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New Adventures
    in Writing

     By: Kelly White




  Fall Semester 2011 LLED 597G
   Dr. Susan Campbell Bartoletti
        Writing For Children
        Penn State Univeristy
Text Copyright © 2011 by K. White

All rights reserved. Published by Stewart Publishing.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,
without written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to:
Stewart Publishing 446 Sunset Way, Bethlehem, PA 18017.


                                           Dedication
To my family, for all of their support through my latest endeavor.
Table of Contents


Part I: Original Work

A Talk With Mommy ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………5

A New School Year…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……7

How to Find a Rainbow………………………………………………………………………………………………………….…9

What do you want for your birthday?..................................................................................10

The Lost Penny……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….11

Geo: The Hero…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………13

Lost and Found……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….15



Part II: Critiques

Critiques by Kelly……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..……17

Critiques from Classmates………………………………………………………………………………………………….20

Personal Philosophy of Children’s Literature………………………………………………………………….27



Part 3: Appendix

Author’s Note………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..28

Biography…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….….29

Blurbs………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………30
Part I:Original Work

“A Talk With Mommy”


Daddy’s big day is today

You would be so very proud of how far we’ve come

When you left us, we cried all the time

We missed you so much.



Daddy wasn’t around much after that

He left me with grandma most of the time

I didn’t know where he went

It made me miss you even more.



It took some time, but one day things changed

Daddy was there after school

He started helping me with homework

It helped me miss you a little less.



That’s when Daddy introduced us

It didn’t feel right at first

I thought Daddy didn’t miss you anymore

But I still missed you every day.
Now, Daddy has a twinkle in his eye

And a smile back on his face

She makes us both laugh

And lets me tell her how much I miss you.



Today, Daddy will marry her

And I’ll be in my new white dress

He’s going to give her a ring too

But don’t worry, he told me he’d still miss you.



When the wedding is over, we’ll be a family

She promised to be a good wife to Daddy

But she promised to be here for me too

And never let me forget how much I love you.


Reflection: This assignment behind this poem was that it needed to tell about the
beginning of something. My brother was recently married and I wanted to capture
the brand new family that is created through marriage from a child’s point of view.
Many children have experienced the death of a parent and the remarriage of the
other parent. I wanted to capture the thoughts of a young child as he or she
transitions to a brand new family being very cognizant of the family that existed in
the past.

I decided to write this as a conversation a young child is having with her mother,
who is in heaven. The emotional thoughts of this little girl as she goes through a
range of feelings show her innocence, always remembering how much she loves her
mother.
A New School Year


Crayons, pencils, notebooks packed

Lunch waits in the fridge

Clothing lies out on the chair

Time for bed draws near.




Prayers and goodnights said by all

Then crawl into bed

Tucked in tight under blankets

Mom turns off the light.




Morning comes, the sun shines bright

No more sleeping in

Up and ready for the day

School's already here.




Breakfast smells flow up the stairs

Waffles, eggs, and juice

Mom yells "Let's go! Time to eat!"

Down the stairs we run.
The bus is at the neighbor's

Grab our bags and go

Out the door right to the place

Where we catch our ride.




Through the doors and up the steps

Walking down the aisle

Find a seat to start the trip

Wave goodbye to mom.




Arrive at school, talk to friends

Time for class to start

Meet the teacher, time to learn

First day back at school.




Reflection: I wanted to capture the excitement of the first day of school from
the night before to catching the bus in the morning to finally arriving at school.
The first day of school is a major event every fall for any family with children. It
marks the day where the relaxing summer comes to an end and a more structured
life resumes. It is a memorable, but chaotic day for the entire family, especially
when kids have become accustomed to sleeping in and not observing a normal bed
time.
How to Find a Rainbow



Go over the hillto the first big oak tree

The one where we played on the first day of spring.



Then make a right and go towards the lake.

First pass by the sign for the bicycle trail.



Right after the spotwhere we restedand snacked,

You'll see a big bearwho will ask you to stay.



As you kindly decline, make your way up the hill,

right past the bend you'll see a sly red fox.



She'll point to a field where wild flowers grow

and tell you to look forthe blue butterfly.



This beauty will help you to find the right spot

where colors of plenty bounce into place.



In the clearing you'll find a most beautiful sight,

just make sure to be quietas you watch in surprise.
As spectacular displays of color abound,

You know you're at the place where rainbows are found.



Reflection: I wanted to write about something fun in this poem which was to be a
direction poem. I liked what could be done with the topic of finding the end of a
rainbow. I wanted the place where rainbows “lived” to be a magical place and
whoever found it would experience a magical moment. I think this poem could be
made into a picture book where the setting would be a very strong element of the
story.
What do you want for your birthday?




Do you want a bike for riding or a tent for hiding?

Some blocks to stack or a bright red back pack?

A soft fuzzy bear or a warm coat to wear?

A coloring bookor a fishing rod and hook?

A baseball and bator a brand new kitty cat?

A sled to ride in snow or a light up green yoyo?

A book about puppiesor a tank full of guppies?




What I want for my birthdayis a trip to the zoo,

to see all the animalswith my friendsand family too!



Reflection: This was a question and answer poem. I know the purpose of it did not
include rhyme so I tried to change it to non-rhyming lines, but it lost some of the
rhythm when trying to do so. In this example, I think rhyme is important in that it
commands the attention of younger children who could be reading the poem. I also
wanted to represent the flurry of activity that goes on in the brain of a child when
he or she thinks about what they would want for a birthday present.
The Lost Penny




I found a penny on the walks

And showed it to my mom.

She smiled and said to keep it

For I was a lucky one.

I tucked it in my pocket.

But couldn’t help to wonder

Who dropped that shiny penny there

For me to find today.

But thanks to them my piggy bank

Is one penny closer to the top.




Reflection: This poem was based upon the old adage, “A Penny Saved is a Penny
Earned”. The idea behind the poem was to choose the adage and write a poem that
would exhibit the idea but wouldn’t specifically list the phrase. I chose this phrase
because kids are thrilled when they find money, most times even if it is only a
penny. We tend to think in terms of larger amounts of money, not the penny
anymore, but many kids are still thrilled to find any denomination of money and
show it off.
Geo: The Hero

       The bright warm sun beat down on the newly paved black highway as the
tires on the family's sedan spun quickly to keep up with the rest of the fast moving
traffic. It was rush hour and anyone who did not keep up could be in grave danger
from fast moving traffic as the cars ducked in and out of the passing lane. My
owners, Matt and Cassie,were sitting in the front seat and I sat with Brody and
Leah in the back seat. We were on our way to an afternoon picnic where I would
play fetch with the kids and Matt would play ball with me in the meadow.

      Suddenly, I heard a loud noise and the car started to swerve. Matt used all
the strength he had to steer the car toward the side of the road. The tires
screeched as he applied pressure to the brakes to help slow the car to a speed
that would allow him to safely navigate it to the side of the road.

       I glanced at Brody and Leah and they both looked terrified. I was scared
myself. The whole car was in a panic but we knew Matt would keep us safe. Lucky
for us, the car started to slow down even though it bounced off the guard rail
many times before it actually stopped.

