Biblical principles for married couples to finish well and live a fruitful married life

1. FINISHING WELL!
Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017

2. SESSION ONE: RUN LONG, FINISH WELL!
“We continually ask God to fill you with the
knowledge of his will through all the wisdom
and understanding that the Spirit gives, so
that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and
please him in every way: bearing fruit in every
good work, growing in the knowledge of God,
being strengthened with all power according
to his glorious might so that you may have
great endurance and patience, and giving
joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified
you to share in the inheritance of his holy
people in the kingdom of light”
(Col. 1:9-12).

3. VISION FOR A FRUITFUL MARRIED LIFE
Vision, defined: “a thought, concept, or object
formed by the imagination”
Fruitful, defined: “conducive to an abundant
yield, abundantly productive”

4. THREE HELPS . . .
• Your SHARED sense of
PURPOSE
• Your SHARED VALUES
• Your SHARED PICTURE of
Maturity

5. VISION = OPPOSITE OF A MEMORY
What is one of your
favorite memories as a
couple?
How do you picture it?

6. VISION = SEEING INTO THE FUTURE
How do you picture
yourselves down the road
as a couple?
What are some key words
or images you could draw
upon to describe this
picture?

7. BIBLICAL PICTURE OF FRUITFULNESS (1)
Psalm 128: 1-4 (NIV)
“Blessed are all who fear the LORD,
who walk in obedience to him.
2 You will eat the fruit of your labor;
blessings and prosperity will be yours.
3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.
4 Yes, this will be the blessing
for the man who fears the LORD.”

8. TWO OTHER BIBLICAL VISIONS OF
FRUITFULNESS IN MARRIED LIFE
Proverbs 31: 10 – 14
Ephesians 5: 21 - 33

9. YOUR VISION SHOULD BE . . .
Simple (something you can
picture or “see”)
Sharable (something you can
describe or share)
Meaningful (something you
would WANT to pay the price to
live out)

10. WAYS TO DESCRIBE YOUR VISION . . .
 Put it into a statement –
 Put it into a symbol –
 Put it into a photo or a picture –
 Other (put it into a song, a poem, etc)

11. NEXT . . .
Tie it to God’s Word
Tie it to God’s plan
Tie it to God’s
mission

12. ROBIN AND ME

13. VISION DESCRIPTION
• Same roots in God’s Word and
God’s Son
• Our opposites make us stronger
• Fruit = children and
grandchildren
• Flowers = our ministries and
vocations

14. FRUITFUL TO THE END
 Spiritually
 Emotionally
 Intimately
 Financially
 Vocationally / Ministry
 Family Life
“We have lived a good life with God”

15. YOUR VISION PROJECT . . .

16. ASK YOURSELVES . . .
What are our greatest strengths?
What are our greatest gifts?
What makes us “US”?
What might our children or others admire about us
as a couple?
What is one of the best things we have ever pulled
off as a couple (and how did we do it)?
How has our marriage changed me for the better?
How has it changed my spouse?
What is our marital superpower?
When did we recognize God’s call to come
together as a couple?

17. I BROUGHT . . .
T- shirts:
($15 ea) CDs
($5 ea)
How Healed?
($10 ea) coming
soon…

18. FINISHING WELL!
SESSION TWO: GROWING THROUGH CRISIS, PART ONE
Calvary Chapel Refuge Married Couples Weekend, 2017

19. SESSION TWO – GROWING THROUGH CRISIS
A crisis can begin as a HINDRANCE to our
quest to run long and finish well – but it
may be possible for it to be turned to a
HELP, instead!

