Marriage,courship and dating

Marriage,
Courtship
and Dating
SEVEN(7) STEPS TO A
HAPPY MARRIAGE

Books You NeedTo Be Read Before Entering
A Marriage Relationship or Courtship
1.The Holy Bible (KJV)
2.Letters to Young Lovers–Ellen G. White
3.Adventist Home –Ellen G. White
4. Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce–Ellen G. White
5.Ministry Of Healing–Ellen G. White
6.Message to young people –Ellen G. White
7. Youth, Are You Preparing for Your Divorce? by Colin D. Standish
8. Preparing for Marriage -W.D. Frazee

Year
Divorces
Marriages
1900 1 12.7
1940 1 6
1990
2000
1
1
2
2
Four Big Secrets of a Happy Family

There is not one marriage in one hundred that results
happily, that bears the sanction of God, and places the
parties in a position better to glorify Him.
Testimonies for the Church Volume 4, Page 504

The evil consequences of poor marriages are numberless.
They are contracted from impulse. A candid review of the
matter is scarcely thought of, and consultation with those
of experience is considered old-fashioned.
Testimonies for the Church Volume 4, Page 504

Courtship, as carried on in this age, is a scheme of
deception and hypocrisy, with which the enemy of souls
has far more to do than the Lord. Good common sense is
needed here if anywhere; but the fact is, it has little to do
in the matter. MESSAGES TO YOUNG PEOPLE, PAGE 450

Satan is busily engaged in influencing those who are
wholly unsuited to each other to unite their interests. He
exults in this work, for by it he can produce more misery
and hopeless woe to the human family than by exercising
his skill in any other direction.—
Testimonies for the Church 2:248.

What is the purpose of marriage?
The purpose of marriage is to
blending two different personalities
into the image of God.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and
his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be
one flesh.

Marriage
God designs that every Christian home in its harmony, peace, and
love should be a model of the home in heaven. In fulfillment of
this ideal there can be no marriage with unbelievers, for in
homes established under the unequal yoke, 'the shadows are
never lifted.‘ (Deuteronomy 11:19-21,matthew 6:9-10)

Genesis 1:27
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of
God created he him; male and female created he them.”

Ellen White’s Marriage Sermon
“You each have an identity of your own, but in that identity there
must be a unity. There is constantly to be a development of the
faculties that God has given you, that you may improve, improve,
and that you may indeed be looked upon by the heavenly angels
with commendation.…

Ellen White’s Marriage Sermon
You are not called to give up your identity; you each have an
identity of your own. These may not always run in the very same
channel, and yet there may be that blending that God requires.”
Manuscript Releases, v. 10, p. 179

"We have an individuality
of our own, and the
wife's individuality is
never to be sunk into
that of her husband. God
is our Creator. We are
His by creation, and we
are His by redemption.
MS 12, 1895.

We want to see how much
we can render back to
God, because He gives us
the moral power, He gives
us the efficiency, He gives
us the intellect; and He
wants us to make the
most of these precious
gifts to His name's glory."--
MS 12, 1895.

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which
is in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:48
To most Christians this text is interpreted to mean “try to
be perfect, but you never will be perfect.” That exact
mentality is brought into the marriage experience. In
many contexts, marriage is frequently called a union.

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which
is in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:48
But a true union is built upon unity, that bond in which there
is no area of separation between those united together. If
young people would study the experience of Pentecost in
Acts chapter two, they will reflect that about one hundred
and twenty people were united.
-Youth are you preparing for divorce?
by Colin Standish, page 23

And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they
were all with one accord in one place. Acts 2:1
Success in marriage is certainly
a union built upon unity. The
same agreement regarding
divisive principles that brings
unity in a group of Christian
believers is necessry for unity in
a marriage. Unity, however,
does not mean that we always
think exactly the same.

And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they
were all with one accord in one place. Acts 2:1
However, it entails both
spouses having their lives in
unbroken commitment to their
Savior, allowing Him to perfect
His character in their lives. In
His prayer for unity Jesus said,
Sanctify them through thy truth:
thy word is truth. John 17:17

Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the
Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one
another with a pure heart fervently. 1 Peter 1:22
Here again we notice some principles
which bring true unity—“have purified
your souls;” “obeying the truth;” “through
the [Holy] Spirit;” “unto unfeigned [without
pretense] love of the brethren.” Young
people, can you see that these are the
principles upon which every true Christian
marriage should be established?

Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the
Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one
another with a pure heart fervently. 1 Peter 1:22
You must understand that if both the
husband and the wife are daily seeking,
in the power of Christ’s grace, to live
this life, then the marriage will be
invincible. Some believe that this is a
noble goal but that it cannot be
achieved. However, the Bible does not
support such a discouraging conclusion.

Some believe that Bible statements such as
“I can of mine own self do nothing” (John
5:30) absolves them of any thought to seek
perfection of character. Yet it is from Jesus
that we are assured that “with God all things
are possible” (Matthew 19:26). The issue of
perfection has nothing to do with the abject
weakness of fallen human beings. It has all
to do with Christ dwelling with us.
Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the
truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the
brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure
heart fervently. 1 Peter 1:22

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:5
Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these
ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that
is in the world through lust. 2 Peter 1:4
If we say it is impossible to live a life of
character perfection, we certainly will never
achieve it. We understand that that is exactly
the same principle which we see in what is said
by so many husbands and wives about their
marriage. They confess “There is no hope. We
cannot learn how to agree and continue to live
together.” If you conclude this, you are
expressing a self-fulfilling prophecy.
-Youth are you preparing for divorce ? -by Colin Standish, page 24

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:5
Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these
ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that
is in the world through lust. 2 Peter 1:4
As you allow your mind to wander in that
direction you certainly will never find God’s plan
to bring about unity, love and harmony in your
marriage. The more we express this
hopelessness, the deeper its impression, for
expressions inevitably deepen impressions. You
become increasingly convinced of the
impossibility of a happy and contented
marriage. Thus step by step you yield to the
temptation to fracture the marriage vows.
-Youth are you preparing for divorce ?- by Colin Standish, page 24

Long before marriage you must
realize the infinite power of Christ
and His grace, day by day and
moment by moment, to provide you
victory over the tests, trials and
temptations of Satan. On numbers
of occasions Christ provided the
perfect formula. When Christ is in
us and we are in Christ we are
invincible to the fiery darts of Satan.

At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me; and I in you.
John 14:20
I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the
same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a man
abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men
gather them and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. If ye abide in
me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be
done unto you. John 15:5–7

Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given
us of his Spirit. . . . Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God,
God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the
love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth
in God, and God in him. 1 John 4:13, 15–16
We abide in Christ when we have a living connection with Him and we
renew it every morning on our knees. By submitting our lives to Him we
can have the strength to live

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will
flee from you. James 4:7
Both spouses must have that power of
victory in their lives. Young people
should patiently seek a marriage
partner who also is gaining the same
daily strength and victory. There is one
thing certain: such a marriage will
never suffer fracture. As the years of
marriage pass into decades, the
marriage bond will strengthen the love
of both husband and wife for the other.
-Youth are you preparing
for divorce ?- by Colin
Standish, page 25

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will
flee from you. James 4:7
The children of the marriage will have
the joy of growing up in a home where
they too experience the joy, the
calmness, the blessing of such a
Christian home. It is often said that it
takes two to make a divorce. That is
false. It only takes one to make a
divorce, but it certainly takes two—two
dedicated, mature Christians—to make
an invincible marriage.
-Youth are you preparing
for divorce ?- by Colin
Standish, page 25

Be ye not unequally
yoked together with
unbelievers: for what
fellowship hath
righteousness with
unrighteousness? and
what communion hath
light with darkness?..2
Corinthians 6:14

He/she has not accepted the truth for
this time; he is an unbeliever, and you
are forbidden of heaven to unite
yourself with him. You cannot, without
peril to your soul, disregard this divine
injunction....
To connect with an unbeliever is to place yourself on Satan’s
ground. You grieve the Spirit of God and forfeit His protection.
Can you afford to have such terrible odds against you in fighting
the battle for everlasting life?
.—Testimonies for the Church 5:364, 365.

The trials of the children of Israel, and their attitude just
before the first coming of Christ, illustrate the position of the
people of God in their experience before the second coming
of Christ.-- R. and H., 1890, No. 7. {HL 280.1}
Satan's snares are laid for us as verily as they were laid for
the children of Israel just prior to their entrance into the land
of Canaan. We are repeating the history of that people.--T.,
No. 31, p. 156. {HL 280.2}

The alliances made by the Israelites with their heathen neighbors
resulted in the loss of their identity as God's peculiar people. They
became leavened by the evil practises of those with whom they
formed forbidden alliances. Affiliation with worldlings caused them
to lose their first love, and their zeal for God's service. The
advantages they sold themselves to gain, brought only
disappointment, and caused the loss of many souls. {4BC 1155.8}

Solomon began to lose sight
of the Source of his power
and glory. Inclination gained
the ascendency over reason.
As his self-confidence
increased, he sought to
carry out the Lord's purpose
in his own way.

