
• James Maricia, “Four Ego and Identity Statuses”
• Suzanne Kobasa Ouellette, “The Three C’s of Hardiness”
• Jean S. Phinney, “Ethnic Identity in Adolescents and
Adults: Review of the Research”
• Ponterotto & Pederso, Preventing Prejudice
• Maria P. P. Root, Various Works on Multiracial Identity
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

23. Identity Resources
• Patricia Romney, Karlene Ferron, and Jennifer Hill,
“Measuring the Success of Diversity Directors in
Independent Schools”
• Pedro Ruiz, “Latino/a Identity Development Model”
• Chalmer E. Thompson and Robert T. Carter, Racial
Identity Theory
• Alex Wilson, “How We Find Ourselves: Identity
Development and Two Spirit People”
• Christine J. Yeh, “The Collectivistic Nature of Identity
Development Among Asian-American College
Students”
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

24. Miscellaneous Resources
• Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman, “Privilege and
Power,” Summer Diversity Institute, National Association
of Independent Schools, 2009
• Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, Nurture Shock
• Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education
Network) www.glsen.org
• Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference
• John Medina, Brain Rules, Brain Rules for Babies
• Johnnie McKinley, “Leveling the Playing Field and Raising
African American Students’ Achievement in Twenty-nine
Urban Classrooms,” New Horizons for Learning,
http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/differentiated/
mckinley.htm
• Michael J Nakkula and Eric Toshalis, Understanding Youth.
• Claude Steele, Whistling Vivaldi.
• Shankar Vandatham, The Hidden Brain.
Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)