1. Proper braai etiquette involves appreciating quality meat and knowing how to cook it properly on the grill. 2. Meat should be cooked over an open fire and served directly off the grill, not from an oven. Steaks are best cooked medium-rare. 3. Good braai hosts put effort into preparation and cooking to provide guests with a good meal, rather than just standing around drinking. The meat, not a schedule, determines when the meal is ready.

1. BR
RAAI Etiquette
I e - the rules ar simple!
e re
Mak an effort when you purchase your m
ke meat. A BRAAI is a serious event, so
trea your sho
at opping that way too. In the go
t ood old day the butc
ys cher was a close as
as s
family so to sa Today things are s much ea
ay. t so asier and impersonal.
Shop racks have been re eplaced wit faces wit the cons
th th sequence tthat today’s generatio has no
on
idea what real good mea is all abo
a at out. If a p
product is wwell packed then it au
d utomaticall is good
ly
enouugh to braai. Bullsh
hit!! So if y
you know f fuck-all abo meat, ask your b
out butcher.
There is no su
uch thing as “too hot a fire”. H
a t tions for a braai! Th steaks
Have thicke cut port
er hin
are always tou
ugh and tas shit any
ste yway.
aks are usually medium-rare or even me
Stea you prefer your meat “well don
edium. If y ne” use a
blow torch and keep you meat off the braa
w d ur f ai. At the same time just go ru into a b
e un brick wall,
face first repea
e atedly. Ra is only f those w
are for who whole heartedly a
appreciate the taste o meat.
of
Stea without fat is not steak. (f
ak t t fillet has n fat)….. f
no fillet is for old people with fal
r lse teeth.
Tend
derized ste
eak is meant for steak rolls at th local church bazaa sale, not on a bra
he ar aai.
Boerewors mu still be able to be
ust end and fle when yo remove it from the braai, it must not
ex ou
brea in half. Boerwors must also not be p
ak s o poked full o holes, get yourse someth
of elf hing else
to p
poke (you know what I mean).
t
If you do not kn
u now how to braai, do
o on’t even at
ttempt it!
You’ll simply just fuck you guests a
ur around.
Meat is served direct from the braa grate and not out
m ai
of a low-heated oven.
d
Passing out bef
fore the me is out li
eal ike buck-fu (bok-
uck
naai). It is fuucken rude and an indication that you
e
have shitty hab
bits.
If you want to braai you own me
ur eat because you do
not ttrust the cook, or if you are generally ju full of
ust
shit, talk before the time or simply s
e shut the fuck up.
If you grant someone else the braai rights at your own
u e
home then he s
e shouts the odds.
If yo want to make a wood fire get goo decent
ou o e, od
qualit wood. Use wood only if you have suff
ty u ficient fire
starte becaus to get the fire going needs heat, lots
ers se
of he
eat. The smmoke from a strugglin fire is a nuisance
ng
– Smmokey Robinson was not invited If you c
d. claim you
can braai and cannot ma
ake a prope fire then you’re a f
er n fucken liar too.
Commpliment th cook if the meat is good. If not, say so. How t
he t f the fuck do you expe him to
o ect
learn the art?
One or two sa
e alad’s is more than e
enough at a braai.

2. Keep your cigarette stompies (butts) out and away from
the fire. Leave your shitty habits at home! Also, if you
get the urge to go have a pee behind the braai area,
please just wash your hands before you start offering
testers to your guests.
When watching rugby, light the fire during half time.
You eat chicken with your hands, lamb chops as well.
Steak and boerewors with a knife and fork.
If you eat pap with milk and sugar at a braai you are probably a doos and mislead and most
certainly shout for the Natal Sharks or Western Province. Ask everyone at the braai to “klap”
you on your head, but that probably wouldn’t help anyway.
Politics, the exchange rate and baby talk is out
around a braai fire. Rugby, hunting, 4 x 4 trucks
and the neighbours tanning lines is the norm.
Fishing stories only get spoken when everyone is
nice and pissed or even slightly tipsy, because for
those who do not fish and understand the sport can
simply join in and talk shit with everyone else.
Meat must be turned regularly, not half way burnt on
one side and then turned over to try and regulate
the cooking. Flip your meat regularly. Salt is only
added when you are about to remove the meat from
the braai. If it is your idea to dry the meat out before you eat, go get yourself a piece of real
dry ostrich biltong to curb your cravings or simply get a packet of salt & vinegar chips and go
watch Haas Daas in the garage.
Braaiing is not just an occasion to stand around and drink. Fuck knows why not,
but a lot of effort is taken with the preparation and am pretty sure the guests want
to enjoy a good piece of meat.
……. and by the way, those who want to eat at 8.00 o’clock in the evening, rather
stay at your own fucken house, there is no set time to eat at a braai, eat when the meat is
ready to be taken off the fire …... again, the rules are simple!