I asked several dozen of the smartest, most thoughtful people we know what they wish they had been told before going to college. Here's what they said, with some of my own thoughts mixed in. Presented to the Bronxville High School Class of 2018 on May 22, 2018.

1. For the Bronxville High School
STUFF I WISH I HAD BEEN
TOLD GOING INTO COLLEGE
A GUIDE TO SURVIVING AND THRIVING
OUTSIDE THE BRONXVILLE BUBBLE
May 2018
Class of 2018
By Ned Kenney
Class of 2006

2. Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed in this document are those of the author (although, for the record, he drew heavily on
input from friends and family members who are much better at life than he is). This presentation does not necessarily
reflect the views or opinions of the company for which the author works, his acquaintances in organized crime, or his
considerable network of Myspace friends.
Please keep in mind as you’re reading this presentation that it’s simply impossible to adhere to every guideline herein.
(This is especially true for the author, who has been consistently disappointing himself and those around him since his
days in utero.)
[Moving from the 3rd to the 1st person…]
That said, I hope at least a few ideas will resonate with you – and change your perspective/behavior for the better – as
you kick ass in college and beyond.
Good luck!
Ned Kenney
Bronxville High School Class of 2006
n@laughable.com
2© 2018 Ned Kenney. All rights reserved.

3. Embracing an Entrepreneurial/Ownership Mindset
• Congratulations! You just founded your first company and are now officially an entrepreneur. In college this fall, you’ll
be revealing version 1.0 of your product: you. People are going to love it.
• Your Key Roles/Responsibilities
o Chief Executive Officer: Set long-term goals, devise a plan to achieve them, and marshal the resources necessary to
execute effectively.
o Chief Product Officer: Continuously improve the value your product (again: that’s you) delivers and outperform
competing offerings.
o Chief Marketing Officer: Generate demand for your offering and build a brand people love.
• This may seem daunting, but I have faith in you. Especially if you adhere to the following real-world entrepreneurial
best practices:
o Action > inaction.
§ Don’t wait for opportunities to seek you out – they rarely will. Get out there and make things happen.
§ If something isn’t working well, bite the bullet and make a change.
o Remember: Nobody cares as much as you do – and no one can make things happen for you as effectively as you can
for yourself.
o Be the kind of person others want to see succeed, and don’t be shy about asking them to lend a hand. They’ll be
more receptive to doing so if you’ve been useful to them in the past.
o Don’t sweat the competition or the haters. It’s all just noise. Keep executing.
o Take (calculated) risks. No guts, no glory.
o Stay insatiably curious. Develop mental models that help you make sense of the world – and continually update
those models as you encounter new ideas and information.
o Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion. (Or, in the words of Cameron Hanes: “Nobody cares, work harder.”)
• What follows is a wide range of additional strategic, tactical, and philosophical advice likely to help your startup
achieve phenomenal success – with a happy, healthy CEO at the helm. Let’s get to it…
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4. Taking Care of Yourself
• GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Minimum of 7 hours per night. 8 is even better.
• EAT WELL. More protein, fewer carbs/other forms of sugar.
• EXERCISE REGULARLY. Cardio and strength training. Especially important if you’re prone to depression.
• INVEST IN RELATIONSHIPS. Platonic and romantic. Your health depends on it – literally. We know this thanks to
researchers who began tracking 268 Harvard students in 1938 and monitored them over the next seventy-five years
years as part of what became known as the Grant Study. The key finding, according to the study’s longtime director,
George Valliant: “Warmth of relationships throughout life has the greatest positive impact on life satisfaction.
Happiness is love. Full stop.”
• LAUGH ON A REGULAR BASIS. It’s crucial. To this end, become a fan of Gary Gulman, if you’re not already. Best
comedian in the world, bar none. Start here.
• Be critical of yourself, but ONLY to the extent doing so helps you improve. Beyond that, cut yourself a break.
• If you’re wrestling with a psychological malady – e.g. depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder – know two things:
o You are not alone (even if it might feel that way sometimes).
o There are lots of ways to get help, but you need to ask for it. As long as you do so… things will get better.
