From Lakeside Behavioral Health System's Spring 2016 EAP/MHP Conferences. This workshop is about learning to love and enjoy our work with our most complex clients while giving them some skills to love and enjoy themselves. You’ll see this means increasing our own mindfulness and self-compassion.

1. Minding Our Business
Contemplative Practices for Meeting
Suffering, Comfort and Joy
in Our Most Wounded
Christie Bates, MA
Contemplative Therapist
Spring 2016 EAP/MHP Conferences

2. “Mindfulness” of Trauma
 This workshop is about learning to love and enjoy our work with our
most complex clients while giving them some skills to love and enjoy
themselves. You’ll see this means increasing our own mindfulness
and self-compassion.
 The root of the word mindfulness suggests “to guard, stay attentive,
bear up in the face of change or chaos”
 Our culture thinks therapy is about “getting past” trauma so that
people can gain comfort and joy that is somewhere “out there”
 People who survive chronic developmental trauma, especially,
struggle be with/bear up under the suffering that comes with
experiencing comfort and joy due to protective parts of personality
that have learned good feelings aren’t safe
 We, their helpers, often struggle to support them through their
experiences of backdraft due to our self protective impatience with
their self protectiveness. (as John Briere said, we often hold the
unspoken attitude, “If you don’t have the common courtesy to
improve in my presence you can get out!”)
 It is this attitude - not clients - that burns out clinicians

3. Contemplative Practice
While reasonably connected with “mindfulness” in the parlance of most
people, contemplative practice has more to do with this shift away from giving
the message to clients (or ourselves) that “getting past” or “getting over” trauma
is the goal. For us, “getting over” does not relieve suffering.
We are also not trying to make clients believe suffering is not suffering via
spiritual bypass (the language of “lessons”).
Instead, we seek to open the blocked access to the power of the Authentic Self,
Whose compassionate presence is spacious enough to hold the truth of pain &
joy, while courageous enough to turn toward all of it with care.
Access to Authentic Self is cultivated thru regular practice of some sort –
prayer, meditation, journaling, art – that allows us to face and befriend all parts
of ourselves so that we recover unfettered access to Authentic Self
For the contemplative therapist, the transformative potential for healing in
session (that goes beyond skills training for the client) is in the regular practice
of the therapist whether or not you call yourself “contemplative.”
So let’s see what it looks like to view the world more “mindfully”

4. Response to stressful experience can be
Meeting, Greeting, Letting Go (Activity)
Conditioned
“Mindless”
Cultivated
“Mindful”
Clinging
“hanging on” or “pushing away”
(fight)
Awareness
Acceptance
(then, and only then) Action
Based on opinion
“what should be”
(flight)
Based on what is
“in harmony with reality”
Identity enmeshed w/thoughts
“This is who I am”
(freeze)
Thoughts as sensory events
As impersonal as hearing

5. Practicing Helpers
 Singh, N., Lancioni, Winton, Singh, J., Singh, A., Adkins and Wahler (2010)
performed additional analysis of a study in which training caregivers in
mindfulness apparently improved the happiness ratings and compliance of
their clients with profound disabilities.
 Additional analysis indicated that similar benefits of helper meditation had
also transferred to the children of the caregivers. There were fewer
incidences of non-compliance, although the children were not themselves
engaged in mindfulness training.
 Singh et al theorized that mindfulness training led to a transformation in
the caregivers that positively influenced their families/home lives, even
though the training was offered in the context of work

6. Practicing Helpers
 In Coatsworth, Duncan, Greenberg and Nix’s (2010) study, an experimental
group of parents received training in a child management program that
included intentional training in mindfulness. The control group of parents
received training in child management skills alone. In this study, the
mindful parenting program was shown to be equal to the control group in
terms of producing more frequent use of positive parenting technique.
 However, the mindful parenting program produced significantly higher
scores in parent-youth relationship qualities. One factor in this appears to
be that as mindfulness increases, parents may become less ego-centered in
evaluating children’s displeasing behavior; so instead of viewing that
behavior as an attempt to anger the parent, the parent becomes able to
recognize when a child is trying to make a connection by any means possible
(Coatsworth et al, 2010).
 It may be that a similar reduction in self-centeredness in helpers leads to
improvement in patient/client care as helpers assess needs more accurately
and respond more appropriately.