He reasoned that political and commercial
alliances with the surrounding nations
would bring them to a knowledge of the
true God; and so he entered into unholy
alliance with nation after nation. Often
these alliances were sealed by marriage
with heathen princesses. The commands
of Jehovah were set aside for the customs
of the surrounding nations. {FE 498.4}

During the years of Solomon's apostasy, the spiritual
decline of Israel was rapid. How could it have been
otherwise, when their king united with satanic
agencies? Through these agencies the enemy worked
to confuse the minds of the people in regard to true and
false worship. They became an easy prey.

It came to be a common practice to intermarry with the
heathen. The Israelites rapidly lost their abhorrence of idolatry.
Heathen customs were introduced. Idolatrous mothers brought
their children up to observe heathen rites. The Hebrew faith
was fast becoming a mixture of confused ideas.

Commerce with other nations
brought the Israelites into intimate
contact with those who had no
love for God, and their own love
for Him was greatly lessened.
Their keen sense of the high and
holy character of God was
deadened. Refusing to follow in
the path of obedience, they
transferred their allegiance to
Satan. {FE 499.1}

The enemy rejoiced in his
success in effacing the divine
image from the minds of the
people that God has chosen as
His representatives. Through
inter-marriage with idolaters and
constant association with them,
Satan brought about that for
which he had long been working,-
-a national apostasy. {FE 499.1}

Solomon flattered himself that his wisdom and the power of
his example would lead his wives from idolatry to the
worship of the true God, and also that the alliances thus
formed would draw the nations round about into close
touch with Israel. Vain hope! Solomon's mistake in
regarding himself as strong enough to resist the influence
of heathen associates was fatal. And fatal, too, the
deception that led him to hope that notwithstanding a
disregard of God's law on his part, others might be led to
revere and obey its sacred precepts. {CC 192.3}

God has called His church in this day, as He called ancient Israel, to stand
as a light in the earth. By the mighty cleaver of truth, the messages of the
first, second, and third angels, He has separated them from the churches
and from the world to bring them into a sacred nearness to Himself. He has
made them the depositaries of His law and has committed to them the great
truths of prophecy for this time. Like the holy oracles committed to ancient
Israel, these are a sacred trust to be communicated to the world. The three
angels of Revelation 14 represent the people who accept the light of God's
messages and go forth as His agents to sound the warning throughout the
length and breadth of the earth. Christ declares to His followers: "Ye are
the light of the world."

Marriage
Our ministers will honor the divine counsel given by refusing to
officiate at mixed marriages. Courtships should likewise be conducted
in harmony with the highest Christian principles. 'Marriage has been
perverted by sin; but it is the purpose of the gospel to restore its
purity and beauty.'—Mount of Blessing, p. 100.

Marriage
We deplore the tragic abandonment of the family altar in many an
Adventist home and urgently appeal for its revival and faithful
maintenance. In these days of lowered standards careful heed should
also be given to the vital counsel from the Lord: 'Whosoever shall put
away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another,
committeth adultery; and whoso marrieth her that is put away doth
commit adultery.' Matt. 19:8,9

Malachi 2: 16
For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates
divorce…

Divorce is no light and trifling matter.
A person who has passed through divorce proceedings has
had a regrettable and unfortunate experience which will
always leave a scar. If there should be any adequate
reason for question about the Biblical cause for such
divorce, or about guilt regarding the individual, such person
should not be looked to for leadership in our churches.

Proverbs 9:1 Wisdom hath builded her house, she hath hewn out her seven pillars..
Psalm 127:1 Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except
the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.:
7.Marriage
6.Engagemnet
5.Courtship
4.Seeking counsel with the parents of the one who you are
desiring to court/marry
3.Seeking Counsel
2. Am I Prepared for Marriage
1. Is God Calling You to Marriage ? (Is it time)

Let every step toward a marriage alliance be
characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and
an earnest purpose to please and honor God.
Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and
in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make
no plans that God cannot approve. {AH 49.1}
1. Is God Calling You to Marriage ?
(Is it time)- 1corin.7:6-11

• Satan is constantly busy to hurry inexperienced youth into a
marriage alliance. MESSAGES TO YOUNG PEOPLE, PAGE 455
• “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring
lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist
steadfast in the faith” 1 Peter 5:8, 9.

“If men and women are
in the habit of praying
twice a day before they
contemplate marriage,
they should pray four
times a day when such
a step is anticipated”
Adventist Home,
page 71

The question is asked, Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his
way and the answer is given, By taking heed thereto according to
Thy word. The young man who makes the Bible his guide, need not
mistake the path of duty and of safety. That blessed book will teach
him to preserve his integrity of character, to be truthful, to practice no
deception .MYP, 446.

Luke 17:27-30 They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were
given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark, and the
flood came, and destroyed them all. Likewise also as it was in the days
of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they
builded; But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and
brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in
the day when the Son of man is revealed.

Marriage Is Lawful and Holy.--There is in itself no sin in eating and
drinking, or in marrying and giving in marriage. It was lawful to marry in
the time of Noah, and it is lawful to marry now, if that which is lawful is
properly treated and not carried to sinful excess. But in the days of Noah
men married without consulting God or seeking His guidance and
counsel. . . . {AH 121.3}

In deciding upon any
course of action we
are not to ask whether
we can see that harm
will result from it, but
whether it is in
keeping with the will
of God.
Patriarch and Prophets page 634.2
Jeremiah 10:23, Proverbs 16:9

“Thou shalt not commit adultery” Exodus 20:14.
Adultery is the bringing in of any 3rd party
into this relationship. Now, somebody
says, “Oh, that’s talking about married
people.”
I want to tell you, friends, the 7th
commandment is just as much for single
People as it is for married people. Until a
young man has demonstrated full
obedience to the 7th commandment,
single, he’s not ready to be married; and
so with a young woman.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery” Exodus 20:14.
Let’s face it, the wedding day has
come. The bride and the groom stand
there before the minister, and the
question is put to that young man: “Will
you, John Jones take this woman,
Mary Smith to be your wedded wife, to
live with her after God’s ordinance in
the holiest state of matrimony? Will you
love her, honor her, cherish her, and,
forsaking all others, keep you only unto
her as long as you both shall live?”

There’s many a young man, if he were real honest, would have to
say something like this – of course this has never happened, I just
say it would have to happen, if we were dealing with realities,
instead of forms and ceremonies – that young man would have to
say to the minister: “Preacher, what is this you’re asking me?
You’re asking me to promise that I’m never to look at another girl
again? -Never to make love to another girl? That I’m supposed to
keep this one as long as we both shall live and keep myself only
unto her – my eyes, my hands, my thoughts, my heart, my body,
all just for her and her alone? Preacher isn’t that asking a lot?”
The preacher would have to say, if he stuck with the Word of God,
“Yes, it’s asking a lot; it’s asking everything.”

Then, the young man, if he were really honest, would have to conclude the
dialogue by saying: “Preacher, to tell you the truth, I don’t know whether I could
promise that, and keep it or not; I’ve never tried. Since I was a teenager and all
the way through, I’ve run with whoever I have felt like, if I could get them. I’ve put
my hands where I pleased, if the other party permitted it. I’ve run first with this
one, and that one, and sometimes with several at once, and now you’re asking
me to leave all that and keep myself only unto this girl? I don’t know preacher,
whether I can do it or not.”

That would be really honest, wouldn’t it? As I say, that never
happened. But oh, my dear friends, if you really want a
happy home, a successful home, a Christian home, you’ll
have to start keeping the 7th commandment when you’re a
child. You’ll have to start guarding your affections and
controlling your affections and passions and not letting your
thoughts run after this one and that one, and this one and
that one, and this one and that one, and your body follow
suit. Oh, no, that won’t do.

Where does a man get a good wife?
“A prudent wife is from the
Lord” Proverbs 19:14.
Whoso findeth such a wife,
Findeth a good thing, and
obtaineth favor of the LORD
Proverbs 18:22.

