1. Welcome
GMU English 302
Stephen.Bates@octi.com
EVP/Chief Operating Officer
7 Nov 2007
+1 202 730 9760

2. Agenda (36 slides in 30 minutes or less, with handouts)
30:00
Introductions
25:00
Types of Writing & Collaborative Projects
20:00
Writing for Influence and Persuasion
15:00
Writing Hints
10:00
Hiring
05:00
Q&A
00:00
Thank You
Be Brief, Be Right, Be Gone!
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3. Questions I’m supposed to answer…
• What percentage of a typical day do I spend writing?
• What types of writing do I do? (emails, reports, memos, etc…)
• Do I supervise others and receive written documents?
• Do I have an assistant who revises or edits my documents?
• Do we have a Writing Guide?
• Have I taken any writing workshops or seminars beyond formal
education?
• How do I evaluate a future employee’s writing abilities?
• What writing skills do students need to be prepared for OJT writing in
the field?
3

4. Who am I?
• Former Army officer, BA from Indiana University
• Many years living in Europe with the Army
• Combined Arms Services Staff School: Fort Leavenworth, KS
• Analyst/Consultant to Army CIO
• Business Development and General Management at Apple
• Currently EVP & Chief Operating Officer at OCTI
• In other words….a brain, an athlete, a basketcase, a princess,
and a criminal.
4

5. What Do I Do At Work?
• Along with the CEO, I run the company (~ 30 personnel)
o Admin/HR
Consulting
o Finance/Accounting
o Sales/Marketing
o Operations/Logistics
• Superior performance with clients:
o DoD: Pentagon
o Army: 2 at Fort Belvoir
Information Assurance
Software Development
Disaster Recovery/COOP
o Army: Walter Reed Army Medical Center
o Army: London, Paris, Bonn
• Bring in new business
o Write Proposals (prime and subcontract)
o Present OCTI to clients and partners
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o Hire and staff new business

6. Types of Writing and Collaborative Projects
I write to Influence and to Persuade
I write emails, memorandums, whitepapers, and proposals
I usually write collaboratively with MS Word and Sharepoint
Often, I give presentations, then must write a document
Often, I write documents, then must give a presentation
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This is how we make money!

7. Writing Email
Stephen.Bates@octi.com
EVP/Chief Operating Officer
+1 202 730 9760

8. Writing Email
• Email is official correspondence
• Always attempt to keep it short, target is one paragraph
• Spend time writing a descriptive subject line, One topic per email
• Address the addressee (Dear Mr. or Ms. So and So)
• Include short signature file (email, direct phone and/or cell)
• More people reading email on mobile devices
• “The attached document or presentation contains XYZ”
• No smileys, acronyms from SMS/texting (ROFL, TTFL, etc…)
• Humor and innuendo do not convey well over email
• Use a professional email address
• Firstname . Lastname@ is the accepted naming convention
• iLoveSchmoopie1982@aol.com is considered immature
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9. The Proposal Process
Stephen.Bates@octi.com
EVP/Chief Operating Officer
+1 202 730 9760

10. Phase 1: Government Issues Request for Proposal
• We need some work done, here’s a description, can you do it?
• Constraints: 14 days for a small proposal, 30 days for a large one
• Lots of legal mumbo jumbo, but basically consists of three parts:
o Performance Work Statement (problem and expected results)
o Instructions, Conditions, and Notices to Offerors
o Evaluation Factors for Award
10

11. Phase 2: Conduct RFP analysis: bid/no-bid decision
We received a pre-solicitation notification on February 13, 2006. The RFP was
released March 10, 2006 for Small Business Set Aside.
End Client
The Office of Information Assurance and Compliance Tactical Directorate
(NETCOM OIA&C)
Scope of Work
Summary
The contractor will provide support services, including but not limited to,
information assurance support, tactical information systems security engineering
support and analysis, tactical information assurance vulnerability management
(IAVM) process, acquisition program management oversight and support, human
resource support, and property book support. This acquisition is a total set-aside
for small business. This is a base year with 4 options years contract
1
Year Due
Option
~$8M Duration
Value
w/ 4 Date
Opts
RFP
released on
10 Mar 06.
Prop due 10
Apr 06.
Late
Award
Apr/
Date
Mid
May
Initial Value
~$2M
Competition
Status
Incumbent is INCRIS 7 FTEs (small business total of 10 employees), Madden
Tech (currently supports OIA&C CAC/PKI) and FCI (current footprint within CIO/
G6 – AAIC) are likely competitors. BAH possible teaming option.
Booz Allen Proprietary

