1. “The world is not respectable; it is
mortal, tormented, confused, deluded
forever; but it is shot through with
beauty, with love, with glints of courage
and laughter; and in these, the spirit
blooms timidly, and struggles to the
light amid the thorns.”
George Santayana
Stuff happens2 stories – a little mess and a big messMy father – naval officer, engineer, peace makerScissor story (pick up scissors)Kids of my own – grappled with different discipline styles
friendswere using time outsCounterintuitive
Difficult with twinsThe child most affected got the least attentionThought about how I was raised
My upbringing had been all about the time inCame together, talk about what happened who was affected, consequences and how to fix it
Time ins became the discipline approach Bob and I adoptedWe would address the child who behaved inappropriately.Discuss how their behaviour affected others
The language probably went over there headsestablished an expectation and a comfort level in addressing problems and using language around feelings and behaviour rather than isolating the child with no explanation or problem solving
One night before our children’s 5th birthday…Watched doctors, nurses, paramedicsMy shift was never going to endFind a way to move forward in a positive way
Left my dead, 40 year old husband at the hospitalTelling the kidsCheeriosThe giftAutopsy results, code of silence
Autopsy results, code of silenceMedia on our doorstep wanting to know what I wanted to see happenI needed answers, needed accountability, to make sense of the senseless, but also to know the person responsible was going to be okay.
5 years of silence, undercover, on my way, needed answers – time inTold to leave it up to the justice system – knew I would not get answers -16 hours laterExpected a monster - confessionworried about behind bars learned about RJ
Our conventional justice system is concerned with these questionsLittle emphasis on the victim or broader community
Restorative justice model shift the focus to the notion that harm is a violation of relationship and asks the questions:
3 out of 5 years – victim offender mediationTears, silence, humanityLearned he had been small, speech impediment, divorce, griefCommon ground – art – presentation – working together
That Ryan seems incapable of inflicting further harm was the gift I was looking forThe lesson my father taught me… to forgive and move forward had a tremendous impact on how I parented an how I chose to deal with Ryan.What does my unauthorized use of my father scissors and having a face-to-face with the young man who killed my husband have to do with education?If we are rethinking the framework of how we teach, we need to make sure the foundation includes opportunities for
Human nature to be a part of a group
Restorative model can be applied beyond the criminal justice system – measurement to practitionersPalpable difference in environment of RP schools – students. Teachers, administrators – what if Ryan had been given a restorative opportunity?Kids take it home with them – the Baltimore inner city school storyIf we raise a generation of young people who expect a restorative opportunity
Technology and globalization - schools have a vital role is assisting families and communities with emotional education.speaking 3 languages is of little use if we cannot start a difficult conversation Never before have we been so connected by information and communication
Curious about the way anti-bullying initiatives are portrayed in the mediaLabeling the bully, victim or bystanderAs humans we are capable of being all threeDrop the labels and focus on the behaviour that erodes our sense of safe communityI know of no better way than the implementation of restorative practices in our learning communites
Whether we are parents, teachers of both, we are raising human beings NOT
I want my kids to find meaningful and fulfilling ways to put food on the table, but I am really more interested in who they are while they are doing whatever it is they do
Have not spoken to Ryan in several yearsChecked in with him and asked what he thought mostly about.Time.To think through choices Now he works hard to create time and intention, for family, coworkers and for himself
If you have the privilege of beginning your day in the classroom…Time inDefinitely a conversation worth havingThank you.