"A prudent wife is from the Lord." "The heart
of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She
will do him good and not evil all the days of
her life." "She openeth her mouth with
wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of
kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her
household, and eateth not the bread of
idleness. Her children arise up, and call her
blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her,"
saying, "Many daughters have done
virtuously, but thou excellest them all." He
who gains such a wife "findeth a good thing,
and obtaineth favor of the Lord." Proverbs
19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22. {MH 359.4}

“Attachments formed in childhood have often resulted in very wretched
unions or in disgraceful separations. Early connections, if formed
without the consent of parents, have seldom proved happy. The young
affections should be restrained until the period arrives when sufficient
age and experience will make it honorable and safe to unfetter them.
Those who will not be restrained will be in danger of dragging out an
unhappy existence.” {AH 79.3}

“This is a fast age. Little boys and girls commence paying attentions to one
another when they should both be in the nursery, taking lessons in modesty of
deportment. What is the effect of this common mixing up? Does it increase
chastity in the youth who thus gather together? No, indeed! it increases the first
lustful passions” Testimonies for the Church, Volume 2,
page 482.

“The forwardness of young girls in placing themselves in the
company of young men, hanging around where they are at work,
entering into conversation with them, talking common, idle talk,
is belittling to womanhood. It lowers them, even in the estimation
of those who themselves do such things.{TSB 245.2}.

Counsel to a Romantic, Lovesick Girl : “You have fallen into the sad error
which is so prevalent in this degenerate age, especially with women. You
are too fond of the other sex. You love their society; your attention to them
is flattering, and you encourage, or permit, a familiarity which does not
always accord with the exhortation of the apostle, to "abstain from all
appearance of evil." . . . {AH 52.3}

She was sitting in your lap; you were kissing her, and she was kissing
you. Other scenes of fondness, sensual looks and deportment, were
presented before me, which sent a thrill of horror through my soul. Your
arm encircled her waist, and the fondness expressed was having a
bewitching influence. Then a curtain was lifted, and I was shown you in
bed with _____. My guide said, "Iniquity, adultery.". . . {8MR 317.1}

Angels are watching and listening:
“Not one word should be spoken, not
one action performed, that you would
not be willing the holy angels should
look upon and register in the books
above. You should have an eye
single to the glory of God....Anything
different from this is debasing,
degrading in courtship; and marriage
cannot be holy and honorable in the
sight of a pure and holy God, unless
it is after the exalted Scriptural
principle. {AH 55.2}

A little time spent in sowing your wild oats, dear young friends, will
produce a crop that will embitter your whole life; an hour of
thoughtlessness, once yielding to temptation, may turn the whole current
of your life in the wrong direction. You can have but one youth; make that
useful. When once you have passed over the ground you can never
return to rectify your mistakes.... The youth may have principles so firm
that the most powerful temptations of Satan will not draw them away from
their allegiance. {Mar 82.6}

Trifling With Hearts: “To trifle with hearts is a crime of no small magnitude in the
sight of a holy God. And yet some will show preference for young ladies and call
out their affections, and then go their way and forget all about the words they
have spoken and their effect. A new face attracts them, and they repeat the same
words, devote to another the same attentions.” {AH 57.1}

Love Is a Precious Gift From Jesus
Love is a precious gift, which we receive
from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not
a feeling, but a principle. Those who are
actuated by true love are neither
unreasonable nor blind. {AH 50.1}
There is but little real, genuine, devoted,
pure love. This precious article is very rare.
Passion is termed love. {AH 50.2}

True love is a high and holy
principle, altogether different
in character from that love
which is awakened by impulse,
and which suddenly dies when
severely tested. {AH 50.3}

Love is a plant of heavenly
growth, and it must be
fostered and nourished.
Affectionate hearts, truthful,
loving words, will make
happy families and exert an
elevating influence upon all
who come within the sphere
of their influence. {AH 50.4}

Love . . . is not unreasonable; it is not
blind. It is pure and holy. But the
passion of the natural heart is another
thing altogether. While pure love will
take God into all its plans, and will be
in perfect harmony with the Spirit of
God, passion will be headstrong,
rash, unreasonable, defiant of all
restraint, and will make the object of
its choice an idol. In all the
deportment of one who possesses
true love, the grace of God will be
shown. {AH 50.5}

Modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality,
and religion will characterize every step
toward an alliance in marriage.
Those who are thus controlled will not be
absorbed in each other's society, at a loss
of interest in the prayer meeting and the
religious service.
Their fervor for the truth will not die on
account of the neglect of the
opportunities and privileges that God has
graciously given to them. {AH 50.5}

That love which has no better foundation than
mere sensual gratification will be headstrong,
blind, and uncontrollable. Honor, truth, and
every noble, elevated power of the mind are
brought under the slavery of passions. The
man who is bound in the chains of this
infatuation is too often deaf to the voice of
reason and conscience; neither argument nor
entreaty can lead him to see the folly of his
course. {AH 51.1}

True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. On
the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature. It looks
beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities
alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is
real and abiding. {AH 51.2}

Love, lifted out of the realm of passion and impulse, becomes
spiritualized, and is revealed in words and acts. A Christian
must have a sanctified tenderness and love in which there is
no impatience of fretfulness; the rude, harsh manners must be
softened by the grace of Christ. {AH 51.3}

To love as Christ loved means to manifest unselfishness at all times
and in all places, by kind words and pleasant looks. These cost those
who give them nothing, but they leave behind a fragrance that
surrounds the soul. Their effect can never be estimated. Not only are
they a blessing to the receiver, but to the giver; for they react upon him.
Genuine love is a precious attribute of heavenly origin, which increases
in fragrance in proportion as it is dispensed to others. LYL 16 - 17

To a Youthful Student: You
are now in your student's life;
let your mind dwell upon
spiritual subjects. Keep all
sentimentalism apart from
your life...You are now in the
formative period of
character; nothing with you
is to be considered trivial or
unimportant which will
detract from your highest,
holiest interest, your
efficiency in the preparation
to do the work God has
assigned you.” {AH 53.2}

Students, students, students: “While at school, students should
not allow their minds to become confused by thoughts of
courtship. They are there to gain a fitness to work for God, and
this thought is ever to be uppermost.” {CT100.2}

“Some of those who attend the college do not properly improve their time.
Full of the buoyancy of youth, they spurn the restraint that is brought to
bear upon them. Especially do they rebel against the rules that will not
allow young gentlemen to pay their attentions to young ladies. Full well is
known the evil of such a course in this degenerate age. ... The infatuation
on the part of both young men and women in thus placing the affections
upon each other during school days shows a lack of good judgment”
Testimonies for the Church, Volume 5, page
110.

“Should you, my brother, go to our college now, as you
have planned, I fear for your course there. Your
expressed determination to have a lady’s company
wherever you should go shows me that you are far from
being in a position to be benefited by going to Battle
Creek. The infatuation which is upon you is more satanic
than divine. I do not wish to have you disappointed in
regard to Battle Creek. The rules are strict there. No
courting is allowed. The school would be worth nothing to
students were they to become entangled in love affairs
as you have been. Testimonies for the Church, Volume 5,
page 109.

Our college would soon be demoralized. Parents do not
send their children to our college or to our offices to
commence a lovesick, sentimental life, but to be
educated in the sciences or to learn the printer’s trade.
Were the rules so lax that the youth were allowed to
become bewildered and infatuated with the society of the
opposite sex as you have been for some months past,
the object of their going to Battle Creek would be
lost.Testimonies for the Church, Volume 5, page 109.

If you cannot put this entirely out of your mind
and go there with the spirit of a learner and with
a purpose to arouse yourself to the most
earnest, humble, sincere efforts, praying that you
may have a close connection with God, it would
be better for you to remain at home” Testimonies
for the Church, Volume 5, page 109.

College students: “It would be well could there be
connected with our College, land for cultivation, and also
work-shops, under the charge of men competent to
instruct the students in the various departments of
physical labor. {CE36.3}

Much is lost by a neglect to unite physical with mental
taxation. The leisure hours of the student are often
occupied with frivolous pleasures, which weaken
physical, mental, and moral powers. Under the debasing
power of sensual indulgence, or the untimely excitement
of courtship and marriage, many students fail to reach
that height of mental development which they might
otherwise have attained. {CE36.3}

Keeping Late Hours: “The habit of
sitting up late at night is customary; but
it is not pleasing to God, even if you are
both Christians. These untimely hours
injure health, unfit the mind for the next
day's duties, and have an appearance
of evil. My brother, I hope you will have
self-respect enough to shun this form of
courtship. If you have an eye single to
the glory of God, you will move with
deliberate caution. You will not suffer
lovesick sentimentalism to so blind your
vision that you cannot discern the high
claims that God has upon you as a
Christian.” {AH 56.1}

Chatting besides the devil:
“Satan's angels are keeping
watch with those who devote a
large share of the night to
courting. Could they have their
eyes opened, they would see
an angel making a record of
their words and acts. The laws
of health and modesty are
violated.” {AH 56.2}

Home Chores
“And if ye have not been faithful in that
which is another man’s who shall give you
that which is your own” Luke 16:12.
courting.
“It is by faithfulness to duty in the parental
home that the youth are to prepare
themselves for homes of their own”
Messages to
Young People, page 466.

