CTJT PR course student, Holly Hickey, has produced an outstanding piece of coursework, where she was asked to rewrite a passage of text to give it more fluency.

1. Holly Hickey – PR course assignment
TASK!
Re-write the following sentence to give it fluency:
A protest is being planned soon for residents of the town against the county
council’s announced proposals to extend the lifetime of the controversial landfill
waste disposal facility in the town.
The town’s residents are planning to protest against plans to extend the lifetime
of the landfill facility.
TASK!
Re-write the following using short, simple sentences and paragraphs that are two
sentences maximum:
Police are warning people, especially the elderly, and those who live on their
own, not to leave their house keys in the back doors of their homes following a
burglary two weeks ago in the town centre. Police officers investigating the case
believe that the thief, believed to be a passer by, put their arm through a cat flap
and turned a key, which was left in the lock. Once inside they stole a purse,
which belonged to the occupant, containing £100 in cash.
Police are warning people not to leave their house keys in their back doors following
a burgulary two weeks ago in the town centre. This is especially important for the
elderly, or those who live alone.
Officers investigating the burgulary believe that the thief turned a key left in the door
by putting his hands through the cat flap. Nobody intervened as they believed the
person was just a passerby.

2. Once inside the premises, they stole the occupant’s purse which contained £100 in
cash.
EXERCISE 1
Re-write the following piece of text, applying house style and the tips on writing style
listed above, as follows:
1. A 250-word press release for a consumer magazine
Memo: This story could develop online, with readers sharing it on Twitter along with their own
holiday experiences. Travel blogs could feature a special on why long-haul destinations have
become increasingly more popular; they could also review hotels and resorts that Premier
Holidays’ fly to, with links to buy a holiday at the bottom of the blog. Premier Holidays could start
a competition for the best holiday story to win a luxury, all expenses paid trip to an exotic
destination. The competition could be sent out via RSS feeds, SMS, social media and featured in
online newspapers.
Premier Holidays’ sales boomed in 2011 despite economic fears.
The company has also reported a 20 per cent increase in revenue for 2012 following on from its
success last year where revenue increased by 69 per cent. In the company’s 75th year of operations,
it also experienced an increase in passenger numbers by 33 per cent and a 27 per cent higher spend
per customer.
Significantly, high-value bookings have experienced the most dramatic increase, with passengers
choosing destinations such as the USA, Thailand and South Africa. Susan Papworth, Managing
Director has attributed this to ‘a greater proliferation of special offers from luxury hotels, free nights
and some reduced rates throughout the year’. Papworth also cited ‘aggressive air fares’ as a reason
for increased travel.
The company has also reaped the rewards of its new Canada brochure with a 32 per cent increase in
sales since last year. ‘We are pleased to see our investment in the trade for Canada is really paying
off’, Papworth confirmed.
Premier Holidays’ success is set to continue, with Indochina tipped as the next ‘go-to’ destination. In
her statement, Papwroth attributed this to the fact that customers are ‘looking for a holiday with a
difference, places they may not have visited before, that are now more accessible’.
She also added: ‘Our long-serving, experienced staff is always on hand to talk through any itinerary
or destination with agents’.
Premier Holidays offer travel packages to a variety of long and short haul destinations. They operate
online and from high street branches.
2. A 250-word press release to upload now to the magazine’s website.

3. Premier Holidays’ sales booming despite economic fears.
The company is already reporting a 20 per cent increase in revenue for 2012 following on from its
success last year where revenue increased by 69 per cent. In the company’s 75th
year of operations,
it also experienced an increase in passenger numbers by 33 per cent and a 27 per cent higher spend
per customer.
Significantly, high-value bookings are experiencing the most dramatic increase, with passengers
choosing destinations such as the USA, Thailand and South Africa. Susan Papworth, Managing
Director attributes this to ‘a greater proliferation of special offers from luxury hotels, free nights and
some reduced rates throughout the year’. Papworth also cites ‘aggressive air fares’ as a reason for
increased travel.
The company is also reaping the rewards of its new Canada brochure with a 32 per cent increase in
sales since last year. ‘We are pleased to see our investment in the trade for Canada is really paying
off’, Papworth confirmed.
Premier Holidays is also expecting its success to continue, with Indochina tipped as the next ‘go-to’
destination. Papwroth attributes this to the fact that customers are ‘looking for a holiday with a
difference, places they may not have visited before, that are now more accessible’.
She also adds: ‘Our long-serving, experienced staff is always on hand to talk through any itinerary or
destination with agents’.
To find out more about Premier Holidays’ latest offers, or to speak to an agent, visit the website.
3. A 25-word SMS text alert and a 140 character Tweet.
SMS alert
09:00GMT: Premier Holidays announce significant increase in sales despite economic
worries. Long-haul e.g. US, Canada and Indochina and luxury 10k+ holidays proving most
popular.
Tweet
Premier Holidays’ sales booming despite economic fears w/luxury destinations e.g.
US/Indochina proving most popular. Read MDs statement here.
Holly Hickey – PR course assignment