       Matt and Cassie immediately turned around to make sure no one was hurt.
Brody and Leah were both fine and I barked to let Matt and Cassie know I wasn’t
hurt either. Matt closed his eyes for a few seconds. I think he just needed time
to calm down. When he was ready to assess the damage, Matt realized that the
only way out of the car was through the driver's side door since the passenger's
side was pinned against the mangled guard rail.

      "Everyone, stay put!" Matt said. "I want to get a look at the car."

I didn’t know why but I knew something wasn’t right as Matt put his hand on the
door handle to get out of the car. Just as he started to open the door, I began
barking violently to get his attention. Matt took his hand off the door and looked
at the back seat where I sat between Leah and Brody.

      "What's wrong, boy?" Matt questioned.

At that moment, the front corner of the car was clipped by a large, red dump truck
swerving to miss a piece of debris. Matt looked at Cassie with his eyes wide open
and made sure everyone was unharmed once again. Then looked at me, sitting
proudly wagging my tail, with a smile on his face.
"Thanks, Geo! You just saved my life!" he said with excitement.

Reflection: This piece is based on the flash fiction concept. The idea is to have
the climax quickly in a short passage of writing. I chose to write it from Geo’s
point of view, since children are generally excited about stories with animals in
them.
Lost and Found
       The scent of a burning wood fire pit floated through the crisp, fall air as
groups of people walked across the large, dirt parking lot situated on a hill where
crops were once planted. Crowds of people stood in line to see how long it would
take them to conquer the one and one-half mile track where monsters lingered and
dead ends played spoiler as patrons progressed closer to the exit of the maze.
       The small, rickety building which housed the ticket booth, catered to a
constant line of people handing the worker money for admission to the property
decorated with pumpkins, gourds, and cornstalks. Bales of hay were strategically
placed throughout the field for people to sit. Eerie music and fog were flowing
from the cornstalks where paths were cut to create the intricate design of this
season's maze.
       Finally, we reached the front of the line where an elderly man wearing a red
plaid shirt with overalls and a John Deere baseball cap, awaited our arrival.
       "What's your pleasure?" he asked.
       "Two adults and three children, please!" mom replied.
       "That'll be forty-four dollars," he stated as he began to count out the five
blue tickets my mom and dad purchased. My fouryear old brother and seven year
old sister were tired of standing in line and started whining to my dad.
       "Mom's getting the tickets now. It won't be much longer and then we'll be
able to start the maze."
       Mom quickly handed him the money as the line behind us continued to get
longer. The old man fumbled with the tickets as he tore them from the roll and slid
them out the window.
       "Thank you, ma'am! Enjoy!"
       "I'm sure we will! Thank you!" Mom smiled back at him as we briskly departed
the ticket booth to head towards the entrance to the maze.
       Suddenly, mom turned around. My brother was nowhere to be seen. She
started to panic looking at all the people that were walking around near the corn
maze. "Stay here!" Dad commanded as he began looking for my brother.
We looked around quickly to see if we could spot my brother at one of the game or
food stands. Mom was frantic and I could see she wanted to help my dad find my
brother, but she had to stay with my sister and me, to make sure we were safe.
       "Mommy! Where is he?" my sister cried.
       Tears streamed down my sister’scheek as she looked everywhere to see if
she could see my brother. Her pigtails where uneven and her eyes were becoming
red from weeping. I went over to her and asked her if she wanted to sit on the
bench with me so mom could help with the search, at least from where we sat. She
looked at me and shook her head. I took her hand and walked her over to the bale
of hay where she could sit with me until we could get more information about my
brother. My dad was over at the ticket booth checking for a loud speaker or PA
system that might be set up. My mom, sister, and I stayed by the bale of hay near
the maze entrance just in case he would show up there.
       My dad came back and told us that a staff member would be over soon to
help us with the situation. Suddenly, we heard someone yelling faintly, but we
couldn't understand what was being said. As the muffled sound got closer, we
realized there was urgency in the voice.
       "Daddy! Daddy! Where are you?" the voice yelled hysterically.
       As soon as my mom heard the familiarity in the child's voice, she looked at
my dad and yelled for my brother.
       "Did you hear that?" she asked.
       "Jason, where are you?" she yelled, straining to see where the voice came
from.
       "Stay here," my dad gently told her. "We don't want anyone else to get lost
inside the maze. I'll go find him."
       My dad ran into the corn maze. The seconds he was gone felt like hours.
Suddenly a man carrying a small child came running out of the corn maze
entrance. As soon as my mom saw my dad and brother, she ran to them, scooped my
brother up in her arms, and gave him a big hug. When she was finished hugging him,
she looked at him to make sure he wasn't hurt.
       "Are you ok?" she asked.
       "Yes, mommy. I went through the maze, but I couldn't get out! There was
too much corn. Daddy found me!"
       "I know!" she said. "But you have to promise me something."
       "What?" he asked innocently.
       "That you will never take off like that again. You could have been hurt in
such a big place and we wouldn't have known where you were. You really scared us."
       He looked at my mom and shook his head.
       "Do you have something to say to mommy?" my dad asked.
       "Sorry, mommy," my brother said shyly looking at her with tears in his big
       blue eyes.
       "That's ok this time, but next time you're going to lose your new Tonka
       truck for at least one week."
       "Ok, Mommy! I'll wait for you next time. I promise!" he agreed.
       Dad notified the attraction staff to let them know that everything was
taken care of and finally, we made our way into the maze. As monsters and ghosts
came out from every corner of the maze, we were scared too many times to count.
My brother made sure he did not leave my mom's side as we navigated the maze.
We stopped at every map to see how far we had gone and where we needed to go
next. As we carefully made each turn, we continued to get closer to the exit.
       "We made it!" my brother yelled as we found the place where the corn
opened to the exit. "Can we go again?"
       "NO!" my parents said in concert. "We've had enough of this corn maze for
the night! Time to go home!"
       My sister and I laughed as we headed for the parking lot after a long night
at the corn maze.

 Reflection: This story focused on the description of the setting. Since there
were so many things to describe, it was important to use adjectives that would give
the reader an idea of what the place looked like. Dialogue also became an
important part of the story, especially when the little boy was found in the maze.
Part II

Critiques Given

RE: Anna's Story - Revised Beginning


This was a great piece! I'm sure you would get to it when you expand your writing,
but one thing I think it would help the reader to know is why the mother is being
executed. The story leads the reader to believe that the mother and son were
both being executed for the same crime. Maybe the longer work could address the
lasting effect the executions had on the girl telling the story. Also, where is her
father? Was he killed before the mother was executed?

Great story! I would love to read the whole work once you're finished.




RE: 10.1-10.2 combined Until the Golden Sun Shines Again


This is a great story. The beginning is so sad, but the story progresses to one of
happiness as the family picks up their new dog. I made a few remarks. They are in
red in the story.

