1. The hypochondriac Frei Betto In times of counterfeit drugs and laboratories incompetent, it is worth remembering that consumer compulsive disorder that makes the bull Bible: the hypochondriac. He is suffering from a bad habit of having diseases and loves to take drugs. In passing the door of the pharmacy does not stand up and asks,
What's new?
Nothing more offensive than the hypochondriac raise a toast and wish him
health!
. He only attends cocktail of vitamins. Always sees the other person with that look of someone who says:
I've been feeling things that you can not imagine.
On the phone, does voice of the victim. Face to face, pleads, silent, the compassion of others. You are always going in or out of a cold, has taken all vaccines, suffers from the column; suffers from insomnia, and treats medical causes as a taxi driver:
Are you free?
The hypochondriac enters the Justice demanding an arrest warrant against free radicals and doubts that anyone can imagine the size of the migraine that was yesterday. While others are shopping, the pleasure of the hypochondriac is to visit the drugstore vitamins imported. Eat in the morning the alphabet in tablets and never goes to bed without first taking a herbal tea. Hypochondriac does not have health insurance; prefer quota cemetery. He likes to separate the family to die of longing. And is sick with rage when someone says he looks good health. Authentic hypochondriac always carries a niggling aside, an ingrown toenail, a sore in the mouth, a sore throat, a back pain and a strange dizziness. For the hypochondriac, ideal wife is banking that the nurse, comfortable chair is the wheel, and soft bed, the hospital. The hypochondriac is the only person who, by the sound of ambulance siren distinguishes the car from police and firefighter. The guru of the hypochondriac is Hippocrates, and his philosophy is summed up in the metaphysical question:
If we are born and die lying in bed, why not live lying?
The hypochondriac is terrified of healthy living. Is convinced that the difference between the doctor and it is known that the first theory and, second, the practice. Never ask him:
Is it well?
It is preferable:
It?
The hypochondriac only signs and medical journals, newspapers, first read the obituary. But, contrary to popular belief, the hypochondriac not want to die - that would heal him of his madness. Never invite a hypochondriac to join a gym. Offer him a check-up. The only tests he is prepared to do the clinical and loves to be disapproved. If you do jogging, leg hurts, it swims, a cold, it flexes the abdomen, pain in the chairs. The hypochondriac listens to the doctor with the same attention as drunken hear the advice of a teetotaler. The class meets the hypochondriac in door pharmacy and vacations in nursing homes. The hypochondriac is the only patient who can decipher letter doctor. He did not retire to sleep, but to rest. Never wish
good morning
to a hypochondriac; ask:
He got better?
Moreover, it does not rise, it has high. On the anniversary, give him a bottle of medicine. All hypochondriac is addicted to aspirin, vitamin C and melatonin. The hypochondriac knows how to knot in the gut and believes that the best is to enjoy a leisure diverticulitis. Considers all incompetent doctor who says he has nothing. The hypochondriac believes everything that the media talks about health care. When traveling, it is hosting if internal. In the inside pocket of his coat he carries a pen, but thermometer. And it is the only person able to see bacteria and viruses from cutlery in restaurants. Hypochondriac's dream is to be rescued by one of those helicopters ICU that appear on TV. And always complains that there are already telessexo, telepiada, telepizza, telessorteio only lacks teledoença: you turn, describes the symptoms, and the other end, the voice of a doctor prescribes medication. It must have been a hypochondriac who gave the medicine to fight infections of antibiotic name - which means
against life
. The hypochondriac has no remedy. He only heals when it dies and, paradoxically, death is the most obvious symptom that he was right. Too bad it can not rise from the coffin and stick your finger in the face of those who treated him pejoratively as a hypochondriac. Anyway, notice how he was dead, brings a smile of victory on his lips.