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5. Academic
• IF NOTHING ELSE, ACCOMPLISH THE FOLLOWING TWO GOALS DURING COLLEGE:
o Secure a 3.60 GPA at an absolute minimum. 3.80+ is even better. Doing so will keep you in the running for the most
prestigious jobs and graduate programs post-college.
o Forge great relationships with at least two professors. Invest in them, and help them invest in you; take them to
lunch, go to office hours, take multiple classes with them, do the readings before class, ask questions, and get good
grades. You will learn a lot from them, and you will have two real advocates when you inevitably need
references/recommendations.
• Course/professor selection is critical. Your best resource: people a year or two ahead of you.
• Cheating is never worth it, and don’t sweat the people who are cutting corners. Keep your head down and get your
work done.
• Half the battle is staying organized.
o Keep your files up to date and in the cloud.
o Use a calendar app (e.g. Google Calendar) and task manager (e.g. Asana) to keep track of deadlines and to-dos.
• What’s your story? Take classes and pursue extracurriculars that work toward that story. (It’s OK if the story changes.)
• STUDY ABROAD for a semester. Your stateside friends will be there when you get back. Take advantage of an
opportunity to immerse yourself in a new culture and meet new people.
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6. • Course Selection
o In an era of rapid change, course content is less important than learning how to think critically, frame a question, and
express yourself clearly. Think about the underlying skills you want to take into the world rather than simply
punching a ticket.
o Pick courses not on the basis of the description, but rather on the reputation of the professor for challenging
students. Students tend to do better when they are intellectually engaged, even if the material is difficult.
Remember that performing well in a class with a top notch professor builds your confidence.
o Seek out advice from older students, but be discerning about doing what they say in terms of what fits best with
your abilities and interests. Be skeptical about advice that includes phrases like, “The professor gives good notes,” or
“The tests are easy or right from the book, so you don't have to go to class.”
o Seek out smaller classes and seminars, so that you get to know your professor and expand your circle of friends.
• Interacting with Professors
o Avoid being high maintenance. Complete assignments on time and identify crunch periods ahead of time, so that
you can responsibly ask for an extension. Don't miss a deadline and then expect the professor to solve your
problem.
o Create a good impression in your email communications with your professors. Don't use first names unless the
professor invites you to. Don't use slang or texting abbreviations, either.
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Academic ctd.
Words of Wisdom from a Dartmouth Professor

7. Work – From Internships on Up
• Be situationally aware. Every company has its own culture/norms. Take the time to observe/understand them and
adjust your appearance/behavior accordingly.
• Keep your immediate boss/supervisor happy. Good way to do so: anticipate her needs and make progress to address
those needs before you’re asked.
• Appearance:
o Clothing: It’s not about the brand or the price, it’s about how well it fits and is maintained. Find a good tailor and
keep things dry cleaned/ironed/washed/steamed/etc. Look CRISP.
o Hygiene: Easy on the cologne/perfume. Also, “has B.O.” and “rising star” don’t typically describe the same person.
• Unfortunately, attention to detail really does matter.
• Actively seek feedback – but don't be annoying about it.
• Don’t be that guy or that girl at events with alcohol.
• If you become known as unfailingly reliable, the most interesting opportunities will find you.
• If you’re going to identify a problem, ALWAYS attempt to accompany it with a solution.
• Mistakes happen. Don’t cover them up; take responsibility, then move on. And don’t make the same mistake twice.
• Keep your personal life/emotions out of the workplace.
• Don’t take negative feedback personally. Everyone has room to improve.
• Keep a list of your most notable accomplishments/substantive contributions in real time. This list will be indispensable
to preparing for performance reviews, negotiating a raise/promotion, and updating your resume.
• Keep the following at your desk:
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o Medications
o Tide pen
o Deodorant
o Mouthwash and gum
o Umbrella
o Lint roller
o Razor (guys)
o Tampons (girls)
o Fresh shirt/blouse and socks
o Napkins (you can never have too many)

8. Public Speaking/Presenting
• Don’t just rattle off a succession of facts; weave them into a narrative arc. Tell a story. Doing so will make your words
more emotionally resonant, convincing, and memorable to your audience.
• (Competently delivered) self-deprecating humor is your best friend. Main reasons:
o Minimal risk of offending others, which can happen easily with jokes that have external targets;
o You’ll make people laugh and feel more at ease, which will get them to like you more;
o Paradoxically, poking fun at yourself conveys self-confidence and a positive self-image, which will make people
respect you more.