Until the Golden Sun Shines Again
       Riley stood over Nana, her golden retriever of ten years, and cried. Nana lay
lifeless on the cold steel observation table. It was supposed to be a routine
operation to
remove an inflamed uterus. Although she had survived the operation, Nana's blood
pressure had dropped during her overnight recovery in the kennel. Nana’s tongue
hung from the side of her mouth, and her limbs began to stiffen. Nana was dead.
       "It's not supposed to be this way. She was supposed to come home. We were
writing a story...she was... the princess," said Riley. Riley buried her head into
Nana's shoulder and sobbed. Her small frame was barely tall enough to lean over
and reach her arms around the neck of her beloved golden retriever.
       "Doctor, this is probably silly, and I’m embarrassed to ask. But, can we have
a clipping of Nana’s fur? I think...we’d like to have something…a little something to
rememberher by," said Riley's mom as she fought back tears.
"Sure, and no that isn't silly. You'd be surprised how many people ask," said
the doctor. "I'll leave the room and let you two say your good-byes." Dr. McBroom
closed the door quietly behind her.
       Riley reached her arms under Nana's neck and gently cradled it to her face
and chest.Standing high on her tip-toes, Riley struggled to caress Nana's golden
fur and run her fingers down the length of the retriever’s body. She paused
momentarily to wipe the tears from hereyes and then again buried her face into
the retriever's neck.
       "I'm so sorry girl. I’m so sorry. I loved you...ten years. You were... a good
dog...such agood dog. Good-bye Nana," said Riley. The tears continued to stream
down her cheeks asshe lifted her face. Stroking Riley's long brown hair while
extending her a tissue, Riley's momfought to stay strong for her daughter.
       "We'll look for another one...when you're ready. She was a good dog," said
Riley's mom.
"We'll bury her on the back acre. Daddy can come pick her up after work."
        The ride through the treed neighborhood going home was quiet. A small ray
of sunlight
streamed through the front window and caused Riley to squint. "Mom," Riley said,
"do you think
God cares that Nana died? I mean, we were writing a story. How will I write the
story now?"
Riley periodically wiped back tears as she stared pensively out the window. "The
sun is so beautifulmom, but it's in my eyes," said Riley. (**Something is missing
here. You may want to have her mother answer that question before moving on to
Riley's question about the sun. It's a deep question for a child to ask, so I feel
that her mother should answer. It would make for a very touching part of the
story where Riley's mom comforts her by letting her know that God cares about all
creatures.) Before her mom could answer, Riley suddenly perked up as if something
profound had occurred to her.
       "Bella!" said Riley
       "What?" said Riley's mom.
       "Bella! It means beautiful. I'm going to name my next golden retriever Bella.
If Nana had
the dog's name from Peter Pan, then my next dog will have a Disney name too," said
Riley.
"Her name will be Bella!"
       "…Okay...but we should probably give this some time. We're not in any rush.
But, you can start looking when you're ready," said Riley's mom.
"I'm not in any rush, Mom. I just know her name is supposed to be Bella,"
said Riley.
"I just don't know if Bella will want to dress up like a princess."
       Weeks passed, and Riley still cried when she thought about Nana. She'd pray
for a new puppy every night when she'd say her prayers. Hoping to encourage her
in the search,Riley's aunt sent a pink cake inscribed, Until the Golden Sun Shines
Again.
      Three more weeks passed before Riley found a breeder in Maypearl, Texas.
She hadcontacted breeders all over the state of Texas trying to find the retriever
she thought wassupposed to be hers. She had grown so accustomed to Nana's face
and features that she knew she was looking for a puppy that had light fur and
sweet eyes like Nana. The breederat Heavenly Blessed Kennels welcomed Riley and
her parents to see the various litters of puppies.
Riley passed the kennel cages looking for her next puppy. (A description of the
kennel and all the other puppies looking for homes would be a great way to draw
the reader into the important choice Riley had in picking a new puppy.)
        "Mom, I like this one. Look at her face! She looks like Nana," said Riley. Riley
picked up
the little golden retriever puppy and held her up in the air. "This is her. This is
Bella."
        "Are you sure?" said Riley's dad.
        "I'm sure dad. Look! She's even got a little bell on her collar!" said Riley.
        "Well, then she's the one," said Riley's dad. Riley’s dad paid the breeder,
and the family thanked her as she handed them the pedigree papers. Riley tucked
Bellainside a warm blanket and crawled into the back seat of the car with her new
puppy. Bella curled up in her lap.
        "You're the puppy I've been waiting for," said Riley. As they were driving,
Riley's mother began to look over the pedigree papers that were neatly tucked into
an organized folder. She pulled out a chart that listed Bella's parents and
grandparents. That was whenRiley's mom knew that Riley indeed had the right
puppy. Bella's grandmother was registeredwith the American Kennel Club as Lady
Bella of Walnut Creek. Perhaps Bella could learn to dress upas a princess and write
a story with Riley as well.
Critiques Received

RE: Child Centric Poem Revision

WHITE, PAULA




Hi Kelly,

I wrote and few comments and then a conclusive observation. This is a cute
piece.




A New School Year

Crayons, pencils, notebooks packed

Lunch is in the fridge

Clothing hanging on the door

Time for bed is near.




The night goes by so quickly This almost seems like the verse should end with
it~

Lights are turning off

Say goodnight to mom and dad

Then crawl into bed.




Morning comes, the sun shines bright

No more sleeping in
Getting ready for the day

School's already here.




Breakfast smells flow up the stairs (word choice? maybe waft)

Waffles, eggs, and juice

Mom yells "Let's go! Time to eat!" I wonder if these should be switched for
chronological order?

Down the stairs we run.




The bus is at the neighbor's

Grab your bags and go

Down the steps, out to the spot We're running down steps in the previous verse.
This seems a bit confusing. I'm thinking that you mean they are exiting the
house and there is another flight of stairs, but that isn't stated, so it just
seems redundant.

Where we'll catch our ride.




Through the glass doors, up the steps

Quickly down the aisle

Find a seat to start the trip

Wave goodbye to mom.




Arrive at school, talk to friends
Class is starting now

Meet the teacher, take lunch count It seems like you change perspective
here.For the most part the commentary is the child's response. The "take
lunch count" seems to shift the narrative flow.

Back to school again. Did you mean to say "Back at" ?




This appears to be the conveyance of the daily routine for children around the
world. So many of them prepare their belongings the night before, crawl into
bed, and you have captured the communal process. I'm wondering if you might
include some of the anxieties associated with the "first day" back after
summer as well as some of the sounds and smells of the classroom
(bell, cafeteria food, etc.). I like the images and I could see this written in
meter as well. Nice job.

Reflection: This helped me to see where the poem was worded incorrectly.
Keeping the poem in one perspective seemed to be something I had trouble with so
I was grateful for the help with that.




