Dr. Deena Stacer teaches an online program about high conflict coparenting. She has a PhD in psychology and experience mediating over 850 divorces. Her program teaches parents strategies for disengaging from conflict with the other parent to protect their children from emotional damage. One approach she recommends is "parallel parenting", also called "Mom's World, Dad's World", where parents minimize communication and make independent rules in their own time with the children. This style can help reduce conflict when parents cannot agree on parenting issues.

1. High Conflict Intervention and Coparenting Program
Hi, I’m Dr. Deena Stacer. I teach the High
Conflict Intervention and Coparenting
Program in San Diego.
I’ve been teaching this as a live program in San
Diego since 1997. And now, I have translated
this class online for you to participate without
leaving your home.
I was in a high conflict breakup myself (for seven years) and
have three grown children who were part of my custody
fight.
©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009

2. Credentials
I have teaching credentials
ranging from Kindergarten
through College. I have a
Bachelors of Science in Child
Development, a Masters in
Counseling and Leadership
and a Ph.D. in Psychology.
I have worked with over 5000 high conflict parents and many
of their children. I have mediated over 850 divorces. I mostly
mediate highly conflictual cases now.
©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009

3. Online Courses for Coparents In Conflict Over Their
Children
Because of my experiences, I’ve learned a lot of great
strategies to help parents get out of conflict.
I teach parents how to navigate
through the court system, how to
disengage from the fight with the
other parent and how to protect
the children from permanent
emotional damage that often
occurs from chronic conflict.
Co-Parents can take courses at
www.ParentsInConflict.com
©Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009

4. Conflictual Coparenting Alternative
The “Parallel Parenting” or Dual Parenting Approach
If you have tried everything you can
think of to get the other parent to
coparent with you, and you still can’t
work together, then you need to
begin parallel parenting
immediately.
Parallel parenting is a style of coparenting which allows
parents to reduce their communication with each other
regarding the children. It gives each parent control over
their own parenting time.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

5. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
The parents do not consult each
other about their daily routines, rules,
or decisions regarding the children.
Minor decisions about the children
are made alone, without interacting
with the other parent.
All major decisions however, do require communication
and agreement between both parents.
You may need professional intervention for these issues
for example, managing medication or major schooling
issues.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

6. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
Did you know that you can end the conflict yourself?
You do not have to wait for the other parent to work
with you.
It only takes one parent to end the conflict. Why not
do it now. It only takes one parent to save your child.
Make sure that it is you.
News Flash!!
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

7. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
Parallel parenting works for parents who have a history of, or
potential for conflict over their children’s issues.
This style of parenting reduces communication between
parents so they have a chance to develop their own rules in
their own world.
Each parent creates their
own regular and stable
routines for their children
when they are in their
home.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

8. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
The children benefit because parents can quit
trying to reach agreements with the other
parent.
Parents in conflict generally waste their
emotional energy trying to get the other
parent to agree with them regarding issues.
In “Mom’s World-Dad’s World” each
parent decides their own rules for
school work, bedtime, homework and
chores.
Both parent’s rules may be different.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

9. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
The children adjust to these changes, just
like they adjust to having several teachers
in school who have different rules for
academics and for conduct.
Think of Parallel Parenting as if both parents are driving to
the child’s school from their individual homes. They will
both get to the school, but they will each drive their own
way, from their own driveway to get there. They don’t ask
each other how to get to the school.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

10. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
For example: A mother tells their child
to brush their teeth. The child says,
“Daddy doesn’t make me brush my
teeth before bedtime.
Mom replies, “That’s in Daddy’s World.
When you are in my world, we brush
our teeth before bedtime.
The child may be manipulating
Mom by trying to get her to not
enforce her rule. Or Mom lets
go of the child not brushing
their teeth at Dad’s.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