7. Contemplative Practice, a tall order
 Contemplative theory says that problems grow from the refusal (or inability)
to be present for the full range of life, including suffering.
 Moreover, …“if the therapist is afraid to experience pain, there is
no hope for progress” in the client or the therapist (Kaklauskas,
Nimanheminda, Hoffman, & Jack, 2008).
 Through the clear seeing made possible (via mindfulness of one’s own
process) during sessions, and the modeling of attitude and behavior that the
client can take with him/her out of sessions, the client enjoys (1) a reduction
of the suffering caused by not facing reality and (2) an increase in tolerance
for the necessary and temporary growing pains caused by facing reality
(Kaklauskas, et. al., 2008).
 Jack Kornfield: Honor System Parking
 To meet this demanding work, we have to deal with our own self-protective
parts that would have us avoid pain. Thus our own need for self-compassion

8. The Therapist as Experiencer
“It’s an open secret, known to any halfway honest therapist, that
our clients stir up in us as many unruly feelings, thoughts,
prejudices, negative associations, and untoward impulses as we
stir up in them. Not only are we as susceptible to the
crosscurrents of contagious emotions typical of almost any
human interaction as anybody else of our species, but we have
certain vulnerabilities unique to our field. For one thing,
we’re supposed to be perfect – in session at least – mature,
selfless, perceptive, calm, lucid, kind, hopeful, and wise no
matter how nasty, hostile, self-centered, unreasonable, childish,
despairing, and uncooperative our clients are.”
~ Richard Schwartz, PhD
selfleadership.org/the-larger-self.html

9. Mindfulness Training of Helpers
documented in research has resulted in…
 Lower stress level for helpers
 Increased helper empathy and self-compassion
 Increased satisfaction of helpees
 Increased compliance of helpees
 Increased job satisfaction for helpers
 Decreased nonproductive counter-
transference
 Increased efficiency of exchange; defined as
the therapist’s ability to sit with (experience)
the client’s pain and allow the client to sit with
(borrow) the therapist’s equanimity and hope
as s/he develops his/her own tolerance for
reality. (Kaklauskas, et. al., 2008)

10. Our Experience:
Words from Ranch Staff Members
 April C ~ I like to share with my group my first experience with meditation and what
that looked like for me…Terrible!!! I was even more stressed out and angrier than
when I went in…It was me being in my head and everywhere but in that room and
what few minutes I did come back to present I was shaming myself because I can’t do
this right. I have noticed since that day the more I did meditation the more present I
became. It is a part of my life now. I love to be able to take 10-15 minutes to do
something for me and have that be OK in my mind.
 Priscilla S ~ Since we started meditation I can tell a BIG difference. I am calmer and
more relaxed during work. I feel like I can solve issues easier and remain calm in
stressful situations.
 Karen M ~ I have noticed a difference in my anxiety since doing the meditation and
am able to do breathing exercises throughout the day to help me if I start to feel
anxiety. It helps me stay focused through the day.
 April W ~ I enjoy and look forward to the meditations. It helps me begin my day with
less stress and to be more focused on the clients and do the task I need done. I have
recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure and can feel a difference in my
blood pressure after doing meditation.

11. Response to a stressed experience-er
(i.e. stress response turned inward) can be…
Conditioned Compassionate
Self-Criticism
(fight)
Self-Kindness
Self-Isolation
(flight)
Common Humanity
Self-Absorption
(freeze)
Mindfulness
Germer (2015)
Beginner’s Self-Compassion (Activity)

12. The 4 Immeasurable “Heart Practices”
Kindness, Compassion, Gladness, Equanimity
Can be obscured but always there as a capacity
These traditional practices can be practiced daily for short
periods of time as a gentle way to help increase tolerance
for positive experience of connection and healthy
attachment to authentic self and others
 Concentration
 Cultivation
 Purification
Allow clients to access “authentic self” (Christ in you,
Buddha Nature, Self Leadership, Brilliant Sanity)

13. Phrases for Lovingkindness Practice
 May I be peaceful.
 May I be happy.
 May I be at ease with things as they are right now.
 May I feel safe and healthy.
 May I be free of internal or external harm.
 May I know myself as loved and worthy of love.
 May I be open to unconditional happiness
 May I consider myself worthy of well-being because I exist.
 May I be filled with lovingkindness.