20. WHAT IS A CRISIS?
 “a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or
danger.”
 “a time when a difficult or important
decision must be made.”
 “the turning point of a disease when an
important change takes place, indicating
either recovery or death”

21. WHAT IS A MARITAL CRISIS?
A marital crisis occurs when a couple
encounters an unusually high level of stress or
conflict.
The relationship becomes submerged in:
* Anger * Resentment * Distrust
* Dissatisfaction * Pain * Hopelessness

22. A PATTERN OF NEGATIVITY
BECOMES ESTABLISHED
Attempts to resolve disintegrate into either
withdrawal and disengagement or destructive
escalation of conflict.
Outside help is needed inasmuch things become
“stuck” or go into full reversal.

23. COMMON TYPES OF COUPLE CRISIS
 An emotional or sexual affair
 Compulsive use of pornography
 Alcohol or substance abuse
 Unemployment
 Health problems or injury
 Financial mismanagement, compulsive shopping,
gambling
 Spiritual crisis
 Negative influence of in-laws or family members
 Mental health crisis
 Crisis involving children (including infertility)

24. HOW CRISIS WORKS . . .
2 Types: SUDDEN ONSET or SLOW-
BURNING
Key Factor = UNMANAGEABLE
JOB ONE becomes Manageability

25. INEFFECTIVE CRISIS MANAGEMENT
 Denial
 Avoidance
 Rage
 Blaming
 Total Withdrawal
 Religiosity (versus emotionally healthy
spirituality

26. EFFECTIVE CRISIS MANAGEMENT
 Joining forces
 Facing facts
 Communicating needs and solutions
Getting Help Via –
- Increasing Spiritual Resources
- Confession of Faults, Sins & True
Repentance
- Making a plan, adopting a strategy
- Learning about the crisis and how to best
address it

27. GOD’S PLAN = GROW FROM CRISIS!
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and
sisters, whenever you face trials of
many kinds, because you know that
the testing of your faith produces
perseverance. Let perseverance finish
its work so that you may be mature
and complete, not lacking anything”
(James 1: 2-4).

28. POTENTIAL FOR GROWTH
 Important decisions are finally made and
adopted
 Habits change for the better
 New spiritual growth is fueled
 Increase in openness, honesty between
partners and between partners and other
trusted friends, family, Christian companions,
etc.
 Resources are found and implemented including
medications, counseling, recovery,
discipleship/mentoring, and the like address the
whole person, the whole couple, and the whole

29. EXAMPLE: THE “SMITHS”

30. WHERE IS GOD IN CRISIS?
With You!
“When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…”
(Isaiah 42: 2, 3)

31. SINGLE BIGGEST ASSETS
 God’s Presence
 God’s Commitment
 God’s Understanding of What You Need
Plus…
Courage Complete Honesty Time
Other Healthy Couples Learning
Humility – Including a Willingness to Truly Change
A Desire to Glorify God
Faith Safe Places, Healing Environments Your Marriage
Vows

32. NOTABLE HINDRANCES TO GROWTH
* Cheerleaders who won’t tell you the truth
* “God’s Little Helpers” who will give you
advice but not walk the road with you
* Worldly Thinking
* Phony Forgiveness
* Phony Repentance
* Bitterness
* Failure to address the Whole Person / Whole
Marriage
* Demanding, Forcing, or Pitiful Begging

33. GOD’S PROMISES!
Comfort, Presence, Wisdom, Strength,
Redemption, Healing
LETTING JESUS BE THE HERO OF OUR
STORY

34. TEAMING
“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie
down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”
(Eccl. 4: 9-12)

35. DIALOGUING WITH CRISIS
 Where is God present in this mega-challenge?
 What does He want me to hear from Him at this
time?
 Who can help me / us navigate these waters?
 How can I turn my spouse into a teammate in
overcoming the crisis?
 How does Satan hope to use these troubles to
undermine God’s work in our lives? How can
we team to defeat his dark intentions?
 How can I / We actually grow from this crisis?

36. DON’T JUST WALK WITH CRISIS, WALK WITH
GOD – AND EACH OTHER – THROUGH CRISIS
“Let us not become
weary in doing good, for
at the proper time we will
reap a harvest if we do
not give up”
(Galatians 6: 9).