Fail up

Copyright © 2011 | Dark Matter Consulting
HOW TO “FAIL UP!”
David Kaiser, PhD
Executive Coach and CEO
Dark Matter Consulting

Agenda
•Introduction
•Perspectives
•Tools
•Offer

Introduction - Me
• Executive Coach & Relationship Coach
• Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker
• Your Tour Guide Today…

What I Do
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it
will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
-Attributed to Albert Einstein
•Sense of direction / purpose
•Confidence
•Leadership
•Conflict resolution skills
•Strengths, weaknesses and personal brand
•Productivity / Time Management
•Awesome relationships (professional and romantic)

Risk & Reward
Risk
Reward

Parable
“You can be a Doctor, an Engineer, or a Failure”
He wanted to be a writer, but he became an
engineer…who drank…a lot
There are risks to not taking risks…

Thoughts to Set the Tone
“Men and women of towering success befriend
pain in one form or another…You think of pain
as an enemy, they think of it as a friend.”*
*Michael Kelly, Seven Levels of Intimacy

More Thoughts…
"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career,
I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty six times I've
been trusted to take the game winning shot and
missed. I've failed over and over and over in my
life. And that's why I succeed!"
- Michael Jordan

Famous Failures in History
Christopher Columbus set sail for India!
He never made it…

Famous Failures in History
Alexander Fleming returned from vacation to
find his petri dishes contaminated with mold…
It turned out he had found penicillin

Famous Failures in History:
Would you vote for this guy?
Ran for state assembly, lost
Elected to state assembly for four terms
Elected to congress, one term
Ran for US Senate, lost
Ran for Vice President, lost
Ran for US Senate….lost again

No?
Too bad, you just voted against
Abraham Lincoln
The poster child of “failing up”

Failure
Think of someone you admire,
political, religious, business
he or she has known the sting of failure and
defeat

Bottom Line:
Failure isn’t “Bad”
It’s part of life, an important earning experience,
and the more you fail, the more you learn!
Fail Often, Keep Learning!

Looking Back
Think of a painful time in your life,
and write it down
What blessing came from that?

Looking Back
What did you learn that made you a better /
stronger person?
If you say “nothing,” I encourage you to think
again

Looking Back
Maybe you got a sense of determination, or
mission
Maybe you learned how strong you really are,
how much you can take
Maybe you learned to listen to the Divine

Looking Back – for me
After finishing my PhD:
Underemployed for almost three years
Undiagnosed depression
Family almost fell apart
Pain and shame

Looking Back – for me
Blessings:
I found my calling and my higher power
I learned skills to help others
I met awesome people
I learned how to withstand heartbreak

Conclusion
If you try something and succeed, yay!
If you try something and fail, you still get some
other blessing or learning
So…
There’s really no such thing as failure, is there?

Conclusion
No such thing as “failure”…pretty cool
My coach tells me (constantly)
“sometimes amazing gifts come in an ugly
wrapper” – Jean-Pierre LeBlanc

Tools & Tactics
Assessing Risk
The Art of Recovering
Building your “Courage Muscle”

Assessing Risk
Too often, we focus on the worst case scenario:
“I will lose my money, my spouse will leave me
and take the kids and the dog, and I will end up
living under the bridge in a cardboard box”
How likely is that, really?

Assessing Risk
Instead, think about the best case, worst case
and most likely scenarios.
How likely is each?
What could you learn in each?

The Lottery Ticket Example!
You could buy a lottery ticket
You’ll probably only be out a few bucks
No big deal
But you don’t learn anything…

The Art of Recovering – Another Parable
STUDENT: Master, how come you never lose
your balance?
MASTER: I am constantly losing my balance,
but I quickly regain it

There is no shame in “failure”
Clean up the mess
Find the Blessing
Move on

Think about past struggles…
What helped you to recover?

Building Your “Courage” Muscle
Learning COURAGE is simple:
Just commit to doing three things
that scare the hell out of you each day…
It doesn’t get easier (because you just raise the
bar), but you get used to it

That *BIG* Thing
You know the one I’m talking about…
•If it “succeeds,” what would that be like?
•If it “fails,” what blessing or learning could come
from it?
•How could you recover if it “fails?”

That *BIG* Thing
You can pursue it, knowing
YOU CAN’T FAIL!
HOW COOL IS THAT?
(although the results may not be what you expect)

The Temptation!!!!
You will be tempted to play it
Safe because you are scared
Ignore this urge, and follow your vision and your
values

Caveat
That said, don’t be an impulsive idiot and then
tell people Dave said it was OK, check with your
heart, head and gut, then do what is RIGHT

Re-Cap
•Fail fast, keep learning
•No such thing as “failure”
•There is always a blessing and opportunity
•Assess risk realistically
•You can recover
•Courage Muscle

Offer(s)!
•Two free white papers, on productivity and life
mission, at www.DarkMatterConsulting.com,
when you subscribe to my newsletter
•Complimentary “find your way to the stream of
your genius” session. Email me at
Dave@DarkMatterConsulting.com

Fail up

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