12. Phase 3: Respond to RFP by submitting proposal
• Form team that can win, sign teaming and non-disclosure
agreements
• Establish Sharepoint site and provision accounts
• Divvy up writing assignments to team members
• Review initial writing assignments (Pink Team)
• Review final writing assignments (Red Team)
• Management reviews pricing
• Assemble 3 Volumes (Bookbinder):
o Technical
o Management
o Pricing
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• Print, Bind, Deliver (Gold Team)

13. What Does A Proposal Consist Of?
• Technical Approach (usually a 10-50 page limit)
o Our understanding of the client and their problems
o How we’re going to solve their problems and do the work
• Management Approach (usually a 10-50 page limit)
o Who we’re going to put against the problem (resumes)
o How we’re going to manage the program and projects
o Includes timelines, project plans, dates/format of deliverables
• Pricing (usually only 3-5 pages, consisting of tables from Excel)
o How much to do this work
o Our hourly rates by position, also in aggregate
o Other Direct Costs (travel, training, materials)
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14. Writing Winning Proposals
Stephen.Bates@octi.com
EVP/Chief Operating Officer
+1 202 730 9760

15. Writing Style Can Bias the Reader For or Against You
• You develop a relationship with the reader through your writing style
o Establishes perception of credibility and confidence
o Creates environment of compatibility or arrogance
o If it is a “friendly read” and easy to score, the evaluator will often
become an ally and look for ways to help us win
• Techniques to convey a positive writing style
o Emphasize the present tense
o Don’t be afraid of the first person
o Be positive
o Avoid stilted phrases
o Use the active voice

16. We Emphasize Present Tense
• Lends air of credibility and confidence
• Gives impression that we are proposing something real rather
than mere good intentions
• Only exception is when it is important to make a distinction
between past, present, and future
Poor:
The Program Manager will
publish a weekly status report
for contractor visibility.
Better:
The Program Manager publishes
a weekly status report for
contractor visibility.

17. We Are Not Afraid of the First Person
• Stronger, more vigorous, more emphatic
• Use “we” and “our” instead of “the ABC Company” and “the
XYX Team”
• Remember, customer is looking for a contractor and partner,
not a disembodied entity
1. Launch of the first satellite
will occur in month 26.
We launch the first satellite in
month 26.
2. Jane Leader has been
appointed program manager.
Our program manager is
Jane Leader.

18. We’re Extremely Positive
• Positive Statements
o Show confidence
o Carry more conviction
o Are usually shorter
Positive: We maintain a fuel level
of at least 50% at all times..
Passive: We never allow the fuel
level to be less than 50% of capacity
• Negative statements
often sound evasive
• Avoid caveats and
conditional statements
unless they really are
absolutely necessary
Positive: Our training program ….
Conditional: Our proposed training
program ….

19. We Avoid STILTED Phrases
• In proposal writing, the challenge is to demonstrate
understanding with statements of substance
• Avoid phrases such as
o “Our Company understands …”
o “It is understood …”
o “We understand …”
• These stilted phrases become unsubstantiated claims and
actually convey the opposite impression

20. We Use The Active Voice
• Simpler
• More direct and
believable
• More forceful and
self-confident
• Usually less wordy
Active:
Never pour hazardous
chemicals into the sink.
Passive: Hazardous chemicals
should never be poured
into the sink.
Active Voice:
When the structure of the sentence has the actor in front of the action
• Australian companies manufacture millions of precision machine tools
Passive Voice:
When the structure of the sentence has the receiver in front of the action
• Millions of precision machine tools are manufactured by Australian
companies

21. We Use Microsoft Word’s Tools for Checking
Spelling and Grammar (in addition to proofing)
• Test your draft text
• Goals:
– 2-5 sentences/paragraph
– Avg word length <20
– < 25% Passive
– Flesch Reading >58 (but less
than 90)
– Flesch Kincaid <13
• Spelling
– When working on you're draft,
try nod to be concerned with
any mispellings
– When your finishd, uze thge
spel ckecker and the granna
chucker
• Be sure to run spell checker before
bringing your drafts to a conference!

22. We Make Our Presentation Clear to The Reader
• Be specific
o Speak to the reader in his/her own language
o Never fear using little words
o Omit needless words
• Avoid using clichés
• Be careful when using acronyms

23. We Are Specific
• Avoid generalizations
• Be definite and concrete
– Poor: The launch was delayed because of unfavorable
weather.
– Better: High winds delayed the launch.
– Best: Winds over 50 knots delayed the launch for three
days.
• Good proposals are data rich – they deal in particulars and
present the details that matter
• Steamboat test
– If your description works as well for a steamboat as it
does for our system, then the description is not
sufficiently specific

