This brochure was realised during the Grundtvig Partnership for Learning project SCHOOL MED. The project was financially sustained by the European Commission but the European Commission can not be made responsible for the content of this material.

1. Guide for Parents
In Conflict Resolution
This project has been funded with support from the European Commission. This
publication reflects the views only of the author, and the Commission cannot be
responsible for any use which may be made of the information contained therein

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Content
Introduction................................................................................................ 3
What is a conflict ....................................................................................... 4
Misconceptions and facts about conflicts.................................................. 5
Behaviour in conflict situations................................................................. 7
Short suggestions to parents for conflict resolution .................................. 9
Conclusion ............................................................................................... 11

3. 3
Introduction
The “Guidefor Parents” was completed as a result of the project
“SchoolMed” within the Lifelong Learning Programme. This project
meant to raise awareness of adult learners on the theme of conflict by
addressing problematic situations that occur in educational settings.
School administrators, staff assistance, teachers, parents, were the direct
target as well as the students were also the final beneficiaries. School
Med was an initiative oriented to design a range of handy intervention
strategies through two – years international collaboration in the field of
mediation.
The project involved several organizations from the European countries.
These were AssociazioneCulturaleAssodeon (Italy), Baltic Franchise
Foundation (Latvia), LiceoClassicoStatale “QuintoOrazioFlacco” (Italy),
M. C. Argonauts Business Development LTD (Cyprus) and
ColegiulTehnic Gheorghe Cartianu (Romania).
One of the objectives of the intervention strategy within the project was
the creation of the“Guide for Parents in Conflict Resolution”. The Guide
provides parents wide–ranging tools and practical guidelines that can be
adapted to different contexts. The content of the Guide is designed to help
to improve conflict resolution and preventionskills as well as to
contribute in making harmonic life without conflicts.

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What is a conflict?
A term “conflict” is often defined by words like “quarrel”, “dispute”,
“dissent”, “fight”, “war” referring to the presence of verbal disputes,
assaults and violent acts. Interpersonal conflict involves presence of two
or more parties (individuals or groups), existence of real or just perceived
differences, incompatibilities in the goals, needs, individual
characteristics, emergence of tensions. A conflict is also a natural part of
normal social life that cannot be eradicated from human interactions.
According to a constructive approach it can become a factor of social
change and personal development.
Many parties may be involved in conflicts in educational settings.
Conflicts between childrenmay be based on unfair affirmation at any cost,
envy, mutual antipathy, discrepancies of character, fighting for
dominance in a group, inappropriate expressions of emotions, misuse of
power by the teacher, etc. Children and parents may have conflicts about
habits and lifestyles. They may have different opinions and ways of
communicating and expressing themselves. These differences can lead to
a conflict. Conflicts between teachers and children may be based on
multiple causes, including blockages of communication, discrepancies
between the system of criteria used in evaluating teachers and students,
between norms and values etc. Parentscan try to protect their children,
which may cause them to attack verbally at another child's parents in
defence of their own. Conflicts betweenteachers and parents may have
such main causes as poor communication or misunderstandings due to the
small number of contacts during the study process. Parents may also have
prejudices based on their past experiences. Conflicts between teachers
may be a struggle to obtain benefits, managerial positions or affirmation
etc. Resolved in a constructive way, the conflict can lead to better
problem–solving skills and decision-making. It can lead to improved
relations and increased social integration.

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Misconceptions and facts about conflicts
Behaviour in conflict situations and thinking of dealing with them may
include widespread misconceptions or myths what are not related to
reality. They may make conflict resolution complicated. There are some
of such myths or misconceptions and corresponding facts.1
Misconceptions Facts
1. Conflict is
always a sign of
a poor
interpersonal
relationship.
It is an oversimplified to assume that all conflict is
rooted in underlying relational problems. Conflict is
a normal part of any interpersonal relationship. The
free expression of honest disagreement is often a
hallmark of healthy relationships. Assertively and
honestly expressing ideas may mean that a person
feels safe and comfortable enough with his or her
partner to disagree. As we will discuss later, conflict
in interpersonal relationships can play a constructive
role in leading the couple to focus on issues that may
need attention. The ebb and flow of interpersonal
psychological intimacy and separation inevitably
lead to some degree of conflict in any relationship.
When conflict happens in your relationships, don’t
immediately assume that the relationship is doomed.
2. Conflict can
always be
avoided.
“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at
all.” Many of us were taught early in our lives that
conflict is undesirable and that we should eliminate it
from our conversations and relationships. Yet
evidence suggests that conflict arises in virtually
every relationship. Because each of us has a unique
perspective on our world, it would be extraordinary
for us always to see eye to eye with another person.
One study found that most romantic couples have
some kind of disagreement or conflict on average
about twice a week. Although such conflicts may not
be intense, many differences of opinion punctuate
our relationships with people we care about.
Research suggests that contentment in marriage
relates not to the amount of conflict, but to the way
in which partners manage it. Conflict is also a
1
Beebe, S.A., Beebe, S.J., Redmond, M.V. (2005).Interpersonal communication. Relating to others.
Boston: Pearson. P.221–222.