Index Card Scene Revision

       The scent of a wood fire pit burning in the crisp fall air floated through
the air (this is a bit wordy~perhaps edit it a bit closer) as groups of people
walked across the large, dirt parking lot situated on a hill where crops were once
planted. I think I'd make two sentences from your opening sentence. Crowds of
people stood in line to see (word choice "anticipating" rather than "to see") how
long it would take them to conquer the 1 ½ mile track where monsters lingered and
dead ends played the spoiler to progressing closer to the exit of the maze.
       The small, rickety building which housed the ticket booth, catered to a
constant line of people handing the worker money for admission to the property
decorated with pumpkins, gourds, and cornstalks. (Seems like the decorated
pumpkins, gourds and cornstalks rather than the "rickety building" make a better
subject choice for inticing the fall festival mood). Bales of hay (nice fall image)
were strategically placed throughout the field for people to sit. Scary (ambiguous)
music and fog were coming from the cornstalks where paths were cut to create the
intricate design of the season’s maze.
       Finally, we got(is there a more active verb choice?)to the beginning of the
line where an elderly man wearing a red plaid shirt with overalls and a John Deere
baseball cap, awaited our arrival.
       "What's your pleasure?" he asked.
       "2 adults and 3 children, please!!"(just one exclamation mark) mom replied.
       "That'll be forty-four dollars," he stated as he began to count out the five
blue tickets my mom and dad purchased. My 4 year old brother and 7 year old
sister were tired of standing in line and started whining to my dad.
       “Mom’s getting the tickets now. It won’t be much longer and then we’ll be
able to start the maze.”
       Mom quickly handed him the money as the line behind us continued to get
longer. He fumbled with the tickets as he tore them off the roll and then slid them
out the window.
       "Thank you, ma'am! Enjoy!"
       "I'm sure we will! Thank you!"Mom said. We Mom smiled back at him as we
briskly departed the ticket booth to head towards the entrance to the maze.
       Suddenly, mom turned around. My brother was nowhere to be seen. She
started to panic looking at all the people that were walking around near the corn
maze.
      “Stay here!” Dad commanded as he began looking for my brother. We looked
around quickly to see if we could spot my brother at one of the game or food
stands. Mom was frantic (comma) and I could see she wanted to help my dad find
my brother, but she had to stay with my sister and me, to make sure we stayed
safe. (a bit of redundancy)
       "Mommy! Where is he?" my sister cried.
       Tears streamed down her cheek as she looked everywhere to see if she
could see my brother. (a bit wordy)Her pigtails where uneven and her eyes were
becoming red from weeping. I went over to her and asked her if she wanted to sit
on the bench with me so mom could help with the search, at least from our
location. She looked at me and shook her head. I took her hand and walked her over
to the bale of hay where she could sit with me until we could get(verb choice)more
information about my brother. My dad was over at the ticket booth checking for a
loud speaker or PA system that might be set up. My mom, sister, and I were still by
the bale of hay by the maze entrance just in case he would show up there.
       My dad came back and told us that a staff member would be over soon to
help us with the situation. Suddenly, we heard someone yelling faintly, but we
couldn't understand what was being said. As the muffled sound got closer, we
realized there was urgency in the voice.
       "Daddy! Daddy! Where are you?" the voice yelled hysterically.
       As soon as my mom heard the familiarity in the child's voice, she looked at
my dad and started smiling.
       “Did you hear that?” she asked.
       "Jason, where are you?" she yelled, straining to see from where the voice
was coming.
       "Stay here," my dad gently told her. "We don't want anyone else to get lost
inside the maze. I’ll go find him."
       My dad ran into the corn maze. The seconds he was gone felt like
hours. Suddenly a man carrying a small child came running out of the corn maze
entrance. As soon as my mom saw my dad and brother, she ran to them, scooped my
brother up in her arms, and gave him a big hug. When she was finished hugging
him, she looked over him to make sure he wasn’t hurt. (I would try to edit the
pronoun references here).
       "Are you ok?" she asked.
       "Yes, mommy. I went through the maze, but I couldn’t get out! There was too
much corn. Daddy found me!"
       “I know!” she said. “But you have to promise me something.”
       “What?” he asked innocently.
       “That you will never take off like that again. You could have been hurt in
such a big place and we wouldn’t have known where you were. You really scared us.”
       He looked at my mom and shook his head.
       “Do you have something to say to mommy?” my dad asked.
“Sorry, mommy,” my brother said shyly looking at her with tears in his big blue
eyes.
“That’s ok this time, but next time you’re going to lose your new Tonka truck for at
least one week.”
“Ok, Mommy! I’ll wait for you next time. I promise!” he agreed.
       Dad notified the attraction staff to let them know that everything was
taken care of and finally, we made our way into the maze. As monsters and ghosts
came out from every corner of the maze, we were scared too many times to
count. My brother made sure he did not leave my mom’s side as we navigated the
maze. We stopped at every map to see how far we had gone and where we needed
to go next. As we carefully made each turn, we continued to get closer to the exit.
(pronoun edit needed)
“We made it!” my brother yelled as we found the place where the corn
opened to the exit. “Can we go again?”
       “NO!” my parents said in concert. “We’ve had enough of this corn maze for
the night! Time to go home!”
       My sister and I laughed as we headed for the parking lot after a long night
at the corn maze.

      Hi Kelly,

      This is a fun piece. You may want to write out your numbers to be
consistent (ask Susan). Also, I know that we are supposed to keep our speaker
tags simple according to Lamb (171). (I was called out on that too.) The
biggest suggestion that I can offer would be to edit your pronoun usage and
watch for wordiness. Any plans for the portfolio with this one?

Reflection: Paula helped once again with the wording in my short story. I had
difficulty with pronouns in the piece and at places it got very wordy. This critique
pointed these places out to me so I could try to fix them.
Personal Philosophy of Children’s Literature

         When writing a children’s story, it is important for the author to create a

story which is intriguing and keeps the attention of the audience. Many authors

use imagination and life experiences to create interesting characters and intricate

plots that will come together to make a piece of literature rich in story. Plot,

characters, and settingall go into creating a piece of writing which speaks volumes

to its readers.

         Plot is an important aspect in all stories. Without a plot that interests the

readers, the story can never fully develop into a classic remembered by many as a

childhood favorite. The characters of a story can make a book great or leave the

readers longing for more. Authors must make their readers feel some kind of

emotion towards the characters gracing the pages of their book. If a reader does

not have an opinion on the major characters in the book, the author has not

succeeded in creating dynamic and fascinating individuals or creatures to tell the

story.

         As the semester progressed, I realized that three of the major elements,

consisting of plot, characters, and setting must be thoroughly investigated before

literature is given to the public. These elements must be intriguing so the readers

are willing to finish the book, following the characters to the end of the story. If

the author cannot sell the elements of plot, characters, and setting to the readers,
the story is doomed to fail. However, if the author puts extensive thought into

crafting the story and creates an intricate plot, dynamic characters, and

captivating settings, the story will live on for many years.
Part III

                                   Author’s Note

      As I completed pieces for the portfolio and course activities, I learned a lot
about myself as a writer. I never thought I could put my ideas down on paper and
get anywhere with them. It still takes extra effort for me to get my ideas across
exactly the way I intend for them to come out, but I will continue to work on it.

       I advise anyone who wants to try their hand at the craft of writing to do so.
It is a way to let your emotions out and invest them into a story for others to read.
Stick with it and don’t let anyone discourage you.

                                                    Kelly White
Author Biography:

Kelly White lives in Andreas, Pennsylvania with her husband. She graduated from
Moravian College with a B.A. in Accounting. After owning a tax business for several
years, she decided to pursue a teaching career.

