Excerpts from my book "It\’s a Teacher\’s Life...!" A collection of stories in verse that give a humorous and ironic insight into the crazy world of a teacher.

2. THE SCHOOL ETHOS
“...for management believe,
with faith naïve and blind,
that discipline and order
will somehow ensue
from gentle tongues
and pats on the head..”
THE WORKPLACE
“But what's this - a sixth form block?
The common room entices
with smells of toast and coffee
but ear-numbing music
and rubbish spewing forth from every pore
repulses."

3. THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR
"New timetables
new syllabuses
new pupils...
Rude, early morning awakenings
by alarm clocks grown rusty
after weeks of disuse."
THE STAFFROOM
"4 p.m. "...the Hoover roars
"The bell for break:
Hallelujah! then quietness descends
the peace is shattered.
The end of the play for once more
With utter relief
today. 'Let's on to the and only the chairs are left
the teachers swarm in
staffroom,' to stand guard
and dive like maniacs
all the teachers say... ...conscious of their task
towards biscuits and
...and bodies sink to protect this refuge
coffee.
with sighs of relief of normality
A slug of hot, black liquid
into the welcoming seats... an escape from this
and the dry tongues loosen
A few moments of peace teaching insanity!"
and start to speak..."
away from the noise and
pace..."

4. THE LESSONS
"The third lesson,
after break,
hair and uniform now a mess,
the pupils enter the classroom
and the teacher starts to sigh..."
THE DUTIES
“Whoops!
There's a girl
hanging out the window,
better get in there quick
before something worse happens
and someone gets sick."

5. THE OPEN AFTERNOON
"With welcoming smile
the uniformed angels
conduct the parents around..."
THE COOK
"...quick, dexterous hands
conjuring up
warm dishes,
cold dishes,
scintillating salads,
vegetarian delights,
delicious deserts
and the tastiest of tea-time treats."

6. THE CARETAKER
"Short, stocky and strong
with toolbox in hand
and a ladder under his feet
he replaces and mends
opens and locks
stacks and restacks
till he's ready to drop."
THE INSPECTION
"For months
avalanches of handbooks
and policies
have erupted
from smoking-hot photocopiers
bringing senior managers
and HODs to their knees."

7. THE END-OF-YEAR BASH
"The repast magnificent -
a feast of cold salmon, cheese and beef
quiches, prawns and salads divine
washed down by sumptuous gateaux
of chocolate and cream
and bowls of plump strawberries,
melon and grapes -
a veritable dream!"
Copyright © Helena Harper
(more extracts available from www.helenaharper.com or
www.freado.com/book/4280/Its-a-Teachers-Life )
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IT'S A TEACHER'S LIFE...! by Helena Harper
ISBN 13: 978-0-9570530-2-1
Publisher: Harper Books
Date of publication: 2011 (2nd edition)
Purchasing info.
Available in paperback from all major online retailers. Can be ordered through any bookstore.
Stocked by Weybridge Books in the UK.
Amazon US: http://amzn.to/GLXxxp
Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/GLXj9B