11. Rules for “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
A father tells their child to get their
homework done before dinner.
The child says, “Mommy doesn’t make
me do my homework before dinner.”
Dad replies, “That’s Mommy’s World. While you are in my
home, we do your homework before dinner. When you are
with me, you can do homework according to my rules.”
Dad learns to let go of the child not doing their homework at
Mom’s.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

12. Rules for “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
The father checks with
the school to see if the
child is really missing
homework, then he
handles any concerns
with the teacher, not the
other parent.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

13. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
Each parent’s world includes rules for home,
school and the world in general.
It includes the parent’s choice of friends, their
beliefs, religion, culture and their family history.
Mom’s World/Dad’s World includes
your family traditions and family
dynamics.
It includes all the people in each
parent’s life, even if the other parent
doesn’t like them or approve of your
choices.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

14. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
You may not like the other parent’s choice of rules or
people, but your child doesn’t deserve to hear about your
displeasure.
They love that parent and
want to be a part of the other
parent’s traditions, rules and
family activities.
What goes on in Mom’s world stays in Mom’s World. What
goes on in Dad’s World stays in Dad’s World. Tell your
children you do not need to know what goes on in the other
parent’s world.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

15. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
Separate worlds mean both parents
individually contact coaches, teachers &
extracurricular leaders.

Parents attend extracurricular events on
their time to eliminate conflict.

Communication about academic
performance takes place at separate school
conferences.

Parents learn to let go of things
they can’t change about the other
parent. They let them parent their
own way.

© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

16. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
You put your children in the
middle when you:
•Ask
your child what they did with
the other parent.
•Ask
them to relay messages
through to the other parent.
•Plan
activities with the children that
fall on the other parent’s time and
you insist that the children get the
other parent’s permission
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

17. “Mom’s World-Dad’s World”
You put your children in the middle when you:
• Punish your child to prove a point to the
other parent.
• When your child is missing homework
and you don’t resolve the issue and
help them win.
• When you let them fail to prove that the other parent
isn’t involved, doesn’t care, or can’t manage school or
homework.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

18. Mom’s World
Dad’s World
Cooperative and Conflictual Coparenting
Cooperative Coparenting
requires that you talk to
each other about child
issues.
When you hear the other
parent’s voice or see their
face, you will “spin” for 3
days afterwards.
“Its lights on, no one’s
home” for the children.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Parallel Parenting reduces
or eliminates the amount
of contact and
communication between
you and the other parent.
Exchanges are done from
school to school or
curbside to curbside to
eliminate contact and
conflict.

19. Mom’s World
Dad’s World
Cooperative and Conflictual Coparenting
Coparenting requires you
to agree with the other
parent on the “proper”
parenting approach.
This requires that you talk
to the other parent (a lot)
to reach agreements.
If you couldn’t agree on
parenting during the
marriage/relationship, how
will you agree now?
Parallel Parenting
encourages parents to
develop their own rules
and standards for
discipline, school behavior,
homework, bedtime. . .
If you do not have to reach
an agreement with the
other parent, you will calm
down and reduce your
conflict.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.

20. Mom’s World
Dad’s World
Cooperative and Conflictual Coparenting
Coparenting means the
entire family remains upset
because of the constant
efforts to communicate
even though the success
rate is low.
Parallel Parenting allows
parents to calm down.
Parents are unable to
become “single” parents
due to conflict, when they
keep trying to get along with
each other.
Parents develop new rules
that support the family unit,
because they can think
more clearly now that they
are not upset all of the time.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Parents create a new family
unit that supports the
children.

21. Mom’s World
Dad’s World
Cooperative and Conflictual Coparenting
Coparenting continues the
marital relationship.
The interaction with the
other parent creates anxiety.
It may even become
addictive.
Parents continue to have
contact which means
parents are always feeling
anxious and disrupted
around the children.
© Deena Stacer, Ph.D. All rights reserved. May 2009.
Parallel Parenting allows
parents to get closer to their
children by redirecting their
“fighting energy” toward
“bonding” with their
children.
Parents feel better and
more positive.
The children feel better and
loved.