Since completing her Elementary Education certification courses, she has been
teaching Math at a public cyber school. She is currently working on attaining a
Master’s Degree in Curriculum and Instruction specializing in Children’s Literature
from Penn State University.
Blurbs

“A Conversation With Mommy” is well done! I can tell how much the little girl
misses her Mommy, but can’t help but anticipate how nice it will be for her to have
a new family.” Deanna Matrishion, High School English Teacher

“Such emotion in “A Conversation With Mommy…I would love to check in on this
character in the future to see how her new family is working out!” Lauren Fox,
High School Social Studies Teacher

“Tears of sorrow for the little girl in “A Conversation With Mommy” turn into tears
of joy. I could tell her mother’s absence left a hole in her soul.” Jena Wassmer,
Kindergarten Teacher

“I was happy to see the little girl get the family she needed so much. I would be
very interested to find out what happened with this brand new family.”
DawneBeidleman, Bible School Director

“The poem truly exhibits the emotions of a little girl who has just lost her mother.
Good job!” Jaime Black, Lawyer

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  • 1. New Adventures in Writing By: Kelly White Fall Semester 2011 LLED 597G Dr. Susan Campbell Bartoletti Writing For Children Penn State Univeristy
  • 2. Text Copyright © 2011 by K. White All rights reserved. Published by Stewart Publishing. No part of this publication may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to: Stewart Publishing 446 Sunset Way, Bethlehem, PA 18017. Dedication
  • 3. To my family, for all of their support through my latest endeavor.
  • 4. Table of Contents Part I: Original Work A Talk With Mommy ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………5 A New School Year…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……7 How to Find a Rainbow………………………………………………………………………………………………………….…9 What do you want for your birthday?..................................................................................10 The Lost Penny……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….11 Geo: The Hero…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………13 Lost and Found……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….15 Part II: Critiques Critiques by Kelly……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..……17 Critiques from Classmates………………………………………………………………………………………………….20 Personal Philosophy of Children’s Literature………………………………………………………………….27 Part 3: Appendix Author’s Note………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..28 Biography…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….….29 Blurbs………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………30
  • 5. Part I:Original Work “A Talk With Mommy” Daddy’s big day is today You would be so very proud of how far we’ve come When you left us, we cried all the time We missed you so much. Daddy wasn’t around much after that He left me with grandma most of the time I didn’t know where he went It made me miss you even more. It took some time, but one day things changed Daddy was there after school He started helping me with homework It helped me miss you a little less. That’s when Daddy introduced us It didn’t feel right at first I thought Daddy didn’t miss you anymore But I still missed you every day.
  • 6. Now, Daddy has a twinkle in his eye And a smile back on his face She makes us both laugh And lets me tell her how much I miss you. Today, Daddy will marry her And I’ll be in my new white dress He’s going to give her a ring too But don’t worry, he told me he’d still miss you. When the wedding is over, we’ll be a family She promised to be a good wife to Daddy But she promised to be here for me too And never let me forget how much I love you. Reflection: This assignment behind this poem was that it needed to tell about the beginning of something. My brother was recently married and I wanted to capture the brand new family that is created through marriage from a child’s point of view. Many children have experienced the death of a parent and the remarriage of the other parent. I wanted to capture the thoughts of a young child as he or she transitions to a brand new family being very cognizant of the family that existed in the past. I decided to write this as a conversation a young child is having with her mother, who is in heaven. The emotional thoughts of this little girl as she goes through a range of feelings show her innocence, always remembering how much she loves her mother.
  • 7. A New School Year Crayons, pencils, notebooks packed Lunch waits in the fridge Clothing lies out on the chair Time for bed draws near. Prayers and goodnights said by all Then crawl into bed Tucked in tight under blankets Mom turns off the light. Morning comes, the sun shines bright No more sleeping in Up and ready for the day School's already here. Breakfast smells flow up the stairs Waffles, eggs, and juice Mom yells "Let's go! Time to eat!" Down the stairs we run.
  • 8. The bus is at the neighbor's Grab our bags and go Out the door right to the place Where we catch our ride. Through the doors and up the steps Walking down the aisle Find a seat to start the trip Wave goodbye to mom. Arrive at school, talk to friends Time for class to start Meet the teacher, time to learn First day back at school. Reflection: I wanted to capture the excitement of the first day of school from the night before to catching the bus in the morning to finally arriving at school. The first day of school is a major event every fall for any family with children. It marks the day where the relaxing summer comes to an end and a more structured life resumes. It is a memorable, but chaotic day for the entire family, especially when kids have become accustomed to sleeping in and not observing a normal bed time.
  • 9. How to Find a Rainbow Go over the hillto the first big oak tree The one where we played on the first day of spring. Then make a right and go towards the lake. First pass by the sign for the bicycle trail. Right after the spotwhere we restedand snacked, You'll see a big bearwho will ask you to stay. As you kindly decline, make your way up the hill, right past the bend you'll see a sly red fox. She'll point to a field where wild flowers grow and tell you to look forthe blue butterfly. This beauty will help you to find the right spot where colors of plenty bounce into place. In the clearing you'll find a most beautiful sight, just make sure to be quietas you watch in surprise.
  • 10. As spectacular displays of color abound, You know you're at the place where rainbows are found. Reflection: I wanted to write about something fun in this poem which was to be a direction poem. I liked what could be done with the topic of finding the end of a rainbow. I wanted the place where rainbows “lived” to be a magical place and whoever found it would experience a magical moment. I think this poem could be made into a picture book where the setting would be a very strong element of the story.
  • 11. What do you want for your birthday? Do you want a bike for riding or a tent for hiding? Some blocks to stack or a bright red back pack? A soft fuzzy bear or a warm coat to wear? A coloring bookor a fishing rod and hook? A baseball and bator a brand new kitty cat? A sled to ride in snow or a light up green yoyo? A book about puppiesor a tank full of guppies? What I want for my birthdayis a trip to the zoo, to see all the animalswith my friendsand family too! Reflection: This was a question and answer poem. I know the purpose of it did not include rhyme so I tried to change it to non-rhyming lines, but it lost some of the rhythm when trying to do so. In this example, I think rhyme is important in that it commands the attention of younger children who could be reading the poem. I also wanted to represent the flurry of activity that goes on in the brain of a child when he or she thinks about what they would want for a birthday present.
  • 12. The Lost Penny I found a penny on the walks And showed it to my mom. She smiled and said to keep it For I was a lucky one. I tucked it in my pocket. But couldn’t help to wonder Who dropped that shiny penny there For me to find today. But thanks to them my piggy bank Is one penny closer to the top. Reflection: This poem was based upon the old adage, “A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned”. The idea behind the poem was to choose the adage and write a poem that would exhibit the idea but wouldn’t specifically list the phrase. I chose this phrase because kids are thrilled when they find money, most times even if it is only a penny. We tend to think in terms of larger amounts of money, not the penny anymore, but many kids are still thrilled to find any denomination of money and show it off.
