A take away guide to compliment talk on Social Media and the paradox it is creating for parents. Contains tips and advice on how to 'manage' a child's Social Media activity to mitigate the risk while allowing the child to achieve their fullest potential on Social Media.

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Social Media
A Parenting Paradox
Guide
By
Stephen Jio
January 2016

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What is Social Media?
A virtual society
unbound by geographical limitations;
collectively connecting, sharing and
engaging in a vast open community.

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Facts on kids:
 75% have smartphones
 56% go on Social Media several times a day
 24% are constantly online
 71% use more than one Social Media channel
 Kids are accessing the Internet on:
o Game consoles, cable TV, handheld gaming
systems, music players and more
Sexting
 50% of teens have let someone know they were
interested in them romantically by friending them
on Facebook or another social media site.
 47% have expressed their attraction by liking,
commenting or otherwise interacting with that
person on social media.
 31% sent them flirtatious messages.
 10% have sent flirty or sexy pictures or videos of
themselves.
 7% have made a video for them.

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Popular Social Media channels for kids that you may
not be familiar with.
Viber
Type: Instant Messaging
Enables: video and audio
messages.
Group enabled
Tip: review contact list
for any risk
WhatsApp
Type: Instant Messaging
Enables: video and audio
messages.
Group enabled
Tip: backup chat history
to cloud (can be
automated)
Snapchat
Type: Instant Messaging
Enables: message or
image to delete after set
time (screenshots can
still capture message)
Tip: set ‘send me snaps’
to friends only
Instagram
Type: Image/Video
sharing
Tip: Geotagging of
images is default off –
check setting to ensure it
is off
YouTube
Most are familiar with the
video sharing site
Tip: Set restricted mode
on each device and
browser to block
inappropriate content
Kik
Type: Instant Messaging
Enables: video and audio
messages.
Group enabled
Tip: set video play to
manual to prevent any
inappropriate video to
automatically play

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Social Media channels not for kids.
Whisper
anonymous posting with meme image;
can be sexually and dark
Burn Note
self-destructing messaging app;
screenshots can retain messages
Tinder
location-based photo dating app; potential
matches are local
Yik Yak
location-based posting; used a lot for
bullying and sexual content
Skout
flirting app grouped by age; no age
verification
Omegle
chat app that puts two strangers together;
very sexually explicit

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Acronyms
 BMS - Broke my scale -- A way to say they like the way someone looks
 FML – F*** my life -- more of an expression rather than a state of mind
 AF - As f*** -- A teen might tweet "mad af" or "you seem chill af.“
 ILYSM - I like you so much or I love you so much
 CWD - Comment when done -- Similar to TBH (to be honest) , urging others to
comment on their photo of whatever they're posting
 TBR - To be rude -- While TBH often leads to positive responses, TBR is usually
followed by a negative response
 OOMF - One of my followers -- A secretive way to talk about one of their
followers without saying their name, such as "OOMF was so hot today.“
 Smash - I would have sex with you -- A girl might post a provocative picture and a
boy might write "smash.“
Acronyms to be on the lookout for
 HMU - Hit me up -- Usually asking for someone's Snapchat username, a phone
number to text or for a direct message
 RDH - Rate date hate -- As in "rate me, would you date me, do you hate me?" A
typical response might be "rate 10 date yes hate no" or "10/y/n.“
 Cook session/ Zerg - When one or several kids gang up on another kid on social
media
 ASL - age, sex, location -- someone would ask
 GNOC - get naked on camera -- request
 WYRN - what's your real name?
 LMIRL - let's meet in real life -- also IRL (in real life) would be used in a similar
manner
 RU/18 - are you over 18?
Acronyms when you’re busted
 CD9 - Code 9 (meaning parents are around)
 KPC - keep parents clueless
 P911/P999 - parent alert
 PAW - parents are watching
 POS/MOS - parents over shoulder/mum over shoulder
 PAL – parents are listening

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Cyberbullying
An escalation of baiting with technology
which spawns receiver reaction and gains
momentum through bystander engagement.

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Bullying – facts
 School bullying has been recorded as
far back as the 18th
century
 First reported death from bullying was in
1862
 4% Irish children reported being bullied
online vs. 23% overall*
 Irish kids ages 9-10 claim to be bullied
the most*
 68% of parents did not know that their
child had been a victim of cyberbullying*

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Cyberbullying - what you may
not know
 Content lives forever online, regardless of
which app is used
o As a result, it can be potentially used as
evidence in criminal and civil cases
 Photos posted of underage children (that’s
17 or younger!) violates privacy and in some
cases considered Child Pornography
o As a result, a Cyberbully and anyone who
shares could be charged accordingly
 Sharing or commenting on bullying
post/images can also result in litigation
o Being a bystander is not totally innocent
 Potential employers and higher education
institutions are now using Social Media as a
reference to character and validation
o Your kid’s action today could have a long
lasting impact later in life