Marriage, Courtship and Dating
“I have the most painful sense of
helplessness when parties come to me
for counsel upon this subject. I may
speak to them the words that God
would have me, but they frequently
question every point and plead the
wisdom of carrying out their own
purposes and eventually they do so”
Messages to Young People, page 458.

“The good of society, as well as the
highest interest of the students,
demands that they shall not attempt
to select a life partner while their
own character is yet undeveloped,
their judgment immature, and while
they are at the same time deprived
of parental care and guidance”
Messages to Young
People, page 442.

3. Seeking Counsel
“Where no counsel is, the
people fall” Proverbs 11:14.
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the
multitude of counselors they are established” Proverbs 15:22.
“Every purpose is established by counsel: and with good advice make war” Proverbs 20:18.
“Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of
understanding will draw it out” Proverbs 20:5.

3. Seeking Counsel
“Where no counsel is, the
people fall” Proverbs 11:14.
“Meekness and lowliness of heart will lead men to desire
counsel at every step” Testimonies to Ministers and Gospel
Workers, page 501.

If there is any subject that
should be considered with
calm reason and
unimpassioned judgment,
it is the subject of marriage.
If ever the Bible is needed
as a counselor, it is before
taking a step that binds
persons together for life.
3. Seeking Counsel

The underhand way in
which courtships and
marriages are carried on is
the cause of a great
amount of misery, the full
extent of which is known
only to God. On this rock
thousands have made
shipwreck of their souls.
3. Seeking Counsel

Professed Christians, whose lives are
marked with integrity, and who seem
sensible upon every other subject, make
fearful mistakes here. They manifest a
set, determined will that reason cannot
change. They become so fascinated with
human feelings and impulses that they
have no desire to search the Bible and
come into close relationship with God.

3. Seeking Counsel
If there ever was a subject that needed to be viewed from
every standpoint, it is this. The aid of the experience of
others, and a calm, careful weighing of the matter on both
sides, is positively essential. It is a subject that is treated
altogether too lightly by the great majority of people.

I wish I could make the youth see and feel their
danger, especially the danger of making unhappy
marriages. Marriage is something that will
influence and affect your life both in this world
and in the world to come.

A sincere Christian will
not advance his plans in
this direction without the
knowledge that God
approves his course. He
will not want to choose
for himself, but will feel
that God must choose for
him. We are not to please
ourselves, for Christ
pleased not Himself
Psalm 37:23 The steps of a good man
are ordered by the Lord: and he
delighteth in his way.

3. Seeking Counsel
I would not be understood to mean that anyone is to
marry one whom he does not love. This would be sin.
But fancy and the emotional nature must not be
allowed to lead on to ruin. God requires the whole
heart, the supreme affections. (Psalms 37:3-5,27:14)

While they are to love and
honor their parents, they are
also to respect the judgment of
men of experience with whom
they are connected in the
church. Messages to Young
People, page 445.

Matthew 7:13-14 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the
way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait
is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it
When so much misery results
from marriage, why will not the
youth be wise? Why will they
continue to feel that they do not
need the counsel of older and
more experienced persons?”
Adventist Home, page 72.

Marriage
Vital Factors in the Choice.
Great care should be taken by Christian youth in the formation of friendships and in
the choice of companions. Take heed, lest what you now think to be pure gold turns
out to be base metal. Worldly associations tend to place obstructions in the way of
your service to God, and many souls are ruined by unhappy unions, either business
or matrimonial, with those who can never elevate or ennoble. {AH 44.3}

“Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of
other men’s sins: keep thyself pure” 1 Timothy 5:22.
“The gospel net gathers both good and
bad. It takes time for character to be
developed; there must be time to learn
what men really are” Testimonies for the
Church, Volume 5, page
618.

Take God and your God-fearing parents into your counsel, young friends. Pray
over the matter.
Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in
the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you
are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and
should not be taken hastily.
While you may love, do not love blindly.

“Puritan plainness and
simplicity should mark the
dwellings and apparel of all
who believe the solemn truths
for this time. All means
needlessly expended in dress
or in the adorning of our
houses is a waste of our
Lord’s money” Testimonies for
the Church, Volume 5, page
189.

Some characteristics a Godly Husband
1) Love God - Deuteronomy 6:5
2) Love your wife - Ephesians 5:25-29
3) Manage your family - Ephesians 6:4
4) Provide for your home - 2 Thessalonian 3:10-12
5) Be Involved in a Local Church - Hebrews 10:25
6)Spiritual minded and Christ-like - Philippians 2:5 , Romans 8:6-7, 1 John 2:6 ,1 Corinthians 11:1
,John 14:15 Galatians 4:19,2 Corinthians 2:14,John 13:3-5,Matthew 5:48,Titus 3:1-8 ,1 Corinthians
1:3-15,John 15:20,Romans 6:4, Galatians 5:22-23, Luke 6:46, Galatians 3:27
Husbands should be careful, attentive, constant, faithful, and compassionate.
They should manifest love and sympathy.... When the husband has the nobility of
character, purity of heart, elevation of mind, that every true Christian must
possess, it will be made manifest in the marriage relation.... He will seek to keep
his wife in health and courage. He will strive to speak words of comfort, to create
an atmosphere of peace in the home circle. [10] – {AH 228.2}

Some characteristics of a Godly Wife
1) Love God - Deuteronomy 6:5
2) She is a Virtuous woman-Proverbs 31:10-31
3)Good Conduct -1 Timothy 2:9-10,1 Peter3:3-4,Proverbs 31:10, Colossian
3:12-14,jeremiah 4:30
4)They should be witness to the younger woman-Titus 2:4-5
5) Be Involved in a Local Church - Hebrews 10:25
6)Spiritual minded and Christ-like - Philippians 2:5 , Romans 8:6-7, 1 John
2:6 ,1 Corinthians 11:1 ,John 14:15 Galatians 4:19,2 Corinthians 2:14,John
13:3-5,Matthew 5:48,Titus 3:1-8 ,1 Corinthians 1:3-15,John 15:20,Romans 6:4,
Galatians 5:22-23, Luke 6:46, Galatians 3:27
Here are some addition for the wives. 1. Respect your husband. 2.Do not be
loud, stubborn or feet wont abide at own house ( Prov 7:11) 3.Submit unto
your husbands (Eph 5:22,23.) 4. Do not be beguiled by another man as Eve
was.( Gen 3:1-3). 5. Remember that the man is the covering of the Woman
(1Cor 11:2-16) 6. Woe unto them with children in the last days. (Matt 24:19)…
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will
not depart from it.

Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious
and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me
heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere of
usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawback, then in the
fear of God move forward. {AH 45.2}

The choice of a life companion should be such as best to secure
physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents and for their
children—such as will enable both parents and children to bless
their fellow men and to honor their Creator.

Qualities to Be Sought in a Prospective Wife—Let a young man seek
one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s
burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and
who will make him happy in her love. (Proverbs 31:10-14)

Deuteronomy 32:7 Remember the days of old,
consider the years of many generations: ask thy
father, and he will shew thee; thy elders, and
they will tell thee.
4.Seek counsel with the parents of the one
who you are desiring to court/marry

Humble thieves
"Thou shalt not steal" was written by the finger
of God upon the tables of stone; yet how
much underhand stealing of affections is
practiced and excused. A deceptive courtship
is maintained, private communications are
kept up, until the affections of one who is
inexperienced, and knows not whereunto
these things may grow, are in a measure
withdrawn from her parents and placed upon
him who shows by the very course he pursues
that he is unworthy of her love.” {LYL 49.2}

Deceptive Practices in Courtship: “A young man who enjoys the
society and wins the friendship of a young lady unbeknown to her
parents does not act a noble Christian part toward her or toward her
parents. Through secret communications and meetings he may gain
an influence over her mind, but in so doing he fails to manifest that
nobility and integrity of soul which every child of God will possess.
{AH 57.3}

In order to accomplish their ends, they act a part that is not frank and
open and according to the Bible standard, and prove themselves untrue to
those who love them and try to be faithful guardians over them. Marriages
contracted under such influences are not according to the word of God.
He who would lead a daughter away from duty, who would confuse her
ideas of God's plain and positive commands to obey and honor her
parents, is not one who would be true to the marriage obligations. . . .” {AH 57.3}

If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of them.
Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the lessons which their life
experiences have taught, and you will be saved many a heartache.
Above all, make Christ your counselor. Study His word with prayer.

