1. SustenanceForLife
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SusanQuilliam
Relationships

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• New borns deprived of social interaction
eventually die
- e.g. Harlow 1940-60, Blakeslee 1995
• Ostracised adults cease to function
- e.g. Baumeister & Leary, 1995
• Widows typically show a substantial drop in
physical and mental health
- e.g. Clark, Diener, Georgellis & Lucas, 2004
• Divorce leads to an increase in death rate among
men with heart disease
- e,g. Matthews & Gump, 2002
• Happier individuals without exception have
strongly positive social relationships
- e.g. Diener & Seligman, 2002
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Relationships–AMatter
ofLifeandDeath

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The Introduction to Relationships will
• Explore why relationships create happiness
• Explore how relationships create happiness
• Begin the process of exploring the relationships
in your own life
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Content

4. Itisnotgoodformantobe
alone
-TheBible,Genesis
Hellisotherpeople
-JeanPaulSatre
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20TechniquesforHappyRelationships

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20TechniquesforHappyRelationships
1. making eye contact
2. smiling
3. reducing physical distance
4. giving nonverbal approval signals
5. matching and mirroring
6. asking and listening
7. finding and mentioning common
ground
8. giving verbal approval/gratitude
signals
9. revealing personal detail
10. creating physical contact

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20TechniquesforHappyRelationships
11. suggesting further interaction
12. investing time, gifts, symbols,
practical support
13. sharing good times
14. enduring bad times
15. fulfilling expectations
16. developing mutual goals
17. supporting difference
18. creating a past
19. dreaming of a future
20. make a private and/or public
statement of commitment

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20TechniquesforHappyRelationships
11. suggesting further interaction
12. investing time, gifts, symbols,
practical support
13. sharing good times
14. enduring bad times
15. fulfilling expectations
16. developing mutual goals
17. supporting difference
18. creating a past
19. dreaming of a future
20. make a private and/or public
statement of commitment
1. making eye contact
2. smiling
3. reducing physical distance
4. giving nonverbal approval signals
5. matching and mirroring
6. asking and listening
7. finding and mentioning common
ground
8. giving verbal approval/gratitude
signals
9. revealing personal detail
10. creating physical contact

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1. Secure attachment
2. Ambivalent attachment
3. Avoidant attachment
4. Disorganised attachment
Based on the work of John Bowlby et seq
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AttachmentStyles

10. RelationshipAudit
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Least Close
Less Close
Closest
You

11. RelationshipAudit-example
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Least Close
Less Close
Closest
You
Dance Partner; Recent Friend;
Neighbour; Ex-colleague
Boss; Landlord; Client
Lover; Brother; Lifelong Friend
Jo

12. RelationshipsToday
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‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness’ – Charles Dickens, a Tale of Two Cities

13. RelationshipsToday
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‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness’ – Charles Dickens, a Tale of Two Cities
The worst of times
• individuation
• romantic/sexual confusion
• work-life balance
• more windows of need
• the internet
• fractured society

14. RelationshipsToday
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The best of times
• compassion
• knowledge/understanding
• freedom
• windows of opportunity
• the internet
• professional support
‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness’ – Charles Dickens, a Tale of Two Cities

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