  • 13. Geo: The Hero The bright warm sun beat down on the newly paved black highway as the tires on the family's sedan spun quickly to keep up with the rest of the fast moving traffic. It was rush hour and anyone who did not keep up could be in grave danger from fast moving traffic as the cars ducked in and out of the passing lane. My owners, Matt and Cassie,were sitting in the front seat and I sat with Brody and Leah in the back seat. We were on our way to an afternoon picnic where I would play fetch with the kids and Matt would play ball with me in the meadow. Suddenly, I heard a loud noise and the car started to swerve. Matt used all the strength he had to steer the car toward the side of the road. The tires screeched as he applied pressure to the brakes to help slow the car to a speed that would allow him to safely navigate it to the side of the road. I glanced at Brody and Leah and they both looked terrified. I was scared myself. The whole car was in a panic but we knew Matt would keep us safe. Lucky for us, the car started to slow down even though it bounced off the guard rail many times before it actually stopped. Matt and Cassie immediately turned around to make sure no one was hurt. Brody and Leah were both fine and I barked to let Matt and Cassie know I wasn’t hurt either. Matt closed his eyes for a few seconds. I think he just needed time to calm down. When he was ready to assess the damage, Matt realized that the only way out of the car was through the driver's side door since the passenger's side was pinned against the mangled guard rail. "Everyone, stay put!" Matt said. "I want to get a look at the car." I didn’t know why but I knew something wasn’t right as Matt put his hand on the door handle to get out of the car. Just as he started to open the door, I began barking violently to get his attention. Matt took his hand off the door and looked at the back seat where I sat between Leah and Brody. "What's wrong, boy?" Matt questioned. At that moment, the front corner of the car was clipped by a large, red dump truck swerving to miss a piece of debris. Matt looked at Cassie with his eyes wide open and made sure everyone was unharmed once again. Then looked at me, sitting proudly wagging my tail, with a smile on his face.
  • 14. "Thanks, Geo! You just saved my life!" he said with excitement. Reflection: This piece is based on the flash fiction concept. The idea is to have the climax quickly in a short passage of writing. I chose to write it from Geo’s point of view, since children are generally excited about stories with animals in them.
  • 15. Lost and Found The scent of a burning wood fire pit floated through the crisp, fall air as groups of people walked across the large, dirt parking lot situated on a hill where crops were once planted. Crowds of people stood in line to see how long it would take them to conquer the one and one-half mile track where monsters lingered and dead ends played spoiler as patrons progressed closer to the exit of the maze. The small, rickety building which housed the ticket booth, catered to a constant line of people handing the worker money for admission to the property decorated with pumpkins, gourds, and cornstalks. Bales of hay were strategically placed throughout the field for people to sit. Eerie music and fog were flowing from the cornstalks where paths were cut to create the intricate design of this season's maze. Finally, we reached the front of the line where an elderly man wearing a red plaid shirt with overalls and a John Deere baseball cap, awaited our arrival. "What's your pleasure?" he asked. "Two adults and three children, please!" mom replied. "That'll be forty-four dollars," he stated as he began to count out the five blue tickets my mom and dad purchased. My fouryear old brother and seven year old sister were tired of standing in line and started whining to my dad. "Mom's getting the tickets now. It won't be much longer and then we'll be able to start the maze." Mom quickly handed him the money as the line behind us continued to get longer. The old man fumbled with the tickets as he tore them from the roll and slid them out the window. "Thank you, ma'am! Enjoy!" "I'm sure we will! Thank you!" Mom smiled back at him as we briskly departed the ticket booth to head towards the entrance to the maze. Suddenly, mom turned around. My brother was nowhere to be seen. She started to panic looking at all the people that were walking around near the corn maze. "Stay here!" Dad commanded as he began looking for my brother. We looked around quickly to see if we could spot my brother at one of the game or food stands. Mom was frantic and I could see she wanted to help my dad find my brother, but she had to stay with my sister and me, to make sure we were safe. "Mommy! Where is he?" my sister cried. Tears streamed down my sister’scheek as she looked everywhere to see if she could see my brother. Her pigtails where uneven and her eyes were becoming red from weeping. I went over to her and asked her if she wanted to sit on the bench with me so mom could help with the search, at least from where we sat. She
  • 16. looked at me and shook her head. I took her hand and walked her over to the bale of hay where she could sit with me until we could get more information about my brother. My dad was over at the ticket booth checking for a loud speaker or PA system that might be set up. My mom, sister, and I stayed by the bale of hay near the maze entrance just in case he would show up there. My dad came back and told us that a staff member would be over soon to help us with the situation. Suddenly, we heard someone yelling faintly, but we couldn't understand what was being said. As the muffled sound got closer, we realized there was urgency in the voice. "Daddy! Daddy! Where are you?" the voice yelled hysterically. As soon as my mom heard the familiarity in the child's voice, she looked at my dad and yelled for my brother. "Did you hear that?" she asked. "Jason, where are you?" she yelled, straining to see where the voice came from. "Stay here," my dad gently told her. "We don't want anyone else to get lost inside the maze. I'll go find him." My dad ran into the corn maze. The seconds he was gone felt like hours. Suddenly a man carrying a small child came running out of the corn maze entrance. As soon as my mom saw my dad and brother, she ran to them, scooped my brother up in her arms, and gave him a big hug. When she was finished hugging him, she looked at him to make sure he wasn't hurt. "Are you ok?" she asked. "Yes, mommy. I went through the maze, but I couldn't get out! There was too much corn. Daddy found me!" "I know!" she said. "But you have to promise me something." "What?" he asked innocently. "That you will never take off like that again. You could have been hurt in such a big place and we wouldn't have known where you were. You really scared us." He looked at my mom and shook his head. "Do you have something to say to mommy?" my dad asked. "Sorry, mommy," my brother said shyly looking at her with tears in his big blue eyes. "That's ok this time, but next time you're going to lose your new Tonka truck for at least one week." "Ok, Mommy! I'll wait for you next time. I promise!" he agreed. Dad notified the attraction staff to let them know that everything was taken care of and finally, we made our way into the maze. As monsters and ghosts
  • 17. came out from every corner of the maze, we were scared too many times to count. My brother made sure he did not leave my mom's side as we navigated the maze. We stopped at every map to see how far we had gone and where we needed to go next. As we carefully made each turn, we continued to get closer to the exit. "We made it!" my brother yelled as we found the place where the corn opened to the exit. "Can we go again?" "NO!" my parents said in concert. "We've had enough of this corn maze for the night! Time to go home!" My sister and I laughed as we headed for the parking lot after a long night at the corn maze. Reflection: This story focused on the description of the setting. Since there were so many things to describe, it was important to use adjectives that would give the reader an idea of what the place looked like. Dialogue also became an important part of the story, especially when the little boy was found in the maze.