“‘Should parents,’ you ask, ‘select a companion without regard to
the mind or feelings of son or daughter?’” This was his question.
“Why,” this young man says, “do you think a father or mother
ought to pick out a companion for me without regard to my mind
or feelings?”
“I put the question to you as it should be: Should a son or
daughter select a companion without first consulting the parents?”
when such a step must materially affect the happiness of parents
if they have any affection for their children? And should that child,
notwithstanding the counsel and entreaties of his parents, persist
in following his own course? I answer decidedly” “No; not if he
never marries. Adventist Home, page 75.

“The fifth commandment forbids such a course.
‘Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may
be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth
thee.’ Here is a commandment with a promise which
the Lord will surely fulfill to those who obey. Wise
parents will never select companions for their children
without respect to their wishes”

What is Courtship ?
Courtship is the
sincere desire of two
to see if it is God
will for them to be
Married

5.Courtship
Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious
and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me
heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere
of usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawback, then in
the fear of God move forward. {AH 45.2}

Make Haste Slowly—Few have correct views of the marriage
relation. Many seem to think that it is the attainment of perfect
bliss; but if they could know one quarter of the heartaches of men
and women that are bound by the marriage vow in chains that they
cannot and dare not break, they would not be surprised that I trace
these lines.

Marriage, in a majority of cases, is a most galling yoke. There are
thousands that are mated but not matched. The books of heaven
are burdened with the woes, the wickedness, and the abuse that lie
hidden under the marriage mantle.

This is why I would warn the young who are of a marriageable age
to make haste slowly in the choice of a companion. The path of
married life may appear beautiful and full of happiness; but why
may not you be disappointed as thousands of others have been?

Those who are contemplating marriage should consider what will be
the character and influence of the home they are founding. As they
become parents, a sacred trust is committed to them. Upon them
depends in a great measure the well-being of their children in this
world, and their happiness in the world to come.

To a great extent they determine both the physical and the moral
stamp that the little ones receive. And upon the character of the
home depends the condition of society; the weight of each family’s
influence will tell in the upward or the downward scale.

“Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be
partaker of other men’s sins: keep thyself
pure” 1 Timothy 5:22.
“The gospel net gathers both good and bad. It
takes time for character to be developed; there
must be time to learn what men really are”
Testimonies for the Church, Volume 5, page
618.

“If men and women are in the
habit of praying twice a day
before they contemplate
marriage, they should pray four
times a day when such a step is
anticipated.

Dangers of Childhood Attachments: “Early
marriages are not to be encouraged. A relation
so important as marriage and so far-reaching in
its results should not be entered upon hastily,
without sufficient preparation, and before the
mental and physical powers are well developed.
{AH 79.1}
Too haste splits the yam: “Boys and girls enter
upon the marriage relation with unripe love,
immature judgment, without noble, elevated
feelings, and take upon themselves the
marriage vows, wholly led by their boyish, girlish
passions...” {AH79.2}

Teens must wait: “Attachments formed in
childhood have often resulted in very wretched
unions or in disgraceful separations. Early
connections, if formed without the consent of
parents, have seldom proved happy. The young
affections should be restrained until the period
arrives when sufficient age and experience will
make it honorable and safe to unfetter them.
Those who will not be restrained will be in
danger of dragging out an unhappy existence.”
Adventist Home, page 79.3

Under twenty is Under age: “A youth not
out of his teens is a poor judge of the
fitness of a person as young as himself
to be his companion for life...” {AH 79.4}.
Counsel to a Teen-age Youth: “Your
boyish ideas of love for young girls does
not give anyone a high opinion of you.
By letting your mind run in this channel,
you spoil your thoughts for study.” {AH
81.2}

The Aftermath of Blind Love: Every faculty of those who become affected by
this contagious disease-- blind love--is brought in subjection to it. They seem
to be devoid of good sense, and their course of action is disgusting to all
who behold it. . . . With many the crisis of the disease is reached in an
immature marriage, and when the novelty is past and the bewitching power
of love-making is over, one or both parties awake to their true situation. They
then find themselves ill-mated, but united for life.” {AH 84.3}

6. Engagement
“If men and women are in the
habit of praying twice a day
before they contemplate
marriage, they should pray four
times a day when such a step is
anticipated.

“Make Haste Slowly. Few have correct views of the
marriage relation. Many seem to think that it is the
attainment of perfect bliss; but if they could know
one quarter of the heartaches of men and women
that are bound by the marriage vow in chains that
they cannot and dare not break, they would not be
surprised that I trace these lines. Marriage, in a
majority of cases, is a most galling yoke. There are
thousands that are mated but not matched”

“Marriage, in a majority of cases, is a most
galling yoke. There are thousands that are
mated but not matched. The books of heaven
are burdened with the woes, the wickedness,
and the abuse that lie hidden under the
marriage mantle. This is why I would warn the
young who are of a marriageable age to make
haste slowly in the choice of a companion”

Better not to than do it wrongly: “It will be far better not to
marry at all, than to be unfortunately married. But seek
counsel of God in all these things, be so calm, so submissive
to the will of God that you will not be in a fever of excitement
and unqualified for His service by your attachments.
{LYL37.2}

Early marriages are not to be
encouraged. A relation so
important as marriage and so far-reaching
in its results should not
be entered upon hastily, without
sufficient preparation, and before
the mental and physical powers
are well developed. {AH 79.1}

Too haste splits the yam: “Boys
and girls enter upon the
marriage relation with unripe
love, immature judgment,
without noble, elevated feelings,
and take upon themselves the
marriage vows, wholly led by
their boyish, girlish passions...”
{AH79.2}

Better to Break Unwise Engagement
Even if an engagement has
been entered into without a full
understanding of the character
of the one with whom you intend
to unite, do not think that the
engagement makes it a positive
necessity for you to take upon
yourself the marriage vow and
link yourself for life to one whom
you cannot love and respect.
{AH 48.2}

Be very careful how you enter
into conditional engagements;
but better, far better, break the
engagement before marriage
than separate afterward, as
many do. {AH 48.2}

You may say, "But I have given my
promise, and shall I now retract it?"
I answer, If you have made a
promise contrary to the Scriptures,
by all means retract it without delay,
and in humility before God repent of
the infatuation that led you to make
so rash a pledge. Far better take
back such a promise, in the fear of
God, than keep it, and thereby
dishonor your Maker. {AH 48.3}

Far better take back
such a promise, in
the fear of God, than
keep it, and thereby
dishonor your Maker.
{AH 48.3}

Let every step toward a marriage alliance be
characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and
an earnest purpose to please and honor God.
Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and
in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make
no plans that God cannot approve. {AH 49.1}

The fact that a disregard of the custom occasions remark is no good reason for
adopting it. Americans can make their position understood by plainly stating that the
custom is not regarded as obligatory in our country. We need not wear the sign, for
we are not untrue to our marriage vow, and the wearing of the ring would be no
evidence that we were true. I feel deeply over this leavening process which seems to
be going on among us, in the conformity to custom and fashion. Not one penny
should be spent for a circlet of gold to testify that we are married

The use of temples, and those dedicated to the
particular saints, and ornamented on occasion
with branches of trees, incense, lamps and
candles; votive offering on recovery from illness,
holy water, asylums, holy days and seasons, use
of calendars, processions, blessing on the fields,
sacerdotal vestment, the tonsure, the ring in
marriage, turning to the east, images at a later
date, perhaps the ecclesiastical chant and the
Kyrie Eleison are all of pagan origin, and
sanctified by adoption into the church
{ Cardinal J.H. Newman: An Essay on the Development
of Christian Doctrine, P 373}
Pages 60-61

Psalms 45:13
The king's daughter is all
glorious within: her
clothing is of wrought gold.
Who can find a virtuous
woman? for her price is far
above rubies. The heart of her
husband doth safely trust in her,
so that he shall have no need of
spoil. Proverbs 31:10-11.
The apostle presents the inward adorning, in contrast with the outward, and tells us
what the great God values. The outward is corruptible. But the meek and quiet spirit,
the development of a beautifully symmetrical character, will never decay. It is an
adornment which is not perishable. In the sight of the Creator of everything that is
valuable, lovely, and beautiful it is declared to be of great price. {ML 123.2}

Shall we not seek earnestly to gain that which God estimates as more valuable than
costly dress, or pearls, or gold? The inward adorning, the grace of meekness, a spirit
in harmony with the heavenly angels, will not lessen true dignity of character or
make us less lovely here in this world. The Redeemer has warned us against the pride
of life, but not against its grace and natural beauty. {ML 123.3}

Self-denial in dress is a part of our
Christian duty. To dress plainly and
abstain from display of jewelry and
ornaments of every kind is in keeping
with our faith. {ML 123.4}
Genesis 35:1-4 And God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and
make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face
of Esau thy brother. Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him,
Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments:
And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who
answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went. And
they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings
which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem.