14. Phrases for Compassion Practice
 May I learn to care about this ________
(confusion, pain, irritability, etc)
 May I meet this with tenderness and mercy
 May I not abandon myself to avoid this
 May I bring presence to this, that confusion
may clear and leave wisdom, and that this
pain may be transformed into compassion
 May I be filled with compassion

15. Phrases for Gratitude Practice
 May I notice and enjoy the good in my life
 May my enjoyment of goodness continue & grow
 May I notice & revel in moments of well-being
 May I celebrate progress/victories, large & small
 May I see the good in other beings
 May I see the good that I bring to other beings
 May I be happy with others and increase my joy
 May I be happy for myself as I would for others
 May I be filled with gratitude

16. Phrases for Equanimity Practice
 May I remember that my happiness depends upon my actions,
not my preferences
 May I remember that your happiness depends upon your actions,
not my preferences for you
 May I care about your pain & respect it as yours to meet
 May I wish you freedom from pain, but not rob you of its gifts.
 May I allow you the dignity to choose freedom or suffering.
 When I see you choose suffering over freedom, may I respond to
my own pain with wisdom and compassion.
 Knowing that the only things that belong to us in this world are
our actions and their consequences, may I allow us both to
experience the consequences of our actions.

17. Self-Compassion Training
Neff and Germer found that Self-Compassion can be
cultivated in stages for those who find it difficult to be
gentle in self-care, including ourselves
May you safe and at ease
May you and I be safe…
May we be safe and …
May I be safe and at ease

18. Letting Go:
The Ultimate in Self-Compassion
This intervention can be carried out with groups of dyads or in holding
space for an individual client. Each pair of people have a rope between
them to represent the “burn” of suffering due to clinging.
1.I’m holding onto this because…
1.The price I pay for holding onto this is…
1.This price my loved ones pay because I hold on
is…
1.For now, I’m willing to let go of this because…

19. Other Resources
 Buddhist or Mindful Recovery talks
theeasiersofterway.com/buddhist-recovery-speaker-tapes/
 Centering Prayer resources – contemplativeoutreach.org
 Internal Family Systems selfleadership.org
 Kristin Neff, PhD self-compassion.net
 Meditation Meeting Network buddhistrecovery.org
 Noah Levine’s Refuge Recovery refugerecovery.org
 Penuel Ridge Retreat Center penuelridge.org
 St. Mary’s (Centering prayer) stmaryssewanee.org
 Tara Brach, PhD on Relational Mindfulness & Breaking
the Trance of Unworthiness www.tarabrach.com
 UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center/Free
Meditation Podcasts marc.ucla.edu

20. References
 Chiesa, A. & Seretti, A., (2009). Mindfulness-based stress reduction for stress management in
healthy people: a review and meta-analysis. Journal of Alternative and Complementary
Medicine, 15(5) 593-600. DOI: 10.1089/acm.2008.9485
 Coatsworth, J. D., Duncan, L. G., Greenberg, M. T., & Nix, R. L. (2010). Changing parents’
mindfulness, child management skills and relationship quality with their youth: Results from a
randomized pilot intervention trial. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 19(2), 203-203-217.
doi:10.1007/s10826-009-9304-8.
 Epstein, M. (1995). Thoughts without a thinker: psychotherapy from a Buddhist perspective.
New York: Perseus Books.
 Follette, V.M., Briere J. Rozelle, D., Hopper, J. W., & Rome, D. I., (2015) Mindfulness-Oriented
Interventions for Trauma: Integrating Contemplative Practices. New York: The Guildford Press.
 Kabat-Zinn, J. Wherever you go there you are: mindfulness meditation in everyday life. New
York: Hyperion.
 Kaklauskas, F. J., Nimanheminda, S., Hoffman, L., & Jack, M. S., (2008). Brilliant sanity:
Buddhist approaches to psychotherapy. Colorado Springs: University of the Rockies Press.
 Pruitt, I. T. & McCollum, E. E. (2010) Voices of experienced meditators: the impact of meditation
practice on intimate relationships. Contemporary Family Therapy 32:135-154.
doi:10.1007/s10591-009-9112-8.
 Singh, N.N., Lancioni, G.E., Winton, A.S.W., Singh, J., Singh, A.N., Adkins, A.D., & Wahler, R.G.
(2010). Training in mindful caregiving transfers to parent-child interactions. Journal of Child and
Family Studies 19:167-174. doi: 10.1007/s10826-009-9267-9.