• Be prepared. Preparedness = confidence. It’ll show.
• Good charts win meetings.
• Anticipate likely questions/points of confusion and address them proactively.
• If you’re stating something as a fact, make sure it’s definitely true. Have the data to back it up. People will challenge
you on certain things. You won’t get flustered if the facts are on your side AND you can cite them readily.
• Budget your time to end early. You will always talk for longer than you anticipate, no matter how many times you’ve
practiced.
• SPEAK SLOWLY.
• If you’re using a “visual aid” (e.g. a PPT/Keynote deck), put no more than 20 words on each slide. Punchy phrases,
graphics, lots of empty space. If you have time, use animations so that only one idea shows up at a time.
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9. Talking Good
• Stop saying “like”.
• Know what you’re going to say before you start speaking.
• Don’t be a hostage talker: avoid telling long and boring stories.
• Maximize your substance-to-syllable ratio. (Sometimes big words help with this. Sometimes they don’t.)
• Don’t start sentences with “So...”.
• Avoid ending statements by trailing up as if you're asking a question… even though you're not.
• Stop apologizing when you didn’t actually do something wrong.
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10. Money Matters
• No matter your academic major or professional aspirations, take at least one economics class – ideally one on financial
markets. Many “well-educated” people are financially illiterate. Don’t be one of them.
• Credit cards: open one now if you haven't already. Pay off the balance every month. Establishing a credit score before
you graduate is important for when you need to find an apartment post-college.
• Do everything you can to avoid not having health insurance, even for a few days; getting hurt can spell financial ruin.
• After graduating from college: based on your salary (and any other sources of income, e.g. your parents), stick to a
budget that allows you to put 5% of your pretax income in a savings account (AND contribute to your 401k – see
below) without taking on debt. This is your “rainy day” fund. Keep your fingers crossed it never rains.
• Investing
o Some companies will match some or all of the money you divert directly from your paycheck into your retirement
savings account (most commonly a 401k). If your employer is one of them, contribute the highest amount they’ve
agreed to match. Even without employer matching, you can still contribute to your 401k and get exposure to
financial markets that way. It’s relatively easy and tax-efficient.
o If you have the resources to take on additional exposure to financial assets, you should strongly consider doing so.
Don't buy individual stocks or shares of “actively managed” funds (which have higher fees without better
performance). Instead, buy index funds (for both stocks and bonds) and a basket of cryptocurrencies.
o You’re young – go overweight equities and crypto (i.e. take on more risk), but diversify with bonds.
o Only put money into investments that you know you won’t need for YEARS. Market fluctuations and fees will eat
you up if you prematurely liquidate.
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11. Dealing with the Police
• If a situation turns dangerous, cops are likely to be the ones on the front lines keeping others out of harm’s way.
They deserve a lot of credit and respect for this reality. That said, some cops do bad things to innocent people.
Protect yourself by knowing your rights and how to assert/exercise them appropriately.
• Don’t spend any more time interacting with the police than you absolutely have to. You don’t need to be guilty to
get arrested, and you can only get arrested while standing next to a cop, so minimize the time you’re doing so.
• Be respectful to officers and deferential to their authority, but if they do anything that concerns you, be ready to
unapologetically record them on video and confidently assert your rights. For example:
o Per the 4th Amendment: Without probable cause or a search warrant, a cop can’t legally search you or your
property. If he says something like, “You’re clearly up to no good,” or “Just let me search you and then I’ll let you
go,” that’s a giveaway that they know they don’t have probable cause and are therefore pressuring you to waive
your 4th Amendment rights. Don’t give in.
o Per the 1st Amendment: You can take photos/record video of whatever you want in public spaces as long as
you’re not interfering with the police. So, record all you want – just don’t get in a cop’s way.
o If an officer is hassling you even though you haven’t done anything wrong, you should politely ask, “Officer, am I
being detained?” If he says “Yes”, politely but firmly press him for an explanation. If he says anything other than
“Yes,” then follow up with, “Am I free to go?”
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12. Being a Modern-Day Awesome Chick / Real Solid Dude
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• Be a net giver and avoid people who are takers. The key to any healthy relationship is reciprocity. Good people (and
winners) find ways to contribute consistently with zero expectation of immediate repayment.
