Given at MinneBar 2019 At some point we’re all there: we want to get something done, we need others to accomplish it. But getting past differing opinions and competing self-interest is hard. How can we be more successful? We’ll cover some human traits and behaviors that keep us from reaching agreements and strategies to be more successful. Psychology 1001 not required.

1. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Getting Your Way Joelle
Tegwen
(without being a jerk)
@joelletegwen
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/rude-female-leader-yelling-at-her-coworkers-through-megaphone-in-the-office-
gm911978454-251073881

2. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
1. Omitted details and nuances
2. Possible discomfort
3. No Silver Bullets
4. Not easy, simple but not easy
Law of Two Feet

3. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Tribalism

4. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Tribalism
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/their-favourite-song-gm1067162650-285399346

5. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Bakers Unite!
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/weighing-flour-gm487520769-38854944

6. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Exclusion Is the Flip Side of Inclusion
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/shaming-concepts-with-crowd-of-mannequins-gm1129109885-298150239

7. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Tribal Shame is Individual Shame
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/weighing-flour-on-the-digital-scale-gm532562430-94281509

8. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Cognitive Biases

9. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Hostile Attribution Bias
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/diverse-young-friends-ignoring-sad-girl-sitting-alone-in-cafe-gm914989858-
251825850

10. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Confirmation Bias

11. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Motivated Reasoning
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/flour-gm172192355-356502

12. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
https://betterhumans.coach.me/cognitive-bias-cheat-sheet-55a472476b18

13. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
facts
beliefs
opinions
values
tribal values
Facts Are Leaves on the Tree of Values

14. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Those other
irrational humans!
Bias Blind Spot

15. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Negotiation

16. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Negotiate
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/group-of-young-adults-outdoors-holding-empty-placard-copyspace-thought-
bubbles-gm937992074-256520650

17. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Interests > Positions
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/orange-with-cut-curled-peel-gm893490112-247151842

18. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Focus on
your interests
Positions Are More Combative

19. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Understand your goal.
● What are your interests?
● What are your positions?
● Are your positions supporting your interests?
#1 Focus on Interests not Positions

20. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Life is not a zero sum game
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/piece-of-pie-gm803155924-130224565

21. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Why is that
the part that is
important to you?
Be Curious

22. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
#2 Value Can be Created or Destroyed.
Understand the potential value
● What are goals you can set?
● How can you build trust?

23. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
During a Debate Learning = Losing
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/businessmen-screaming-into-a-megaphone-at-each-other-gm934271130-
255820467

24. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
How to Invoke Hostile Attribution Bias
I’m right = You’re wrong
Hostile
Fight
Ignorant
Teach

25. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
#3 Avoid the dDbate
Prepare for the conversation.
● What is the mystery you’re solving?
● What will you do when they push your buttons?

26. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
1. Suspicious of behavior that doesn’t align with our
expectations
2. Seek supporting informaiton
3. Dismiss contrary information
4. See these in others not in ourselves
Human Failings

27. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
Success is trying to
do it differently
We’re Still Human

28. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
● Interests over positions
○ Understand your interests
○ Express them clearly
● Maximize value
○ Set goals for the conversation
○ Build trust
● Learn instead of debate
○ Know your hot buttons
○ Have a plan to deal with them
Getting Your Way (Without Being a Jerk)

29. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen

30. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
● You Are Not So Smart
● YANSS: Tribalism
● YANSS: How to Talk to People About
Things (All the stuff on negotiation)
● Wikipedia: Cognitive biases
References

31. © 2019 by Joelle Tegwen
https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/weighing-flour-gm487520769-38854944