1. Mate Selection
Your “key” to unlocking a happy marriage.

2. There a many theories
related to the mate selection
process… Will be discussing
just a few of these today to
broaden your knowledge and
understanding.

3. Theory of
Propinquity
Exchange Time and Place
Theory Theory
(Happy
Complimentary Collision)
Needs Theory
Filter Theory
Theories of mate selection…

4. We marry people we know.
If you only know people from school, work,
church, college, etc., that is who you will
marry.
Theory of Propinquity

5. We evaluate our worth and find someone
of similar worth.
We find people for us with similarities to us (looks
for looks, money for money, etc.)
People will exchange or barter to make up in areas
(ie my looks for your money).
This is why it is not uncommon to see people
getting married that look like brother or sister.
Exchange Theory

6. We find people that compliment our
needs.
Dominant people find submissive people.
A nurturant person finds someone who
wants to be mothered.
Complimentary Needs Theory

7. Fate… we marry the person we are
supposed to when the time is right.
This theory suggests that we could have married
many of the people that we dated but the timing
wasn’t right.
This is against societies expectations that there are
times in our life when we should get married
because that is the next step: after college, after
establishing our career, when returning from
military service, etc.
Time and Place Theory
(Happy Collision)

8.  People generally marry  Averageages for
about 4 years after marriage are:
they begin to date on a *US men-28
regular basis.
 This theory also states
women-26
you will marry someone *Utah men-22
within the geographical women-20
area that you live (long
distance relationships
require more time and
money).
More on the Happy Collision

9. We filter out people that don’t meet our
criteria (color of hair, height, age, etc.)
The three types of filters are:
◦ Biological
◦ Social
◦ psychological
Filter Theory

10. Most people choose We can rule out our
the same gender. relatives…
We choose Physical features
someone close to are usually similar
our age (most 22 to ours, ie. Body
year old men are type, weight,
not looking for a 54 height, etc.
year old woman).
Biological Filters

11. We often marry Most people marry
within our same within their own
social class or religion.
income level. We try to find
There is an increase
chance of marriage someone of similar
success when we intelligence and
stay in our own education.
class.
Race is the least-
likely line to be
crossed in mate
selection.
Social Filters

12. Based on conscious People will often
and unconscious marry someone
needs of people. similar to their
These needs are opposite sex
based on childhood parent.
experiences.
Psychological Filters

13. You need to determine if your personalities
go well together and here are some aspects
you should consider:
◦ Amount of personal space needed.
◦ Type of love language.
◦ Seriousness or lightness of personality.
◦ Gender-role compatibility.
◦ Interests and hobbies.
◦ Desire for achievement.
◦ Are they picky, meticulous, detailed, sloppy, etc.?
Other considerations…

14. Does this person make you a better
person?
Would you rather be with this person than
any other person in the world?
Could you spend the rest of your life with
this person?
Could you spend the rest of your life
without this person?
The BIG Questions

15. There are no gray areas
when answering those
questions… if you have
doubts, you need to look
at the relationship very
seriously.