Three student affairs pros shared personal stories and coping strategies for dealing with grief.

1. Grief in Three Forms
Personal Stories and Strategies for Coping
Jessa Carpenter, Amma Marfo and Sue Caulfield

2. Jessa Carpenter - @jessacarpenter
Amma Marfo - @ammamarfo
Sue Caulfield - @_suecaulfield
#dalton14
sombersisters@gmail.com

3. Grief:
noun
1. keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful
regret.
2. a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.
—Idioms, come to grief, to suffer disappointment, misfortune, or other trouble; fail:
Their marriage came to grief after only two years. Good grief, (used as an
exclamation of dismay, surprise, or relief): Good grief, it's started to rain again!
—Related forms: grief·less, adjective, grief·less·ness, noun

4. Tragedy:
noun
1. a dramatic composition, often in verse, dealing with a serious or somber
theme, typically that of a great person destined through a flaw of character or
conflict with some overpowering force, as fate or society, to downfall or destruction.
2. a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster: the tragedy of
war.

5. Coping:
verb (used without object)
1. to struggle or deal, especially on fairly even terms or with some degree of success
(usually followed by with ): I will try to cope with his rudeness.
2. to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully
or in a calm or adequate manner: After his breakdown he couldn't cope any longer.

6. “[E]very year 2 million people die in America. And if each of those
deaths affects just five other people, at least 10 million people are
affected by loss each year.” (Pearson, 2009)
Reasons for a lack of discussion about grief
• Legality
• Comfort
• Know-how
1997 Report by Field and Cassel

7. An Ethic of Care

8. Lawrence Kohlberg  Carol Gilligan
Moral Development Theory  Ethic of Care
Abstract Justice  Relationships and Response
Capacity for care is a human strength and should be expected of everyone.
We should value caring and caregivers publicly and privately.
1. Attentiveness
2. Responsibility
3. Competence
4. Responsiveness

9. Lack of Ethic of Care
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•
•
•
•
•
Strict following of the rules
Devaluing emotion and relationships
“Just get the job done” “It’s just a job”
Ignore injustice
Top down decision making
“We know best”

10. Boston Marathon Bombing

22. Personal Loss

26. Do’s and Don’ts!

27. Do…
Reach out in meaningful ways.

28. Don’t…
Use platitudes or make bad copy/paste errors.

29. Do…
Give people a heads up where appropriate.

30. Don’t…
Lie to people about being told, expect my best
work or avoid the subject.

31. Do…
Be flexible!
Provide alternative work situations.
Keep me in the loop.

32. Don’t…
Exclude me.
Reassign my work.

33. Most importantly!
Keep an eye on yourself and me.

36. Loss of a Student

37. Something Special

38. Illness & Student Affairs

39. Illness & Students

43. An Ending

46. What works?

49. Ethic of Care
What now?