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Bullied – Parent tips
 Tell them that they must ignore the messages
o Social Media news spreads lightning fast and it
fizzles out just as quickly
 Take on the responsibility to track and save detail
(screenshots)
o Your child faces enough stress without having to
relive it
 Talk to your child calmly and discuss with them
the chain of events that led to it
o Many times bullying is a reaction or response
 Do not put blame on either your child, the bully or
bystanders
o Instead of casting blame, look towards creating a
solution
 If the bullying is being done with students from
the same school then a review of the School’s
bullying policy should be done by the parents and
appropriate actions taken
 In the event it doesn’t involve a schoolmate
o Discuss the situation with the parents of the
bully in a non-confrontational manner
o It isn’t to place blame but to resolve in a manner
that doesn’t compromise the kids involved
o It is also to create awareness for the parents

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Bully – Parent tips
 Many are lacking in opportunities to release
energy and be involved in team building
o Get them involved in after-school activities –
sports, music, hobbies
 Research points out that Bullies do not get
enough communication at home
o Spend more quality time talking with them, find
common ground
 They need to understand the long-term impact
Bullying can have on them
o Explain the risks of posting and how that could
impact them later in life
Bystanders – Parents tips
 Bystanders in Bullying are the ‘fuel in the fire’
 Explain that bystanders are as responsible for
Bullying as the Bully
 Never comment or respond to any posts of
Cyberbullying
 Escalation ONLY happens when there is a willing
audience
 No audience, No bullying!

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Tips on what parents can do to
create a safe Social Media
environment
 Create no phone/tablet zones – dinner table, toilet
and bedroom (in evening)
 Charging station – centralised location where all
laptops, tablets and phones go to charge in the
evening
 Evening chat time – dedicate a period of time
each day where you have open chat, no phones –
e.g. dinner time
 Social Media areas – identify areas of the house
(ideally open space) where kids can go online.
This provides a safe environment and also allows
you to monitor what they are doing along with
their behaviour
 Filtering and access options
 WiFi router level control - You can control WiFi
access by device, by time and Blacklist sites
 Windows level Family Safety - What and when they
can access along with Monitor activity and provide a
regular report via email
 Device-level parental control – IOS and Android
 DNS level - OpenDNS provides access by device

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Parental monitoring on Social
Media
Warning signs
 Silence
o Kids fear that if they discuss issues with Social
Media they could lose their access
 Anxiety & Depression
o Behavioural pattern changes
 Limited physical social life
o Finds greater comfort online

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Monitoring & Mentoring tips
 Review their Social channels together
o Provide guidance on how to set up and manage
(i.e. profile picture, age, etc.)
 Do not judge your kid’s friends or content on their
Social Media channels
o Unless of course the friend is someone who
poses a risk (i.e. stranger, adult)
 Review best practices for passwords and have
your child provide to you
o The rationale in the event of an emergency
 Ask your child is they have any questions about
Social Media
o Be a trusted resource – studies have shown that
kids defer to their parents and schools as the
trusted authorities on Social Media risk.
 Explain the risk of GPS and geotagging
o Constant use of GPS allows smart users the
ability to triangulate location
 Address the risks of providing the receiver with
address, phone number, age, school, etc.
o Make it a ‘Hard-rule’ of the house and clearly
define the consequences for violating
 Engage in daily conversations about current
events
o Kids gain a better understanding about their
world and the risks associated with them from
you

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Extreme Monitoring
2 tools that provide 24 hour monitoring
uknowkids and mSpy
 Remotely track and control activity on
smartphones & computers
 Track and record GPS activity
 Read instant messages (e.g. WhatsApp,
SnapChat, SMS, etc.)
 Monitor web activity
 Access email, calendar
 View multimedia files

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Parent No-No’s
Top ten most-embarrassing things a
parent can do online
 Posting inappropriate photos of son/daughter
 Posting inappropriate photos of themselves
 Using online slang incorrectly
 Posting inappropriate comments on their wall
 Comment on son/daughter’s status
 Chatting with son/daughter’s friends
 Commenting on son/daughter friends’ photos
 Commenting on son/daughter’s photos
 Tagging son/daughter in posts
 Liking posts on son/daughter’s wall

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Social Media – A Parent’s
Paradox Recap
 Perception is not Reality
o Get involved in what your child is
doing on Social Media
 Social Media channels
o Be familiar with all of the Apps and
be prepared to block Social channels
that are not appropriate
 Monitoring and Mentoring
o Become the trusted resource for
your kids on all things Social Media
 Parents are Role Models to their kids
o It’s not ‘Do as I say…’ Your Social
activity is a blueprint for theirs
 Social Media has the potential to
provide a positive impact to your
child’s life

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Thank you!
Stephen Jio - @stephenjatdell