• SAY YES TO EXPERIENCES. Concerts, hikes, road trips, whatever: just say yes. They’re Miracle-Gro for friendships and
self-discovery. Plus, the value of these experiences to you will grow with time: the opposite is true of most material
things.
• Be punctual. If you’re “really nice” but always late, you can and should do better.
• Write a handwritten thank you note when someone goes above and beyond to help you.
• Make eye contact. Doing so is almost always a good thing.
• Criticize privately. Praise publicly. And do way more of the latter than the former.
• Remember people’s names. They’ll remember that you remembered.
• Don’t make life difficult for the person doing everyone a favor. Someone’s planning an outing and needs you to send
her money so she can buy tickets for the group? If you make her email you three times and your only response is “Relax,
I’ll pay you” before begrudgingly doing so weeks later, you’re part of the problem.
• If you don’t take photos, that’s fine: just don’t give people who DO take them a hard time. Eventually, you’ll be glad
those photos exist.
• Don’t have important discussions (especially about contentious issues) over text/phone/email – in person is way better.
• Always exude confidence, but never act as if you’re the smartest person in the room. Even if you know you are.
• It takes work to be a good friend and neighbor. Most people know to avoid sins of commission. Be mindful of sins of
omission. (E.g. not RSVPing to stuff or missing a chance to do something nice for someone with minimal effort).
• Reach out to people after something bad has happened to them. They’ll always remember your kindness.
• Always think for yourself and maintain your individuality. Beware of drinking the Kool-Aid on any “identity” wholesale,
e.g. lax bro, sorority chick, or perpetually aggrieved leftist protestor. In communities like these, it’s easy for a mob mentality
to take hold and invite lousy ideas, bad behavior, and regrettable outcomes. (That said, by all means play lacrosse, join a
Greek house, and/or practice peaceful activism: just don’t let such activities define or consume you.)

13. Being a Modern-Day Awesome Chick / Real Solid Dude ctd.
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• Never make decisions (especially highly consequential ones) when you’re angry and/or upset. Take a walk, call a friend,
cool down, then reassess the situation. Ideally, sleep on it.
• Stay off your phone when socializing. Be fully present whenever you can.
• It's rarely the screwup that ruins careers, relationships, etc. It's the cover-up of the screwup. BE HONEST AND
ACCOUNTABLE. (Required reading, will take you less than an hour: Lying by Sam Harris.)
• Be direct with people and articulate your concerns/frustrations earlier rather than later. Give people a chance to fix
things. If you seethe in silence, you are not a victim.
• Don’t claim victim status unless you really are a victim, and if you accuse someone of wrongdoing (especially publicly),
make absolutely certain you’re right. Stay as far away as possible from people who perpetually cling to a victim
mentality. That mindset is for buck-passing employees. Remember: you’re an owner and this is your show.
• There are tons of different social settings. No one thrives in (or enjoys) all of them. Reflect on the headway you're
making as a social animal – and recognize the settings where you're most comfortable/happy, which will VERY likely be
where you’re most likable/productive. Put yourself in these settings more often.
• If you hear someone say something nice about a friend when they’re not present, be sure to tell them what you heard
the next time you talk to them. It’ll make their day.
• You're never too busy at the library to say hi to the maintenance guy. You’re never too busy at dinner to ask the waiter
how his night’s going. And you’re never to busy to smile at a stranger while holding the door for her. Such subtle acts of
kindness will make you happier and the world brighter.
• If you’re making conversation with a stranger, don’t ask questions or make comments they’re likely to have heard many
times before. E.g. if you meet a comedian, don’t say, “Tell me a joke.” If you meet a veteran, don’t ask, “Ever killed
anyone?” And if you meet a dude named David Bowie, for the love of God, don’t ask, “Oh, like the singer?”
• Avoid going a “level up” in arguments, e.g. “People warned me you were like this,” or “You’re selfish and I hate you.”
Stick to the specific issue at hand.
• There’s no bigger buzzkill than a guy who takes himself too seriously.
o Daniel Tosh: “If you’ve ever uttered the phrase, ‘There’s nothing funny about blank,’ we’d never hang out. Yes, there
is if you write good jokes.”

14. Miscellany to Keep in Mind
• Find a hobby you’re passionate about and love spending time on. Writing in a journal, woodworking, taxidermy,
philately… it doesn’t really matter what, as long as you’re having fun, not hurting yourself or others, and continually
improving at whatever you’re doing.