In early times custom required the, before the ratification of a marriage
engagement, to pay a sum of money or its bridegroom equivalent in other
property, according to his circumstances, to the father of his wife. This was
regarded as a safeguard to the marriage relation. . . . But provision was
made to test those who had nothing to pay for a wife. They were permitted to
labor for the father whose daughter they loved, the length of time being
regulated by the value of the dowry required. When the suitor was faithful
in his services, and proved in other respects worthy, he obtained the
daughter as his wife; and generally the dowry which the father had received
was given her at her marriage. . . . {CC 66.3}

The ancient custom, though sometimes abused, as by Laban, was productive
of good results. When the suitor was required to render service to secure his
bride, a hasty marriage was prevented, and there was opportunity to test the
depth of his affections, as well as his ability to provide for a family. In our
time many evils result from pursuing an opposite course. It is often the case
that persons before marriage have little opportunity to become acquainted
with each other's habits and disposition, and, so far as everyday life is
concerned, they are virtually strangers when they unite their interests at the
altar. Many find, too late, that they are not adapted to each other, and
lifelong wretchedness is the result of their union. {CC 66.4}

Cooking …
It is a sin to place poorly prepared food on the
table, because the matter of eating concerns
the well-being of the entire system. CD 251

Let not the work of cooking be
looked upon as a sort of
slavery. What would become
of those in our world if all who
are engaged in cooking
should give up their work with
the flimsy excuse that it is not
sufficiently dignified? Cooking
may be regarded as less
desirable than some other
lines of work, but in reality it is
a science in value above all
other sciences. CD 251
Cooking …

Thus God regards the
preparation of healthful
food.…. This talent should be
regarded as equal in value to
ten talents; for its right use
has much to do with keeping
the human organism in
health. Because so
inseparably connected with
life and health, it is the most
valuable of all gifts. CD 251 Cooking …

Baking bread …
There are very many girls who
have married and have families
who have but little practical
knowledge of the duties devolving
upon a wife and mother. They can
read, and play upon an instrument
of music; but they cannot cook.
They cannot make good bread,
which is very essential to the
health of the family.

Sewing …
They cannot cut and make
garments, for they never
learned how. They considered
these things unessential, and in
their married life they are as
dependent upon someone to do
these things for them as are
their own little children. It is this
inexcusable ignorance in regard
to the most needful duties of life
which makes very many
unhappy families. 3T 156

Domestic duties …
They (students) need to
become familiar with the
duties of daily life. They
should be taught to do
their domestic duties
thoroughly and well, with
as little noise and
confusion as possible.
Everything should be done
decently and in order.

Domestic duties …
The kitchen and all other
parts of the building should
be kept sweet and clean.
Books should be laid aside
till their proper season, and
no more study should be
taken than can be
attended to without
neglecting the household
duties. AH 88 - 9

Domestic duties …
The study of books is
not to engross the mind
to the neglect of home
duties upon which the
comfort of the family
depends. AH 88-9

You may never be called to do a work which will bring you before
the public. But all the work we do that is necessary to be done,
be it washing dishes, setting tables, waiting upon the sick,
cooking, or washing, is of moral importance; and until you can
cheerfully and happily take up these duties you are not fitted for
greater and higher duties {LHU 268.2}

The humble tasks before us are to be taken up by someone; and
those who do them should feel that they are doing a necessary
and honorable work, and that in their mission, humble though it
may be, they are doing the work of God just as surely as was
Gabriel when sent to the prophets. {LHU 268.2}

All are working in their order in their respective spheres.
Woman in her home, doing the simple duties of life that
must be done, can and should exhibit faithfulness,
obedience, and love as sincere as angels in their sphere.
Conformity to the will of God makes any work honorable
that must be done. . . . {LHU 268.2}

She should be fully
competent to guide and
instruct her children and to
direct her servants, or, if need
be, to minister with her own
hands to the wants of her
household. It is her right to
understand the mechanism of
the human body and the
principles of hygiene, the
matters of diet and dress,
labor and recreation, and
countless others that
intimately concern the well-being
of her household.

It is her right to obtain such a knowledge of the
best methods of treating disease that she can
care for her children in sickness, instead of
leaving her precious treasures in the hands of
stranger nurses and physicians. AH 87 - 8

For their own sake, they should, while they
have opportunity, become intelligent in regard
to disease, its causes, prevention, and
cure.{CH 506.1}

Upon no account should the marriage relation be
entered upon until the parties have a knowledge of
the duties of a practical domestic life”

1.Here are things which should be
considered: Will the one you marry
bring happiness to your home?
2. Is [she] an economist, or will she,
if married, not only use all her own
earnings, but all of yours to gratify a
vanity, a love of appearance?
3.Are her principles correct in this
direction? Has she anything now to
depend upon? ...

I know that to the mind of a man
infatuated with love and thoughts
of marriage these questions will be
brushed away as though they were
of no consequence.
But these things should be duly
considered, for they have a
bearing upon your future life....

In your choice of a wife study her
character. Will she be one who will be
patient and painstaking?
Or will she cease to care for your mother
and father at the very time when they
need a strong son to lean upon?
And will she withdraw him from their
society to carry out her plans and to suit
her own pleasure, and leave the father
and mother who, instead of gaining an
affectionate daughter, will have lost a
son?

In your choice of a wife
study her character. Will
she be one who will be
patient and painstaking?
Or will she cease to care
for your mother and
father at the very time
when they need a strong
son to lean upon? AH 46

And will she withdraw him
from their society to carry
out her plans and to suit
her own pleasure, and
leave the father and
mother who, instead of
gaining an affectionate
daughter, will have lost a
son? AH 46

Disparity in Age
“The parties may not have worldly
wealth, but they should have the
far greater blessing of health. And
in most cases there should not be
a great disparity in age. A neglect
of this rule may result in seriously
impairing the health of the
younger. And often the children
are robbed of physical and mental
strength.” {AH 81.3}

Malachi 2: 16
For the Lord God of Israel says that He
hates divorce…

Keep Christ at the center of your home
“And the third day there
was a marriage in Cana of
Galilee; and the mother of
Jesus was there: And both
Jesus was called, and
his disciples, to the
marriage” John 2:1, 2.
“As the bridegroom
rejoices over the bride,
so shall thy God
rejoice over thee” Isaiah
62:5.

Keep Christ at the center of your home
“The presence of Christ alone
can make men and women
happy. All the common waters
of life Christ can turn into the
wine of heaven. The home
then becomes as an Eden of
bliss; the family, a beautiful
symbol of the family in
heaven”
Psalms 127:1 Except
the LORD build the
house, they labour in
vain that build it:
except the LORD
keep the city, the
watchman waketh but
in vain.
Pro 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and
he shall direct thy paths.

A Christian father is the house-band of his family, binding them close to the throne
of God. Never is his interest in his children to flag. The father who has a family of
boys should not leave these restless boys wholly to the care of the mother. . . . He
should make himself their companion and friend. He should exert himself to keep
them from evil associates. . . . He should take more of the burden upon himself, doing
all in his power to lead his boys to God
The Lord has constituted the husband the head of the wife to be her protector; he is
the house-band of the family, binding the members together, even as Christ is the
head of the church and the Saviour of the mystical body. Let every husband who
claims to love God, carefully study the requirements of God in his position. Christ's
authority is exercised in wisdom, in all kindness and gentleness; so let the husband
exercise his power and imitate the great Head of the church. {13MR 83.1}

“The Lord Jesus has not been correctly represented in His relation to the church by
many husbands in their relation to their wives, for they do not keep the way of the
Lord. They declare that their wives must be subject to them in everything. But it was
not the design of God that the husband should have control, as head of the house,
when he himself does not submit to Christ. He must be under the rule of Christ that
he may represent the relation of Christ to the church. If he is a coarse, rough,
boisterous, egotistical, harsh, and overbearing man, let him never utter the word that
the husband is the head of the wife, and that she must submit to him in everything;
for he is not the Lord, he is not the husband in the true significance of the term”
E.G.W. (The Adventist Home, cp. 17, pg. 117)

“There have been marriage relations formed in Battle Creek with which
God has had nothing to do. ... Christ has warned us that this state of
things would exist prior to His second appearing. ... The minds of the
people were bewitched upon the subject of marriage. When there is so
much uncertainty, so great danger, there is no reason why we should
make great parade or display, even if the parties were perfectly suited to
each other; but that remains to be tested. “When those who profess to be
reformers, those in humble life, ape the customs and fashions of the
worldly wealthy, it is a reproach to our faith” Testimonies for the
Church, Volume 4, page 515.

