Presentation to the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality on how sexting works, it's appeal and the challenges associated with cyber-enabled interpersonal and erotic communication

1. The Culture of
Cybersex and
Internet Chat
Leanna Wolfe Ph.D.
The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality
November 18, 2016 – Phoenix, AZ

2. Characteristics of Internet
Chat
• Anonymity
• Deception
• Disinhibition
• Asynchronous
• Multiple Respondents Simultaneously
• Role Play and Impersonation

3. Chat Platforms
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Snap Chat
• What’s App
• Yahoo Messenger
• Twitter
• Texting

4. Anonymity
• Texting Keystrokes do not convey Identity
or Context
• Photographs do not Require Authentication

5. Deception
• Females Lie to Males About….
• What They’re Doing
• What They’re Wearing
• To Keep Their Partner Happy
• To Keep the Relationship Alive
Drouin, et al (2014) Love the Way You Lie: Sexting
Deception in Romantic Relationships

6. Online Disinhibition Effect
• The Online World is not Real
• People Do Not Present as Their Real Selves
• Alterations Can Include
• Age
• Gender
• Appearance
• Sexual Proclivities
• Suler, “Online Disinhibition Effect,” (Cyber Psychology and
Behavior, 2004)

7. Asynchronous
• Textual Conversations Can Take Place over
Extended Periods of Time
• Possible to Sound Highly Interested and
Available
• Chatterers May In Fact Be Participating in
Multiple Simultaneous Conversations
• May Engender a “Popcorn Brain”
• Reduced Attention Span

8. Age Role Play
• Co-Create a Fantasy
• Play as if a “Boy” or a “Girl”
• Implications Might Include
• Parental Restrictions
• Homework
• Search for Guidance from a Savvy Daddy
• Real Boys and Girls Are
• Under 18
• Would NEVER REVEAL their Real Age

9. De-Masking
• Effort to Uncover Who is in Fact Behind the
Screen
• Request Photographs
• Attempt Phone Conversation
• Arrange an In-Person Meeting

10. Blocking vs Offers
• “Offers” Encourage Conversation
• Blocking Kills the “Scene”
• The Ultimate Block Ends All Contact
• Accepting an “Offer” Enlarges the Scene
• Falling Offline is de riguer for Internet Chat
Amongst Uncommitted Strangers

11. Dating Before the Internet
• Dances, Parties, Friends
• Getting Fixed Up
• Matchmakers
• Arranged Marriages
• Magazine and Newspaper Personals
• Slow replies with handwritten letters and printed
photographs
• Phone/Chat Dating
• Fees for men; free for ladies

12. Online Dating
• Matching becomes so efficient and the
process so enjoyable that marriage could
become uninteresting
• Threaten Dreams of Monogamy by offering
up endless possible others to choose from
• Perusing more interesting than settling with one
• Easy to land a first date…and ever so difficult to
get to a second one

13. Match.com

14. Plenty of Fish
Free Online Dating

15. OK Cupid…Offers
More Dates One “Might Like”

16. What Dating Apps Provide
• Immediate Gratification Hookups
• For “this moment”
• Quick Connection
• No Waiting
• GPS Enabled
• Immediate Proximity

17. Tinder

18. Gay Men’s Dating App

19. Lesbian Dating App

20. More Dating Apps

21. Craigslist Personals

22. A Brief History of Sexting

23. Erotic Cave Paintings

24. Ancient Hindu Erotica

25. Calculator Spells “BOOBS”

26. Beepers for Erotically
Coded Data

27. Polaroid Cameras
(No more censorship of personal photos)

28. Picture Phones!!

29. Tiger Woods’ 2009
Sexting Scandal

30. Anthony Weiner’s
Politics of Sexting

31. Why Text/Sext is
So Interesting
• Personal
• Kicks up dopamine levels
• Can co-create a personal pornography
• Conveys Immediacy and Importance
• Email has become largely impersonal spam
• Transmits information efficiently
• Locations, Times, Particulars
• Easy to include photos
• Especially fun and suggestive one
• Last bastion for originality
• Assistants can be hired to tweet and post to Facebook, but for most of us
texting is our own business

32. When a Text is
More Interesting…

33. Sexting on a Date

34. Texting in Bed

35. Fantasy Chat
• Assessment
• Flirtation
• Foreplay
• Seduction
• Exaggerations
• Distortions
• Entertainment
• A Co-Created Pornography
• End in itself

36. Sext Fantasy Role Play
• Discuss activities that could happen
• Some never will…just shared fantasy
• Safe arena to explore and tantalize
• Share suggestive photos
• Co-create possible moments and scenes
• Discover common interests
• Uncover new possibilities

37. Erotic Negotiation Sexting
Will you tie me up?
Yes! And then have my way with you!!
I’m creaming with excitement
I can’t wait to kiss you all over
Is it okay if I scream really loud?
Baby, I want to hear you scream and cum all over
me

38. her
her chronicles a
passionate
relationship with
an Operating
System which is
ultimately
carrying on equal
intimacy with
hundreds of other
yearning souls

39. In Relationship with an
Operating System…

40. The Downsides
• Loss of in-person social skills
• Less need to be articulate, focused or even
interested
• “Sup” and “Hey” don’t require much interest or
initiative
• Pressure to respond quickly to texts
• Little space to contemplate and sincerely reflect
and share

41. The Upsides
• The Internet can be an accessible venue for
busy and shy people to meet possible
partners
• Easy access to people around the world
• Easy contact with intimates while travelling
• Depending on the skills of those texting –
much can in fact be discussed.

42. Conclusions
• Social Media Enables Easy Access to Potential
Partners
• Texting/Sexting Popular Medium for Erotic
Negotiation
• Fantasy Role Play
• Age Play by Consenting Adults (over 18)
• Assess Common Interests
• Co-Created Personal Pornography
• Can Exit/Block Easily
• Mutual Interest/Pleasure Required to Continue