• Beware of people who feel backed into a corner; they do strange, unpredictable things. If at all possible, give these
people an “out”. E.g. if you see someone trying to walk off with your phone, say, “Hey, might you have accidentally
mistaken my phone for yours?” That way, you’ve addressed the situation without having needed to levy a serious
allegation and potentially trigger someone’s fight-or-flight response.
• Related to the previous bullet: DO NOT escalate any type of confrontation with anyone who checks even one of the
following boxes:
o Has WAY less to lose than you do, in that specific moment and/or in general.
o Is drunk/otherwise highly under the influence.
o Is a convicted murderer.
• The number of people you are in regular contact with will peak during college. And that's totally OK. Predictable, even.
Your post-college 20s will be about investing in the people who really matter.
• It’s OK to say no when people ask for things: your time/attention, your money, your emotional energy, whatever.
• Make sure you have AT LEAST one person (and ideally 3-4) in your life at any given time who:
o Knows you well;
o You see/speak to regularly;
o Cares deeply about you and is genuinely happy when you succeed;
o Can be trusted with confidential information;
o Is CANDID with you and willing to tell you things you don’t necessarily want to hear, but need to hear in order to
understand your shortcomings and become a better person.
• Don’t cry over spilt milk. Move on. This approach eliminates 99% of the things people get upset about.
• Delayed gratification: Do something your future self will thank you for.
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15. Life Pro Tips
• Music makes EVERYTHING better.
o Buy a UE Boom and bring it with you to social gatherings. Best ~$100 purchase I’ve ever made.
o At the start of each semester, trip, etc., create a new playlist and listen to it repeatedly within that period. Years
later, that music will take you right back to wherever/whenever you initially listened to it. A veritable time machine.
o One thing to beware of, though: Any music you listen to repeatedly while getting through a breakup or other
traumatic event could wind up being unlistenable down the road. (I suggest Bon Iver for your next breakup or death
in the family because it’s intrinsically sad music and kind of sucks, so nbd if you can’t listen to it ever again.)
• Guys: when buying a suit, if possible get two pairs of pants with the jacket. (Pants always wear out first.)
• Go to music festivals. They’re awesome. And bring a Camelback. Fill up/freeze the reservoir the night before. You’ll
have endless cold water as the ice melts over the course of the day.
• If your phone is dying and you have only a few minutes to charge it, put it in airplane mode while it’s plugged in. It’ll
take on juice way quicker.
• The “Irish goodbye” – i.e. leaving a gathering without telling anyone – is underrated and underutilized. It saves you time
and energy, and no one’s gonna be sad you didn’t interrupt their conversation just to tell them you’re bouncing. The
important thing is that you showed up and hung out.
• Do you get socially anxious, especially when talking to strangers one-on-one? Ask them questions. Most people love
talking about themselves and it’ll take the pressure off you. Plus, they’ll like you more because by asking questions,
you’re expressing an interest in their life.
• Ticks suck, and Lyme Disease sucks even more. Always check yourself for ticks when you get back from the beach,
woods, etc. If you find a tick attached to your body more than 24 hours after it likely got there, pluck it off and bring it
to a physician immediately. She can send it to the lab and determine whether you’re in need of precautionary
antibiotics. 15

16. Big Ideas to Guide You
• The golden rule will almost always help you figure out the “right” thing to do: TREAT OTHERS THE SAME WAY YOU
WANT TO BE TREATED. (Unless you’re a masochist.)
• It’s better to be wise than right.
• Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never
forget how you made them feel.”
• GRATITUDE AND POSITIVITY: PRACTICE THEM!
o Remember where you came from and the people who helped you get where you are today.
o What happened today that you’re grateful for?
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17. Awesome Speeches That’re Worth Your Time
• Michael Lewis – 2012 Princeton Baccalaureate Address
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiQ_T5C3hIM
• Conan O’Brien – 2011 Dartmouth Commencement Address
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmDYXaaT9sA
• J.K. Rowling – 2011 Harvard Commencement Address
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHGqp8lz36c
• David Foster Wallace – 2005 Kenyon College Commencement Address
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI
• Charles Wheelan – 2011 Dartmouth Class Day Address (text only)
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~commence/news/speeches/2011/wheelan.html
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