1. CHEMICAL
ANALYSIS OF
(WO)MEN
ELEMENT: MAN SYMBOL: Ego
DISCOVERER: Eve.
ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated
DISCOVERER: Adam areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all
sporting events and areas known as
ATOMIC MASS: Don't even go there "singles bars". Extremely low quantities
can be found in any location where cleaning up
is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted
film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. 1. Surface often covered with hair.
3. Melts if given special treatment. 2. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when
4. Bitter if incorrectly used. faced with Logic and Common Sense.
5. Found in various states ranging from 3. Melts if treated like a God.
virgin metal to common ore. 4. Can cause headaches and severe body
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct aches; handle with extreme caution.
points. 5. Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH
(any alcohol).
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver,
platinum, and precious stones. 1. Is repelled by concentrated quantities of
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive precious and semi-precious metals and
substances. stones (See Jewelery Store).
3. May explode spontaneously without prior 2. May explode spontaneously if wallet is
warning, and for no known reason. opened.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly 3. Requires copious quantities of
increased by saturation in alcohol. substances known as attention,
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent reassurance, and stroking.
known to man. 4. When saturated with Alcohol will be
fairly inert and will repel most other
elements.
COMMON USES:
5. Is repelled by most household appliances
and common household cleansers.
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports
6. Is repelled by small children clothed in
cars.
diapers, particularly those of the
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
malodorous variety.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
7. Usually willing to react with whatever is
available.
TESTS: 8. Most powerful embittering and
aggravating agent known to woman.
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when 9. Is repelled by most household appliances
discovered in natural state. and common household cleansers.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better
specimen. STORAGE:
HAZARDS:
b) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced at night, free dinners for Wo...
hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, c) Can be used in recreational activities.
although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens CAUTION:
do not come into direct contact with each
other. a) Tends to react extremely violently when
other Man interferes with reaction to a
particular Wo specimen.
3. If I
was/were a
If I woman, I
was/were would ...
a man,I
would
....
To talk about wishes in the present we tend to use past simple; only to show that it is
something imaginary, hypothetically speaking.
If only I knew the answer (I do not know the answer)
I wish I could play the guitar (I cannot play the guitar)
In a similar manner, we use past simple to talk about conditions in the present,
which are only imaginary.
If + past simple, Would + infinitive
If you knew what I know, you would be upset. (you don't know what I know)
If walls could talk, we would be in trouble. (the walls cannot talk, therefore we
are not in trouble)
Fill in the following sentences with an appropriate form.
If Mary ______________________ (speak) Spanish, she _____________________ (not get) into
trouble. Now she is stuck at the airport.
I _____________________________ (prepare) lunch if I ________________________ (be) a good
cook, but all I can do is order a pizza.
She ____________________________ (get) a promotion if she _____________________ (make)
some extra effort, but she always leaves work earlier.
I wish it _______________________________ (be) Friday. Can't believe it's Tuesday! Argh!
If only Joe _______________________________ (ask) me out. I don't think he will.
4. If I were a boy If I were a boy
even just for a day I think I _________________ understand
I'd ______________________________ of bed How it feels to love a girl
in the morning I __________________________________ a
and __________________________ what I better man
wanted and go
I'd listen to her
Drink beer with the guys Cause I know how it hurts
and _____________________________ girls When you lose the one you wanted
I'd __________________with who I wanted Cause he's ________________________
and I'd never get confronted for it granted And everything you had got
cause they _______________________ me destroyed
It's _____________________________ for
If I were a boy you to come back
I think I _________________ understand Say it's just a mistake,
How it feels to love a girl think I'd forgive you like that
I __________________________________ a If you ________________ I would wait for
better man you, you thought wrong
I'd listen to her But you're just a boy
Cause I know how it hurts You don't understand
When you lose the one you wanted and you don't understand, ohhhh
Cause he's ________________________ How it feels to love a girl
granted And everything you had got Someday _______________________ you
destroyed were a better man
If I were a boy
I would __________________________my You don't listen to her
phone You _____________________ how it hurts
Tell everyone it's broken Until you ___________________ the one
so ___________________________ that I you wanted
was sleeping alone Cause you're ________________________
granted And everything you had got
destroyed
But you're just a boy....
I’d ______________________________ first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be ___________,
waiting for me to come home, to come
home.
5. Teacher notes:
Activities listed can be used in any given order, since they are all relaeted to the main topic, that
is Men vs Women, since they also work as individual units to be used in class.
The whole set combines discussion (lots of it), video, song, grammar (hypothetical situations in
the present).
Suggestion:
1. You may start with page 1, chemical analysis to break the ice... Cut the handout in half, giving
the men analysis for women and vice versa, or let Ss have the whole worksheet to
themselves, and let them read it. Entice conversation, see if students (dis)agree with what is
said.
2. 2nd page of this lesson plan contains small cards that you may cut out and give students for
the following 2 activities; a) ask them to write as many stereotypes they can think of; it would
be good to write for the opposite sex, so women enumerate all the things typical of men and
vise versa. Another usage is when they are supposed to list all the advantages of being of the
opposite sex in your society.
3. There is a truly great video, though not for vocabulary since it is a short cartoon, but it makes
fun of the typical stereotypes of (wo)men's behavior. It can be used at the beginning as an ice
breaker too, but I like to use it after I have asked the students to write their own ideas, to see
how many they have in common with the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acSvQkghfps
Ask them to jot down or remember things they are (not) doing themselves (e.g. women shopping
for one thing, and then buying 1001 things they never needed).
4. Gender role in the society... Once again you can use the cards from page two, so the Ss write
all the advantages they can think of being a (wo)man in your society... Yet again, it would be
perfect if you had a mixed class, so the men write about all the privileges women get and vice
versa....
You may use the following questions to get the conversation going:
Do roles of men and women differ a lot nowadays in your country? What has changed? What do
you think will never change?
What things are made easier for men/women at: a) work b) school c) relationships
Typical jobs for women ? Men?
5.Introduce 2nd conditional / or revise it with your students....
In the end, there is a song by Beyonce that fits perfectly into what has been discussed in class,
Cut out the pieces of paper, shuffle the papers and have the students work out the order in pairs
or groups of three, and in the second listening let them guess the missing words.
If needed, you can provide the missing words by writing them on the whiteboard, but if used
with higher level classes, it is not needed.
The song is great to teach phrasal verbs and phrases as well, since many are missing in the set
such as
Take sb for granted
Chase after
Kick it with
Turn off
Etc...
I used it with my higher levels students and it really sparked lots of debates, especially with
mixed groups. They loved the video and the song... Good luck, hope you enjoy it !
