1. presents:
Managing Difficult
Personalities
A Workshop for School Facility Managers’
Personnel Management Academy
December 2010
presenter:
Alan Krieger, Krieger Solutions, LLC
www.kriegersolutions.com

2. Workshop Goals
 What makes people difficult /causes
conflict
 Conflict prevention strategies
 Refocus goals with difficult people
 Use communication skills
 Adapt their own communication
 Understand how differences in style
impact motivation

3. What Makes a Person “Difficult”?
 Disrupts the staff from doing their
job
And thereby negatively impacts
productivity
 Makes the staff and/or customers
uncomfortable
And puts the organization at risk
It is this negative impact of the
behavior that is the problem.

4. The Goal in Dealing with DP
1. Reduce the negative impact, AND
2. Have the person be as satisfied as
possible
The goal is NOT to change the DP’s
personality or have them see the
“truth”.

5. Three Keys to Dealing with DP
A. Understanding conflict
B. Communication skills
C. Problem solving strategies

6. Different Styles, Different Communication Focus
TASK ORIENTED
Tells T Analyzes A
Get things done Get things right
F Wants: Results / Autonomy Wants: Accuracy / Details S
A Likes: Short, quick, direct Likes: Answers; Time for L
S conversations questions/discussions O
T Dislikes: Indecision, Work W
Dislikes: Poor quality /
E not getting done E
Rushed decisions
R R
P Engages E Mediates M P
A A
C Do it differently Do it together C
E E
Wants: Meaning / Creativity Wants: Teamwork / Harmony
D D
Likes: Opportunity to talk; to Likes: Being friendly, Taking
persuade; to change a personal interest in
Dislikes: Routine, rigidity, coworkers
Isolation Dislikes: Conflict / Rapid
change
PEOPLE ORIENTED

7. Difficult Styles
How the styles degrade
TASK ORIENTED
Analyzes A
Tells T
S F
L Detail person Decisive A
O S
W Slow to make decisions Director T
E E
R Perfectionist Autocrat R
P P
A Mediates M Engages E A
C C
E Support/Relate Influencer E
D Buckle under Entertainer D
Passive Distracter
PEOPLE ORIENTED

8. Difficult Styles
TASK ORIENTED
Perfectionist A Autocrat T
Get things right Get things done
S Wants: Complete accuracy / Wants: Control / Results F
L Too much detail Likes: Short, quick, direct A
O S
Likes: Answers; Time for conversations
W T
E extensive discussions Dislikes: Chaos, inaction E
R Dislikes: Poor quality / R
Rushed decisions
P P
A A
C Passive person M Distracter E C
E E
Do it together Do it differently
D D
Wants: Approval / Harmony Wants: Attention / Creativity
Likes: Being friendly, Treated Likes: Opportunity to talk; to
very politely persuade; to change
Dislikes: Angering others / Dislikes: Rigidity, Being out
Any change of the spotlight
PEOPLE ORIENTED

9. CONFLICT DIAGRAM
SOURCE OF CONFLICT
Limited Resources Different Values
 Time Someone’s individual  Convictions
 Money needs don’t get met:  Priorities
 Equipment  accuracy  Styles
 action
 collegiality
 creativity
CONFLICT

10. CONFLICT
One or both parties feel:
- powerless
-disrespected
- not appreciated
- fearful -over stressed
- treated unfairly

11. RESPONSES TO CONFLICT
Avoidance Aggression Communication
 Withdrawal  Threats  Respect
 Ignoring  Anger  Understanding
 Denial  Retaliation  Resolution

12. POSITION:
The desired solution someone
brings to the discussion.
INTEREST:
The desired result the
person is looking for.
COMMON GROUND:
Points of view on which two people
agree.

13. IMPORTANT CONCEPT:
People don’t change easily.
It’s hard to take away something
that is part of them.
It’s hard to put in something that
isn’t there.
Work with what you have and find the
hidden assets.

14. Discussion questions:
1. Pat’s TEAM style?
His Positions? Interests?
His Assets? Weaknesses?
2. Ann’s TEAM style?
Her Positions? Interests?
Her Assets? Weaknesses?
3. Common ground?
4. Win-win solution that draws on
common ground and assets?

15. Discussion questions:
 What is Joe’s TEAM style?
What are the clues?
 What does Joe do to get Pat to a
win-win situation?

16. What are possible strategies
for preventing conflict?

17. CONFLICT PREVENTION STRATEGIES
 Listening
 Trust
 Feedback
 Work with Strengths and
Preferences
 Positions vs. Interests
 Keep communication open
 Stay non-defensive

18. HOW DO YOU CHANGE OR MANAGE
A DIFFICULT PERSON’S BEHAVIOR?
LOOK FOR THE WIN-WIN: (C.U.P.)
PART I: Confrontation initiated by DP:
1. Show Concern/Respect
2. Next, seek to Understand
perceptions and expectations
3. Then move into Problem solving

19. CUP Step 1: Show Concern/Respect
Quiet listening:
 Listen fully – limit your talking
 Body Language
 Defuse tension by listening
 Build a connection
 Stay calm and respectful
 Don’t share your point of view yet
 Listen with eyes and ears

20. CUP Step 2: Seek to Understand
Active Listening:
 Sort facts and feelings
 Don’t push - let them vent
 Listen for positions and interests
 Ask about strengths and preferences
using clarifying questions
 Paraphrase to clarify or confirm –
listen fully
 Don’t argue mentally
 Don’t share your point of view yet

21. CUP Step 3: Problem Solve
 Define conflict as mutual problem
 Know what you want
 Summarize other’s interests / perceptions
 Share your interests, expectations and
perceptions
 Focus on common interests/goals
 Tentatively suggest a solution, and/or …
 Brainstorm – collaborate with other in lead
 Follow-up and revise as needed.
Give positive feedback!

22. Changing Behavior Part II: FLEA
1. Feedback – describe impact
2. Listen and recycle
3. Establish standards and
problem solve
4. Act and follow up

23. CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK GUIDELINES
 Private setting; confidential
 When you both have the time to talk
 Be very specific; focus on behaviors
 Focus on the behavior as the problem,
not the person
 Be constructive – focus on change,
not blame; move quickly to problem
solving
 Plan ahead

24. FEEDBACK STRATEGY:
Situation / Behavior / Impact
1. Note the situation
2. State the problem behavior
3. Describe the impact
4. Pause to actively listen
Focus on reducing negative impact

25. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR F.L.E.A
1. Try to understand the other person’s
• Behavior / Impact /Motivation
2. Clarify standards (expectations) &
Brainstorm possible strategies
3. Plan to act:
• What you’ll say
• How they might react / TEAM
issues
• Role play / Choose time and place

26. ACTION PLAN
 List three important things you
learned.
 Think of 1 or 2 difficult people.
What are their TEAM styles?
Choose 1 or 2 strategies you can
use to be more effective.
Practice this regularly!