“Puritan plainness and simplicity should
mark the dwellings and apparel of all who
believe the solemn truths for this time. All
means needlessly expended in dress or in the
adorning of our houses is a waste of our
Lord’s money”
Testimonies for the Church, Volume 5, page 189

God views a dress reaching the knee as an extreme
short dress
My views were calculated to correct the present
fashion, the extreme long dress, trailing upon the
ground, and also to correct the EXTREME SHORT
DRESS, REACHING ABOUT TO THE KNEES,
which is worn by a certain class. I WAS SHOWN
that we should shun both extremes. By wearing the
dress reaching about to the top of a woman's gaiter
boot we shall escape the evils of the extreme long
dress, and shall also shun the evils and notoriety of
the extreme short dress. {1T 464.1}

"However carefully and
wisely marriage may have
been entered into, few
couples are completely
united when the marriage
ceremony is performed. The
real union of the two in
wedlock is the work of the
after years." --MH 359, 360
(1905).

As life with its burden of perplexity
and care meets the newly wedded
pair, the romance with which
imagination so often invests
marriage disappears. Husband and
wife learn each other's character as
it was impossible to learn it in their
previous association. This is a most
critical period in their experience.
The happiness and usefulness of
their whole future life depend upon
their taking a right course now. {MH
360.1}

Often they discern in each other
unsuspected weaknesses and
defects; but the hearts that love
has united will discern
excellencies also heretofore
unknown. Let all seek to discover
the excellencies rather than the
defects. Often it is our own
attitude, the atmosphere that
surrounds ourselves, which
determines what will be revealed
to us in another. {MH 360.1}

There are many who regard the
expression of love as a weakness,
and they maintain a reserve that
repels others. This spirit checks the
current of sympathy. As the social
and generous impulses are
repressed, they wither, and the heart
becomes desolate and cold. We
should beware of this error. Love
cannot long exist without
expression. Let not the heart of one
connected with you starve for the
want of kindness and sympathy.
{MH 360.1}

The Sweetest Type of Heaven.
--Home should be made all that
the word implies. It should be a
little heaven upon earth,
a place where the affections are
cultivated instead of being
studiously repressed.
Our happiness depends upon
this cultivation of love, sympathy,
and true courtesy to one another.
{AH 15.3}

The sweetest type of heaven is
a home where the Spirit of the
Lord presides. If the will of God
is fulfilled, the husband and
wife will respect each other
and cultivate love and
confidence.

The first work to be done in a Christian home is to see
that the Spirit of Christ abides there, that every member
of the household may be able to take his cross and
follow where Jesus leads the way. {AH 20.1}

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart,
and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all
thy strength” Mark 12:30.
“In many families there is a great lack in
expressing affection one for another. While
there is no need of sentimentalism, there is
need of expressing love and tenderness in a
chaste, pure, dignified way. Many absolutely
cultivate hardness of heart and in word and
action reveal the satanic side of the
character” Adventist Home, page 198.

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart,
and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all
thy strength” Mark 12:30.
“The best way to educate children to respect
their father and mother is to give them the
opportunity of seeing the father offering kindly
attentions to the mother and the mother
rendering respect and reverence to the father.
It is by beholding love in their parents that
children are led to obey the fifth commandment
and to heed the injunction; children obey your
parents in the Lord” Adventist Home page 196.

“Tender
affection should
ever be
cherished
between
husband and
wife, parents
and children,
brothers and
sisters”
Adventist Home,
page 198.

Infant children are a mirror for
the mother, in which she may see
reflected her own habits and
deportment, and may trace even
the tones of her own voice. How
careful then should be her
language and behavior in the
presence of these little learners
who take her for an example. If
she wishes them to be gentle in
manners and tractable, she must
cultivate those traits in herself.
{Reflecting Christ 189.5}
Proverbs 17:6
Children's
children are the
crown of old
men; and the
glory of children
are their fathers.

Perfection in Character-building.—
The Lord requires perfection from
His redeemed family. He calls for
perfection in character-building.
Fathers and mothers especially
need to understand the best
methods of training children, that
they may cooperate with God.
(MS 34, 1899).

Men and women, children and
youth, are measured in the scales
of heaven in accordance with that
which they reveal in their home life.
A Christian in the home is a
Christian everywhere. Religion
brought into the home exerts an
influence that cannot be measured
(MS 34, 1899).

For if you have become estranged, and have failed to be Bible
Christians, be converted, for the character you bear in
probationary time will be the character you will have at the
coming of Christ. If you would be a saint in heaven, you must first
be a saint on earth. {13MR 81.3}

The traits of character you cherish in life will not be changed by
death or by the resurrection. You will come up from the grave with
the same disposition you manifested in your home and in society.
Jesus does not change the character at His coming. The work of
transformation must be done now. {13MR 82.1}

Our daily lives are determining our destiny. Defects of character
must be repented of and overcome through the grace of Christ,
and a symmetrical character must be formed while in this
probationary state, that we may be fitted for the mansions above.
{13MR 82.1}

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right
hand there are pleasures for evermore” Psalms 16:11.
The divine love emanating from Christ never destroys human love, but includes it.
By it human love is refined and purified, elevated and ennobled. Human love can
never bear its precious fruit until it is united with the divine nature and trained to
grow Heaven ward” Adventist Home, page 99.

Think of it, dear friends Human love can never
bear its precious fruit until it is united with the
divine nature and trained to grow heaven ward.
Jesus wants to see happy marriages, happy fire
sides. Adventist Home, page 99.

Each has his place in the
eternal plan of heaven. Each is
to work in co-operation with
Christ for the salvation of
souls. Not more surely is the
place prepared for us in the
heavenly mansions than is the
special place designated on
earth where we are to work for
God. Messages to Young
People, page 219.

Guard Your
Marriage/Relationship
Exodus 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's
house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his
manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass,
nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
Proverbs 4:23 Po 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence;
for out of it are the issues of life.

Guard Your
Guard jealously your hours for prayer, Bible study, and self-examination.—
In the great conflict before us, he who would keep true to Christ
must penetrate deeper than the opinions and doctrines of men.
My message to ministers, young and old, is this: Guard
jealously your hours for prayer, Bible study, and self-examination..--
GW 100

Guard Your
Set aside a portion of each day fora study of the Scriptures and
communion with God. Thus you will obtain spiritual strength, and
will grow in favor with God. He alone can give you noble
aspirations; He alone can fashion the character after the
divine similitude. Draw near to Him in earnest prayer, and He
will fill your hearts with high and holy purposes, and with deep,
earnest longings for purity and clearness of thought.--GW 100

Balances your Lives
1 Corinthians 9:25 And every man that
striveth for the mastery is temperate in all
things. Now they do it to obtain a
corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.
Romans 6:12,13
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal
body, that ye should obey it in the lusts
thereof. Neither yield ye your members as
instruments of unrighteousness unto sin:
but yield yourselves unto God, as those
that are alive from the dead, and your
members as instruments of righteousness
unto God.

Balance your Lives
Let the family worship be made pleasant
and interesting. --Testimonies, vol. 5, p.
335. Christian Service 209.5}
Satan makes every effort to lead people away from God; and he is
successful in his purpose when the religious life is drowned in business
cares, when he can so absorb their minds in business that they will not
take time to read their Bibles, to pray in secret, and to keep the offering of
praise and thanksgiving burning on the altar of sacrifice morning and
evening.--Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 426. {Christian Service 209.4}

Balances your Lives
Prayer and Bible Study Essential.--Satan well
knows that all whom he can lead to neglect
prayer and the searching of the Scriptures, will
be overcome by his attacks. Therefore he
invents every possible device to engross the
mind.--The Great Controversy, p. 519. (1888)

Love Like Jesus-1 Corinthians 13:4-7
…This work will draw them nearer to God. It will
help them to see that of themselves they are
altogether inefficient, that they must be wholly the
Lord's. They must put away their self-esteem and
self-importance, and put on the Lord Jesus Christ.
When they do this, they will be willing to go
without the camp and bear the burden as good
soldiers of the cross…….
{Counsel to Parents, Teachers and students 508.2}

Communicate Freely and Often
Proverbs 15:32 He that refuseth instruction
despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth
reproof getteth understanding.
Proverbs 26:12 Seest thou a man wise in
his own conceit? there is more hope of a
fool than of him

There is a sacred circle around every
family which should be preserved. No
other one has any right in that sacred
circle. The husband and wife should be
all to each other. The wife should have
no secrets to keep from her husband
and let others know, and the husband
should have no secrets to keep from
his wife to relate to others.
{Adventist Home 177.1}

The heart of his wife should be the
grave for the faults of the husband,
and the heart of the husband the
grave for his wife's faults. Never
should either party indulge in a
joke at the expense of the other's
feelings. Never should either the
husband or wife in sport or in any
other manner complain of each
other to others.

for frequently indulging in this
foolish and what may seem
perfectly harmless joking will
end in trial with each other and
perhaps estrangement. I have
been shown that there should
be a sacred shield around
every family.