  • 18. Part II Critiques Given RE: Anna's Story - Revised Beginning This was a great piece! I'm sure you would get to it when you expand your writing, but one thing I think it would help the reader to know is why the mother is being executed. The story leads the reader to believe that the mother and son were both being executed for the same crime. Maybe the longer work could address the lasting effect the executions had on the girl telling the story. Also, where is her father? Was he killed before the mother was executed? Great story! I would love to read the whole work once you're finished. RE: 10.1-10.2 combined Until the Golden Sun Shines Again This is a great story. The beginning is so sad, but the story progresses to one of happiness as the family picks up their new dog. I made a few remarks. They are in red in the story. Until the Golden Sun Shines Again Riley stood over Nana, her golden retriever of ten years, and cried. Nana lay lifeless on the cold steel observation table. It was supposed to be a routine operation to remove an inflamed uterus. Although she had survived the operation, Nana's blood pressure had dropped during her overnight recovery in the kennel. Nana’s tongue hung from the side of her mouth, and her limbs began to stiffen. Nana was dead. "It's not supposed to be this way. She was supposed to come home. We were writing a story...she was... the princess," said Riley. Riley buried her head into Nana's shoulder and sobbed. Her small frame was barely tall enough to lean over and reach her arms around the neck of her beloved golden retriever. "Doctor, this is probably silly, and I’m embarrassed to ask. But, can we have a clipping of Nana’s fur? I think...we’d like to have something…a little something to rememberher by," said Riley's mom as she fought back tears.
  • 19. "Sure, and no that isn't silly. You'd be surprised how many people ask," said the doctor. "I'll leave the room and let you two say your good-byes." Dr. McBroom closed the door quietly behind her. Riley reached her arms under Nana's neck and gently cradled it to her face and chest.Standing high on her tip-toes, Riley struggled to caress Nana's golden fur and run her fingers down the length of the retriever’s body. She paused momentarily to wipe the tears from hereyes and then again buried her face into the retriever's neck. "I'm so sorry girl. I’m so sorry. I loved you...ten years. You were... a good dog...such agood dog. Good-bye Nana," said Riley. The tears continued to stream down her cheeks asshe lifted her face. Stroking Riley's long brown hair while extending her a tissue, Riley's momfought to stay strong for her daughter. "We'll look for another one...when you're ready. She was a good dog," said Riley's mom. "We'll bury her on the back acre. Daddy can come pick her up after work." The ride through the treed neighborhood going home was quiet. A small ray of sunlight streamed through the front window and caused Riley to squint. "Mom," Riley said, "do you think God cares that Nana died? I mean, we were writing a story. How will I write the story now?" Riley periodically wiped back tears as she stared pensively out the window. "The sun is so beautifulmom, but it's in my eyes," said Riley. (**Something is missing here. You may want to have her mother answer that question before moving on to Riley's question about the sun. It's a deep question for a child to ask, so I feel that her mother should answer. It would make for a very touching part of the story where Riley's mom comforts her by letting her know that God cares about all creatures.) Before her mom could answer, Riley suddenly perked up as if something profound had occurred to her. "Bella!" said Riley "What?" said Riley's mom. "Bella! It means beautiful. I'm going to name my next golden retriever Bella. If Nana had the dog's name from Peter Pan, then my next dog will have a Disney name too," said Riley. "Her name will be Bella!" "…Okay...but we should probably give this some time. We're not in any rush. But, you can start looking when you're ready," said Riley's mom.
  • 20. "I'm not in any rush, Mom. I just know her name is supposed to be Bella," said Riley. "I just don't know if Bella will want to dress up like a princess." Weeks passed, and Riley still cried when she thought about Nana. She'd pray for a new puppy every night when she'd say her prayers. Hoping to encourage her in the search,Riley's aunt sent a pink cake inscribed, Until the Golden Sun Shines Again. Three more weeks passed before Riley found a breeder in Maypearl, Texas. She hadcontacted breeders all over the state of Texas trying to find the retriever she thought wassupposed to be hers. She had grown so accustomed to Nana's face and features that she knew she was looking for a puppy that had light fur and sweet eyes like Nana. The breederat Heavenly Blessed Kennels welcomed Riley and her parents to see the various litters of puppies. Riley passed the kennel cages looking for her next puppy. (A description of the kennel and all the other puppies looking for homes would be a great way to draw the reader into the important choice Riley had in picking a new puppy.) "Mom, I like this one. Look at her face! She looks like Nana," said Riley. Riley picked up the little golden retriever puppy and held her up in the air. "This is her. This is Bella." "Are you sure?" said Riley's dad. "I'm sure dad. Look! She's even got a little bell on her collar!" said Riley. "Well, then she's the one," said Riley's dad. Riley’s dad paid the breeder, and the family thanked her as she handed them the pedigree papers. Riley tucked Bellainside a warm blanket and crawled into the back seat of the car with her new puppy. Bella curled up in her lap. "You're the puppy I've been waiting for," said Riley. As they were driving, Riley's mother began to look over the pedigree papers that were neatly tucked into an organized folder. She pulled out a chart that listed Bella's parents and grandparents. That was whenRiley's mom knew that Riley indeed had the right puppy. Bella's grandmother was registeredwith the American Kennel Club as Lady Bella of Walnut Creek. Perhaps Bella could learn to dress upas a princess and write a story with Riley as well.
  • 21. Critiques Received RE: Child Centric Poem Revision WHITE, PAULA Hi Kelly, I wrote and few comments and then a conclusive observation. This is a cute piece. A New School Year Crayons, pencils, notebooks packed Lunch is in the fridge Clothing hanging on the door Time for bed is near. The night goes by so quickly This almost seems like the verse should end with it~ Lights are turning off Say goodnight to mom and dad Then crawl into bed. Morning comes, the sun shines bright No more sleeping in
  • 22. Getting ready for the day School's already here. Breakfast smells flow up the stairs (word choice? maybe waft) Waffles, eggs, and juice Mom yells "Let's go! Time to eat!" I wonder if these should be switched for chronological order? Down the stairs we run. The bus is at the neighbor's Grab your bags and go Down the steps, out to the spot We're running down steps in the previous verse. This seems a bit confusing. I'm thinking that you mean they are exiting the house and there is another flight of stairs, but that isn't stated, so it just seems redundant. Where we'll catch our ride. Through the glass doors, up the steps Quickly down the aisle Find a seat to start the trip Wave goodbye to mom. Arrive at school, talk to friends
  • 23. Class is starting now Meet the teacher, take lunch count It seems like you change perspective here.For the most part the commentary is the child's response. The "take lunch count" seems to shift the narrative flow. Back to school again. Did you mean to say "Back at" ? This appears to be the conveyance of the daily routine for children around the world. So many of them prepare their belongings the night before, crawl into bed, and you have captured the communal process. I'm wondering if you might include some of the anxieties associated with the "first day" back after summer as well as some of the sounds and smells of the classroom (bell, cafeteria food, etc.). I like the images and I could see this written in meter as well. Nice job. Reflection: This helped me to see where the poem was worded incorrectly. Keeping the poem in one perspective seemed to be something I had trouble with so I was grateful for the help with that. Index Card Scene Revision The scent of a wood fire pit burning in the crisp fall air floated through the air (this is a bit wordy~perhaps edit it a bit closer) as groups of people walked across the large, dirt parking lot situated on a hill where crops were once planted. I think I'd make two sentences from your opening sentence. Crowds of people stood in line to see (word choice "anticipating" rather than "to see") how long it would take them to conquer the 1 ½ mile track where monsters lingered and dead ends played the spoiler to progressing closer to the exit of the maze. The small, rickety building which housed the ticket booth, catered to a constant line of people handing the worker money for admission to the property decorated with pumpkins, gourds, and cornstalks. (Seems like the decorated pumpkins, gourds and cornstalks rather than the "rickety building" make a better subject choice for inticing the fall festival mood). Bales of hay (nice fall image) were strategically placed throughout the field for people to sit. Scary (ambiguous)
