Masterclass instantly increased influence hand out

1. Instantly
increased
influence

2. What we aim for
Applicable knowledge of and
experience with:
1. Persuasion
2. People skills
3. Dealing with resistance

3. My real life application(s)…
Situation in which you would
have wanted your new and
improved influencing skills:
Ø Who? (Anonymous)
Ø What? (Result, actual and desired)
I was negotiating my wage with my
future boss. I feel I have left something
on the table.

4. Gustaaf Vocking MSc MBA
Ø Master of Econometrics
Ø Bachelor of Business information science
Ø Psychology and post Doc didactic skills
Ø Executive MBA (Nyenrode, Kellogg and Stellenbosch)
Ø Entrepreneur since age of 15
Ø Management Coach/Consultant/Trainer
Ø Leadership/Communications/Brain skills
Ø Managers/Professionals/Experts
Ø Europe & USA
Ø >20 years of Change management experience
Ø >10.000 (senior) managers and experts

5. The three steps to influencing people
Determine what you want and why
Determine what the other(s) wants
and why
Give what they really want while
getting what you want
0.
1.
2.

6. What drives people… you in particular?
Answer the following questions
for yourself:
Ø What makes people do what they
do?
Ø What makes you do what you
do?
Ø What keeps you going when you
lack motivation?

7. Driving forces of human behavior

8. Driving forces of human behavior
Two emotions motivate human behaviour:
1. Pleasure: achieve or increase.
2. Pain: avoid or decreaase.

9. Influencing human behavior: carrot & stick?

10. Influencing human behavior: reward & penalty?

11. Influencing human behavior: reward & penalty?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddrGOjZ5W6U http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

12. What drives human behavior?
Motivation
Discipline

13. What drives human behavior? Needs

14. What drives human behavior?
M
a
s
t
e
r
y
A
u
t
o
n
o
m
y
Purpose

15. What drives employees?
Career
Legacy
Money

16. Poiesz (1999) on behavior management
üMotivation: the degree of a
persons interest in (the result of) this
behavior
üAbility: the degree of a persons
skills, capacity, experience and
instruments to show this behavior
üOpportunity: the degree to
which time and circumstances
stimulate or obstruct this behavior

17. Power2Improve communication model
Content
Process
Relationship
Personal Program
Emotions

18. The three steps to influencing people
Determine what you want and why
Determine what the other(s) wants
and why
Give what they really want while
getting what you want
0.
1.
2.

19. Thinking: internal process

20. How do you steer (your) thinking?
Answer:
Ø How do you influence your
thinking (in)directly? I.e. What do
you do?
Ø How do you influence someone
else's’ thinking (in)directly? I.e.
What do you do?

21. How to steer with questions?
ü What/How/When/Who…?
ü Why?
ü What else can you think of…?
ü What can you do/think of to get more
ideas?
ü Who can help you get more ideas?
apreciatively

22. How to steer with questions?
ü What/How/When/Who…?
ü Why?
ü What can you conclude/solve …?
ü What can you do/think to
conclude/solve…?
ü Who can help you conclude/solve…?
apreciatively

23. Monitoring for Changeable behavior
Motivation
Opportunity Capacity
Want to change?
Ability to change?
Permission to change?

24. My real life application(s)…
Situation in which took a hard
and important, maybe costly:
Ø What did you think and feel after taking
the decision, but before the results were
active.
After I signed the contract for my new
job, I was surprised to feel insecure
and restless even though I knew this
was a great job in every possible way…

25. Mental process of change
No need Needs Change wanted Change decided
(and doubting)
Critical
customer

26. Asking the right questions
ü Open question: requires
a long answer, usually
involves someone’s
opinion.
ü Closed question: can be
answered in a brief way,
such as ‘yes’, ‘no’, ’blue’
or ‘high’.
Open questions
Closed
questions
Yes/no
questions

27. Open questions

28. Follow up questions
ü Steer the other person’s
thinking
ü Use a sequence of questions:
build depth and complexity
ü Follow up ‘yes-or- no’
questions

29. My real life application(s)…
What is the last thing that you
bought of significant value?
Why did you buy it?
I bought a new Macbook Pro. As I use
it for all my work it is an elaborate
and pricy laptop. I like how simple
and straightforward it is, compared to
Micro$oft computers. Moreover it looks
good and cool.

30. Find the right question first

31. A perfect answer to the wrong question?

32. …versus an 80% answer to the right question

33. Getting to the right question
ü Why do you ask?
ü What do you think?
ü What’s your ideal outcome?
ü How do you know this is
true?
ü …

34. Calibrated questions
How to find out how you are similar/different

35. Power2Improve communication model
Content
Process
Relationship
Personal Program
Emotions

36. The P2I Model
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions

37. The P2I Model
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions
What?

38. The P2I Model
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions
When? How? Where?

39. The P2I Model
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions
Who?

40. The P2I Model
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions
Why?

41. Profiling
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions

42. Profiling
Content
Process
Relationships
Personal Program
Emotions

43. Quality questions: motivation
Ø What should … hold for you?
CRITERIA
Ø Why is CRITERIUM important?
Away from/Towards (ask 3x Why)
Ø How do you know you do … well?
Internal/External validation
Ø Why did you choose …?
Procedures/Options
Ø What is the relationship between … (last year
and now)?
Change preference (same/change)
Pro-active/Reactive
Details/Head lines
Self/Other focus

44. Quality questions: pain/pleasure
Ø Tell about CONTEXT + SITUATION you
disliked?
Feeling/Choice/Thinking
Ø Tell about SITUATION that met CRITERIUM?
Independent/Proximity/Collaborative
What did you like about it?
Person/Task focus

45. Quality questions: rules
Ø How can you increase success CONTEXT?
How can X increase her/his success CONTEXT?
My rules/My rules
My rules/.
No rules/My rules
My rules/Your rules
Ø How do you know Y is good at CONTEXT?
See/Hear/Read/Do/Sense
How often do you need to OBSERVE to be
convinced?
x times/Automaticallly/Continously/Period

46. My real life application(s)…
Situation in which you would
have experienced resistance
while you were (attempting to)
influencing(/influence):
Ø Who? (Anonymous)
Ø What? (Result, actual and desired)
I was negotiating the price for a
second hand bike and the seller just
said “No!”.