Conflicts and Disagreements- What would Jesus Do ?
Watch Your Words
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not
bitter against them.
Matthew 7:3
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's
eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Watch Your Words
If He had responded by an impatient word or look, if He
had conceded to His brothers by even one wrong act, He
would have failed of being a perfect example.
The Desire of ages pages ,68-69,88

Because the life of Jesus condemned evil, He was
opposed, both at home and abroad. His unselfishness and
integrity were commented on with a sneer. His forbearance
and kindness were termed cowardice.

As a child, Jesus manifested a peculiar loveliness of
disposition. His willing hands were ever ready to serve
others. He manifested a patience that nothing could
disturb, and a truthfulness that would never sacrifice
integrity. In principle firm as a rock, His life revealed the
grace of unselfish courtesy.
1 Peter 2:22-24

1 Peter 1:15-16
But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation
(Conduct); Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
"I ought to have no expectation of dwelling where God
dwells unless I have a character fully assimilated to His.
Unless I love with a full and undivided heart what He loves,
and hate what He hates, and all that He hates with a hatred
full, entire, uniform, perpetual, like His own,

there must not be in me an approach to any thought or
feeling which is not in perfect, full-hearted, and joyous
agreement with what God is and with everything that God
does." I thought that's a nice way of saying it. How can I
expect to spend eternity with God if half the time my
thoughts are entirely opposite of God's thoughts. If, when
someone crosses me, the first thing that comes into my mind
is retaliation – how would I have joy in the presence of God?
-Charles Fitch

There is but one power that can
break the hold of evil from the
hearts of men, and that is the power
of God in Jesus Christ. Only through
the blood of the Crucified One is
there cleansing from sin. His grace
alone can enable us to resist and
subdue the tendencies of our fallen
nature.
{8T 291.3}

Practice Abundant
Forgiveness
Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom
thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity,
which he hath given thee under the sun, all the
days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this
life, and in thy labour which thou takest under
the sun.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath:
but grievous words stir up anger.

Practice Abundant
Forgiveness
There is a science of Christianity to be
mastered,--a science as much deeper,
broader, higher than any human science as
the heavens are higher than the earth. The
mind is to be disciplined, educated, trained;
for we are to do service for God in ways that
are not in harmony with inborn inclination.
There are hereditary and cultivated
tendencies to evil that must be overcome.
{8T 314.1}

Practice Abundant
Forgiveness
Often the training and education of a lifetime must be discarded,
that one may become a learner in the school of Christ. Our hearts
must be educated to become steadfast in God. We are to form
habits of thought that will enable us to resist temptation.

Practice Abundant
Forgiveness
We must learn to look upward.
The principles of the word of God-
-principles that are as high as
heaven, and that compass
eternity--we are to understand in
their bearing upon our daily life.
Every act, every word, every
thought, is to be in accord with
these principles. {8T 314.1}

Keep the Honeymoon Alive
Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in
honour preferring one another;
Let some of the hours of courtship before marriage run
through the married life. {LYL 13.2}

Love Like Jesus
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
To love as Christ loved means to manifest unselfishness at all times
and in all places, by kind words and pleasant looks. These cost those
who give them nothing, but they leave behind a fragrance that
surrounds the soul. Their effect can never be estimated. Not only are
they a blessing to the receiver, but to the giver; for they react upon him.
Genuine love is a precious attribute of heavenly origin, which increases
in fragrance in proportion as it is dispensed to others. LYL 16 - 17

Work Hard to Please
Proverbs 31:10-31; 1 Timothy 5:8
Pray Together
Matthew 26:41; James 1:5

THE ADVENTIST HOME
God Honors a Well-ordered
Family.
--Fathers and mothers who
make God first in their
households, who teach their
children that the fear of the
Lord is the beginning of
wisdom, glorify God before
angels and before men by
presenting to the world a
well-ordered, well-disciplined
family, a family that love and
obey God instead of rebelling
against Him. {AH 322.3}

THE ADVENTIST HOME
God Honors a Well-ordered
Family.
Christ is not a stranger in their
homes; His name is a
household name, revered and
glorified. Angels delight in a
home where God reigns
supreme, and the children are
taught to reverence religion,
the Bible, and their Creator.
Such families can claim the
promise: "Them that honour
Me I will honour." {AH 322.3}

Cherish and Practice Respectfulness Romans 12:10
Rom 12:10 Be kindly
affectioned one to another with
brotherly love; in honour
preferring one another;

Cherish and Practice Respectfulness Romans 12:10
IN THE HOME
Let There Be No Jarring Note.--Allow nothing like
strife or dissension to come into the home. Speak
gently. Never raise your voice to harshness. Keep
yourselves calm. Put away faultfinding and all
untruthfulness. Tell the children that you want to
help them to prepare for a holy heaven, where all is
peace, where not one jarring note is heard. Be
patient with them in their trials, which may look
small to you but which are large to them.
{AH 436.2}

When fathers and mothers
are converted, there will be a
thorough conversion of their
principles of management.
Their thoughts will be
converted; their tongues will
be converted. . . . {AH 436.3}

There will be no loud, angry talking in the
home. The words will be of a character to
soothe and bless the hearer. . . . Take all
the ugly features out of the voice. We must
subdue a hasty temper and control our
words, and in this we shall gain great
victories. Unless we control our words and
temper, we are slaves to Satan. We are in
subjection to him. He leads us captive.
{AH 437.1}

All jangling and unpleasant, impatient,
fretful words are an offering presented to
his satanic majesty. And it is a costly
offering, more costly than any sacrifice we
can make for God; for it destroys the
peace and happiness of whole families,
destroys health, and is eventually the
cause of forfeiting an eternal life of
happiness. {AH 437.1}

For three hundred years Enoch had been
seeking purity of heart, that he might be in
harmony with heaven. For three centuries he
had walked with God. Day by day he had
longed for a closer union; nearer and nearer
had grown the communion, until God took him
to Himself. He had stood at the threshold of the
eternal world, only a step between him and the
land of the blest; and now the portals opened,
the walk with God, so long pursued on earth,
continued, and he passed through the gates of
the holy city, the first from among men to enter
there. {8T 331.1}
"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they
shall see God." Matthew 5:8.

"By faith Enoch was translated that he
should not see death; . . . for before his
translation he had this testimony, that he
pleased God." Hebrews 11:5. {8T 331.2}
"To such communion God is calling us.
As was Enoch's must be their holiness of
character who shall be redeemed from
among men at the Lord's second coming.
{8T 331.3}

Don’t Go to Bed Angry
Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your
wrath:
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one
another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Pro_16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his
spirit than he that taketh a city
Pro_15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Don’t Go to Bed Angry
The Effect of Harsh, Scolding Words.
In a home where harsh, fretful, scolding words are spoken, a child cries
much; and upon its tender sensibilities are impressed the marks of
unhappiness and discord. Then, mothers, let your countenance be full of
sunshine. Smile, if you can, and the infant's mind and heart will reflect the
light of your countenance as the polished plate of an artist portrays the
human features. Be sure, mothers, to have an indwelling Christ so that on
your child's plastic mind may be impressed the divine likeness.
{AH 436.1}

Don’t Go to
Bed Angry
Col_3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Eph_4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil
speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Col_3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy
communication out of your mouth.

Be pure in speech.
Cultivate a soft and
persuasive, not a harsh
and dictatorial, tone of
voice. Give the children
lessons in voice culture.
Train their habits of
speech, until no coarse or
rough words will come
spontaneously from their
lips when any trial comes
to them. {AH 435.4}

His (Christ) example is for us. When we are brought in
conflict with the enemies of Christ, we should say nothing in
a spirit of retaliation or that would bear even the appearance
of a railing accusation. {MB 57.4}

He who stands as a mouthpiece for God should not utter
words which even the Majesty of heaven would not use
when contending with Satan. We are to leave with God
the work of judging and condemning. {MB 57.4}

No Help by Harshness--Preach the truth, but restrain the
words which show a harsh spirit; for such words cannot
help or enlighten anyone.--Ev 575, 576. {VSS 238.2}

Voice Culture Should Be Given in the Home.-- Instruction in vocal culture should be
given in the home circle. Parents should teach their children to speak so plainly that
those who are listening can understand every word that is said. They should teach
them to read the Bible in clear, distinct utterance, in a way that will honor God. And let
not those who kneel round the family altar put their faces in their hands and in their
chair when they address God. Let them lift up their heads and, with holy awe and
boldness, come to the throne of grace. {AH 435.3}

Missionary work is to be done in
the home. Here those who have
received Christ are to show what
grace has done for them. A divine
influence controls the true believer
in Christ, and this influence makes
itself felt throughout the home and
is favorable for the perfection of
the characters of all in the home. .
. . {AG 226.2}

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