1. Teacher: You idiots!At your age Einstein ranked first in class. What your about you?
Student: Sir at your age Hitler committed suicide.What about you?
A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the
menu, “I`d like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked that it’s runny, and one so over cooked
that it’s tough and hard to eat.
"I’d also like grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that
crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's
impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."
That’s a complicated order sir”, said the bewildered waiter.The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be
that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”
Teacher: How many letters are there in the alphabet ?
Student:: twenty-four, because ET went home.
-
Father-Where is your new guitar?
Son-I threw it into the dustbin.
Father-But why?
Son-Because it has hole in it's middle.
-
A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains.

2. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."The salesman assures her that they
have a large selection of pink curtains.He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having
a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.The
blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"The blonde
tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ... I've got Windoooooows!"
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs
spread apart.
One of the students said, "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as
we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the
students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we
couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think."
One of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought.......... but you are wrong."
Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought.......... but you are wrong.
So they asked him, "Well, what do you have?"
The old man said: "I thought it was GAS........... but I was wrong."

3. Banta wanted to board his horse. The first farmer he asked said he would keep it at Rs 250 a day, plus he
would keep the manure.
Banta thought that was too high and went to another farmer. His price was Rs 200 per day plus he
would get to keep the manure.
Then he went to Santa who asked just Rs 50 a day.
Banta asked, "Don't you want to keep the manure?"
Santa said, "At Rs 50 a day, there won't be any!"
A child asked to a M.P. that:
Child:Why you all wear white clothes?
M.P.:Because it's a sign of truth even the doctors wear it
Child:But the funeral parties also wear white clothes
M.P.:No,that's for another reason
Child:I understood why you wear white clothes
M.P.:Why?
Child:Because our country is dieing!!
A sardar was drawing money from ATM, the sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen
ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"

4. Diner: You advertised that this restaurant is under the new management but I see the same manager is
still here.
Waiter: Yes sir, but our owner married yesterday.
Girlfriend to Boyfriend: The time has come when we should get married.
Boyfriend: That's OK, but who will marry us?
Teacher to girl:Why are you late?
Girl: One boy was following me sir.
Teacher: So what?
Girl : The boy was walking very slow sir!
Santa: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
Banta: Who ?
Santa: I don't know how she got my number. She interrupts whenever I call someone and says "Please
recharge your card."
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Because shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
Santa was attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do you know MS Office?
Santa: If you give me the address I will go there sir.
Santa: What is the difference between `complete and finish`?
Banta: When you marry the right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are
finished!
One day Santa's girlfriend asks him, "darling, on our engagement will you give me a ring?"
Santa:Ya sure, Give me your telephone number.

5. Santa: Do you know English? Banta: Yes Santa: Ok! Then tell me what is the opposite of Naag Panchami?
Banta: So simple Naag do not punch me.
Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband's drinking habit?
Woman: Yes, an amazing funny effect! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his
head.