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normal and productive part of interaction in group
deliberations. It is a myth that conflict is inherently
unproductive and something to be avoided. It
happens, even in the best of relationships.
3. Conflict
always occurs
because of
misunderstandin
gs.
“You just don’t understand what my days are like. I
need to go to sleep!” shouts Janice as the scoops up a
pillow and blanket and stalks off to the living room.
“Oh, yeah?” Well, you don’t understand what will
happen if I don’t get this budget in!” responds Rom,
who is hunched over the desk in the bedroom. It is
clear that Ron and Janice are having a conflict. They
have identified the cause of their problem and a lack
of understanding between them, but in reality they
do understand each other. Ron knows that Janice
wants to sleep; Janice knows he wants to stay up and
work. Their problem is that they disagree about
whose goal is most important. The disagreement, not
lack of understanding, is the source of the conflict.
4. Conflict can
always be
resolved.
Consultants, corporate training experts, and authors
of self – help books often offer advice about how to
resolve conflicts so that all will be well and harmony
will prevail. Some people claim that with the
application of a few skills and how-to techniques,
conflicts can disappear like a stain from a shirt
laundered with the right kind of detergent. This is
simply not true. Not all differences can be resolved
by listening harder or paraphrasing your partner’s
message. Some disagreements are so intense and the
perceptions so fixed that individuals may have to
agree to disagree and live with it.
5. Conflict is
always bad.
It’s a common fantasy to dream of eliminating all
interpersonal conflict from relationships. It would be
bliss, we think, if we could live without
disagreement, hassle, haggling and tension. But
conflict is a healthy component of relationships. In
fact, if a relationship is conflict-free, the individuals
are probably not being honest with each other.
Although it can be destructive, conflict can also help
us identify issues that need further discussion and
lead to negotiations that give us fresh insights into
the relationship.

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Behaviour in conflict situations
K. W. Thomas and R. H. Kilmann (K. W. Thomas and R. H. Kilmann,
1974)identified and described behaviour in conflict situations. 2
The
choice of behaviour can be related to the concern for others and the
concern for oneself. 3
These two dimensions result in five types of
behaviour in conflict situations: avoidance, accommodation, competition,
compromise and collaboration.
2
Mayer, B. (2009). Staying with conflict: a strategic approach to ongoing disputes. San Francisco:
Johan Wiley & Sons, Inc. P.87.
3
Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., Redmond, M. V. (2005).Interpersonal communication. Relating to others.
Boston: Pearson. P.231–236.

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9. 9
Short suggestions to parents for conflict resolution
Conflicts can be solved in a better manner when people take into account
important principles what can guide their attitude and behaviour. This
part of the Guide provides pragmatic suggestions to parents for conflict
resolution what involves their children and are related with educational
settings. It helps to live harmonic life without conflicts.
Suggestions to parents
1. Be patient;
2. Stay calm, control your emotions;
3. Repeat what is important to you;
4. Discuss only if it is important;
5. You are not always right;
6. Allow your children free time;
7. Learn the social environment from your children;
8. Let your children be independent and free of choice, don’t bond them
with your expectations and desires;
9. Accept cultural, ethical, religious diversity;
10. Don’t cut children’s wings;
11. Be tolerant;
12. Support your children;
13. Understand others;
14. Express yourself and share your values;
15. Support children’s choices;
16. Dream together with your children;
17. Learn from your children;
18. Cooperate with the school;
19. Show your children – they are important to you;
20. Use young people’s interests for developing their abilities;
21. Listen and be silent when others are speaking;

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22. Be positive and proactive in your communicationwith children;
23. Sense of humor: make a joke about yourself
before laughing about others;
24. Support children in being self–confident;
25. Take time, don’t ask for immediate answers;
26. Respect needs and opinions of your children;
27. Try to share a common project of life with your children;
28. Respect the values of your children and their personality;
29. Make children responsible: every person in a family has
responsibilities;
30. Respect the rules and the rules are the same
for children and parents;
31. Give roots to children when they are small and give them wings
when they grow up;
32. Don’t criticize;
33. Don’t change the rules;
34. Respect and support the choices of children.

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Conclusion
The experiencesof conflict resolution and preventionmade by SchoolMed
project partners in different countries were collected and combined in this
Guide. It is a suite of pragmatic suggestions to support those who work
with conflict resolution to solve possible conflicts. However, the Guide is
not intended to replace either the specific tools available in different
countries or training for those working to improve communication
between students, teachers, and parents.
For development of the Guide the types of conflicts that arise between
various actors in the local community were identified. Through the
comparison of different experiences during two years collaboration
intervention strategies were set and negotiated. These strategies allow
people managing the detected conflicts more effectively and help in
conflict prevention.
Project partners contributed to the promotion of the culture of mediation
as growth and learning moment. The initiative was also important to learn
from what is done in other countries in order to implement good practice.