24. We Use the Customer’s Language
• Don’t attempt to improve the solicitation’s choice of words
– If it says “Past Experience” don’t use “Past Performance”
• Embed “road signs” in your subheading and text using key words
from the solicitation highlighting the location of our answer
• Speaking to the customer in his/her language is hard
– For example, if you tell a DoD customer to “Secure a
Building”. . .
• The Army will occupy the building
so no one can enter
• The Navy will turn off the lights
and lock the doors
• The Air Force will take out a
three-year lease with an option
to buy
• The Marines will assault the
building, capture it using
suppressive fire and close
combat, and defend it

25. We Are Edward Tufte Disciples
• Professor at Princeton
• Edward Tufte: http://www.edwardtufte.com/
o
o
o
o
o
o
o
Visual Display of Quantitative Information
Envisioning Information
Visual Explanations
Beautiful Evidence
Displays of Evidence for Making Decisions
The Cognitive Style of Powerpoint
Artful Sentences
• We spend a lot of time on graphics and art work:
o Convey complex topics and ideas
o Comparatively displaying quantitative information so it makes sense
o OK, so what? What do the numbers mean? Compared to what?

26. We Never Fear Using Little Words
• Big words often name little things
• Learn to use little words in a big way
– It might not be easy…
– Little words tend to say exactly what you mean
• Remember, most big things have little names
• Dawn
• Love
• Peace
• Life
• God
• Death
• Hope
• War

27. We Omit Needless Words
• Also unnecessary sentences and paragraphs
(just as a drawing should contain no unnecessary lines or a
machine should contain no unnecessary parts)
Incorrect
The question as to whether
There is no doubt that
Used for fuel purposes
He is a man who
The reason is that
Owing to the fact that
In spite of the fact that
The fact that the tank failed
The fact that the test did not succeed
Correct
whether (the question whether)
no doubt (doubtless)
used for fuel
he
because
since (because)
though (although)
the tank failed
the test was unsuccessful

28. Keep It Simple, Stupid (KISS)
Is representative of
is clear that
is plain that
kept under surveillance
made an investigation of
notwithstanding the fact that
a considerable margin
on account of
on the basis of
period of time
pertaining to
pursuant to
separate into two equal parts
take appropriate measures
typifies
clearly
plainly
watched
investigated
although
QUANTIFY
because
by
interval – period
about
following
halve
act

29. And KISS Strikes Back
to summarize the above
without variation
with the exception of
afford an opportunity
a great deal of
a great number of
along the lines of
as a general rule
as related to
assuming that
a sufficient number
at all times
at the conclusion of
in summary
stable – constant
except
permit – allow
much
more
like
usually – generally
for – about
if
enough
always
after

30. And KISS Bikes Strack
based on the fact that
by means of
by way of illustration
called attention to the fact
despite the fact that
detailed information
draw to a close
due to the fact that
during which time
estimated at about
except in a small number of cases
exhibit a tendency to
exposure to elevated temperature
due to – because
by
for example
reminded
although
details
end
because
while
estimated
usually
tend to
heat

31. The Return of the Wordi
for the purpose of
from the point of view
in accordance with
in addition (to)
in close proximity
in excess of
in conjunction with
in many cases
in respect to
in the absence of
in the event that
introduced a new
in view of the fact that
involve the necessity of
for – to
for
by – under
also – besides
near
more than
with
often
about – concerning
without
should – if
introduced
considering
requires

32. BCWUA*
• Define acronyms when first used
– However, some acronyms are better known than their definition
• NASA, WBS, RCA
• Redefine acronyms that are reused after their definition is
forgotten
• Pages loaded with acronyms are foreboding
• Any acronym that makes the reader stop and think should be
avoided
• Avoid parochial or made-up acronyms
*Be careful when using acronyms

33. “Good Writing” – A Review
• Be more or less specific
• Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly
superfluous
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
One should never generalize
The passive voice is to be avoided
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary
Avoid clichés like the plague. (They are old hat.)
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
Employ the vernacular
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Understatement is always best
– Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement
• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake
• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed

34. Hiring Good Writers
Stephen.Bates@octi.com
EVP/Chief Operating Officer
+1 202 730 9760

35. How Do I Evaluate A Candidate’s Writing Ability?
• The Resume: gets the interview
• The Writing Sample: confirm the interview
• The References: independently confirm the interview
• The Interview: gets the job
• Writing is incredibly important in my line of work
o It is how we influence and persuade
o By extension, how effective we are
o We often write for other higher-ups, documents and presentations
o Typing quickly and accurately, gets it right the first time
• Good writers and speakers with a BA/BS degree and domain
expertise can make quite a bit of money
Be Brief, Be Right, Be Gone!

36. Thanks!!!
Stephen.Bates@octi.com
EVP/Chief Operating Officer
+1 202 730 9760