A condensed set of slides from Class 6 on Vulnerability in my course on The Art of Self-Coaching, Spring 2015 at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

1. The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
Class 6: May 8, 2015

2. Class 6
Photo by Alan [link]

3. Vulnerability
Photo by Alan [link]

4. Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we
Shame & empathy
Vulnerability myths (& questions)
Meta-emotion
going?

5. How will we
Stories in small groups
One coaching conversation
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
get there?

6. Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Small groups 35 mins
Concepts 25 mins
A coaching conversation 20 mins
For next time… 5 mins
Agenda

7. Shame &
empathy
Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]

8. Shame &
Seeking help can trigger shame (in some form)
So can any expression of vulnerability
Empathy is the antidote
empathy

9. Shame &
But typical responses often block empathy
“My problem’s worse”
“Look on the bright side”
“Here’s some advice…”
empathy

10. Shame &
Instead…
Avoid judgment
Acknowledge feelings
Express understanding
empathy

11. Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
A vulnerability story
I’ll start

12. Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
Now it’s your turn
4 minutes to tell your story
2 minutes for group to respond
Timing will be key

13. Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
How might you push yourself?
What would be too far?
Reflect for a minute

14. What happened?
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]

15. Self-awareness
Photo by ЕленАндреа [link]

16. Self-awareness
What do I know about myself?
Am I aware of my thoughts & feelings?
Photo by ЕленАндреа [link]

17. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

18. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections
Empathy

19. Vulnerability
Brené Brown
Vulnerability = weakness or oversharing
I don’t “do” vulnerability
I can go it alone
myths

20. Vulnerability
So…
If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?
If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?
How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions

21. Meta-emotion
Photo by Franco Folini [link]

22. Meta-emotion
John Gottman
How do we feel about how we feel?

23. Meta-emotion
Feelings & thoughts about emotion
Yet another set of mental models

24. Meta-emotion
Discomfort with emotion 
Feelings themselves become triggers

25. Meta-emotion
Potential factor with any emotions
Particularly with vulnerability

26. Meta-emotion
(A metaphor)

27. Meta-emotion
INTENSITY
(+)
BEHAVIOR
CHANGE
(-)

28. Meta-emotion
Remorse
Guilt
Embarrassment
Regret
Shame
INTENSITY
(+)
BEHAVIOR
CHANGE
(-)

29. Meta-emotion
Managerial goal? Remorse > guilt > shame
Evoke just the right emotion

30. Meta-emotion
Self-coaching goal? Comfort with discomfort
Acclimate through emotional experiences

31. Self-awareness
What are my mental models about emotion?
How do my meta-emotions influence me?
Photo by ЕленАндреа [link]

32. Why this matters
A powerful tool when we can manage it
A destructive force when we can’t
Build connections…or fail to
Build a culture, regardless

33. For next time…
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

34. Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]
Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?
Note: David Foster Wallace in Class 8