  • 24. music and fog were coming from the cornstalks where paths were cut to create the intricate design of the season’s maze. Finally, we got(is there a more active verb choice?)to the beginning of the line where an elderly man wearing a red plaid shirt with overalls and a John Deere baseball cap, awaited our arrival. "What's your pleasure?" he asked. "2 adults and 3 children, please!!"(just one exclamation mark) mom replied. "That'll be forty-four dollars," he stated as he began to count out the five blue tickets my mom and dad purchased. My 4 year old brother and 7 year old sister were tired of standing in line and started whining to my dad. “Mom’s getting the tickets now. It won’t be much longer and then we’ll be able to start the maze.” Mom quickly handed him the money as the line behind us continued to get longer. He fumbled with the tickets as he tore them off the roll and then slid them out the window. "Thank you, ma'am! Enjoy!" "I'm sure we will! Thank you!"Mom said. We Mom smiled back at him as we briskly departed the ticket booth to head towards the entrance to the maze. Suddenly, mom turned around. My brother was nowhere to be seen. She started to panic looking at all the people that were walking around near the corn maze. “Stay here!” Dad commanded as he began looking for my brother. We looked around quickly to see if we could spot my brother at one of the game or food stands. Mom was frantic (comma) and I could see she wanted to help my dad find my brother, but she had to stay with my sister and me, to make sure we stayed safe. (a bit of redundancy) "Mommy! Where is he?" my sister cried. Tears streamed down her cheek as she looked everywhere to see if she could see my brother. (a bit wordy)Her pigtails where uneven and her eyes were becoming red from weeping. I went over to her and asked her if she wanted to sit on the bench with me so mom could help with the search, at least from our location. She looked at me and shook her head. I took her hand and walked her over to the bale of hay where she could sit with me until we could get(verb choice)more information about my brother. My dad was over at the ticket booth checking for a loud speaker or PA system that might be set up. My mom, sister, and I were still by the bale of hay by the maze entrance just in case he would show up there. My dad came back and told us that a staff member would be over soon to help us with the situation. Suddenly, we heard someone yelling faintly, but we
  • 25. couldn't understand what was being said. As the muffled sound got closer, we realized there was urgency in the voice. "Daddy! Daddy! Where are you?" the voice yelled hysterically. As soon as my mom heard the familiarity in the child's voice, she looked at my dad and started smiling. “Did you hear that?” she asked. "Jason, where are you?" she yelled, straining to see from where the voice was coming. "Stay here," my dad gently told her. "We don't want anyone else to get lost inside the maze. I’ll go find him." My dad ran into the corn maze. The seconds he was gone felt like hours. Suddenly a man carrying a small child came running out of the corn maze entrance. As soon as my mom saw my dad and brother, she ran to them, scooped my brother up in her arms, and gave him a big hug. When she was finished hugging him, she looked over him to make sure he wasn’t hurt. (I would try to edit the pronoun references here). "Are you ok?" she asked. "Yes, mommy. I went through the maze, but I couldn’t get out! There was too much corn. Daddy found me!" “I know!” she said. “But you have to promise me something.” “What?” he asked innocently. “That you will never take off like that again. You could have been hurt in such a big place and we wouldn’t have known where you were. You really scared us.” He looked at my mom and shook his head. “Do you have something to say to mommy?” my dad asked. “Sorry, mommy,” my brother said shyly looking at her with tears in his big blue eyes. “That’s ok this time, but next time you’re going to lose your new Tonka truck for at least one week.” “Ok, Mommy! I’ll wait for you next time. I promise!” he agreed. Dad notified the attraction staff to let them know that everything was taken care of and finally, we made our way into the maze. As monsters and ghosts came out from every corner of the maze, we were scared too many times to count. My brother made sure he did not leave my mom’s side as we navigated the maze. We stopped at every map to see how far we had gone and where we needed to go next. As we carefully made each turn, we continued to get closer to the exit. (pronoun edit needed)
  • 26. “We made it!” my brother yelled as we found the place where the corn opened to the exit. “Can we go again?” “NO!” my parents said in concert. “We’ve had enough of this corn maze for the night! Time to go home!” My sister and I laughed as we headed for the parking lot after a long night at the corn maze. Hi Kelly, This is a fun piece. You may want to write out your numbers to be consistent (ask Susan). Also, I know that we are supposed to keep our speaker tags simple according to Lamb (171). (I was called out on that too.) The biggest suggestion that I can offer would be to edit your pronoun usage and watch for wordiness. Any plans for the portfolio with this one? Reflection: Paula helped once again with the wording in my short story. I had difficulty with pronouns in the piece and at places it got very wordy. This critique pointed these places out to me so I could try to fix them.
  • 27. Personal Philosophy of Children’s Literature When writing a children’s story, it is important for the author to create a story which is intriguing and keeps the attention of the audience. Many authors use imagination and life experiences to create interesting characters and intricate plots that will come together to make a piece of literature rich in story. Plot, characters, and settingall go into creating a piece of writing which speaks volumes to its readers. Plot is an important aspect in all stories. Without a plot that interests the readers, the story can never fully develop into a classic remembered by many as a childhood favorite. The characters of a story can make a book great or leave the readers longing for more. Authors must make their readers feel some kind of emotion towards the characters gracing the pages of their book. If a reader does not have an opinion on the major characters in the book, the author has not succeeded in creating dynamic and fascinating individuals or creatures to tell the story. As the semester progressed, I realized that three of the major elements, consisting of plot, characters, and setting must be thoroughly investigated before literature is given to the public. These elements must be intriguing so the readers are willing to finish the book, following the characters to the end of the story. If the author cannot sell the elements of plot, characters, and setting to the readers,
  • 28. the story is doomed to fail. However, if the author puts extensive thought into crafting the story and creates an intricate plot, dynamic characters, and captivating settings, the story will live on for many years.
  • 29. Part III Author’s Note As I completed pieces for the portfolio and course activities, I learned a lot about myself as a writer. I never thought I could put my ideas down on paper and get anywhere with them. It still takes extra effort for me to get my ideas across exactly the way I intend for them to come out, but I will continue to work on it. I advise anyone who wants to try their hand at the craft of writing to do so. It is a way to let your emotions out and invest them into a story for others to read. Stick with it and don’t let anyone discourage you. Kelly White
  • 30. Author Biography: Kelly White lives in Andreas, Pennsylvania with her husband. She graduated from Moravian College with a B.A. in Accounting. After owning a tax business for several years, she decided to pursue a teaching career. Since completing her Elementary Education certification courses, she has been teaching Math at a public cyber school. She is currently working on attaining a Master’s Degree in Curriculum and Instruction specializing in Children’s Literature from Penn State University.
  • 31. Blurbs “A Conversation With Mommy” is well done! I can tell how much the little girl misses her Mommy, but can’t help but anticipate how nice it will be for her to have a new family.” Deanna Matrishion, High School English Teacher “Such emotion in “A Conversation With Mommy…I would love to check in on this character in the future to see how her new family is working out!” Lauren Fox, High School Social Studies Teacher “Tears of sorrow for the little girl in “A Conversation With Mommy” turn into tears of joy. I could tell her mother’s absence left a hole in her soul.” Jena Wassmer, Kindergarten Teacher “I was happy to see the little girl get the family she needed so much. I would be very interested to find out what happened with this brand new family.” DawneBeidleman, Bible School Director “The poem truly exhibits the emotions of a little girl who has just lost her mother. Good job!” Jaime Black, Lawyer