47. Dealing with resistance
Others
Yourself

48. Resistance does not exist…

49. Most effective conflict management…

50. Friendship?!
they would like you to do

51. Compliments

52. Good Compliments
q Receiver focus (not sender focus)
q Effort focus (not output focus)
q Meaningful (not shallow)
q Concrete (not generic/vague)
q Complete (not generic/vague)
q Stand alone (not interwoven into
“feedback”)

53. Positivity ratio = positive / negatieve
http://youtu.be/_hFzxfQpLjM

54. Positive emotions help…
üSee more
üThink more flexibly and
creatively
üBetter attune to others
üBuild resilence
üIncrease knowledge
üSocial integration
http://youtu.be/_hFzxfQpLjM

55. Question…
How can you
increase your
positivity ratio
(for yourself and
others)

57. Influencing: give FRE often
ü Frequent Recognition and Encouragement
« Regularly recognize accomplishments (big or small)
« Regularly recognize (project) milestones
« Be an enthusiastic supporter (encourage learning)
« Regularly encourage and/or praise

58. Appreciative Inquiry

59. Appreciative Inquiry
Discovery Dream
Design
Destiny
Definition
Appreciating
the best of
what is
Envisioning
what could
be
Sustaining
what will be
Co-constructing
what should be

60. Appreciative approach
Good already
What&how can be
improved

61. My real life application(s)…
Situation in which you
experienced conflict:
Ø Who? (Anonymous)
Ø What? (Process + Result, actual and
desired future)
I had a fall out with a friend who took
for granted that I arranged for
everything on our golf day. We both
got angry, thihgs from the past were
dragged in. We didn’t speak for a
month afterwards.

62. Dealing with resistance: conflict
Rational
phase
Anihilation through self sacrification
Anihilation of enemy
Limited damage doing
Threathening
Damaged self image
Image and coalitions
Deeds
Debate
Toughening
Emotional
phase
Battle
phase

63. Influence
Of mechanisms,
catalysators
and biases

64. Influence: basic mechanisms
Robert Cialdini :
‘Commonalities create
a level of shared trust
and likeability.’
Do watch this video! https://youtu.be/cFdCzN7RYbw

65. Basic influencing catalysators
1. Relativity
2. Projection
3. Loss avoidance
4. Time distortion
5. Ease of use
6. Me effect

66. Anchoring bias

67. Availability heuristic

68. Bandwagon effect

69. Blind-spot bias

70. Choice Supportive bias

71. Clustering illusion

72. Confirmation bias

73. Conservatism bias

74. Information bias

75. Ostricht effect

76. Outcome bias

77. Overconfidence

78. Placebo effect

79. Pro-innovation bias

80. Recency

81. Salience

82. Selective perception

83. Stereotyping

84. Survivorship bias

85. Zero-risk bias

86. Influence
Voice

87. WIRMI (What I really mean is)
ü More concrete and concise.
ü Helps thinking.
ü Lessens stuttering, stammering and “ehm”-ing.
1. Stop speaking
2. Think up the answer to WIRMI?
3. Only speak in proper full sentences

88. Good cooperation is…?

89. Agree upfront on cooperation and conflict

90. Appreciative approach
Good already
What&how can
be improved

91. Focus on what?!

92. Principles over rules
ØPrinciples are
output focused
ØRules are input
focused

93. Co-creative decision making
ØDo you support this decision? Yes/No
ØWhat level of agreement are you at?
ØWhat alterations to the agreement would better serve
your needs?

94. The myth of success of happiness…

95. What is the ROI of happiness?
Research says:
üMore engagement
üLower churn
üHigher employee satisfaction
üHigher productivity
üPreventing burn out
üMore sales
üHigher client satisfaction
http://youtu.be/fLJsdqxnZb0

96. Change your habits… interruptively
1. Be aware of the pattern
2. Be aware of the rewards
3. Interrupt your pattern
consciously
4. Replace it with a new pattern
with better rewards

97. Keys to making people like you
Make them feel good
Ø Show sincere interest
Ø Connect
Ø ask questions
Ø listen actively
Ø follow up questions
Ø (Empathic) statements
Ø save face
Ø Story tell

98. Keys to making people like you
Make them feel good
Ø Show sincere interest
Ø Connect
Ø ask questions
Ø listen actively
Ø follow up questions
Ø (Empathic) statements
Ø save face
Ø Story tell

99. The ‘magic’ Friendship formula
𝐹𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝 = 𝑝 + 𝑓 + 𝑑 + 𝑖
1. Proximity
2. Frequency
3. Duration
4. Intensity

100. Body language

101. Body language: base line

102. Observing the body: what to look out for
Limbs
üArms & Legs
üHands & Feet
Voice
üTonality
üSpeed
Face
üBrows
üEyes
üNose
üMouth

103. Body language: Clusters

104. Body language: Dynamics

105. Body language: context

106. Questions? Ask your trainer
Gustaaf Vocking MSc MBA
06 33 04 26 19
GustaafVocking
Gustaaf.Vocking@power2improve.nl